席間,我無緣無故感到很是尷尬。27Please respect copyright.PENANA9AZ0tqSnDB
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姚老師對岳君琳的慈愛和憐惜,長流不息,無時無刻從每一句言語、每一個動作,甚至每一刻寂靜、每一下脈動裡滲出。雖然姚老師對岳君琳絕非溺愛,還是有著老師溫柔中的威嚴,但在乖巧的岳君琳臉上看得出來,她為著媽媽對她絕不掩飾的愛而感到有點尷尬。27Please respect copyright.PENANA0c5niJJ9SE
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我看著她們倆,方發現她們長得很像。姚老師是一等美人,她的女兒亦很幸運地遺傳了她的美;若不相識的人看去,很自然會將兩人聯繫在一起。我卻因為腦袋裡對小飯糰的印象,而很不正常地沒想到岳君琳就是小飯糰。27Please respect copyright.PENANAN3eZDAjXd7
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她看著我看她,那份尷尬更甚。27Please respect copyright.PENANAERCXotbL8H
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「小飯糰。吃這個吧!」姚老師把魚的臉頰肉夾到她的碗子裡。「你最喜歡吃的了!滑滑嫩嫩的。」27Please respect copyright.PENANAdANMgNbJBi
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「媽。」她有點別扭,看了看我,又看了看姚老師。「都說有人在不要這麼叫我嘛!」27Please respect copyright.PENANAzdaQM2iJ5N
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「是君瑤而已嘛!她不一直也是叫你小飯糰嗎?」27Please respect copyright.PENANAMurt2nQv3t
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「姚老師。」我苦笑了一下,抓了抓腦袋,「我在公司還一直喚她岳小姐呢!」27Please respect copyright.PENANA5pIidu1Or3
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「岳小姐?」姚老師一臉驚訝地看著我,我點了點頭,她裝著很嫌棄地說。「這你就不對了,君瑤!就算是你認不出她來,我的小飯糰也不是那種拒人於千里外的女孩,怎麼就要這麼見外呢?英文名字也不行麼?她這麼漂亮可愛,你怎麼捨得把她叫得像是老姑婆一樣?」27Please respect copyright.PENANAR0f6dIRtao
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「媽!」她很無奈地撒著嬌,企圖讓姚老師饒了她。27Please respect copyright.PENANA50ggExuhj3
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「知道了,姚老師。我改口就是。」27Please respect copyright.PENANAkz6xFynNbR
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「那就乖了!」然後笑著把一塊雞腿肉置到我碗裡,「那姚老師現在以這雞腿肉賄賂你。你吃了,以後公司裡外都給我好好照顧我的寶貝飯糰。知道嗎?」27Please respect copyright.PENANAtV0lrg4oBq
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「媽!」27Please respect copyright.PENANAHqdEpcKI3P
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「謹遵師命。」我笑說,大口吃下了那塊肉。27Please respect copyright.PENANAIeqWlNDCDP
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飯後,我自薦洗碗,好讓她們母女倆多點天倫時間。碗都洗好了,我還切了點水果;拿到客廳裡來時,她們倆都是眼泛著淚,相擁在一起。本想折回去,卻被姚老師叫住,我才坐了過去,尷尬地笑。27Please respect copyright.PENANAtFG2l7vTfF
27Please respect copyright.PENANA96p6bnY30G
「君瑤可真像有家室的女人。買菜、做飯、洗碗的,還切了水果。要是小飯糰像你,我做媽媽的就用不著那麼操心了!」27Please respect copyright.PENANASPv0blnoLR
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「媽。又來了!」27Please respect copyright.PENANA7AwN7eQAOw
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「都是手板眼見功夫。將來君琳找到愛惜她的人,自然用不著做這些,姚老師也用不著擔心。」27Please respect copyright.PENANATAa1d2Rz3C
27Please respect copyright.PENANAjgW75jaHan
「工作到天昏地暗的女人,哪裡找人愛惜她?」27Please respect copyright.PENANAmpeg6COPMA
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「媽。我自己會學,用不著找人。」27Please respect copyright.PENANAmP1UMRA30T
