For better days to come, perhaps I needed a mask—a mask so convincing, so lifelike, that even I couldn’t tell if it was me beneath it. Was it the real me, or just the mask pretending to be me?
So I gave that mask a name—Rudeus.
He was a version of me, yet the complete opposite in many ways. Because, let’s be honest, I couldn’t face everything in life armed only with my inner child—the part of me that’s kind, quiet, overly forgiving, and always retreating. Rudeus was the side that could do what I wouldn’t, speak up, challenge, reach out, and walk into storms with eyes wide open.
And so, with Rudeus, I set a small but significant goal for myself:59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfBvtwQPWX
To win the third coding contest hosted by Thub.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvUBks9Nhv
But it wasn’t just about winning—it was about stepping out, talking to people, understanding them, really seeing through them.
That’s when I started categorizing people—not by name or grades or reputation—but by the essence I felt in them. I called them flowers, because even the broken ones bloomed once upon a time.
Type 1: Dead Flowers
The ones who’d lost their way in life. The ones who no longer dreamed for themselves, walking paths laid out by others. They're not lazy, they're just… done. Done hoping. Done trying. These are the ones I worry about most. They say, “I’ll start today,” but their "today" never comes. They're stuck—either frozen in a future that’s too far or trapped in a past they can’t fix.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7VKUoLq1Y
They are lifeless, not because they want to be, but because the world took too much too soon.
Type 2: Dream Flowers
They pity me—and I pity them back. These are the hopefuls who are always "almost there."59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN85StC66il
They say things like:
“If I had that setup…”59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJdY70BaXJ
“If I had more time…”59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWZNRy6Ogi
“If only I were like you…”59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoVvCOAF1c
They believe they can, but never do. Because they dream with their eyes wide open but never move their feet. They envy others but won’t acknowledge effort. They are romantic escapists—scared not of failure, but of reality.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQdarIdDJN
Their dreams are loud, but their will to act is silent.
Type 3: Hopeless Flowers
My favorite kind. The ones who shouldn’t have any hope left, yet keep trying anyway. They fail, get up, fail again, and still hope. That kind of pure hope is terrifying—because it’s relentless. These are the ones who keep going, who believe the world will be kind next time.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtd22ednXV
They shine not despite their scars but because of them.
And here’s the strange part—I could almost read people just from a few exchanged words. It scared me sometimes, how clear they became to me so quickly.
And where did I place Seren?59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzI8gxhbZ1J
Nowhere.
Because I couldn’t place her in any category. She wasn’t a flower in my garden of types.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5n8NVs7ts5
She shined.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcozYgKHwF
So bright, so strange, that neither my heart nor my mind could decide how to feel about it. And believe me, I have scary intuition. The kind of spidey-sense that tingles before anything happens—good or bad.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrSCm2QeVG
But with Seren?59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOcXzJT2D5
I was unstable. Too much of everything and yet not enough to make sense of it.
The days flowed like gentle rivers with sudden rapids.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbPKZZYmlm
Morning bus rides were mostly talking with Seren and dozing off. At Thub, I kept learning, talking—and occasionally dancing just to keep the blood and motivation flowing.
And at THub, I met someone I’d never expected:59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡft1Hz116PB
My teacher. No… My Teacher.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN19fHM2ErL
The first person I ever truly called that. His name—Pavan. The man who showed up every day with a spark in his heart and a joke half the class couldn’t catch. He was a Hopeless Flower—kind, real, grounded. Living not in the past or future, but in the moment. Rare. Precious.
He taught me more than tech. He taught me resilience. He taught me the difference between difficult and impossible. He called it out:
"Nothing is too easy or too hard. You just need a consistent mind and a heart that won’t quit."
And that stuck.
He even let me call him "brother"—the kind of casual, respectful connection I rarely made. And as forgetful as I am with names, I’m sure I’ll never forget his. Pavan.
Lunch was always a ritual. A sandwich. Same stall. Same sister-like figure who made it ready even before I arrived. She just knew. I did too. Guess that’s the power of committing to a single sandwich stall in a chaotic college.
Afternoons meant lectures. I dozed sometimes. Sorry, not sorry.
Evenings were golden. Seren and I would talk. Sometimes behind the buses, sometimes near them. And those short chats—those little nothings—made everything feel like something.
And then came the third coding contest.
I gave it everything.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqednSj324V
And I won.
For a moment, the world aligned. I felt like maybe, just maybe, I could make something out of this life. I smiled. I felt happy.
But, as always, the world noticed. And not always kindly.
People—boys, girls—started messaging me. Asking doubts. Wanting to be friends. I tried to be kind, replied to everyone. Some were genuine.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQD9SsYKHJD
Some weren't.
Some misused it.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMI9vTyG5XD
Some mocked it as "just talent."59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5N60xd0yIg
Do I look like a genius to you? Maybe.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjqJno5Aew
But what they didn’t see were the sleepless nights, the tutorials, the self-doubt, the failed projects, the late-night debug marathons. They didn’t see the pain and growth. They just saw the result.
"If I were you, I’d do it too," they said.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRT8iszKGb
Then why didn’t you?
Only a few understood. Only a few truly acknowledged it.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThFSgVzIw5
And the rest?59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ud2XrNqJ5
Their words became the fuel that kept Rudeus alive.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ106qc4lBQ1
Because that’s why he was born in the first place—59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhrhrzNGjK
To survive.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwpIvjrTtv
To die, so I could live.
