From: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDpr0RoHqJ
To: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBCyM4u06S
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGA3k6mX5ZF
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjEJNg0ak3
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7Yn58LgOW
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnSIYnxd7F
To: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20LWru0uoy
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhnD3od0G5
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡud4NndsxF4
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zWtvGoejC
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmexcPwRjX
To: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSW0TtpWwIM
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0nXIHjsbr
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZctvaJiggX
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqejkwYFF64
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcZy1bQXP3
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6ishwuvsw
To: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCaC4tSXIQ
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMC4xUFYw3B
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOBVvJloBl
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8cJWrubGl
To: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjUSJvdMLh
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IfmkVHmLQ
and never speak of feelings again.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwPiene6dJ
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30IQjeU57u
what would you write in a breakup text?44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNwwOOf0Tg
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLIQs4vmMJ
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkiovBUmcEO
To: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInvhbPN7g5
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1zFTnBX4x
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinLKlcFCRC
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzK6oroVxy
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71DoZiGZmi
To: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDG78JOyWj
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZi2HApAx9D
that was weirdly lovely.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAxFFmrAUO
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2czEy70nU
was there a form i missed?44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2n11wZTMX
should i be sending muffins?
— maya44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaF0hJrH0JE
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCcCNjLkzK
To: [email protected]44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRVjtiVFyY
Subject: it’s official
congrats.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhCIytvmOF
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqVbNkHB8y
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIZjtKMYre
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajm487LFD1
friend of font victims
44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9odCgBKtEr
