From: [email protected]41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJ4SzT3IUQ
To: [email protected]41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDIQy35MCQ
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UjRolNsyE
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx87dYP5mXP
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2idfdUhe6
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPqAuwqMhw
To: [email protected]41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVYRZqDhwOT
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pU4lFd4GR
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1NNAMwih1
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxsONrS5Fh
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXwhC43Lwc
To: [email protected]41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hN4T89jAR
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujsUPaQ7H7
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5uIEYz19b
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07PR55ZzKC
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDDVJ8Jub4
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnPtTVi3Jy
To: [email protected]41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4xMRrO7jo
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlj8E67cVo
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxL1umGO8v0
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzQfjJVNI2
To: [email protected]41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLW7kWZlFfp
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvxaKjtdxv
and never speak of feelings again.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRn3z3xoL4e
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt05YxyRXzy
what would you write in a breakup text?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCMWDMRfBl
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2015CwtYT
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpC6kAwUKs
To: [email protected]41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kwvviu3MH
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsX2HHr7KT
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEsEbGmFjo
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDzF8CC3Ak
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBN0I2XgLjl
To: [email protected]41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKmY7QYzwG
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluioK7B1xO
that was weirdly lovely.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hrZQmQU72
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsVKSrnswN
was there a form i missed?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteofppJS0d
should i be sending muffins?
— maya41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwYHqAJGQA
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovdsJy34kG
To: [email protected]41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8NzJu8sKN
Subject: it’s official
congrats.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgclkOAbxmd
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCAV1rhY0s
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhFPKpgb3z
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0FZTYS9jw
friend of font victims
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRq4xuBVfk6
