x
You know that moment when the night’s too quiet…187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5ffQIqdN9
and your phone screen glows a little brighter than usual?
That was me.
Lying on my bed, earphones in but no music playing,187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9BRvGbDi7
just the hum of the fan — louder than usual tonight —187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgiFRsCtB0c
and her last message on the screen.
It wasn’t anything romantic.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0Duxa2y6M
Not a heart, not a wink, not even a punctuation mark that hinted at something.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHaEMvyClXk
Just words. Casual, comfortable. But from her.
And I just stared at them, like they were the final piece of a puzzle I wasn’t supposed to complete.
We were talking.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzRoUTtSi3
Really talking.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQKLqSEcNI
No layers, no sarcasm, no anime metaphors to hide behind…
But it felt real.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlbrlW7Nwo
The kind of real that makes you nervous — not because something’s wrong,187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8zkJsyr6b
but because it’s too good. Too close.
And I began to wonder:
How much can you talk to someone before you say something you shouldn’t?
Before a joke turns into a confession,187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYT8YVoqFb
a casual text becomes a late-night heart spill,187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHh77tS6kP3
and silence feels heavier than words?
How much longer can we keep it buried?
I could feel it bubbling up.
The things I wasn’t supposed to say.
Like,187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdN8ABDVBT
"I’ve been trying to get your attention since that first day."187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWAgUUKaWc
Or187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVPHTb0t9E
"When you walk into a room, I pretend I didn’t see you first, but I always do."
Or the most dangerous of them all:187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGq5EWfF071
"You called me 'bro' earlier... did you mean that like 'brother,' or more like... awkward placeholder for someone you don’t know how to place yet?"
But I didn’t send any of that.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0yQf5P8xN
Instead, I did what most cowards do when their heart starts to overthink:187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcduRmsgux8
I typed.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡas2A52oo9L
Deleted.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKwlaat3P8
Typed again.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDDQH36rZD
Deleted.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ808U75fve3
Typed again.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtrfVjb2Y6
Deleted.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZD5sqy8h1D
Typed again.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXti8NCxLS1
Paused.
And somewhere between all that hesitation, I asked myself something even worse:
If I truly like someone… can I ask them to like me back?
And isn't that just the most foolish question in the world?
What gives me the right to expect love just because I give it?187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojwkbs9qNB
Does loving someone mean they owe me something?187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQ20886nFO
A reply? A smile? A place in their life?
No, right?
Because love… love’s not a job interview.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUztDG2DK3q
You don’t apply and wait for a callback.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFwpOWf8KN
There’s no resume, no credentials, no guaranteed outcome.
You just feel.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvIoGFu62e
And hope.
But here’s the brutal truth:187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1NYMMvMIm
Hope is not a strategy.
I began to spiral.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCjJTALnqO
Thinking about arranged marriages, random unions born out of astrology and surnames.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8taMVKM5Wi
People saying "yes" to strangers in mandaps because their families believed it was enough.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0q3qjmiH4P
And somehow, somehow, love blooms there too.
Is it just the absence of fear?187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyeZjNiLd6M
Is it a choice? A decision made over and over again, like brushing your teeth or choosing peace over pride?
Or is it just a lucky accident?
So then what is love?
Love.
Four letters. Infinite confusion.
We throw it around so casually—187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NtH7COMHx
“I love pizza.”187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIoa2WllaUG
“I love that show.”187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ifLGYi8ay
“I love her.”
when the night’s too quiet and your heart's louder than it should be,187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6u0oUlsLH
you start to ask…
What even is love?
Is it the late-night texts that make you smile like an idiot?187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLSvJjMrMI
Or the effort to learn C just to help someone who might not even know your name?187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnSHKY4gc9
Is it being seen, truly seen—not for how smart or funny or helpful you are—but for just being you?
Because I wasn’t sure anymore.
If love means trying to be enough for someone... is that love?187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdurHRxBkd
If love means hiding your feelings just to stay close... is that love?187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSABBEUZkP
If love never gets returned, was it ever real?
