I woke up one day, felt the day hitting me before I left for work...thinking about the eyes and ears over me as customers rattled on and on, and no matter what I did they complained. Someone I didn't know chopping up my day's work into ridiculous spreadsheets, some customer service formula. More texts back from friends who "couldn't make it."copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhErKvwPy8
The thought made me cold.copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBpqHXAH1F
Lifting the spoon to my mouth to choke down breakfast, I dropped it back into the bowl. My eyes looked, but did not see. My mind comprehended, but did not engage. Something was not right. I simply stared, unblinking at my kitchen light.copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡnaS9u9m7mS
I began to cry, and didn't know why, and found answers that satiated me. Divorced...30 years old ....entry level work...the same damn thing every day. Trying to understand my reluctance to go out the door only made it worse and found reasons more...copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nFOhJ4vUR
So I froze.copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSZXOdWXGC
Nothing good that lasted came for the past three years. And so came this daunting, crippling fear.copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEeqE6l61a
What would change now? What reason for it to change? None.copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡuw2Wn9W2hJ
If I stayed home, the only place I felt safe, would anyone care? I'm just another number that sits in their chair.And I knew I had to go there, but couldn't. Breathing deep, I stepped towards the door. It all came back in such awful dischord. Nothing I did mattered..copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwHxgnX3a6
Again, I froze.copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4S8s18bWmF
Nothing felt better than something. There was no disappointment. Restless that day, I stayed home and rested but still felt so vexed and perplexed and the more I invested the more I cried and didn't look forward to days next.copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvKpDLn4PM
Depression? Anxiety? Nothing concrete to show, so what would doctors know ? All I knew...I was afraid to do anything.copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡBoJg7RzkxF
So I tried.copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRCI3IOPTA
And soon wish I hadn't. Now I was the one prattling on and on, feeling like words were only stepped on. Met with cryptic replies, more questions. The worst were the "answers" to my precarious predicament.copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxP78mNyBW
"Just don't think about it, just do it."copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9liLPGpxc
"Think positive."copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡJY6SZ9jAMn
This told me how much they didn't know what I was going through. So I stopped talking...it only made me tired. Exhausted from emotions tying me down, I flipped my "OFF" switch to cure my frown. Perhaps this was better...it wasn't.copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNVhcjKM3c
Life was a routine, and I was a robot doing programmed tasks. My senses sensed things, but still was nonsense. There was no sadness, but also no joy. I am human and I must feel.copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzQJSoYu8X
The fear remained, and so I froze.copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPqWZTpHGJ
And so...around and around the carousel I rode, where I stopped nobody knows.copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuFxJYwWeS
I sat in this sub-zero condition of life, hoping to be thawed out. Even after all of this night was turned into day, the frostbite reminds me, still remains.copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQ9SAdW9FA
I'll never forget the time, that time that I froze...copyright protection348ＰＥＮＡＮＡncTGyT9s2I
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