From: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAqIs46aoC
To: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04utq3nYRm
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0eZWWSX7H
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAHNcGmsDk
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGRbka39pn
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzN2XnRhoGd
To: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJM4V8jjyt5
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUCxFr9AKp
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xE3jsqsQi
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvQ3QCXk4N
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6bYZfNAQV
To: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJi2skE8rV
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxicsInlto
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAhs7bzqkb
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5COAiXqpKW
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvbDKND2H0
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjl3YBFalDQ
To: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdyA9n6sHZr
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfaT5SqoG3
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYFjBjdDpp
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fMtKcmnJ2
To: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxNOIY28gs
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnaP8vkpUbQ
and never speak of feelings again.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfx3knQhmw
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VLwrdC9B8
what would you write in a breakup text?27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOrpxr5WeG
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9p8WFjn2l
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9btzyKyZcn
To: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7LxdcrfOq
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBC9xa1qVvh
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOQscAhth2
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLb1MOwrT6o
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZzVGQgZZ7
To: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfgtIpXguk
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAb6qenxUy
that was weirdly lovely.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4A3jf5pic
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyxV0XUFpB
was there a form i missed?27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDBXKhaoUW
should i be sending muffins?
— maya27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqPI9DRS9W
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffuN436mOR
To: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpulzhGQ80k
Subject: it’s official
congrats.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQm18HwWgu
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKnUTFUILG
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjv458aRBEV
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw36MjbeRwM
friend of font victims
27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxwAtmpPIP
