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Co-Writer Fothrul*
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  • G: General Audiences
  • PG: Parental Guidance Suggested
  • PG-13: Parents Strongly Cautioned
  • R: Restricted
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#1
Chapter 1 : The Stranger
Fothrul
Oct 27, 2015
1
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74
9 Mins Read
Comments ( 2 )

Stefani Michelle - I really enjoyed this! :) I love super descriptive stories! The zombies were described perfectly, and even though you were very descriptive I enjoyed the fact you left the reason behind the zombies up to the readers imagination. You had no explanation. 
Be wary of how you start off your sentences. You are a bit redundant, most of your sentences start off with "I". Which sort of funks up the flow as a reader can easily get distracted with the "I"s. Play around with the structures and words, :) It will help the flow of the story better. I love the fast pace you set, there is a sense of urgency. Great first chapter. You caught my attention and I want to read more! :D 
3 years agoreply

Frances - Your descriptions of each zombie are so vivid and individualized! I really enjoy that aspect, it's not something seen often in the genre!

There are a few points that some sentences or words could be eliminated to keep up the rapid pace you are setting. It was such a strong and arresting first chapter though and the end was very intriguing!
3 years agoreply

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