|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN69xgZ1H0o
To: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOwuwBL5ru
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN39ireZX2T
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVDB80uSS6
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfEb3L2Rs3
From: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcCfF7iE6a
To: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2htbhUCMTu
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLg2XBXekyw
You’ve got the wrong Eli.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTiXZJjYhLR
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSQW139LVy
aka Eli Martin
115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoreEsDdmds
From: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBoPNoSWFy
To: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxpMY4Vddq
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4YeGqMr22
definitely wrong eli.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDH38rZDev
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUzwSE3KsI
sincerely,115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIlB78nh9Q
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSOGG4Kbtw
From: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHBVsPpuGA
To: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiUTAE8gny
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvV7jFCFhO
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7A7FVppxL1
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡif53o4Oskt
From: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbH0WPOeER0
To: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXD8HRY1Hau
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA37eht7QwL
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyDkxPgx3i
From: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGzv21tdRs
To: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1ReOiEnjb
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHKcg8NFdo
is this our meet-cute?115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoSc6sAU7R
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQ2tS9jBdR
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIpR5Zf6UO
but i might be a decent one
115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4327lKNckI
From: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdXDSnVDWr
To: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02jomIhPrn
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwli54ctqWY
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBiUnfvw2ZD
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXJfF72JAg
professional emailer of strangers
115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbzKaFFk9q
From: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BDKpIMoPA
To: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33KOuqApUE
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZojs4Yuc7
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgLeaI8goq
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPXl7aZ2Su
To: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTyGmRHK36
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWVfH6X35R
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKiSUgxV8E2
