Author's note: I messed up, and I admit it. This should have been placed before the previous chapter at the very least. Right after Weiss cornered Ruby more likely. So this is probably going to be a bit awkward to read because of that. When I'm done with the book I will likely be re-ordering the chapters. In happier news: Yay, newest chapter in I don't know how long! More to come soon.
"Start talking," Weiss said levelly, the tone making it clear she was going to hear everything that Ruby had kept hidden.
She'd said too much. Even in her addled state Ruby had purposely been sure to stay away from anything related to Winter. She thought she had at least, but obviously not. There was no doubt that only the full truth was going to be allowed and the reasons why she'd been hiding that truth hadn't gone away. The fear of saying too much again made find saying even a single word too much.
Her mouth had stopped, but her brain was still in a tailspin repeating those fears. But I can't talk. I can't hurt her. I remember how broken she was when her father disowned her so clearly it makes me ache in sympathy still. I feel just how alone she had been behind that mask she had kept in place from then since before I even met her.
This was the same monologue that had run through her head every waking minute since she'd found herself trapped. Unlike before they didn't remain there. A new fear occurred to her.
Am I fooling myself though? Maybe I'm the one afraid of being alone? Can I really be that selfish? I've already been a bitch. I know I haven't lived up to what she's needed, but how far have I fallen?
Unbidden the tears started. She knew what it looked like. Like she was trying to cry herself out of the discussion that Weiss wanted. That Weiss needed. She couldn't stop them however.
Weiss wasn't having any of that though. "I'm waiting," she said impatiently. Ruby really wished she wasn't crying right then. She didn't want to hide behind those tears. It made her feel so pathetic.
Feeling trapped by her own indecision on what to do and her wife's insistence on making that decision Ruby fought for her voice to say something. Shaking her head she tried to look at Weiss but all she could see was a blurred visage. Her mouth moved, though no sound was being produced, until finally a single word escaped. "Sorry."
"Sorry?" Weiss replied calmly, a warring mixture of anger and concern coloring her voice as if she wasn't sure which emotion she should be feeling. "Tell me what's going on already. What happened?"
Ruby shook her head again, opened and closed her mouth several times, then finally said the only thing she could say, the truth. "I'm sorry Weiss, I'm a liar and a cheat and a horrible wife and you shouldn't have anything to do with me, but at the same time I can't leave you alone. I'm scared of what would happen to you on your own and I don't want to see you left feeling abandoned and alone. You're everything to me, please believe that much of me at least! Oh gods..."
Reflexively she reached up and grabbed handfuls of her bed-head hair and pulled downwards until the top of her head hit the mattress. The pain she was inflicting on her scalp was nothing compared to the burning of her heart.
"I'm terrible..." All of her will left her, her voice sounding listless. "Terrible..."
She felt Weiss's fingers gently touch her back cautiously, almost fearfully. Dully Ruby realized that while she had intended to tell Weiss the full truth all she had really said is why she hadn't told her those truths. All that could do is scare her wife more.
"You can't lie to save your life dolt, and cheating is just as impossible. This is killing you, and watching you fight it alone is only hurting me, so spit it out already!" The anger and concern in Weiss's voice were still there, and still battling for control. "I need to know before watching you breaks my heart worse than anything you are capable of doing on purpose."
Weiss's touch left her back, instead replaced with her wife gripping her hands that were still yanking at her hair in despair.
"So tell me already. Tell me what you did that you think will hurt me so badly. We'll figure it out together, as we always have."
What the hell is wrong with me? Ruby asked herself violently, feeling Weiss's words resonate with the connection they shared. They were a team, and as a team they were obligated to help each other and to seek help from each other. She would never allow Weiss to fall, and Weiss would never allow her to fall either. She had to give her wife the chance though.
"I cheated on you with another woman," Ruby said in an emotional but stable voice, feeling relief to finally let the truth out. "I don't even remember doing it. Only once. I promise, only the one time, and I don't remember doing it. She-" She was stopped quickly with a finger on her lips by Weiss before the calm left and the whirlwind claimed Ruby's voice again.