Or maybe love isn’t about return policies at all.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsiHV0Nk1OY
Maybe love is giving without expecting.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRhHDsHz18
Hoping without demanding.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡng3i3g8Yhm
Staying, even if the door never opens.
And if it’s the latter — if love is just dumb luck —187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFDgSAeKio
then what does that make me?
A gambler?187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo24kbJ98CJ
A poet with no ink?187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKRZOGU4tU
A fool tossing feelings into a wishing well that’s been dry for years?
All I know is this:
Love, the real kind, the scary kind — it doesn’t demand.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ772pvKdJPQ
It doesn’t ask for returns.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHXD93zSG1
It just… is.
Like the moon.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjy66y3jQE
Distant. Cold sometimes.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zk3oscGKS
But still shining. Still pulling tides.
So I made a decision.
One I thought I’d regret.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKOQlSYg4x
One that felt like surrender.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhCGWYNipv
But maybe it was the only honest thing left.
I typed:187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DfLBIfefp
"Let’s be friends."
And I meant it.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0WPsMPSGvz
Not because I wanted to.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3RvLVKDhu
But because I had to.
Because I know — deep down — even if I poured out every syllable of my soul,187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HLBz0eZpf
let the poet in me die trying,187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhU9p82g9E
the answer would still be silence, or worse… pity.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiVxk9cSah
time won't change the answer,187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yUyMOuMLo
in this moment or in the future.
And I don’t want pity.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZZSBPMF4o
I want her to smile when she sees my name.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5DfYCAhQ2
Even if it’s only ever as a friend.
So yeah, laugh all you want.
But that was my truth:187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡri54yWJbDA
Maybe I’ll never be someone important in her life.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQgDxdKrTJ
But I can be someone good.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJpUnh0CED
Steady. Loyal. Low-maintenance. Someone she doesn’t have to second guess.
Hopeless romantic?
Guilty.
But hopeless doesn’t mean worthless.
So when she replied:187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZM1aTaVR3
"Sure, of course."187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ075pDoR6ZV
I smiled.
Because that’s more than most people get.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXRL8a1xYI
And sometimes, friendship is the love story that doesn’t get written into poetry —187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPixNx4aqZ
but it still matters.
The night grew older.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ988Djcjbp6
The conversation faded into a simple:187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoQpa4Kg8p
“Goodnight.”
And I lay there.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkFrdnMDozL
Phone resting like a heartbeat on my chest.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYy8PGhjuh
Ceiling fan humming.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNTrv9GvNr
Eyes open.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAvIq3MFMQ
Thoughts louder than sleep.
But slowly, everything softened.
The fan blurred into background.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Z3fJplwLR
The silence turned into a lullaby.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUc4WCHMsK
And Nova... drifted.
Not into a dream of her,187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkREhhZY7hq
not even of love,187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRArEs6AlDX
but something stranger.
He stood at the edge of a nameless rooftop, under a starless sky.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDGvmOAQII
No moon. No wind.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtXs8Lj7O0
Just an ocean of lights flickering below — like forgotten wishes.
A voice — his own, but older — whispered beside him:187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0jfpJYEae
“Do you think love makes you whole?187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDoi353rCH
Or does it just reveal the parts you’ve been missing?”
Nova didn’t answer.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tdLW9Msgs
He couldn’t.
Because in that dream,187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQthHssszv
he wasn’t searching for love anymore.
He was searching for something deeper.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeWV7yRy1tj
A reason.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGcFplhtad
A pause in the chaos that made it all make sense.
But life doesn’t hand you clarity like that.
Sometimes it just gives you187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcPQOj23DY
a feeling.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8c09lOSy0m
A choice.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWvQRsqApu
And the hope that in some parallel version of now,187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODY0P7iFpX
you say the thing you never said —
and someone stays.
But in this world, in this moment?
Nova slept.
A little sad.187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlBgpXyTrCZ
A little wiser.
And somewhere between the real and the not-quite-real,187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcH5NzzwEL1
he whispered one last thing to the darkness:
“If love is a question no one knows how to answer...187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVQfwtjHGa
maybe I’ll spend my life learning how to ask it better.”
Then darkness.
And for once...187Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQnWKI45b7
peace.
