->>>論如何一句話將美人拴上鍊?讓牽線紅娘小喵妖告訴尼~AWA
【凌家動物園 III 小強星人也求愛】爆炸頭不要來
By 喵芭渴死姬
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8-1. 四人行之拴住美人剛剛好
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「豬頭登,你換過裝備了沒啊?」喵喵仙貝好奇地盯著肉盾腰間的粉色蒼蠅拍,「你的等級可以換一把武器了吧。」841Please respect copyright.PENANAHDlhqdNqNs
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「有啊,哥還特地去交易所挖寶,但不是太貴就是設計感不佳。」肉盾無奈地搖頭嘆氣,還撥了把Q捲瀏海,「都襯托不出哥的帥!」841Please respect copyright.PENANAtJR0dMPESU
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「呵呵,你有那顆大頭就夠帥了啦。」喵喵仙貝乾笑吐槽完,就從哥哥的包裡抽出一個紅豆泥核桃酥餅,咬了一口語音不清地說:「泥巴……呣、呣……髒背砍給窩該……(你把裝備開給我看)」841Please respect copyright.PENANAIYgBTroeQc
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肉盾愣了一秒,才意會地點開裝備面板,選擇分享資訊給隊友,「小貝兒啊,吞下食物再說話,小心噎到。」841Please respect copyright.PENANA7SlE26L2bU
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「唔……」841Please respect copyright.PENANAPMK8QznC8f
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「乖。」事關健康安全,泰迪熊這次沒顧著護短,僅輕揉寶貝弟弟的頭安撫。喵喵仙貝便只好哼哼唧唧地又咬一大口,把臉塞得鼓鼓地瞪向肉盾的裝備,伸指在各物件上點來點去。841Please respect copyright.PENANAsc5y0Wsmez
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此時是約好集合的時間,艾登與泰特斯吃完早餐就紛紛上線與貝兒會合。三人在等塞倫的期間,喵喵仙貝就突發奇想地幫肉盾檢查武裝。841Please respect copyright.PENANArMcV06Pq1M
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「咦欸?」他快速嚼嚼嚼吞下食物,驚疑地指著愛的小手,「你的武器會隨熟練度自動升級耶,連精裝進化材料都省了,超方便的!」841Please respect copyright.PENANALpqB7ofoDB
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「喔?這麼好!」肉盾欣喜地查看武器資訊,隨即露出困惑的表情,「你怎麼知道的?上面什麼都沒寫啊。」841Please respect copyright.PENANAidifFqje8g
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「嘿嘿,我的鑑定師有中級,當然看得到呀!」喵喵仙貝往肉盾的武器欄一拍,一道細微的光芒隨即鑽入愛的小手裡,「你再看看吧。」841Please respect copyright.PENANA1VCwCC2xCq
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「原來還有鑑定師啊?」肉盾一頭霧水地再看向武器面板,果真出現新的內容,而武器名字也有了變化——841Please respect copyright.PENANAU106kEdpRJ
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【武器】《伸縮自如的愛的小手》(已鑑定)841Please respect copyright.PENANAe9ZoD5ONXX
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等級:奇葩(綠色)841Please respect copyright.PENANASqETe4PgLQ
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熟練度:0.2%841Please respect copyright.PENANATHzaKNsNoi
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進化方式:隨熟練度升等進化。841Please respect copyright.PENANAvTLMd8utUv
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特殊功能:可隨意念伸長,最長1公尺。841Please respect copyright.PENANAqxyva4FC9w
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說明:用您伸縮自如的愛,讓對手沈浸其中無法自拔唷~♥841Please respect copyright.PENANATFC5HlHvoP
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「好像進化後變得更奇怪了啊。」肉盾晃了晃頂端發出微光的蒼蠅拍,不知該喜該憂。但除了那些奇怪的功能說明外,武器的傷害數值也大幅提升,一點都不輸給交易所那些貴得要命的精化武器。841Please respect copyright.PENANAKRZ8LkZOUN
