From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQ9bJaoIis
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqIJWAJBbo
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhoZ5SPash
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBMigwNbF7
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbKm3YEQDF
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguq428Nt0Z
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡld9lcBbDD8
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDkAuDFI3U
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadKGiahIuu
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tsRRu3hyx
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP19qJSzxAD
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxnBnw2BG1
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYu2NIbr6Pn
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BdJzpS85L
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FDr2KCyIR
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOb6JBht1Dd
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXi9imCxYkD
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02Aye6MHKw
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ygJqnoTo9
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlsx5YcrWOV
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWd8NeFVKN
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4kKR9FU3z
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5cO3nNqGK
and never speak of feelings again.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvNtTIn2r0
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtd5EyxIILi
what would you write in a breakup text?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7eCkIznqeh
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9fWNvdNTs
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37kC2LJBjA
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCXlrXEYBM
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMn40xOD44
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3UiH3PZf0
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjeqoJE7lWh
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRms9zp1vuX
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMLaQTnDrM
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyS6gAl6KI
that was weirdly lovely.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvWdP39zUq
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCB4CYGaNGz
was there a form i missed?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyIibg6WqP
should i be sending muffins?
— maya55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAFKq7K9hz
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfLD64YDLm
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM6H6HKIev6
Subject: it’s official
congrats.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXh4w6Ph4c
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrDHm8nEDH
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFGxSYZIfL
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJFn70cfib
friend of font victims
55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImrBJigetw
