From: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ49r2uM7Zk1
To: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPDBF3WcQs
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigp1g6tuho
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYsqTq306Y2
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QkTRGDKA7
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpjDP2bHV8
To: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosQ6WPZhS2
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJE0Rdb83H
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXF7am5ZBi
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJyeGDfBEz
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7oTYceMPWT
To: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpYu4aP6X1
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFr27HZLCGZ
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwnCvra68z
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadYWQUIg7I
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Ip0fZi57y
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagAtYk7W6k
To: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWzZNNJ9V9
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppURrtu03q
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlEVQsnEg5
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcIEt20P1f
To: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIWqsdvkNT
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyL0O5TlXUq
and never speak of feelings again.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpg8PyreN3e
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5lOUGmyYJ
what would you write in a breakup text?69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KHSEJZhtk
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjchyKR1nmT
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfh1WMbkaf8
To: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5PJBOCqr3
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCq4Hk6d5LH
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaZWguJ7oJ
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOa6tD7Bwe
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zELRTLSpw
To: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrV5kr8KiqL
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7dOnG4BAw
that was weirdly lovely.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwMtWXDmdC
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91caCjmOwk
was there a form i missed?69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3IHmAn90c
should i be sending muffins?
— maya69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JkSixJONJ
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccz55RDtYb
To: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXt0jC4wxV
Subject: it’s official
congrats.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7kHVbSBev
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6egFDKQfNA
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMeo7tjfgr
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegxf37uT4W
friend of font victims
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9Z5Fz2GjG
