因為這是個由我自己敘述、也就是第一人稱視角的故事，所以我做個簡略的自我介紹。我身高一百七十五公分，體重七十公斤，雙魚座，興趣是……嗯，好像不簡略，換過說法。

 8964 copyright protection115ＰＥＮＡＮＡbh9ouZ46ce 維尼

 

 

故事的開始有點模糊，因為我記得我人在宿舍，剛吃完一塊雞排、用可樂漱口，沒有刷牙就倒在床上睡著。附帶一提，時間是星期三早上八點，一整天的課大概都得翹掉。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtAsHFO53N
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不過那已經不重要了。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikekGVd1sM
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因為我醒來的時候，不，應該說我「在夢裡醒來的時候」，身處於一個莫名其妙的地方。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6qANycdJn
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那是一個用竹子搭建起來的房間，裡面有一套桌椅、一個衣櫃、一張床，必須用複數形容的只有凌亂四散的書籍，數量之多幾乎要淹沒整個房間。房間窗戶是打開的，透過窗戶往外看，是一大片的青竹林。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuO9pgieS9
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppnGYmLpq5
風一吹，竹葉的稀疏摩擦聲如海浪般一波未平一波又起。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lmQABnYHP
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風又吹，吹散了一個人的長髮。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4mDISmn0J
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡox5s6eNrHk
那個人坐在一張涼蓆上。他的皮膚是一種接近病態的蒼白、黑色長髮凌亂分岔披散在肩膀，他身上只有一件青布衣用腰帶寬鬆地繫住，更顯得過瘦的身軀弱不禁風。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOV6xeRXdh
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpertg5296
我想看清對方的面目，無奈那人素白的右手上拿著書，遮住了臉面。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTt39Mjge9t
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似男類女，撲朔迷離。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTPtdUbsWm
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我坐起，無法理解眼前情形。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgDKkrDeLM
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZxhUD3nLW
甩甩頭，卻什麼都沒有改變。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIqnQcLJxH
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHWGJSrP8E
那個人注意到我醒了，放下書、抬起頭，開口：「早安。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCbjaWs4tJ
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgs8legzAPe
我這時才看清楚對方的真面目。那是一張十分精緻漂亮的臉龐，膚白若雪、峨嵋皓齒，細柳般的髮絲垂下，一雙黑色的眼眸藏在若隱若現中。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOFgaNNoMb
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我幾乎以為那是個女人，但對方不讓我這麼想。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpOjwO2fML
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5oQYJWUV4
他開口：「在下複姓諸葛，名亮，字孔明。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDo1q2a7aB
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmG0I9nw6pq
我活在一個被三國演義淹沒的時代，電視劇、電影、遊戲、漫畫、小說，四處可見三國人物的名號，就算沒有特別研究，也不可能不知道這個名字。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkqQYez2zp
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甚至可以說，聽到有點膩了。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEakQHJBJ4
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6bYzDliGb
人會對未知感到迷惑、對迷惑感到恐懼。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsmoq98vxc
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTi1V50bumw
這時我只想笑。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9lxQqvL1j
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ep9nO7V3K
我：「這什麼整人節目？真是大手筆。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPZR6K7rI7
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubXxGovfSm
那自稱諸葛亮的人──我就暫且叫他諸葛亮──放下書，起身走到我面前，饒有興趣地問：「整人節目？那是什麼？」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuADGbhUq79
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0BsLZVHLz
我沒興趣跟他玩了，直接說：「換下一個人吧，我要走了。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiS3ckPEG2O
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQNxXYPeVi
諸葛亮點點頭，伸手比向旁邊的竹門：「請便。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUYU7IfSMl
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKj6GEQXRxr
我走下床、打開門、走出去……119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vGThuxY5a
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停住。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdDM4OzKnW
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeliNVOhVZ
如果我沒看錯，眼前是藍天白雲、房子底下空空如也。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgj11yN1J0
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfAFKRMRI3
刺骨的寒風一吹，攪得我心頭一涼。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBfere3Twb
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEl33bTPSn
我面無表情關上門，回頭。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyP2CWYdCo
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TjEOfBzZT
諸葛亮好整以暇坐在床上，開口：「這是模擬我住的地方想像出來的空間。如果你想要，說說看喜歡什麼樣的地方，我都能換給你。順便一提，想要冷、熱、痛甚至是奇癢，我都能你體會到。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyVbXYvp52
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7eblw0pOSL
諸葛亮冷笑：「不管你想不想要。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7YqGUZQM7