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「噗嘿,反正挺適合矮人呀。」喵喵仙貝說完,就注意到飾品欄的子彈,「咦?這項鍊是新的嗎?昨天沒看到你戴呀。」841Please respect copyright.PENANAF0MRUmVX9V
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「對啊對啊!哥昨天跟小倫美人遇到龍捲風,然後……」也不管他們是否欲知詳情,肉盾就劈哩啪啦地說了起來,其鉅細靡遺之程度,讓泰迪熊怒爆青筋直想一杖打飛這聒噪傢伙。841Please respect copyright.PENANAmcXpsFxSoC
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正當黑面祭司抽出法杖準備揍人時,總算上線的塞倫趕來會合了,「抱歉,剛剛才吃完飯。」841Please respect copyright.PENANAarUitwjcHf
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一見朝思暮想的精靈美人現身,肉盾立即停止話題,揚起非常燦爛的陽光笑容,「沒關係的,小倫想吃多久就吃多久,哥會永遠等著你~」841Please respect copyright.PENANAU1UBV9RF0h
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「呃……」塞倫黑線地微扯了嘴角,又見喵喵仙貝的目光似在自己的胸前流連,便問:「怎麼了?」841Please respect copyright.PENANAc2adJjDFWX
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喵喵仙貝立刻用怪腔怪調的中文問:「唔,倫哥昨天是不是也有拿到捨摸(什麼)子彈呀?」841Please respect copyright.PENANAc9diFpXG16
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「是啊,怎麼了嗎?」塞倫從包裡取出子彈。841Please respect copyright.PENANAJup18XCdM4
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「快戴上!快戴上!窩(我)想鑑定看看是捨摸。」喵喵仙貝摩拳擦掌地跳啊跳,一雙咕溜溜的大眼散發期待光芒,實在讓人難以拒絕。塞倫遲疑了會,心想反正那子彈一拿到就被綁定了,不戴也不能幹麻,便將子彈套上項鍊位置。於是,悲劇就這麼發生了——841Please respect copyright.PENANAjM819xtCqp
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兩道金光從肉盾和塞倫的子彈項鍊射出,雙雙於空中交錯畫出一個同心結,再相互飛進彼此的胸口後,粉色愛心雨也隨之落下了。841Please respect copyright.PENANANqzrsVEItM
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「Oops!」瞬間領悟的喵喵仙貝,大汗地用母語輕呼一聲,便低頭狂翻哥哥的置物包,假裝自己超級忙的。沒看過這情況的肉盾和塞倫則傻眼了,唯有泰迪熊依舊淡定地取出一瓶果汁餵小吃貨。841Please respect copyright.PENANAa3UfOOiGcl
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「叮!玩家肉盾阿弗羅與玩家塞倫,配戴於共患難時獲得的NPC祝福對鍊,獲得稱號《眾所期盼的曖昧》,曖昧等級在加倍祝福效果下由3級升至5級,歡迎玩家再接再厲把生米煮成熟飯唷~♥」841Please respect copyright.PENANAfrh4UeNmhz
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「叮!玩家喵喵仙貝推動奸情有功,獲得八卦指數+100、經驗值4000,歡迎再接再厲撮合更多奸情直奔媒婆寶座喔!」 841Please respect copyright.PENANAFPMemUNJbU
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誰會用子彈來當祝福對……不對!這為何又跟奸情扯上關係了?塞倫真是滿腹鬱悶說不出。841Please respect copyright.PENANAQpcXLOgKOI
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「喔喔喔!原來哥和小倫的姻緣是備受期待的嗎?」肉盾立馬握住塞倫的手,慷慨激昂地發誓:「哥絕不辜負小倫的愛!」841Please respect copyright.PENANAslcddAH1bk
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辜負也沒關係。塞倫無語吐槽地抽回手。841Please respect copyright.PENANAK1qbFDCjBh
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「咪唔……」感受到現場的詭譎氣氛,喵喵仙貝心虛地喝完果汁,連忙啟動多重鑑定面板將兩顆子彈鑑定了,「哇啊!是藍色的耶!」841Please respect copyright.PENANANNXYNmTKlH
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兩人一聽,立即往自己的裝備面板看去——841Please respect copyright.PENANAMmEjurZU6M
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【飾品】《兔吉拉中槍也彈開的子彈對鍊》(已鑑定)841Please respect copyright.PENANA4Yqp9WsfnG
