"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU33N9MyCQZ
To: [email protected]21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ763uxXvjkk
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYdCY22ZDD
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18JWeCxb2t
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpiACULtfd
it’s a mood.
– maya21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEo99cGCoW
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwchRnRNDy
To: [email protected]21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1Ev3HGTDa
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiy2qDjHJaH
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1kEsPgPIC
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw73eiTnqbY
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9CgSKx4k6
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIUnZ52lJS
To: [email protected]21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnv7yT9prX
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomPIn0iZdC
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Cbev6z2DC
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Ul1jQFxZx
To: [email protected]21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvSMsn6pVi
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIAG782Fhc
i have goosebumps.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ksIzjy7Bz
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TtxC6PYt0
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGGSzrXLZm
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzG1vLAh1c
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76KrENFwrX
To: [email protected]21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjiFYXLIoe
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Fx7t6RlR3
you passed the vibe check.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQyLQL5JErE
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCuuIaGxj9i
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41BahvR3x9
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8cPxWr6o1
To: [email protected]21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Tja86iMDZ
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qFWXdoq9Q
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7wXlLwzD0
i did cry.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3b6AKJFT0A
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkOsxD5N9m
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJLMoqxfaC
To: [email protected]21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAAO28RkoH
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCwwrfx9aX
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BkEYUtEjK
To: [email protected]21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7oJSRj0nUx
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPeBTsAGzn
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dQRRRd5h0
together we’re like...21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxNclAkCgY
the emotional avengers.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29WGBhNmUC
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAAayXD0Cx
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvHTC4VFLv
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOjbYcDf5G
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNPZLEW7Ad
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Ty5ldgIXc
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7fLCGL0ZV
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs773h5HZ43
screamed into a spoon. felt better.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFaXCmsL1a
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wuYJotNSy
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzuh2phOD2
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2PhaW7L3P
the rain cried for me.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKxO9k9TgD
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFEahE508x
i do not condone murder. but i understand.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EdJllSP7H
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpMZ4dZqUyd
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSNrEb5nKs
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhg4uk2spgp
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKKwZjz9zu
officially unwell in a poetic way
