最近我將涼樹的《王座騎士》讀到最新,接下來會挑一些部分跟大家分享。456Please respect copyright.PENANATsbswAiRM6
456Please respect copyright.PENANA0oawZRpLcf
456Please respect copyright.PENANAlgo0EMTyHY
先從角色說起好了。456Please respect copyright.PENANAUS09qubeX9
456Please respect copyright.PENANADFOOcxucjf
456Please respect copyright.PENANAp5BhoHzoWc
裡面我比較喜歡,而涼樹也比較認真刻劃的角色很明顯是親王殿下。456Please respect copyright.PENANAnfvieLNBUw
456Please respect copyright.PENANAhUI7P0lTpq
456Please respect copyright.PENANA1nGpRhTbIc
明明身為親王,卻有著疑似暴露狂屬性,加上還會在危機時挺身而出,算是裡頭很用心經營的角色。同時,我很喜歡本篇章結束時,女主跟他的互動變化。456Please respect copyright.PENANA9iR7hCLHDi
456Please respect copyright.PENANAD4bCMIAUgt
456Please respect copyright.PENANAEsFCNuNaBB
但反過來說,其他角色就刻劃得很不明顯,也沒什麼記憶點。456Please respect copyright.PENANAmERAonWvjW
456Please respect copyright.PENANA0Oq6K5wmLl
456Please respect copyright.PENANAijOc3wxpCB
在劇情主線下,女主角幾乎沒什麼變化(除了本章最後跟親王的互動之外),這點是一大硬傷。456Please respect copyright.PENANA8s8A2zVjG8
456Please respect copyright.PENANA79I0gzxGum
456Please respect copyright.PENANAjsoKiXUDcf
關於這點,第一篇章因為主角比較抑鬱,所以整篇都維持在這種氛圍之下,因此會比較勸退讀者。456Please respect copyright.PENANAXxw3WL2nNe
456Please respect copyright.PENANANw7kpcZqYt
456Please respect copyright.PENANAvWgOcNve5o
個人認為,本章的重點在於親王挺身而出,保護了御風,讓她稍微敞開心房,因此讓兩人關係改善。不過,在親王救御風時,這個御風的心境變化並未加強刻劃,因此會顯得有些突然,且沒抓到重點的感覺。456Please respect copyright.PENANAi3LiXh4hNZ
456Please respect copyright.PENANAhRYFOtK9Qw
456Please respect copyright.PENANAOR4gG8HsX0
另外,在劇情上,敵對的角色一下子就被撂倒,感覺御風只是稍微露個兩手,對方就招架不住,鋪陳許久,最後一下子就解決事件,有點少了什麼的感覺。456Please respect copyright.PENANAIJdSXHdJYf
456Please respect copyright.PENANAJIMjyB31X7
456Please respect copyright.PENANAztNlsrfNFo
我認為在貓貓這點很有巧思,不過在敵人塑造與劇情設計上,會因為敵人太弱而顯得張力不太足夠。456Please respect copyright.PENANARp6Yt9y6cy
456Please respect copyright.PENANA414E57wdY5
456Please respect copyright.PENANAEYC59gtyB0
而在女主角的設計上,真的感覺不出她是女生。給人的感覺就好像抑鬱的青年。456Please respect copyright.PENANAImedySWnga
456Please respect copyright.PENANA9IUKna0zgn
456Please respect copyright.PENANAUiJbHFtyfn
或許可以針對女主角本身可愛的地方多加描述或是設計,當然,她可以個性不好,可以抑鬱,但肯定也有弱點或是可愛的地方。這點真的非常重要。456Please respect copyright.PENANAeBM2Hk8SVV
456Please respect copyright.PENANAqUvhhsvv7M
456Please respect copyright.PENANAeoFvMLSwJz
親王在高貴的身分下,卻是個有著暴露傾向的青年,由於這點是個很大的反差,會讓人有記憶點。456Please respect copyright.PENANA5UVjGngnf9
456Please respect copyright.PENANAGeeSTy4ZXp
456Please respect copyright.PENANAQoD9bVkhN0
而女主角的設計也能從這個思路著手。她可能個性嚴謹,但在某個方面卻沒輒,或是有什麼古怪的堅持或癖好,都是可以發展的點。456Please respect copyright.PENANAu1eNhflxJb
456Please respect copyright.PENANA81rNhTKbJA
456Please respect copyright.PENANA0osHUpwPc4
目前的刻劃下,她比較接近於一個空殼,稍微缺乏了人味。我是這麼認為的。當然,在送玫瑰花那段有所改變,多了點人味是好的。456Please respect copyright.PENANAd69UTOwacT
456Please respect copyright.PENANA6Xnbtbvfat
456Please respect copyright.PENANAYElYISyMDl