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「你這麼說,姚老師不更擔心了嗎?」我笑得很是狡黠;她頓時無語,紅著臉,低下頭去。27Please respect copyright.PENANAMo5THe3hnR
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「所以說,你啊,多替我好好看著小飯糰。我相信你,才把我寶貝女兒交給你。」27Please respect copyright.PENANAdsN9tKbSva
27Please respect copyright.PENANAk9j9veUxhy
「姚老師這麼說我可真是惶恐!」27Please respect copyright.PENANAIk54U5Jl0u
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「你這孩子,長大了這張咀竟然壞了那麼多!」27Please respect copyright.PENANAk2M4wljADD
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我和姚老師笑得很開懷,言談甚歡;反倒是岳君琳,還是一臉尷尬。這並不稀奇。在公司裡備受注視,相比起自己媽媽的愛寵,倒不是什麼一回事。畢竟,母親的愛大多無條件,讓被愛的總有一絲莫名的不自在。27Please respect copyright.PENANAGDR6zuiYh4
27Please respect copyright.PENANAsvW7kavVs9
差不多十時,我便向姚老師告辭。她本想讓我再坐一會,好讓我看一下老照片,聽罷我住處甚遠,便沒有勉強,只著我有空便來探望。然而,她也著我送岳君琳回去,讓本以為她會留宿的我有點愕然。27Please respect copyright.PENANAoxjQBUNprZ
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「媽。我今晚可以留下來陪你。」27Please respect copyright.PENANAC6MHqpZVcH
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「用不著。你明天再回來就可以。媽媽還不知道你的為人嗎?晚上不工作一下就睡不著的。」27Please respect copyright.PENANAjqyva7zhdL
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岳君琳確實沒有反駁的餘地,跟母親不捨話別後,便隨我離去。27Please respect copyright.PENANAfnNFvJv4Ry
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車內,我們沒有說話。我按了按音響,播放著spotify清單上的歌;都是我那年代的歌,也不知道她聽過多少。看了看她,她只看著窗外,沒有反應。27Please respect copyright.PENANA9cqnDrikxs
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「會悶嗎?」我問。她這才扭過頭來看我,沒說話,像是不懂我問什麼。「我說歌。都是我年代的。你可以挑自己喜歡聽的。」27Please respect copyright.PENANAlPcY2rTOaP
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「你不記得,你那時候哄我,也是聽這些歌的麼?」27Please respect copyright.PENANAeXZLhfywHS
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「是麼?」我乾笑了兩聲,看著前方車子裡頭的腦袋。「倒沒你那麼好記性。」27Please respect copyright.PENANA31W0vYBk97
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「你還會唱給我聽。你都不記得嗎?」27Please respect copyright.PENANASt3q3NNe5v
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「沒二十年都十幾年了吧!那記得那麼清楚?」27Please respect copyright.PENANAojI4IKhrBi
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「記得。」27Please respect copyright.PENANAKxOzLUIXCS
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然後,她又往窗外看去。我瞥看了她一下,便繼續專心駕車。27Please respect copyright.PENANARHoLBzOHlJ
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這看著窗外的背影,縱已不是小男孩的樣子,反讓我很記得。每次在姚老師家待太久,老師都會駕車送我回家,也很自然地帶上小飯糰。我們都坐在後座,因為繫上安全帶而各自坐著,相距甚遠。車內,我都會和姚老師說話,又或是安靜地聽老師喜歡的老歌;而她,小腦袋總是拎到一旁,看著窗外風景。往往都是等到車子停在我家門口,姚老師讓她跟我說再見,她才會扭過頭來看我,一聲不哼。27Please respect copyright.PENANAjKH037HHn9
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「到了。」我拉了handbrake,微笑地看著剛把臉別過來看我的她。「到房間後,給我一個短訊我才走。好嗎?」27Please respect copyright.PENANAY2MZxbpOFI
