From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWercabsptT
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50Hru2KIPp
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqliKmcaolX
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVT0O4zvB4
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RCsAlJApg
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJeGJgb0sgG
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUlGD1k3s3
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbhAoLysOl
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavBx2MGWkB
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznoO6BAT69
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxnQY51gCw
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg50a2xMIWQ
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPRvixG74o
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOOs4OuqUz
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpOzK0ull9
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeX1rjTX2Qd
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdB4pwWa2lZ
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUGU2SrV6B
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhqlLrq7FW
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7kxvFcsRk
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHFLwbxV9X
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYrR8oiyJ3
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1llhBvbQW8
and never speak of feelings again.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjx8vfC1LBJ
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRN0PDGyUj6
what would you write in a breakup text?42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MeHVnutFY
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMkcToMokz
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvOEJFVBOf
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7aQYw5jpiy
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnoRbWVblE
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyZ4EwSoiy
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZZojDWTxy
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWw2bu69v9p
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAbGD4iKtN
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKzWA9ZcKv
that was weirdly lovely.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZA1W7DElM
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOPHReY0sr
was there a form i missed?42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovk1ghybCz
should i be sending muffins?
— maya42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08oN8hucZW
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpQv9TfgQi
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOZtAn2b8l
Subject: it’s official
congrats.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNxLaDHeQ7
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yM6kPxcRQ
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyD1YB754I
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuy7VWWG6E
friend of font victims
42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdl7NytiXq
