Matty's POV
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🎧 gold dust- emarosa
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Whiskey neat is quite something isn't it? Makes you dream up stupid things. Makes you impulsive as anything. It's making me climb these marble stairs away from the girl I'm dating in search of my ex. My ex who has just told me that she's leaving America. After everything.
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Everything that happened between us, our baby. Our life together. Our love for one another that is never enough.
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I check and Jay is speaking with Christopher, he's coming in handy that one. What a great distraction. Rach is already in the pool and Olivia is dipping her toes in. Ross is busy being taught physiotherapy in the water.
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Taylor went to find a bikini that in her words still fits. I find my way up to the bedroom, I've not been uninvited yet have I? My head racing with thoughts of her not being here all of the time, my mind is a mess. One big tangle of worry.
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I'm going to go in there and kiss her until she see's sense. I'm going to beg her until she calls everything off.
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I knock first but I open the door all the same and head into the bedroom which I shared with her while her husband was away. Heading over to the walk in wardrobe I let myself in there too. She looks over at me completely shocked and I smile at her.
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"Matthew" she says taken aback, putting distance between us. How did I become this person to her? Some guy that she moves away from. Some distant ex boyfriend. I promised her that I would never leave her, even for London. Even for my own life. My own dreams and aspirations were nothing without her.
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"Taylor" I say softly, she's wearing a bikini, bump perfectly on show. It's white and she's scooped her hair back into a high ponytail. She's assessing me, my body language. Watching me closely.
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"Why" I say softly wiping my eyes.
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"Because I love him" she says softly, cradling bump.
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"Because I will do anything for him and our baby" she says softly walking towards the door.
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"Why do you have to move away in order to love him" I say softly and she shh's me, annoyed.
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"I love him Matty" she says sobbing and this isn't what I wanted. I didn't want to make her cry. I push my hair back frustrated. Look at the ceiling and pinch my nose to try and stop my own tears.
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"But I love you" I tell her softly, looking back down at her. Closing the distance between us.
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"I love you so fucking much" I say to her.
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She wipes my eyes with her fingertips and guides me out of the walk in wardrobe. Back into the bedroom with the door open, I left it wide open when I came in here on a mission.
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"I do though, Taylor" I say sobbing and she nods.
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"I love you with everything that I've got" I say crying and she stares into my eyes.
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"I know Matthew, but you have Olivia. I'll still be here. I won't be gone forever. You'll see" she says softly placating me. The feel of her fingertips on my cheek, the scent of her perfume. My hands in her hair.
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Takes me straight back to being nineteen, holding her every night. Kissing her every morning. Holding onto her hands and her leaning into my chest.
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"If I stay here, and don't start my life. You won't start yours" she whispers.
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"You are my life" I whisper back.
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"Don't" she says softly.
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"Now we're going to go downstairs. You to your girlfriend and I to Jay. My husband." She says calmly.
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I just stare at her uncomprehending, watching her lips. Yearning to mess up the red lipstick on them.
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"You can't do this to us" I whisper.
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"I love him, irrevocably." She says in response.
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"My world ends when he isn't in it" she mutters.
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"What about when he's away" I say clutching at straws.
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"Then who knows maybe I'll travel with him, or come here to see you and Rachel and Ross" she argues defensively.
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"I need you here" I tell her.
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"I need you to let me do this" she mutters softly. I stare into her eyes, she watches me back and every moment we've had, every time I've kissed her, realising we were pregnant, all of the times I've held her race through my brain. I need her, and I need that time back but more than any of those things I want her to be happy in her life. I cry, full on sob. Head in my hands as she pulls me in to her. Hugging me and reassuring me.
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"It will be okay" she whispers.
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"I'll still be here" she says softly. I open my eyes and she looks at me unwavering, sure that she's making the right choice. She wipes my face with her hands and I lean into her.
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I sigh looking down at her large bump, placing my hands on him lightly and she smiles at me. Unflinching, because she trusts me with her unborn baby.
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"He's going to be so happy, and free. Loved beyond measure" I whisper after a minute of feeling his kicks, much stronger than before. Fully formed limbs jabbing away at my hands.
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"Promise me" I ask her.
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"That you will come back" I say softly choking slightly on my words. Her hands cradling the back of my head.
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"I will come back" she says softly.
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I stare into her eyes as she holds onto me, baby jabs me squarely on my hands and we both chuckle.