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等級:上等奇葩(藍色)841Please respect copyright.PENANA3Or8vJAkYq
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進化方式:請向NPC《克里斯》申請彈藥升級任務。841Please respect copyright.PENANAPRmpKfPvuk
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功用:配戴的兩人組隊時,防禦+10%、飽食度下降率-50%、體力恢復率+50%,並有效抑止與小三的奸情。841Please respect copyright.PENANAoi2IywwAMi
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說明:兩人齊心協力幫助克叔解決戀愛煩惱而獲得的祝福對鍊,請愛用克叔肌肉加持過的子彈,一同讓對手不躺也中槍唷~♥841Please respect copyright.PENANAmhLb6bDmZH
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這遊戲的取名就不能正常點嗎?肌肉加持又是什麼?看到說明的瞬間,一個不太和諧的畫面不禁浮上腦海,肉盾和塞倫頓時被囧得不願再腦補下去,偏偏某小貓妖卻莫名被勾起了興趣。841Please respect copyright.PENANANTJjWLjYQG
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「哇塞!肌肉加持耶!這個克叔的肌肉很大嗎?他該不會也是肌肉星人吧?」喵喵仙貝巴眨著閃亮亮的大眼,興奮異常地拼命發問,本就不正的中文發音也更歪了,「窩以前認屍(識)的肌肉星人都敲(超)可怕敲凶猛的縮(說)!」841Please respect copyright.PENANAhjk35B9nLR
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呃,這孩子在說什麼?塞倫忽然覺得自己的智商不夠用了。841Please respect copyright.PENANAbTArKfDRAw
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「是挺壯的,不輸給哥的壯喔!」從噁心狀態中迅速恢復的肉盾,帥氣地撥了把Q捲毛瀏海,陪喵喵仙貝一同跳進幻想世界,「那位肌肉克叔的確看起來很兇啊,哥懷疑他的原型就是那什麼戶愚呂弟來的。」841Please respect copyright.PENANAoGhm5yjpMY
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「真的嗎?那是肌肉星王耶!」841Please respect copyright.PENANAYAnfeuQXw3
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肌肉星……為什麼可以扯到動漫角色和外星人?見這兩隻身高差不多的人如此熱烈討論肌肉,塞倫傻眼地望向一旁的泰迪熊,卻見對方只是含笑凝視喵喵仙貝,渾身散發著「貝兒真可愛」的強大弟控氣場,令他不禁陷入深深的懷疑,該不是這裡只有自己才是正常人吧?841Please respect copyright.PENANAfkQ02iB8WB
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好不容易等到肌肉話題稍緩,塞倫才總算有機會出聲:「關於任務,我查了下地圖,在埃斯萊森林東南側的瀑布不少,我們要怎麼找?」841Please respect copyright.PENANAUnMHvrl4mV
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「啊對,那個捨摸森林裡的可怕人物,唔欸……」喵喵仙貝打開地圖偏頭看了眼,就很有自知之明地望向泰迪熊,擺明要最聰明能幹的哥哥來當導航系統。而寶貝弟弟的依賴目光也果真受用,泰迪熊滿眼笑意地盯了地圖半晌,就一言不發地摟過他往城外走去。841Please respect copyright.PENANAcONSFLjNwN
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「怎麼?」塞倫不解看向肉盾。841Please respect copyright.PENANATKXyCNvhLr
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「啊,泰就是這樣,有想法也不愛吭聲,放心吧,小倫美人,我們跟上就是。」美人的求解目光顯然也很受用,肉盾開心地又握住他的手,「有哥在,不怕!」841Please respect copyright.PENANAp49yhN94YP
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有你在才怕啊。塞倫對這充滿希望的堅定目光徹底沒輒,只得無語輕嘆地二度抽回手。唉,這孽緣該怎麼甩啊?841Please respect copyright.PENANAs52Ku8QjxL
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ε٩(๑> ₃ <)۶з Σ>—(〃°ω°〃)♥ → (╭ ̄3 ̄)╭♥ σ ゚∀ ゚) ゚∀゚)σ ლ(╹ε╹ლ)841Please respect copyright.PENANAV94Bac1yCz
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四人出了月聆城即往東南行。為防怪暴走而影響行程,肉盾認命地戴上包頭花巾,又想趁機與精靈美人培養感情,便一路上不斷尋找兩人的共通話題——841Please respect copyright.PENANA5dtjGgOs2B
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「小倫今天穿得好有氣質啊!」841Please respect copyright.PENANASxfjELOq2E
