|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdPrxru364
To: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZYMNz6PWI
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDgk5rnG2yp
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcByqewuTL
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHSEkxVNcC
From: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtEmpDc2FC
To: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KElVmeJqJ
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSpfOlYXBN
You’ve got the wrong Eli.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fAgfjg9DO
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQBZfFwkr0
aka Eli Martin
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnfWsvDxaX
From: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2MaZGhccp
To: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYscwlUKkR
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26mDxDyXHH
definitely wrong eli.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrf0hg3j9N
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH42iV0o60v
sincerely,11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ141HiiF99T
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OpV6ZSCQD
From: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq35ujUcVsG
To: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMAzEGsfNi
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuTVpT07kq
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNetcgdxDlR
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02tnxHVLlU
From: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFp9ZldnoH
To: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xQPZK69v6
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4OlqRZsow
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxfi49IOXg
From: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSPRCH7TqV
To: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEEEdrdKAA
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHYZeM9GvA
is this our meet-cute?11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGZZGNcvGY
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg91H5IhmEQ
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzCCpBXfF5
but i might be a decent one
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvk48Y7yJn
From: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06lLu91g36
To: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LAFlPmcdw
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm94Sn6WqW7
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQxX48GyFr
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduNms9F0OD
professional emailer of strangers
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVm0mfeKW7j
From: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAeEG9nIcJ
To: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHCZCHKwDA
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6axcDNPy4e
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UDuWiRLrO
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWK4qfZTGH
To: [email protected]11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATEKgYycA3
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14P9oOPLAK
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFL0hJEX0a
