"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yHBnwAyyq
To: [email protected]95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdEEtgE0I5
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDb8arFdm9z
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJon8U5jjv
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnuN3M2qDAV
it’s a mood.
– maya95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnkbpJKcR7
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBirGyY8otc
To: [email protected]95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fRPpASmif
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqUwtfqYHW
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXG4AfTLds
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvQvRbk5ga
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihv1s44o9I
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwsuDLmoBU
To: [email protected]95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEUTNRDnjH
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8dgDWVXWan
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfWnDi6qrW
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRRfRrxyTC
To: [email protected]95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MAhKXcPGZ
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSdz5m2MrB
i have goosebumps.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZilgzVxWT
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqYbJVZT9b
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Qk5kNtXGJ
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAh9VzgilN
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLFgJBuoTL
To: [email protected]95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYwHvQm8eh
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lkC99xr0V
you passed the vibe check.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRhMGDvoee
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIcf2nDz94
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCZyOE5pja
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGac2h9HoSW
To: [email protected]95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRpx9QNruT
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1WtrUCqRq
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHufosUI5D
i did cry.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXUjwdUSwk
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡseg4mJRkf9
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ32acqDL2Mw
To: [email protected]95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRTyOZG3aU
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBq9Ng2mnVy
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ErSfeBNfi
To: [email protected]95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZD4L7TjIWx
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqFUr6tEhw
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxgMteLO3F
together we’re like...95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GrwYNqcsc
the emotional avengers.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8QRjWSZB9
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBZhsuqiRM
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkx1zKWAcN
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfk4i2eJc5
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fjZ3qaVRQ
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQYAXAj6Tu
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mTp5EmXSD
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZx625kXBLv
screamed into a spoon. felt better.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44wXHCYl4i
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOncgxuL3x
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgha4cAlF5
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSPsQKGGGQ
the rain cried for me.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YQcEaYjaE
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lxLGwKCmW
i do not condone murder. but i understand.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkxUYW115L
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtmtXLM7z4
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0GpUT4tZl
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYVCUPcXLX
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli95Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KGzlWD6UT
officially unwell in a poetic way
