|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRfvrK4saG
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1Yj5UMNym
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡql7uiu9aPK
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Eq6h7wxiI
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEXdx7aQMh
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbE9bWjXHY
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVVve6swlW
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wvAVcJVYQ
You’ve got the wrong Eli.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6EMPpZ4joL
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHzpDy2HCn
aka Eli Martin
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffePqP1qim
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSnTx4y94C7
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUniiEaWoQ
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCWWhJpRgyT
definitely wrong eli.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmpArXGIWm
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRYLImq78hT
sincerely,14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KMhuRA6Gj
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYwsNDI4Wd
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXIQebGwxm
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBT7lAdWIZi
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5OG8WtCsI
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTHWKlJ0gp
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnJs3s0Wgu
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwd8InAbHg
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Vz7SddjdB
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7bMu86rcj
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJuP9TjxN45
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlfgQvjNlk
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQrZEIzHjD
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QSysvUluq
is this our meet-cute?14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSDynK3QBu
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37LKjgPNkr
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnvul4Urr9
but i might be a decent one
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAi7D9fdpv
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhOms9WWh0
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5nhPXR9Ha
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQq9z7YSf9
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJBEwd1xGO
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6Fs0hoFNW
professional emailer of strangers
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9AeZTeggm
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxv5cdzlh6
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMMY8W4CCV
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFhmbJOoIN
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7u0ZaN89nK
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zslZUwjTo
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybjhQd1HyJ
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15nVHlVYIP
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TrPqGJzAi
