From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0VC1FFGTO
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkgB5FWGNv
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWILzZDJxoV
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjCFWdRYkn
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Rb5pl4Q3S
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnASx8sXQk
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBlMG4OD70
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8cv8cVbDn
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaqkvwJLIz
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWaUa4VSWe
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbs6e7gTb5
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzR0QCiruiS
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbZsTthoyi
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAw7XXpxRdg
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUQJ8yjQqZ
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDeiRtLb3Cb
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDesa8r6bGh
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ufjP8tTuz
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOzAFWovNJ
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbU8q35sQeP
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZevvqU8jIf
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmigUAVgwQ9
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhA0Ah2geq
and never speak of feelings again.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKq48vjO1z4
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRazg8ZAAp
what would you write in a breakup text?42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzJ8yIb0nv
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzo1IyNKCUF
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDMDR40LVL
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhDnB4izxn
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUNSG5SLqa
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1UJnLT5xZ
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPKZyglEZU
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqaKDGGWna
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbj5GSBc6RL
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlZqUvIgYe
that was weirdly lovely.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgV9fyQah1i
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iEIZ0LJde
was there a form i missed?42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgm69CmHtFQ
should i be sending muffins?
— maya42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24NRaRGx7L
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZrwudePil
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzwnM8FXKs
Subject: it’s official
congrats.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1X1XhYjfu
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDtP7wAE51
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgssAWeI02q
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4N4qw1XhY
friend of font victims
42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbunUshzi8p
