From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBor9UJO7t
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitzTwNhyGq
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVamJMngqWq
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqPW8sI7B5
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeL3l8CAy1R
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4DTT4VLpU
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXExWsoQTn
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9MUuJ6jff
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hUz8yMLQd
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6QL9VLsgo
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs62VLV1ICE
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0s3kUYXiNL
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo31iPqjB1a
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhC2iVTq73q
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluzh0OAT4X
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ423MGywZpt
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFaIxoO41v
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrivU0iqJVt
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1RppXSWtp
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqr69WCIC0j
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJY13KIQn2r
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5mrKgAL2d2
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXwqhP2nU6
and never speak of feelings again.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8SOGW8O0X
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwhMcMSwg1
what would you write in a breakup text?42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdecXTz2QSl
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrh0hMbtCNs
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueMMxIO4BZ
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolDNlr8KiG
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWV4PNljryb
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8Vs1puCzb
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmj5KfOry62
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8nXPfVOaM
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7WGaLshe2
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwYYvMl4sD
that was weirdly lovely.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxJMLEf2vi
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOeoe4gLOB6
was there a form i missed?42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6AMSZ1MYC
should i be sending muffins?
— maya42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZh74AMwQf
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZ05bkXzAT
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDgL1fTgtul
Subject: it’s official
congrats.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquOdvpW2D4
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIYao8DcPf
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuujQmw1J3
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPpFtDG1012
friend of font victims
42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJ50FKDYiF