而在摯友角色方面也是,雖然從她跟親王的對戲,知道她其實想要保護御風,但在讀者看來,還是缺乏了什麼,因為也缺乏了她跟御風等人對戲的鋪陳、相處橋段。456Please respect copyright.PENANAkbLwR0mhlr
456Please respect copyright.PENANAT99k4I8te9
456Please respect copyright.PENANABYAP7KP4d3
到下一次見面,他們已經是要託付和送禮,因此會顯得有些突然。讀者沒有跟上這股情緒。另外,當她遺失禮物時,也並未刻劃出焦急的感覺(當然可能是我漏看了),所以會顯得讀者帶入感不足。劇情卻逕自發展下來的感覺。456Please respect copyright.PENANAVufbaM0kgY
456Please respect copyright.PENANAe6zJOKxD2W
456Please respect copyright.PENANAsQiRW7NnEs
然後是世界觀呈現。456Please respect copyright.PENANALjMPsqShu5
456Please respect copyright.PENANAyK6JctCFC3
456Please respect copyright.PENANAColX4yGiid
在介紹高塔時,我的印象是涼樹利用御風跟親王的對話,來帶出相關介紹。如果有記錯,我先說抱歉。456Please respect copyright.PENANA0wKKuxJckH
456Please respect copyright.PENANAmLMTdf7mnM
456Please respect copyright.PENANARhkAkdh1Su
利用對話來帶出世界觀是動畫之中常見的鋪陳手法,雖然這個手法也能用,但這多半是用在主角視點不知道世界觀的情況下使用。456Please respect copyright.PENANAc6bYxSkvM6
456Please respect copyright.PENANA8XUfwHGum6
456Please respect copyright.PENANAIooUaXZ3r3
倘若主人翁知道這個世界的背景,直接用小說常見的敘述法帶出就可以了。這樣會顯得更加直接,也能顯的比較完整。456Please respect copyright.PENANAlWNvXtnNU8
456Please respect copyright.PENANAtZF4qhSaXH
456Please respect copyright.PENANAfRn5nCkQ3o
否則台詞一大堆,卻還是講不清楚,會顯得十分可惜。456Please respect copyright.PENANAHNZeUcHXc3
456Please respect copyright.PENANA6vQCCimia7
456Please respect copyright.PENANAGWXUeC5gmV
而目前的戰鬥,給人的感覺好像是,御風啟動身體的魔法。然後出招。就沒了的感覺。456Please respect copyright.PENANAefX2MBhG4O
456Please respect copyright.PENANAH1oNmo6kbP
456Please respect copyright.PENANA1Q3B5QpEey
倘若還不習慣寫戰鬥,可以先從特色著手。起碼把特色作出來。像是她出招時魔力會出現玫瑰的光、身體出現啥紋路,或者召喚出什麼幫助戰鬥的東東,先弄出個特別的東西。456Please respect copyright.PENANAnH5YHS3Cvh
456Please respect copyright.PENANAcRWkJ5jWSb
456Please respect copyright.PENANAP4CtAbdyjX
搞不好,還能跟貓貓連動,後面出個組合技。456Please respect copyright.PENANA2tnuV8Hv44
456Please respect copyright.PENANA8MTcXeqmEj
456Please respect copyright.PENANAeRIYLy27Lz
個人認為,倘若要增加整體的爽快感(除了戰鬥鏡頭之外),在劇情設計上可以些微調整。456Please respect copyright.PENANAsxK92BEHoe
456Please respect copyright.PENANAGZWJwh3FwO
456Please respect copyright.PENANApFbYrj8aDY
首先,女主角一開始嚴厲反對要成為親王的直屬騎士。理由可以自己想。以此創造劇情的衝突點。然而,儘管女主角不想成為直屬騎士,但在女王的要求下,依然妥協陪同親王出第一次任務。456Please respect copyright.PENANArJS5Hrs7yR
456Please respect copyright.PENANA1nwpTFFmKm
456Please respect copyright.PENANAVSHiZBGlLj
兩人關係超級不好,但是透過這次事件,他們拉近距離。456Please respect copyright.PENANAkORpSe53BB
456Please respect copyright.PENANATdu18ZsmBr
456Please respect copyright.PENANAMdZjWoEQGz
這樣劇情張力會更大。456Please respect copyright.PENANA183aaA7tDP
456Please respect copyright.PENANASAp6o4XGiJ
456Please respect copyright.PENANAyXn0bIZFVI
而在跟朋友的對戲中,或許兩人曾經有了矛盾,但內心其實很擔心對方。我知道原作中有這類想法,但我覺得可以更加強描寫這點。456Please respect copyright.PENANAmpxQgEMeFr
456Please respect copyright.PENANAvhilCl8LSh
456Please respect copyright.PENANAu5KaDQWOFp
接下來是行文。456Please respect copyright.PENANAUhX2dVJCPg
