I woke up one day, felt the day hitting me before I left for work...thinking about the eyes and ears over me as customers rattled on and on, and no matter what I did they complained. Someone I didn't know chopping up my day's work into ridiculous spreadsheets, some customer service formula. More texts back from friends who "couldn't make it."copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡbW4IaLQ07R
The thought made me cold.copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8dynFUvai
Lifting the spoon to my mouth to choke down breakfast, I dropped it back into the bowl. My eyes looked, but did not see. My mind comprehended, but did not engage. Something was not right. I simply stared, unblinking at my kitchen light.copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡM24c4r0c8e
I began to cry, and didn't know why, and found answers that satiated me. Divorced...30 years old ....entry level work...the same damn thing every day. Trying to understand my reluctance to go out the door only made it worse and found reasons more...copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ka72lTSm1
So I froze.copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWaXuxCo3N
Nothing good that lasted came for the past three years. And so came this daunting, crippling fear.copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPQM1Ud27m
What would change now? What reason for it to change? None.copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡhaGsiINcAa
If I stayed home, the only place I felt safe, would anyone care? I'm just another number that sits in their chair.And I knew I had to go there, but couldn't. Breathing deep, I stepped towards the door. It all came back in such awful dischord. Nothing I did mattered..copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡdk6nhBVU0Y
Again, I froze.copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡIINyuPsHRz
Nothing felt better than something. There was no disappointment. Restless that day, I stayed home and rested but still felt so vexed and perplexed and the more I invested the more I cried and didn't look forward to days next.copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39KJB2spf2
Depression? Anxiety? Nothing concrete to show, so what would doctors know ? All I knew...I was afraid to do anything.copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡzsmFQDhMyh
So I tried.copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡLg0yOuogcg
And soon wish I hadn't. Now I was the one prattling on and on, feeling like words were only stepped on. Met with cryptic replies, more questions. The worst were the "answers" to my precarious predicament.copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgpB00EspT
"Just don't think about it, just do it."copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYmQEcuWZ2
"Think positive."copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKjej7IIoV
This told me how much they didn't know what I was going through. So I stopped talking...it only made me tired. Exhausted from emotions tying me down, I flipped my "OFF" switch to cure my frown. Perhaps this was better...it wasn't.copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfbnQbouDO
Life was a routine, and I was a robot doing programmed tasks. My senses sensed things, but still was nonsense. There was no sadness, but also no joy. I am human and I must feel.copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8MJYrWtnV
The fear remained, and so I froze.copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBGPP0WyIl
And so...around and around the carousel I rode, where I stopped nobody knows.copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGAF4qQtUu
I sat in this sub-zero condition of life, hoping to be thawed out. Even after all of this night was turned into day, the frostbite reminds me, still remains.copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhC41BvX4T
I'll never forget the time, that time that I froze...copyright protection186ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBuAqkAnTi
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