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「我每天都穿一樣的裝備。」841Please respect copyright.PENANAMreM4QFTLq
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「真的嗎?小倫是去哪買的裝備?真是好有品味啊!」841Please respect copyright.PENANAVnnQeRhVlj
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「都是任務送的。」841Please respect copyright.PENANAKyismbX8Yc
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「啊!這麼多人送你禮物嗎?小倫的人緣真好啊!」841Please respect copyright.PENANAhdq7V3xdHw
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「就說是做任務送的。」841Please respect copyright.PENANAcGr4kJ60P0
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「小倫一定超能幹的,才有那麼多NPC找你做任務送好裝!」841Please respect copyright.PENANAF8dVH8JhqS
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「普通的日常任務而已。」841Please respect copyright.PENANAItteUCJzmW
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「即使是普通的日常工作,也認真認份勤懇踏實,才能體現小倫的出類拔萃呀!」841Please respect copyright.PENANAQaspCbrWG3
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「其實……這些裝備很多人都有。」841Please respect copyright.PENANAbw8AEjPiwL
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「喔!能在芸芸眾生中,將大眾服飾穿出如此驚艷的風采,小倫果真是得天獨厚的美人啊!哥能遇到你真是三生有幸,倘若……」841Please respect copyright.PENANAH4I1iXcLVw
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天!這傢伙到底怎麼回事?簡直比小強還打不死啊啊啊!聽肉盾還在喋喋不休,塞倫已快掩面崩潰了,一頭豔紅長髮也焦躁得炸了起來又煩惱得無力垂落,內心更有萬匹神獸奔騰。他真不懂自己是怎麼癱上這煩人傢伙的,究竟是他表現得不夠明顯,還是對方真聽不懂拒絕的話?841Please respect copyright.PENANAITmXDcOP8C
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「話說回來,小倫昨晚熬夜有沒有好好補回來啊?今天可要早點睡啊,人家說最好的睡眠時間是……」841Please respect copyright.PENANAV32NOIbvJK
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不,為何話題會轉到他的睡眠?塞倫一向自認冷靜,頭腦也不錯,以前不論在校或出社會都是當中的佼佼者,卻不知為何,一面對肉盾,他就莫名被拉低智商不說,連脾氣耐心都被快速磨光。最讓他氣餒的是,不管他怎麼暗示疏離,這爆炸頭總會轉成另一個意思,根本比小孩還難溝通!難道這人平常就這樣嗎?身邊的朋友都不會嫌煩嗎?841Please respect copyright.PENANA4HKbccOhWb
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而事實上,陷入煩躁狀態的人,不止塞倫一個。841Please respect copyright.PENANATodTRu6td0
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『隊伍系統訊息:玩家肉盾阿弗羅已被隊長泰迪熊餅乾踢出隊伍。』841Please respect copyright.PENANAqYZi27Ry2N
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「咦?泰你幹嘛……」一見系統提示,肉盾大驚地看向前方的人,誰知話未問完,他就被一道唸咒聲打斷。841Please respect copyright.PENANAO3GGX5PlZE
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「靜音咒。」想聽弟弟萌音卻老被後頭噪音干擾,泰迪熊滿額青筋地怒揮法杖,射出一道黑色光束,於肉盾的唇瓣處化成一個大叉叉後,他才再把人加回隊伍並指向前方的主動怪,冷聲道:「去打。」841Please respect copyright.PENANA5b9Ed0Gnhy
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嗚嗚嗚!泰怎麼這樣啦?肉盾望了眼頻道提示——『您已被下了《靜音咒》,將無法出聲30秒。』就只好垮著臉抽出愛的小手,噴淚瘋癲迎向怪的懷抱。841Please respect copyright.PENANARrxCgdiadB
841Please respect copyright.PENANA0vpmBn9d7r
「嘿嘿,豬豬頭太吵惹啦!」喵喵仙貝幸災樂禍地吐了下舌頭,就蹦跳到塞倫旁邊仰頭甜笑說:「倫哥,窩可以看看你有哪些靈寵嗎?」841Please respect copyright.PENANAnWaGOtCIVn
