|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCz3SWtl6s2
To: [email protected]113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqmPhbf6wn
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtUrmZhefY
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6n2zxevKVc
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPexnvJcfG7
From: [email protected]113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJ6pCcnggK
To: [email protected]113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAqFxStNSNS
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLsnrPYlpI
You’ve got the wrong Eli.113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWJqCjNOkn
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxBMz6Wc6l
aka Eli Martin
113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPZsMV4iLA
From: [email protected]113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRnGXWXSOw
To: [email protected]113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSMxAQUbME
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡml4MYnwbGn
definitely wrong eli.113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmhtVw6kUxf
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmyOnwNX2Zs
sincerely,113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3eCxtmmVS
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWTs2fe0iB
From: [email protected]113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡub6hAvMTbf
To: [email protected]113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZScP95eiNn
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8gk22N7lq
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv543TFpAzY
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcogIEMPl5z
From: [email protected]113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MvdGfRimN
To: [email protected]113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvRe50Do7D
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dVVebowhZ
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6yMYLG2Qs
From: [email protected]113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23xFnCbbxO
To: [email protected]113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qNCBveoBV
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIxVFtjAe3
is this our meet-cute?113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SQKSC540b
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8UVn7k6tk
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDb9zS607de
but i might be a decent one
113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUT4HliHvj6
From: [email protected]113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3QjooOH71
To: [email protected]113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3O7osZGeb0
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMi8hjYRkd
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fP1LKBRrv
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2LtXuK3mR
professional emailer of strangers
113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ490kc851zm
From: [email protected]113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDg1JxBJaS2
To: [email protected]113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzS2dS1XuPL
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbu334b92lE
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRkdob1uwT
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXg6CxMsjp
To: [email protected]113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXhvZzXK8O
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPS864orvdQ
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.113Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpq6adLLmOL