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「不好。」27Please respect copyright.PENANAlqahgaieBU
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「吓?」27Please respect copyright.PENANAtL8DCFgcc8
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我自然沒想到她會拒絕,還一臉冰冷地盯著我。我一時有點不知所措,頓了頓。27Please respect copyright.PENANA8qh8M8JQYc
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「這我不好跟姚老師交代。」27Please respect copyright.PENANAZR6lzZCNy8
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「你送我上去不就好交代了?」27Please respect copyright.PENANAIyZ1tPp4Tb
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沒有拒絕,我把車子駛進酒店的停車場,把車匙給了酒店職員,便隨她到她的房間。一如所料,她沒有讓我立即離去,而是把我拉進房間,推倒在沙發上。她就站在我跟前,不說話,沒有動作,牢牢凝看著抬頭看她的我。27Please respect copyright.PENANANl8fOs4OC4
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「君琳。」我下意識地搖了搖頭,觸發了她的身體抖了抖。「夜了!你早點休息,好麼?」27Please respect copyright.PENANAZSykzZJJiZ
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「瑤姐姐。我有話跟你說。」27Please respect copyright.PENANA8igJsWeRxy
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「別說了!我要走了!」我企圖站起來,卻被她一把再往沙發上推,然後坐到我的大腿上來。27Please respect copyright.PENANAhYda9Uq9wO
27Please respect copyright.PENANAFvR3v6lind
「我喜歡你,瑤姐姐。」她摟著我的脖子,從上而下看著我。「我喜歡你很久了!」27Please respect copyright.PENANAokWsl1KqBD
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在姚老師家裡,她擁著我的時候,我便明白她心裡想的。在我的心目中,小飯糰一直都是妹妹;若她以小飯糰的身份來再認識我,縱然外貌不一樣,我都不可能以妹妹以外的身份待她。她喜歡我,才會那麼抗拒以小飯糰的身分來與我相認。27Please respect copyright.PENANAUlMXoXmggQ
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「君琳。你知道我和裴縈之...」27Please respect copyright.PENANAl6rZpAdHQc
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「我知道。我知道你很愛她。但你們已經分了手。」27Please respect copyright.PENANAnNYCTwwagd
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「我們只是短暫分開,不是分手。」27Please respect copyright.PENANAzbJ3qrdwAy
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她吻著我;我刻意不回應。她沒有退卻,肆意吻著,待我喘不過氣,便借勢吻了過來。逼不得已,我摟著她的腰,一把將她拋到沙發上,轉身壓著她,才因著她的一時失卻軸心而從她的吻中逃脫。我死力把她的手腕握著,按壓在沙發上,身體把她的也按下來;縱是敏感地貼近,我們倆都知道沒有延續下去的可能。27Please respect copyright.PENANA5PqlsGmgHp
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沒多久,她便哭了。我這才鬆開了手,把她抱著,坐了起來。她摟著我的肩,不住在抽泣。27Please respect copyright.PENANAMjXZOloG3M
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「對不起。君琳。是我欺負你了!」聽著她的抽泣聲稍頓,我才敢開口說話。27Please respect copyright.PENANApF02palU5i
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「你...」她努力壓下哭腔,卻不怎麼見效。「你不要那麼溫柔地跟我說話。我受不了!」27Please respect copyright.PENANA5RljrNtXFl
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我輕拍她的背,點了點頭,任由她枕在我的肩上哭著。這晚,我沒有離去,讓她好好在我懷裡哭,隨隨睡去。27Please respect copyright.PENANARCMbFBdpDG