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"I think he wants to meet you too, Matthew" she laughs.
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I bend down on my knees, looking up at her briefly. Her facade breaks and she cries, looking down at me. She strokes my hair back just once and I kiss her tummy, just once.
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"I can't wait to meet you. I love your mummy so much. And I'm going to love you too" I whisper as Taylor wipes her eyes of tears. I stand back up placing my mouth near her ear.
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"I love you" I whisper.
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"I'm gonna go down first" I say in a hushed tone.
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"Leave it five minutes or so" I say softly and she nods watching my eyes.
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"Thank you Matthew" she whispers as I leave the room I look back at her fighting the urge to kiss her. Instead I nod and leave, every step in the opposite direction from her feels wrong but I walk them all the same. Because she wants me too, because she needs me too.
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I walk down the marble steps, my head much clearer, than when I walked up them. Taylor is the love of my life, but right now I must play everything by her rules. Respect her boundaries and wait. I head into the kitchen, grab myself another whiskey and taking the bottle out with me to the others intending on topping up their glasses too.
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Jay is showing Christopher the new Barbie, and I look at the grill smiling, holding out the whiskey to top them up.
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"Perfect for a baby shower huh" Christopher says and I smile at him.
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"It is perfect" I say and Jay watches me closely pouring himself a whiskey.
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"How am I gonna get her in the pool" I say looking over at Olivia. I make it my mission to make her have some fun, for once. She's still sitting on the side, Ross is doing some kind of squat in the water and I chuckle slightly at the sight of him. Rachel flapping around in front of him in a bright pink bikini.
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"I'd say just dunk her in" Christopher jokes and I laugh.
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"Brave of you, see how that works out for you" I say sarcastically.
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"Just talk to her man" Jay says and I look at him with a wry smile.
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"Talking gets me nowhere" I say laughing.
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"Matthew you can talk your way through anything" he laughs and I smile at him.
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Jays eyes flick up and I know Taylor has come down in her bikini, without even turning around. Just by looking at how his eyes widen.
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"Okay" she says to him as a smile stretches across his face.
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"I know you wanted me in a bikini so here you have it" she smiles at him looking at me briefly before gazing at the pool.
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"Darling" Jay says softly and he's almost breathless.
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"You look exceptional in that" he says softly.
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"I look large" she smirks up at him and he chuckles.
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"Taylor you're pregnant, not large" Christopher reassures her and Jay smiles.
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"You look perfect and pregnant" Jay says softly smiling down at her. I gaze down at bump, taking myself back into that moment upstairs. Letting my mind run wild with what I would be doing to her. Kissing her bump, my hands on her chest. Pulling her body into mine and caressing her.
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"Matty" Olivia says to my left and I hadn't even realised she was there. I look up and she watches me with her jealous green eyes.
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"Hey Olivia, I'll definitely have a spare bikini if you want one" Taylor says softly and I smile over at her again. Don't look at her chest Matthew. I warn myself. Bikini tops are literally my worst enemy right now, it's all just there for me to look at.
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"Ah thanks Taylor but it's okay" Olivia says and I sigh.
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"Jay baby" she says moving her attention away from Olivia and myself.
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"Can you come in the pool with me" she says wrapping herself around him, and here I am again finding it hard to concentrate.
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"Of course darling" he says rolling his eyes at Christopher as she walks off to join Ross and Rachel.
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"I've got a wet suit" Jay says to Olivia.
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"It's cool if you want that instead of a bikini" he says smiling.
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"Will it fit me" she laughs and he just has this way with women. He makes them comfortable, accounted for.
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"It will fit you, I used it when I was fourteen" he laughs smiling over at me.
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"Here let me go and get it" he says placing the whiskey down. He walks off taking his shirt off on the way and she looks at me taken aback.
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"That is so kind" she says to me and I roll my eyes.
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"Hey if I had a wet suit I'd give you it" I laugh and she chuckles.
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Jay appears again, walking down the marble steps out to the terrace bare chested holding a wet suit over his arm. He's changed into his swimming trunks and he looks like a surf model with his hair out loose and his tattooed chest. He looks like a topless bartender presenting her with a drink as he hands her the wetsuit.
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"I'm sure Matty will show you where the bathrooms are" he says laughing.
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"Wetsuits are far cooler than bikini's anyways" he laughs and she chuckles along with him.
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