From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7p0733fxf
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcrQIthKJw
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Yt5H76WqV
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMy1RAt0Ij6
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0Lq2Np2TK
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7zNsD66VW
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxFZiQ7PtE
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vEZYoTNY7
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUlWQQb4f1
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWiqEEQTEFH
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BmsjjAXXD
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OMXoxCyAA
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJ0GzQGHaR
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdNxIc996I
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfVHPy0jxB
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡracxaAgNHl
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FUsV4QVGs
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKizeMPy2ok
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ751p38UUNJ
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMVmgmJQdT
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoIdYHPfnQ
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkDHQ5hFjF
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hkBRAiut0
and never speak of feelings again.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lHoIRtYcw
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXt5D4rwBYU
what would you write in a breakup text?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ONCG7Nn1X
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVBeMhsU1K
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgtDt44Veb
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9M0IUhkwp
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCsy1VOPpv
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwt8sGS48I
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwu11OxrSyI
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdx6eM1HDW3
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0BQdjP4MT
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3iglRvjkYf
that was weirdly lovely.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9e6JFewPQF
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0EqKJXZA3s
was there a form i missed?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKKX9ju1jR
should i be sending muffins?
— maya55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZ6fqm23mi
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxvUE9OlVC
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGgpWREfaL
Subject: it’s official
congrats.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PpSo7VHAP
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPocWwpxKM
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6J6WzlGvTb
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCO417nKaF
friend of font victims
55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiFYbgGcmU
