From: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.PENANAKDpr0RoHqJ
To: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.PENANAaBCyM4u06S
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:44Please respect copyright.PENANAGA3k6mX5ZF
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.44Please respect copyright.PENANAsjEJNg0ak3
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya44Please respect copyright.PENANAO7Yn58LgOW
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.PENANAxnSIYnxd7F
To: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.PENANA20LWru0uoy
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??44Please respect copyright.PENANAwhnD3od0G5
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.44Please respect copyright.PENANAud4NndsxF4
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli44Please respect copyright.PENANA6zWtvGoejC
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.PENANAZmexcPwRjX
To: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.PENANASW0TtpWwIM
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔44Please respect copyright.PENANAT0nXIHjsbr
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.44Please respect copyright.PENANAZctvaJiggX
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.44Please respect copyright.PENANAqejkwYFF64
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”44Please respect copyright.PENANAwcZy1bQXP3
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.PENANAy6ishwuvsw
To: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.PENANAmCaC4tSXIQ
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.44Please respect copyright.PENANAMC4xUFYw3B
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???44Please respect copyright.PENANAwOBVvJloBl
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.PENANAh8cJWrubGl
To: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.PENANAwjUSJvdMLh
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.44Please respect copyright.PENANA0IfmkVHmLQ
and never speak of feelings again.44Please respect copyright.PENANAZwPiene6dJ
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:44Please respect copyright.PENANA30IQjeU57u
what would you write in a breakup text?44Please respect copyright.PENANAVNwwOOf0Tg
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya44Please respect copyright.PENANAGLIQs4vmMJ
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.PENANAkiovBUmcEO
To: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.PENANAInvhbPN7g5
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.44Please respect copyright.PENANAH1zFTnBX4x
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,44Please respect copyright.PENANAinLKlcFCRC
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.44Please respect copyright.PENANALzK6oroVxy
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.PENANA71DoZiGZmi
To: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.PENANALDG78JOyWj
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.44Please respect copyright.PENANAZi2HApAx9D
that was weirdly lovely.44Please respect copyright.PENANAFAxFFmrAUO
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?44Please respect copyright.PENANAU2czEy70nU
was there a form i missed?44Please respect copyright.PENANAB2n11wZTMX
should i be sending muffins?
— maya44Please respect copyright.PENANAaF0hJrH0JE
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.PENANAlCcCNjLkzK
To: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.PENANAoRVjtiVFyY
Subject: it’s official
congrats.44Please respect copyright.PENANAzhCIytvmOF
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.44Please respect copyright.PENANAtqVbNkHB8y
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.44Please respect copyright.PENANAbIZjtKMYre
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli44Please respect copyright.PENANAajm487LFD1
friend of font victims
44Please respect copyright.PENANA9odCgBKtEr