From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.PENANA8J5d9O7zfF
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.PENANAHWKwpsugxE
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:37Please respect copyright.PENANAj2RTDZej6z
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.37Please respect copyright.PENANAo3I7VWzNVg
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya37Please respect copyright.PENANA1wZtfjtw4x
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.PENANAwuqSf00bsE
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.PENANAjj8rGHAb89
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??37Please respect copyright.PENANAvFVY28tpIM
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.37Please respect copyright.PENANAvbFY7qz84E
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli37Please respect copyright.PENANAdBiMD6sHRU
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.PENANAVUGGLY1Bxw
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.PENANAJ8qyGAaSTc
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔37Please respect copyright.PENANA2S1Y4FOtZ0
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.37Please respect copyright.PENANAKOTq5ovJXG
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.37Please respect copyright.PENANApfNKGThhtI
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”37Please respect copyright.PENANATRPN1h7MM9
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.PENANAg02BDivjs7
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.PENANANNdv8emFI2
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.37Please respect copyright.PENANAdpJWuOYdiL
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???37Please respect copyright.PENANARlRvxx0M8v
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.PENANAI9ZYciyuhb
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.PENANAWLAZaMJLk3
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.37Please respect copyright.PENANASox3oMpHfb
and never speak of feelings again.37Please respect copyright.PENANASF31r9Jymh
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:37Please respect copyright.PENANAK2BgepCSIQ
what would you write in a breakup text?37Please respect copyright.PENANAKzIdtVKLNZ
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya37Please respect copyright.PENANAz9w3P1a81B
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.PENANAsgcBfFXg3f
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.PENANAe05DX2M9Fa
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.37Please respect copyright.PENANAWYIz5utLOG
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,37Please respect copyright.PENANAKZBJ9ntu59
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.37Please respect copyright.PENANA554Q9h13m5
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.PENANA1giIFCleEd
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.PENANA7k1IzzQVta
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.37Please respect copyright.PENANAuNqDpxq6sP
that was weirdly lovely.37Please respect copyright.PENANAxzIdPmehdp
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?37Please respect copyright.PENANAq88AkWEsD6
was there a form i missed?37Please respect copyright.PENANAYn6NB4mxMz
should i be sending muffins?
— maya37Please respect copyright.PENANA3syJm6AzuG
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.PENANAHzyjuiKD7J
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.PENANATOE0Vd4bTd
Subject: it’s official
congrats.37Please respect copyright.PENANA9FnyCQ8NYf
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.37Please respect copyright.PENANACo26MDDCOd
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.37Please respect copyright.PENANAQNV7dpZUih
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli37Please respect copyright.PENANAk8oQKBAdAZ
friend of font victims
37Please respect copyright.PENANAWlIFiz9s6Z