From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.PENANAc0VC1FFGTO
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.PENANAOkgB5FWGNv
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:42Please respect copyright.PENANAWILzZDJxoV
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.42Please respect copyright.PENANALjCFWdRYkn
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya42Please respect copyright.PENANA6Rb5pl4Q3S
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.PENANAMnASx8sXQk
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.PENANAvBlMG4OD70
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??42Please respect copyright.PENANAL8cv8cVbDn
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.42Please respect copyright.PENANADaqkvwJLIz
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli42Please respect copyright.PENANAcWaUa4VSWe
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.PENANAfbs6e7gTb5
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.PENANAzR0QCiruiS
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔42Please respect copyright.PENANAGbZsTthoyi
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.42Please respect copyright.PENANAAw7XXpxRdg
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.42Please respect copyright.PENANAwUQJ8yjQqZ
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”42Please respect copyright.PENANADeiRtLb3Cb
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.PENANADesa8r6bGh
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.PENANA9ufjP8tTuz
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.42Please respect copyright.PENANALOzAFWovNJ
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???42Please respect copyright.PENANAbU8q35sQeP
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.PENANAZevvqU8jIf
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.PENANAmigUAVgwQ9
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.42Please respect copyright.PENANAXhA0Ah2geq
and never speak of feelings again.42Please respect copyright.PENANAKq48vjO1z4
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:42Please respect copyright.PENANAoRazg8ZAAp
what would you write in a breakup text?42Please respect copyright.PENANAXzJ8yIb0nv
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya42Please respect copyright.PENANAzo1IyNKCUF
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.PENANArDMDR40LVL
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.PENANAuhDnB4izxn
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.42Please respect copyright.PENANAuUNSG5SLqa
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,42Please respect copyright.PENANAM1UJnLT5xZ
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.42Please respect copyright.PENANAYPKZyglEZU
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.PENANAJqaKDGGWna
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.PENANAbj5GSBc6RL
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.42Please respect copyright.PENANAFlZqUvIgYe
that was weirdly lovely.42Please respect copyright.PENANAgV9fyQah1i
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?42Please respect copyright.PENANA2iEIZ0LJde
was there a form i missed?42Please respect copyright.PENANAgm69CmHtFQ
should i be sending muffins?
— maya42Please respect copyright.PENANA24NRaRGx7L
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.PENANAYZrwudePil
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.PENANASzwnM8FXKs
Subject: it’s official
congrats.42Please respect copyright.PENANAR1X1XhYjfu
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.42Please respect copyright.PENANAqDtP7wAE51
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.42Please respect copyright.PENANAgssAWeI02q
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli42Please respect copyright.PENANAX4N4qw1XhY
friend of font victims
42Please respect copyright.PENANAbunUshzi8p