|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9c5InQjoT
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAW6jUSZTxJ
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8A8k1yMZNy
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqV4GstJn4
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbOtjfbUuR
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZbpYzN1A8
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSF7Im2TOFt
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn3iLm0BNGu
You’ve got the wrong Eli.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoOaYWn2hP
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0h6f6AreW
aka Eli Martin
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIaP1jC1Uac
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMP9KmYU61
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKSlhkAXGl
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpMsKpHkRQi
definitely wrong eli.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHVnVYXKiT
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtLhoQ9EAO
sincerely,117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxSGmpQOSp
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5l8aq19fs
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCao9Nww5ms
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUqp8fwUxm
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbsmEx6f5P
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxzqBrZC4j
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Z6LMZnOWj
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQzPxxLf2Y
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrToghGmHXQ
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHb5T3rvzA
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfGSahqNEx
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5K5Fw6x3Rx
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0YgIDsTLq
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoealfgP9TI
is this our meet-cute?117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVPFYXzgjt
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrcLfdhtDS
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAK3DMddVM
but i might be a decent one
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOOqan1Q82
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDpCOvTQZJ
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRqhoU5qKz
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHItD9qUllg
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipulEtxWyp
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTfyJGDFuz
professional emailer of strangers
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrp77mnVRTD
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnpE9Qe3MzK
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkCwndeYyP
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEqsgXmLWq
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyl5s9q4qPc
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZTnnEnWIn
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgGCBuSDdS
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPvyFIXwXd
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99hcvmN0d9
