From: [email protected]51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQcNc0FDls
To: [email protected]51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXE7WY53x5P
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CsWa1sN4S
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjB22DdW560
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3AfbbhzcK
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJh2UXu1kiv
To: [email protected]51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeK5FfETgUJ
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPf6Is5duR
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyhF68EF0S0
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXWRIBt033
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1liypiAKOi
To: [email protected]51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12llF9CByZ
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6NjFix0wc
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0ORYvNSr3
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2btOZRGkJ5
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8avWNW8U2T
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdMA0E1q0T
To: [email protected]51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhoLUvo7vM
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiMjw4dJY7
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlFfco3mfR
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7qFFtkdYO
To: [email protected]51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNTCHshh73
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJuQS8yKQu
and never speak of feelings again.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0JHv0aFDR
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17AM6hWDIY
what would you write in a breakup text?51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV42q2fS2WU
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OvKjo10eR
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPZz6ri7BT
To: [email protected]51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZPYqymDAn
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYT9b68zyQf
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQizCV2pPy
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVnbYDE5E8
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfXwPkB0eV
To: [email protected]51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDPC4MIDNn
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknHGpAVWRx
that was weirdly lovely.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fpqfimuXZ
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4FkhVMkZ1
was there a form i missed?51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDK7bpXCmx
should i be sending muffins?
— maya51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jDy0a4t4L
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5Q0wZmH19
To: [email protected]51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVboRp6QYJ0
Subject: it’s official
congrats.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwO1kapIrB
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXoj5C6Qpz
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH618bMMfIV
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkI3lgMRp2g
friend of font victims
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iehFI6XOD
