From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.PENANAI7p0733fxf
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.PENANAEcrQIthKJw
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:55Please respect copyright.PENANA1Yt5H76WqV
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.55Please respect copyright.PENANAMy1RAt0Ij6
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya55Please respect copyright.PENANAO0Lq2Np2TK
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.PENANAv7zNsD66VW
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.PENANAZxFZiQ7PtE
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??55Please respect copyright.PENANA0vEZYoTNY7
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.55Please respect copyright.PENANAjUlWQQb4f1
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli55Please respect copyright.PENANAWiqEEQTEFH
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.PENANA0BmsjjAXXD
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.PENANA0OMXoxCyAA
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔55Please respect copyright.PENANAJJ0GzQGHaR
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.55Please respect copyright.PENANAkdNxIc996I
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.55Please respect copyright.PENANAJfVHPy0jxB
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”55Please respect copyright.PENANAracxaAgNHl
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.PENANA6FUsV4QVGs
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.PENANAKizeMPy2ok
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.55Please respect copyright.PENANA751p38UUNJ
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???55Please respect copyright.PENANADMVmgmJQdT
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.PENANAmoIdYHPfnQ
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.PENANACkDHQ5hFjF
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.55Please respect copyright.PENANA0hkBRAiut0
and never speak of feelings again.55Please respect copyright.PENANA0lHoIRtYcw
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:55Please respect copyright.PENANAXt5D4rwBYU
what would you write in a breakup text?55Please respect copyright.PENANA5ONCG7Nn1X
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya55Please respect copyright.PENANAwVBeMhsU1K
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.PENANAwgtDt44Veb
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.PENANAB9M0IUhkwp
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.55Please respect copyright.PENANAzCsy1VOPpv
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,55Please respect copyright.PENANAbwt8sGS48I
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.55Please respect copyright.PENANAwu11OxrSyI
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.PENANAdx6eM1HDW3
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.PENANAY0BQdjP4MT
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.55Please respect copyright.PENANA3iglRvjkYf
that was weirdly lovely.55Please respect copyright.PENANA9e6JFewPQF
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?55Please respect copyright.PENANA0EqKJXZA3s
was there a form i missed?55Please respect copyright.PENANAiKKX9ju1jR
should i be sending muffins?
— maya55Please respect copyright.PENANAHZ6fqm23mi
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.PENANAZxvUE9OlVC
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.PENANAgGgpWREfaL
Subject: it’s official
congrats.55Please respect copyright.PENANA4PpSo7VHAP
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.55Please respect copyright.PENANALPocWwpxKM
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.55Please respect copyright.PENANA6J6WzlGvTb
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli55Please respect copyright.PENANALCO417nKaF
friend of font victims
55Please respect copyright.PENANARiFYbgGcmU