A/N: This is part one of a two part piece of poetry. They're separate poems, but carry the same influence. I originally posted this on my journal entry piece here, but I've changed it into a letter and/or journal entry in verse. It's up to the reader to decide who "_______" is, but I had an idea in my mind when I wrote it. I'd love to hear other opinions though. As always, thanks for the patience, I've been incredibly busy with work and my lab assistant to my Advanced Creative Writing teacher. I've been majorly stressed out with a lot of work for class and trying to set up a connection between my work and LA stuff for a book signing. I'll also be doing a podcast with the author I'm building a connection with, so that should be interesting. As always, enjoy the piece, and please give feedback, it helps so much!546Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLny8gt1Yl3
I expressed all of my hopes and dreams to you.
As my confidant,
I trusted that you would handle them
I was always starving
For your validation and encouragement.
You knew how I hated it
When someone told me
I wasn't good enough.
Your words kept me breathing and creating.
You left me torn into pieces,
Just like that poem I wrote for you.
The one you said wasn't good enough?
I write for myself,
But because you were so selfish,
I tried to dedicate every page I wrote
To what you wanted.
When you were satisfied
I felt whole.
Paired with telling me what to write and how
Made me swallow every bit of resentment,
Any bit of pain I felt for my suppressed imagination,
And I did it.
I did it for you.
In the end,
Even when I followed every direction I was pointed in,
It was never enough.
You wanted more meaning,
More, more, more,
Always needing more.
I don't know how to measure up to those expectations
Because I don't have the strength
To keep my chin up when I struggle.
I don't know how to keep writing
For your sake
When you're never satisfied.
No matter how hard I try,
Will this ever be enough?
Will I ever be enough?
I can't find anything to reach for now that you left
And at some point
I lost my drive to keep going
Toward what I want instead of you.
You knew having an impact on someone's life was my dream,
And that writing was my way of doing that,
But even when you knew about that fragile dream,
You told me it would never happen,
So I believed you
And let myself fall into the clutches of
Grief and hatred
For my future.
I kept coming back to you
For my daily fix,
That feeling of being complete.
But you left me,
And I'm writing this,
Trying to find something in me
Other than this emptiness.
I've become numb to the world
Because maybe if I'm numb enough
Nothing will break through and hurt me
Like your absence does.
You lulled me into a feeling of comfort and trust,
Then screamed words of defeat into my ears.
And those words worked into my brain
And under my skin.
They slid under my skin
And lodged themselves under the surface like acid,
Burning me deeper and deeper.
Your venom slowly killed all of my happiness and passion.
That spark burned out
And the one thing I could rely on,
My ability to express myself with a pen and paper,
Was murdered by your verbal abuse.
You destroyed my sanctuary,
lit it up like a bonfire
And watched as my life's work turned to ash.
With every strike of your tongue,
My soul was broken a little more
Until there was nothing but dust left
And I no longer cared or had any drive.
A/N: That's the first half of a two part poem thing. Thank you so much for reading, lovelies! I've been a little slow updating things, so I'll hopefully post a little more before the school year gets too chaotic. I also have to apply to colleges (oh my goodness I'm going to be in college soon I'm not ready to adult) so that'll take up a good amount of time too.546Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowm1V03Y7Uns 188.8.131.52da2