From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETkv03xH2v
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMOtWqlp2y
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0b3P5j22iU
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH98zRvKdhL
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbz7PzidliZ
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuxsEDD8Tb
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjkDEynpK1
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGIkUxVT3X
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkC3DPCf5AB
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiKd5deC9S
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrVUfk6zg4
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRY6NaJdP5
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqmBBZwgkPq
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDx8IvqznRI
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1UnMAOUic
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkI4VJ0FuVA
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjoIKMWaewp
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamRZUkCBiX
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5mzED7q1n2
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkGCT8hEER
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShF80hi0Ct
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4UZeLXQHy
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7YesOacFo
and never speak of feelings again.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrro75iDin6
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6AQfw0NvK
what would you write in a breakup text?14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFX8hLophr
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZbpVzYJmZ
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXNk8PVBz9
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLfR6UConQ
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZsZQsiEmc
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa2ay3N7MwV
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6reWsyO4O
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYjqGvBf8r
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXckfsGV78
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWqb3bHOh5
that was weirdly lovely.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsiobaNLVn
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0y9Cmqqei
was there a form i missed?14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsfWIK3fW0
should i be sending muffins?
— maya14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRLrCfPCNq
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCATcMLRkD
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLfsOCN2ns
Subject: it’s official
congrats.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtVR6osZcy
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwI5hzEmn3j
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3s3CfD4N1
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkbuKeV0af
friend of font victims
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdH7fNJ443X