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「嗯。」萌萌小貓妖總是比聒噪爆炸頭討喜,塞倫稍鬆了口氣,打開靈寵管理面板給他看。841Please respect copyright.PENANAHC0tTVAdcd
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「哇啊!」喵喵仙貝大致瀏覽過後,驚喜地指著一個小圖示,「這個好可愛喔!叫……管狐?捨摸意思?是很愛管東管西的小狐狸嗎?」841Please respect copyright.PENANARIdfv65CsB
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管、管東管西?愣了下的塞倫,在望見喵喵仙貝頗呆萌的求解表情後,便失笑地放出管狐現場解說,「不是,是因為牠們住在一個小竹筒內。」841Please respect copyright.PENANAARGbJiDQDo
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「喔~冤乃(原來)如此!」喵喵仙貝恍然大悟地睜大雙眼,見鑽出竹筒的管狐拖著瘦長身體飛來飛去,像極活潑的狐狸小幽靈,便忍不住好奇地伸手去摸,竟是如想像中的毛茸茸觸感,令他不禁驚奇大喊:「哥,快看!管狐耶!敲可愛的啦!」841Please respect copyright.PENANA5LjaGwxJzK
841Please respect copyright.PENANAfasGwMWmfa
喵喵仙貝的嗓音本就偏嫩,發音又不標準,加上系統依據角色設定將聲音外貌幼化,讓他說起話來更像十歲左右的孩童,再搭上這般生動活潑的表情動作,簡直將萌喵屬性發揮到突破極限的境界,不止系統叮地狂漲他的萌物指數,塞倫也跟著莞爾一笑,更別說弟控大神泰迪熊了。841Please respect copyright.PENANAmhFnGYaqxZ
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然而,站在肉盾的角度看來,他好不容易打完一輪怪,回頭竟見不止喵喵仙貝跟塞倫聊天說笑很是融洽,就連泰迪熊都「溫柔笑望」塞倫,儘管只是角度偏差使然,卻依然讓那顆爆炸頭產生了某種奇怪的誤解。841Please respect copyright.PENANA3LiJiUpNf0
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他驚得連忙開口想爭取歸屬權,卻發現聲音已過三十秒還出不來,便疑惑地往頻道的最新紀錄一看——841Please respect copyright.PENANAtmjZh6EUHP
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『隊伍系統訊息:您已被玩家泰迪熊餅乾踢出隊伍。』841Please respect copyright.PENANAPuX9DkFSzW
841Please respect copyright.PENANAiKkWfBMmpm
『系統訊息:您已被下了《靜音咒》,將無法出聲30秒。』841Please respect copyright.PENANAUQWRrNiswF
841Please respect copyright.PENANADKSybc5nmC
『隊伍系統訊息:玩家泰迪熊邀您加入隊伍,請問是否接受?』841Please respect copyright.PENANAORGkwOKb2m
841Please respect copyright.PENANAcHl0BKoO76
嗚嗚嗚!泰居然還補《靜音咒》,真是太過份了!因此,重新入隊的肉盾決定怒發密語——841Please respect copyright.PENANAlNoo2Bhz7p
841Please respect copyright.PENANAaeaQnNvtPH
『【私密】您對泰迪熊餅乾悄悄說:泰~別搶我老婆嘛!我幫你另外介紹美眉好不?』841Please respect copyright.PENANAf6vMQoc6Li
841Please respect copyright.PENANAHpofClaM1I
『【私密】您對喵喵仙貝悄悄說:小貝兒!小倫美人是哥的老婆,你別亂搶啊!』841Please respect copyright.PENANAvjnycFWncv
841Please respect copyright.PENANAz59gwzSFGV
『【私密】您對塞倫悄悄說:小倫~哥都被他們欺負好可憐說~QQ』841Please respect copyright.PENANAQcnOpC3f6s
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於是,現場瞬間陷入一片死寂。841Please respect copyright.PENANALWdjz4u6ng
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何謂無聲勝有聲?現在就是!841Please respect copyright.PENANAwEI5aVeBxs
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又何謂在沉默中爆發?半秒後就是!841Please respect copyright.PENANAVmvC2x5sBc
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「哥……」喵喵仙貝黑垮著臉舉起棒棒糖魔法棒,壓低嗓子怒道:「踢・人!」841Please respect copyright.PENANAyfZ0z7cXir
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『隊伍系統紀錄:玩家肉盾阿弗羅已被隊長泰迪熊餅乾踢出隊伍。』841Please respect copyright.PENANARHS3nfMmwY
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「肌肉兄貴雷神大怒劈——」841Please respect copyright.PENANAbTJJr9Rv4f
