From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8J5d9O7zfF
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWKwpsugxE
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2RTDZej6z
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3I7VWzNVg
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wZtfjtw4x
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuqSf00bsE
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjj8rGHAb89
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFVY28tpIM
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbFY7qz84E
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBiMD6sHRU
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUGGLY1Bxw
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8qyGAaSTc
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2S1Y4FOtZ0
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOTq5ovJXG
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfNKGThhtI
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRPN1h7MM9
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg02BDivjs7
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNdv8emFI2
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpJWuOYdiL
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlRvxx0M8v
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9ZYciyuhb
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLAZaMJLk3
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSox3oMpHfb
and never speak of feelings again.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSF31r9Jymh
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2BgepCSIQ
what would you write in a breakup text?37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzIdtVKLNZ
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz9w3P1a81B
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgcBfFXg3f
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe05DX2M9Fa
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYIz5utLOG
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZBJ9ntu59
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ554Q9h13m5
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1giIFCleEd
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7k1IzzQVta
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNqDpxq6sP
that was weirdly lovely.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzIdPmehdp
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq88AkWEsD6
was there a form i missed?37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYn6NB4mxMz
should i be sending muffins?
— maya37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3syJm6AzuG
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzyjuiKD7J
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOE0Vd4bTd
Subject: it’s official
congrats.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FnyCQ8NYf
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCo26MDDCOd
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNV7dpZUih
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8oQKBAdAZ
friend of font victims
37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlIFiz9s6Z
