I Fear. - Frozen in Failure | Penana
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I Fear.
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  • G: General Audiences
  • PG: Parental Guidance Suggested
  • PG-13: Parents Strongly Cautioned
  • R: Restricted
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I Fear.
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Submission Closed
A - A - A
Prompt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
#5
1st
Frozen in Failure
lovepenguins1984
Dec 1, 2016
2
2
174
2 Mins Read
500 Words
No Plagiarism!dTgPDAzkFxnRhRGffkfUposted on PENANA

I woke up one day, felt the day hitting me before I left for work...thinking about the eyes and ears over me as customers rattled on and on, and no matter what I did they complained. Someone I didn't know chopping up my day's work into ridiculous spreadsheets,  some customer service  formula. More texts back from friends who "couldn't make it."copyright protection174PENANA5Yg7uUK0YY

The thought made me cold.copyright protection174PENANA7cSo1vYBQD

Lifting the spoon to my mouth to choke down breakfast, I dropped it back into the bowl. My eyes looked, but did not see. My mind comprehended, but did not engage. Something was not right. I simply stared, unblinking at my kitchen light.copyright protection174PENANA9dvq5bFlwU

I began to cry, and didn't know why, and found answers that satiated me. Divorced...30 years old ....entry level work...the same damn thing every day. Trying to understand my reluctance to go out the door only made it worse and found reasons more...copyright protection174PENANAfBTvJnqtoo

So I froze.copyright protection174PENANAsvAkTCPSeG

Nothing good that lasted came for the past three years. And so came this daunting, crippling fear.copyright protection174PENANAvnU0OZctkI

What would change now? What reason for it to change? None.copyright protection174PENANAoAji52Gww4

If I stayed home, the only place I felt safe, would anyone care? I'm just another number that sits in their chair.And I knew I had to go there, but couldn't. Breathing deep, I stepped towards the door. It all came back in such awful dischord. Nothing I did mattered..copyright protection174PENANAUYAvit88mm

Again, I froze.copyright protection174PENANAPSKJTyI523

Nothing felt better than something. There was no disappointment. Restless that day, I stayed home and rested but still felt so vexed and perplexed and the more I invested the more I cried and didn't look forward to days next.copyright protection174PENANANrD7JJaqfG

Depression? Anxiety? Nothing concrete to show, so what would doctors know ? All I knew...I was afraid to do anything.copyright protection174PENANAuaF4GYyO6U

So I tried.copyright protection174PENANAbWMVFFtoLv

And soon wish I hadn't. Now I was the one prattling on and on, feeling like words were only stepped on. Met with cryptic replies, more questions. The worst were the "answers" to my precarious predicament.copyright protection174PENANAsyW5GGPQ65

"Just don't think about it, just do it."copyright protection174PENANAxAfdFWbdKi

"Think positive."copyright protection174PENANA8VeVQUBkjn

This told me how much they didn't know what I was going through. So I stopped talking...it only  made me tired. Exhausted from emotions tying me down, I flipped my "OFF" switch to cure my frown. Perhaps this was better...it wasn't.copyright protection174PENANAPLWMRCsGty

Life was a routine, and I was a robot doing programmed tasks. My senses sensed things, but still was nonsense. There was no sadness, but also no joy. I am human and I must feel.copyright protection174PENANAL191eOYq2I

The fear remained, and so I froze.copyright protection174PENANAJbEY7vSJPb

And so...around and around the carousel I rode, where I stopped nobody knows.copyright protection174PENANA6FW2rNEUu8

I sat in this sub-zero condition of life, hoping to be thawed out. Even after all of this night was turned into day, the frostbite reminds me, still remains.copyright protection174PENANAsg9BioqgPt

I'll never forget the time, that time that I froze...copyright protection174PENANAYyEDwM8pvY

54.161.49.216

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Comments ( 2 )

LovelySheree - What an amazing way of explaining depression and how our minds try to fix it!  Good entry :)
1 year agoreply

lovepenguins1984 - Thank you! 
1 year agoreply

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