456Please respect copyright.PENANAwSM6lz323T
456Please respect copyright.PENANAvly2OZNdTE
整體而言能知道涼樹想表達什麼。不過有些地方,主要是心境描述,有時會寫得繞來繞去,有時又會缺乏描寫。456Please respect copyright.PENANACcn4oGssPl
456Please respect copyright.PENANAxQRnpHkrpR
456Please respect copyright.PENANAqhKNFZxCmY
所以可能還得再拿捏一下。456Please respect copyright.PENANA8MUADejcQT
456Please respect copyright.PENANAm0Qf1tLTKc
456Please respect copyright.PENANAoFiamcCkeB
不過,在高塔內設備面板、樓層的描述上十分清晰,這點我很喜歡。456Please respect copyright.PENANAMqwygtFKID
456Please respect copyright.PENANA0KjAWUz0B9
456Please respect copyright.PENANABV6T7TS7Bf
所以整體而言。就是幾個要點。456Please respect copyright.PENANACPPapu4rAM
456Please respect copyright.PENANAd0hmAtgale
456Please respect copyright.PENANAWMwG0s8OkL
第一,劇情設計上,可以多想想「變化」。從喜歡到不喜歡。從冷淡到熟悉,從結怨到寬恕。這樣的走法才能拉出劇情張力。456Please respect copyright.PENANAAIaM1Rx2Bh
456Please respect copyright.PENANAKHIxmHKyQR
456Please respect copyright.PENANA0EFogNn8o0
第二,角色方面,多利用反差,塑造人味。像是前面舉過親王的例子。女主角可以嚴謹,但或許可能在某個地方脫線,或者對戀愛很遲鈍之類的。其他角色也是按照這樣的邏輯設計。456Please respect copyright.PENANApD5o4HOaxk
456Please respect copyright.PENANA4KvZjjdfLu
456Please respect copyright.PENANA12gQ3KIrJx
第三,行文上,世界觀倘若是女主角知道的事情,直接敘述出來,或是對話提到時,用描述句補充就行了。不用刻意開一場戲來講世界觀。456Please respect copyright.PENANAm9cuaUH7sd
456Please respect copyright.PENANAenvc9WDLRr
456Please respect copyright.PENANAn5hXKysZ9K
同時,在心境描寫上,要著重刻劃重點。特別是女主角應該要多講一點。456Please respect copyright.PENANAeDwVP36C4a
456Please respect copyright.PENANAcD7k8CwnTo
456Please respect copyright.PENANAs20YACJ9rY
以上是我讀完第一篇章的看法。可以參考一下。
456Please respect copyright.PENANATSWPPIo37G
456Please respect copyright.PENANAvuAS4L4bCj
下列為後面補記: 456Please respect copyright.PENANA3PlOiE9I9a
456Please respect copyright.PENANAuoNyJrnbBu
當我讀到目前的更新,也就是最新的篇章後,我對這部作品老實說是充滿期待的。456Please respect copyright.PENANAe49JhHyFAs
456Please respect copyright.PENANAPDFlDDuqsy
456Please respect copyright.PENANArVZPXAq4VE
在作品一開始,抑鬱、內向,對人不敞開內心的騎士御風,因為各個事件,她交到了朋友,有了能並肩同行的夥伴,以及跟過去的因緣達成和解。456Please respect copyright.PENANAuUTcNgUE0D
456Please respect copyright.PENANA4uaxm27Ali
456Please respect copyright.PENANAfIJfAyBtWE
在劇情概念上,我認為涼樹想表達的,正是這種細膩,且不易描繪的情感。456Please respect copyright.PENANAFz6uwCpUfW
456Please respect copyright.PENANALlAXVBusoR
456Please respect copyright.PENANAER5GC6Fz54
而這樣的目標亦是目前的我也無法達到的領域,因此在這方面,我對涼樹的理想和對於作品的堅持,懷抱一股敬意。456Please respect copyright.PENANADErol79lMc
456Please respect copyright.PENANAkD3Q6Q0GAv
456Please respect copyright.PENANArpHSrm6PJB
那麼,差不多是這樣。456Please respect copyright.PENANAU0ATdFxEWS
456Please respect copyright.PENANAj34d3olRGz
456Please respect copyright.PENANAh36ZGRphOE
有興趣的讀者,不妨試著讀一讀。456Please respect copyright.PENANAqMv408EZ94
456Please respect copyright.PENANAqAQcQBcaPj
456Please respect copyright.PENANARnl647yUQ4
penana.com/story/57690/王座騎士