From: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMpf2M6ELx
To: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDRL1JfZOt
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlTnshAFWm
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4TJ44FY8B
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcsZ2cGKWs
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfhpTbi9nD
To: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQyvH4486h
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGhD7pgQyd
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUO2KFgdSN
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIHuQFFlWQ
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzv1SKOU4O
To: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡurNInSAsyl
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjwFKrGz47
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdqLel9HoL
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpcMpX7JS3
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX76ueOl3qi
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTR1PmFSWwZ
To: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBWgyUccmz
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcJs8QVj68
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8IKmhvpJeB
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8wdNaWTvS
To: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFLK3Lnbam
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOp7r6LcDHk
and never speak of feelings again.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABQwlApmqJ
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpGvcTKEPw
what would you write in a breakup text?11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgF11aYNFB8
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2pc4YHFUG
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tJaHiwhNW
To: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Zx4rH5h65
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapYXLrejw9
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7v8Ojhk6tl
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzAKgLURNs
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNqAC5h7Jy
To: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2l15cVz6y
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1muuA6SRgd
that was weirdly lovely.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GvNmcEURL
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7S9NzuXB2
was there a form i missed?11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4b6L3L2HBo
should i be sending muffins?
— maya11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2djOwCLuA
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ223ACE7gxw
To: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjN6BDkeM2H
Subject: it’s official
congrats.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgiTwBwf32
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzLmISKVo9
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNLu3SwKfQ
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBAffFfwyUi
friend of font victims
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ865PxAk4RO
