From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6YoQdqM8e
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlz2KdbPdio
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDn5leDf5d6
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDm0EYzZRDr
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46yZwPWuaL
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLiuf7zoYd
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvjBIwO2aZ
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZxuZw3Pwa
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8vbhQXMFs
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGC2sUk3Kd
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwh2LQxRPt
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkvMDl68m1
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwzRICGQ5e
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5plheaIYd3
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJ3amGxK18
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtT4Y7FxcUY
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLBfnQsNrH
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSr3Uq2heu
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcaavXk02O
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2tLScx1Dg
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIr3KD8RN6s
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡViwdjkxKLb
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaAOC50RukX
and never speak of feelings again.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEa7c9zKkTs
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiU9WZEvHI
what would you write in a breakup text?117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mOX2CcoMx
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguPBi9KhyN
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2A5mKqTf7q
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WkvunOPnm
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6JS1Uza4K
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlSvLUfKJG
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCH8fFVHG8
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEz9ss19DU
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8LfYljcsv
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKisP2UsIRW
that was weirdly lovely.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOx42f7VdVi
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7RteSWMq2v
was there a form i missed?117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYsrqRmei1Q
should i be sending muffins?
— maya117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkPFtWS5fk
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVfvkTcjVf
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsNMpYWg1q
Subject: it’s official
congrats.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdsoBo07iT
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz9ercISBA9
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYW7tuxDOi7
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQeE4iJsS7
friend of font victims
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnLcndTsEr