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十八歲的我在夢中跟十歲的小飯糰躲在房間裡,坐在地上,聽著音樂。小腦袋鑽進我的懷裡,我只壞笑,抱著那幼小腰肢,咀裡哼著歌。小腦袋問我說,怎樣的人才討我喜歡。溫柔吧!我答。大抵對溫柔的人全無抵抗力,我相信那是將來我寵愛的人必然會有的。像瑤姐姐那麼溫柔嗎?她問。我笑著說,我還不夠溫柔呢!小腦袋不明所以;我說,或許找著一個我喜歡的、溫柔的人,我會對他更是溫柔吧!27Please respect copyright.PENANACKbCypmsNu
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醒來的時候,她還枕在我的懷裡,皺著眉,看來睡得並不怎麼安穩。我沒有怎麼動,只是稍稍把她再抱緊些,然後輕微側了側腦袋,看了看床頭櫃上的時鐘。不過五時多,天不過剛亮。我嘆了一口氣,已無睡意,看著天花透著一點光的窗簾。27Please respect copyright.PENANAfM2oP0d3YB
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如果蘇日坤沒有懷疑我與華丞飛勾結,我不會提早回港,到這刻大概就會開始接受失去了縈的事實。而若然岳君琳在這個時候才跟我相認,繼而表白,或許我會愛上她。也或許不。27Please respect copyright.PENANAkwAyhMsWKw
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我取笑自己喜歡天馬行空地想,想了又覺得自己很無謂。27Please respect copyright.PENANAcnhh3vjvhW
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然後,我發現她已醒了過來,不動聲色地看著我。我向她微笑,然後輕吻她的額角。一動不動,她還是看著我,像是一個洋娃娃一樣。27Please respect copyright.PENANAKg39lghmBQ
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「睡夠了?」她沒有回應,還是這麼看著我。「再睡一會?天還沒亮哩!」27Please respect copyright.PENANAzxwvY7apoO
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「你會討厭我嗎?」27Please respect copyright.PENANAm3bZ2V4oBN
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「怎麼會?」我微笑,以指尖把擋著她眼睛的頭髮撥開。「怎麼捨得?」27Please respect copyright.PENANADCTM8jPh4m
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「你走的時候,我以為你討厭我。」27Please respect copyright.PENANAHmGO4qPW3O
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「怎麼會這麼想?」27Please respect copyright.PENANAW2HtXWHsza
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「那天,媽媽煮的菜很咸,我發了個小脾氣。你覺得我很沒禮貌,而且糟蹋了媽媽的愛意,很嚴厲地責怪了我幾句。然後,我跑到房間裡去,一直沒有出來;聽到你開門離去的聲音,我便伏在床上哭。我覺得你討厭我;我是一個很壞的小孩。」27Please respect copyright.PENANAczb5GoOlq5
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「我記得你躲了起來,但我可記不起原因。」27Please respect copyright.PENANABa6FDHCI43
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「我很介懷。媽媽說,你不討厭我,只是我未夠討人喜歡。我學著去當一個你會喜歡的人,學著去變得溫柔,學著去寵愛別人。但你始終沒有回來。」27Please respect copyright.PENANANmVzShSx66
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「如果我知道小飯糰掛念我,我不會這麼坐視不理。」27Please respect copyright.PENANAjHebqnUa3m
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「然後,爸爸走了!媽媽很傷心。我把她擁在懷裡,強忍著淚水,心裡想到的只有你。那一刻,我才意識到那不是小孩在吸引大人的注意力;而是我確實地喜歡上你。」27Please respect copyright.PENANAsFIB8z2gDq
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「君琳…」27Please respect copyright.PENANAXRrJu0538L
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她隨隨從我的懷裡爬起來,下了床,沒哼一聲,也沒一絲表情,走進了浴室。我還躺在床上,看著天花板,腦袋裡一片空白,咀只懂嘆息。聽著流水聲,我還是無動於衷;過了一會兒,我才驚覺事情的不對勁。急步下床,走到洗手間門外,想要敲門,才發現門半掩,稍推便開了,她在水蒸氣裡若隱若現的背影映入眼簾。27Please respect copyright.PENANAAzKbeTgE5d
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她沒自殺。我放下心頭大石地呼了一口氣,笑了,走到迷你吧前,開了一瓶礦泉水在喝。後來,我們都梳洗過後,便一同到酒店餐廳吃早餐。吃罷,我親吻她的臉頰,給她一個實在的擁抱,才驅車離開。27Please respect copyright.PENANAHlb7EEyIi8