前陣子，讀完鈴鈴卷的《真神轉生》，來跟大家分享一下心得。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJoqMcaa02
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整體來說，故事挺有趣的。會想看女主角又得到什麼外掛，跟陸哥之間會有怎樣的發展。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1JoNA7AaE
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對於新角色高瑞淵和松勇的設計也蠻讓人記憶深刻的（一個像是跟蹤狂，一個像是偏執狂）。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTEFnrZven
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我覺得鈴鈴在設計人物上很有巧思。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUz6jn2CFS
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB75QMZs4xP
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硬要說的話，本作的行文有時會不太流暢……句子與句子之間的邏輯關係有時會跳脫一下，不過這也只能靠臨摹和自我覺察來調整了。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSj6ddpBBP
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另外，在主線上可以更明確一點。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5ckbaLwmB
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女主角要修練，就得有個理由，看是要加強生存，或者像現在這樣，準備救人。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9dc04ow2N
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsPNXz5eiR
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Bc8yqtDyH
而在故事發展上，可以針對女主過去跟那個朋友之間，到底為何變得關係親密，那位友人對她來說是個怎樣的存在，往這方面描寫。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HsQbriImk
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先用劇情（看是要回顧，還是在見面時鋪一下）刻劃了兩人的關係，然後再強化救人的點。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnL4Ta7vdB
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4oSvGKYscH
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2r3jxP3pX
而在過程中，女主角的能力想必不夠，這時再刻畫她怎麼變強。而在這之中，女主角有哪些改變。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvfst6qoPH
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根據我對女主角的理解，她不相信別人。那麼是不是後面的某個任務，或者在救人時有個重要環節需要團隊合作，需要相信其他隊友。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PNCGgHPDt
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而女主角作出改變。她將部分擔子交到他人手上，然後專心面對眼前的敵人。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCK4HRmOne
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLcpOORqTC
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而這也使得她的能力、法力變更強，有所突破之類的。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsRM2s4y2C
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dPmmfcq5f
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEU7zT64LES
而關於第二個重要角色，陸哥。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBOGHId5lO
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目前給人的感覺是，他被捲入爭權奪利，並且正在尋找某個靈。同時，還被人施加了蠱毒。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4KqZDXoAm
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可以在某一段更清楚描述他後面的打算、目標，以及面對他目前的情勢有什麼想法。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvPrxAVzhS
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxC96CIknWm
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAl15twx2Zt
我似乎也沒看到陸哥想解毒ＸＤ 這中間感覺有什麼不對勁。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTq4Cfonl5w
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlV7EBN3cxI
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNcWGaRJzR
另外，在他跟那條龍的互動上……雖然兩人無法直接互動。但或許龍可以用其他方式幫助他。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpi001DvUA
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOptMwNV0fX
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVmVaJEFSY
像是有敵人來的時候會感應到，或者有什麼其他協助陸哥的手段。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOdjjv52lR
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgCTM6y9NE
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡweeZMY6jrk
總之，就是確立各個人物行動的主軸。有時光靠對話沒辦法補充到的，需要用說式寫法補充，強化人物的背景跟行動的連結。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJp3om9M7R8
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換言之，就是動機、行動。需要好好表示出來。這樣會比較能讓人抓準這個人到底想幹嘛。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LTa1mBVCL
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而在出現許多登場人物的長篇故事裡，用說式鋪設人物背景和心境、行為動機，就是蠻重要的點。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1rETFhRP1
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如果每個都要用演的，有時反而會演不清楚。需要掌握敘述跟演出的平衡。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUDtD8tOuY
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另外，稍微補充一點。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvq4seOG6Gi
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由於劇情稍顯散亂，可以將某一段劇情規劃為同一個篇章。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56WH2HDDtI
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（以下都我隨便舉的）391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9vCxSp4Ze
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例如：391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFEWR5537z
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhBrkG6PXf
〈軍校篇〉女主角的目標是隱藏身分，並修練到初始境界，然而，正當她準備渡劫時，身分卻忽然曝光，因此迎來戰鬥。
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOVH7cSZI2
〈陸哥解咒篇〉不知什麼影響，陸哥的蠱毒忽然發作。同時，女主要跨越新境界，需要取出陸哥身上的毒蟲。恰好此時，女主聽聞到新的解蠱情報。為了逼出毒蟲，女主前往新的境地。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5uUQB7jjl
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〈皇位篇〉陸哥康復後，朝臣大為震驚。而支持他的貴族也變多。這時，跟陸哥競爭皇位的某皇子偷襲陸哥，女主抓到這名刺客後，逼問出他們打算藉著陸哥身上的神器（龍爺）來搜尋鳳靈的下落。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQzxfkuHsR
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrokd7iIeZl
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUMwzI3mU5
傳聞中，同時得到龍靈和鳳靈的人可居皇位。在女主的逼問下，龍爺終於說出隱藏已久的情報，女主為了讓鳳靈強化自己的寶書，竟然願意幫助陸哥前往搜尋鳳靈。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkXywaJIW7
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2MHTOsZME
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtIV1D1AIfR
像這樣子，讓每章的重點都扣在一個主題上，觀眾也比較懂這段在講什麼。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlKpY3rJW7
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDOrGNXmFG
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOSRGJ4Xwb
目前原作的走法，原以為會過上軍校生活，結果忽然開始得罪人，然後逃亡。其實會比較沒有記憶點，可以參考看看。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkkwJbcWdF
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vfjNcMq0N
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHkN5CA8u3
上述的舉例，鈴鈴能發現，女主角跟陸哥都會有動機，以及行動。將這樣的主軸抓好，故事走向會明確很多。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKSk7ndJ0L
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIKNM3IteR
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jpWcESVdw
當然，女主的功力要在哪個階段成長，都可以自行規劃。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Pbg1Y0JFW
391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡps8CziafFd
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大概是這種感覺。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfuvV0gLpR
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有興趣的讀者歡迎讀讀看。391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflRoBokUFF
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