From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMooxUgsmom
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGmeRb7EVI
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mfBN1Giuv
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXVkX5L9T5
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zoizhmICi
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUOsDlDGiq
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0e4OSzrLA
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDSM0jxu2g
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLbwd9egw6
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxjB9jCK9H
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFaoFewITz1
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdhl7OqmuA
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LFcQA0V1Y
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55jQ3ssZQP
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYifaoonB0V
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmW3I7J9gm1
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIt2XJjUf7
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2I1REU2Mgy
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OA7deKnNG
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZFdEWIlgX
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZXHvtj3Hi
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsCwU9tD1v
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7aXiwUwrh
and never speak of feelings again.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxoEq5ITAc
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIOvM5KIv7
what would you write in a breakup text?53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFh1nEybl7
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSI015zg52
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekm5NFKez8
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHn2tigbLZ
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4D3G3IFRjR
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVXI9ps7gH
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96LHYMv1pw
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrvcKnwEkT
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6gKXXlmBw
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4v37Vwss6S
that was weirdly lovely.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoQVymEvB7
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTLG5CKlLB
was there a form i missed?53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyrAXzKeZv
should i be sending muffins?
— maya53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwIWYo2Y10
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBhONjAhhg
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2MRHHviCv
Subject: it’s official
congrats.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87EbIUVZvO
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNiXyJxjThp
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQ7mPC28jD
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdyDjpKPgcX
friend of font victims
53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQm0uMPcVgv