Weiss's expression was unreadable even to Ruby, and that replaced her relief with terror instantly.
Had Ruby cheated on her? Preposterous! Ruby lying about cheating on her was even more unbelievable though. It took several minutes for Weiss to process the information. That entire time she stared at her wife completely unaware of the fear and pain that was growing on Ruby's face.
Ruby had cheated on her and then hid it from her. Lied by simply not saying anything. She wanted to hold onto the olive branch Ruby handed her when she told Weiss she didn't want to hurt her, but it was a branch laced with thorns. The woman she trusted above all else had lied.
The agony that Ruby has been in... she earned that pain! Had earned every cut at her heart as she hid the truth. Had the sex with this unknown woman meant anything to Ruby? No. Weiss knew that much and while it hurt it wasn't what hurt the most. It was the lack of trust in Weiss, in their relationship, that was what cut into Weiss.
She didn't even realize she was crying. Tears of anger, of pain, and of despair. Why couldn't Ruby have just trusted her?
"Weiss?" The single word went unheard. The gentle touch of her wife's hand as it wiped at one of her tears felt as if she'd been backhanded. "Weiss!" Ruby yelled in shock and fear.
She knew she wasn't being rational, and that only pissed her off more. "Quiet, you fucking dunce." The words left, full of the raw anger that had been building within her, before she had a chance to stop them. She paused, that frosty anger showing in her eyes. She wanted to apologize for that anger, but at the same time she couldn't because she wasn't sorry.
She needed time. "I can't do this right now. I have a long day helping Phoenix, and frankly I need time away from you to process this. We will be talking about this tonight though."
Ruby's face, still filled with tears, crumpled. No words were given in reply, only a slight nod.
Ignoring Ruby as best as she could Weiss got dressed quietly, and then left. She nearly dropped into a defensive crouch, her combat reflexes still fresh from the field, when she heard the crash in their bedroom.
It was a larger internal battle than anyone outside would ever know to stop herself from running back and finding out what had happened. She didn't trust herself yet to deal with it. Quietly she closed the door, readying herself to destroy Weaver Mining.
Ruby watched Weiss get ready for work without a sound. Her brain refused to function from the emotional overload brought on by the obvious pain she had caused Weiss. And the fight wasn't over, only delayed. Would the rest of what she'd kept hidden come out as well? The item that she had the most fear of destroying Weiss?
She heard the front door open and realized Weiss was about to leave for the day. That sound released her paralysis and she grabbed the first dictionary her lover had ever given her. It represented all the love Weiss had for her all those years ago. It was also the item that had brought the truth she'd been hiding out. Transferring her anger from herself to the book, she hurled it at the farthest wall with all of her strength. Her reward was seeing its spine break and split, the two halves of the book falling to the ground.
Her anger left instantly seeing what she hoped wasn't a prophetic omen. In its place was the despair such a future would leave her in. What was she going to do?937Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbccJ3c6Fa
Watching the vid screen, Winter couldn't stop the laughter. Love conquers all? Not when she was done!
"Opal, it's time."
Author's notes, continued: I've left this book on the side for too long. Part of it is because I finally watched seasons 3, 4, and 5. Season 3 just about killed me and I'll admit I haven't enjoyed them nearly as much as seasons 1 and 2. It also introduced a lot of content that makes my fanfic impossible and I wasn't sure how to deal with that. Winter in particular. She's a vindictive little sister in my book because at the time I started writing I didn't know what to expect and kinda got the impression that she and Weiss didn't get along. A friend sat me straight finally. This is an alternate reality. The two Winters have nothing in common because of that. *shrug* 937Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCo9kuHhIFb
937Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0f99wiBMl
So, I'm trying to get back into this book, but it's been long enough I've forgotten a lot of the details on where I was going with the story, and I'm out of practice writing so what I'm producing feels stiff. Give me a few chapters to get back into the swing of things. Thanks everyone.