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「哐啷轟!」841Please respect copyright.PENANAGi3baAkGs6
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「呃啊啊啊啊——」841Please respect copyright.PENANAVLLQA9XpEc
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五雷轟頂便是如此吧?望著這場驚天動地的炭烤人肉秀,塞倫不禁冒出一滴冷汗,在心中下了一個結論——這三人的友情實在太特別了。841Please respect copyright.PENANA2ZvliWiiQb
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飽受了一頓修理,肉盾再次領悟了一個真理——原來不止祭司不能惹,法師也不能惹!頂著焦味爆炸頭的他,在被加回隊伍接受治癒後,就乖乖閉嘴做好坦克工作,卻也忍不住滿腹委屈,便不時朝塞倫丟去幽怨的淚眼。841Please respect copyright.PENANAIinCHphEjG
841Please respect copyright.PENANA2pVTsuB6iu
嗚嗚嗚~哥也好想跟小倫講話嘛!肉盾相信這一次次的深情注視定能傳達他的心意。而皇天也不負苦心人,那身搞笑造型配上小媳婦神情的衰相,終是逗得美人「噗哧」一笑了。841Please respect copyright.PENANAUHzcTCYQHs
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那笨蛋也太誇張了!塞倫竊笑地撇過頭,對爆炸頭的印象又往囧蠢屬性推上一個高峰,卻也有預感,這趟旅程應當是不無聊了。841Please respect copyright.PENANAGdwyAuAAvT
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嗚喔喔喔喔!小倫美人對哥笑了!小倫美人對哥笑了!小倫美人對哥笑了!肉盾滿腦子充斥著興奮的呼喊,人也頓如重獲新生般熱血激昂了起來。841Please respect copyright.PENANAp0RApT0Crp
841Please respect copyright.PENANAEiWU0LGGee
為了小倫美人的幸福!哥會拼命向前衝,清光這道路上的所有障礙喔喔喔!841Please respect copyright.PENANAnHagi0CEdM
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ε٩(๑> ₃ <)۶з Σ>—(〃°ω°〃)♥ → (╭ ̄3 ̄)╭♥ σ ゚∀ ゚) ゚∀゚)σ ლ(╹ε╹ლ)
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後記:
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就這樣給人戴上情侶對鍊,貝貝不愧是姻緣童子轉世啊~WWW841Please respect copyright.PENANA5XZ0S5xwUy
這篇的小倫美人各種內心OS唷~XD841Please respect copyright.PENANAuPqVMAV3jC
不過艾登一直給自己拉低印象分數是怎樣啦?841Please respect copyright.PENANAl2sDH6In0t
會被虐真的不是沒有原因啊~AWA(# 841Please respect copyright.PENANArZgfAq2fN5
841Please respect copyright.PENANAvS9YW2N2Cb
下一篇是瘋婆狼(?)副本,6400個字一次貼的話,會不會太多呀?(艸841Please respect copyright.PENANAd1g2LRQxmG
841Please respect copyright.PENANA8eoavoGZCq
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P.S. 貝貝認屍(#)的肌肉星人絕對有妲米勾和渴胃AWA(#841Please respect copyright.PENANArkrSkmdlfP
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841Please respect copyright.PENANAGE051FQaZQ
★【凌家動物園系列】
1.花心豹吃兔計畫 — 付墨X凌小兔 (作品名:小兔不吃回頭草)841Please respect copyright.PENANA73SA4hHZQr
2.大貓小貓相親記 — 泰特斯X拉貝爾 (作品名:恃寵而傲嬌)841Please respect copyright.PENANAy32JZ3lvXW
3.小強星人也求愛 — 艾登X席倫 (作品名:爆炸頭不要來)841Please respect copyright.PENANA0rJ8ALv2yr
841Please respect copyright.PENANAn5mLb0QZ0o
歡迎追蹤噗浪和FB粉絲頁>////<841Please respect copyright.PENANAF1a3Opm7aK
841Please respect copyright.PENANAvuc1G5V4Hk
噗浪:http://www.plurk.com/sakuhyde841Please respect copyright.PENANAWqptnjr1zo
FB粉絲頁:https://www.facebook.com/meowbarksky841Please respect copyright.PENANAgHmiTtOecl
by 喵芭渴死姬 / 11.06.2015
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