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRwvmV6xAH
文言文我大致上都聽得懂，感謝我的國文老師。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeRPtvK7Iq
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4QYHZj5B9
太長的、比較難的，我就當場自己翻譯成白話文，這樣我比較好懂、大家也比較好懂──不要再跟我討論什麼古代人怎麼會說白話文的問題。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxnPWqPlaw
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTFoaPSEA5
但我還是聽不懂諸葛亮想表達什麼。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJqb3H2j5Z
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemLEMsgwuK
諸葛亮也不管我是不是理解了，自顧自開口：「聽你說話的方式，應該是生活在我的後世而非前世，真想跟你聊一聊以後的世界。可惜我們的時間不夠，有些事情該交代的，道義上我還是要向你交代一下。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4bJrDZWGt
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHD1dy9NJ84
我沒有理他，走到窗戶旁邊，探出頭。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYRSflW0ue
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSDfG1eif3
竹林消失，又是一片藍天白雲。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0JzHu1cV5
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmqXe7e2Dh
怎麼辦？我只好祈禱。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnN3Jk74Jhq
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqmRCwHyJ0
萬能的天神啊，我知道錯了，我不該沒刷牙就睡覺。我以後一定會當一個乖寶寶的，如果這是夢，請快點讓我醒來吧。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkGduvzM2m
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然後我在自己臉上打了熱騰騰的一巴掌。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzR7k7txHuX
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痛死我，不信也得信了。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTpQb6pkFt
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhF5P5Q9EV
「後悔也來不及了、祈禱也沒有用的，這個世界沒有神。」諸葛亮好像看穿我在想什麼。「好好談談吧，對你不會有壞處的。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeiEPx194l
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsta4sjaCwR
我：「這是什麼情況？」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteSB0vgPqC
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0fm8Hgafr
這比醒來的時候發現自己被關在密室腳上被綁著鐵鍊旁邊還只有一把生鏽的鋸子逼你把腿鋸掉還要扯的到底是什麼情況？119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCz1CjY5bv
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIEHe2DiLqv
我絕對沒有打錯字。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81hkn0XHMK
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWEvWt4RWW
諸葛亮：「這裡是我設下的幻魂陣，能讓精神脫離肉體，直接進行交流。不過我不是要和你交流什麼，而是想讓你代替我。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVx1v9ZmukB
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8h437GLAC
我：「代替？」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4VIbJitdU
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15QxRLddKZ
諸葛亮：「就是讓你變成我。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPd34ma5dhi
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNTnaOvRm4X
我：「為什麼？」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqNhV27SgP
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTLkKlrZ7S
諸葛亮：「這說來話長。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxCgWbcj3l
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFPVoGtY8g
我：「那不要說好了。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyl6PuNoH4
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrTGlaIWS8
諸葛亮：「但我還是想說一下。這得從我的志向開始說起。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vzJkD2uyF
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehjDRNydAT
「什麼志向？」我隨口問。你想當第一任臨時大總統之類的嗎？119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxUBNphYHb
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwPePY4svG
諸葛亮：「第一，就是當皇帝。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDReMoA3zhC
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也差不多意思。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡras6CKBWRs
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諸葛亮：「第二，就是把我喜歡的美女通通收入後宮。如果可以直接完成第二項，那第一項不用完成其實沒關係。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLaTY79OCgb
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQo0EA0GBn6
真是遠大的志向啊，佩服佩服。你個死色胚。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtChKXLYgX3
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcvZRqeD3u
諸葛亮嘆了口氣：「唉，但我不小心犯了一個錯。為了完成我的遠大志向，我想要那老頭──一個叫黃承彥的老頭，我想要他的『四象八卦圖』，誰知道他只送不賣，說是要拿來當他女兒的嫁妝。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMO0aasDmPU
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwVi9hzBtV
好個有商業頭腦的老頭。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9aTfHIoCCS
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKK6QiBGUJS
我：「這算什麼錯？」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcS2cmEV9bB
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDVYtVoEQR
諸葛亮：「別急，我還沒說完。我問他：『汝女之容如何？』他回答我：『沉魚落雁、閉月羞花，汝見之，必驚為天人。』我考慮了一下，既可以拿到我想要的東西、還順便賺一個美女當老婆，這麼划算的事情不答應簡直是白癡，所以我就答應了。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjRApcbG3N
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eAfSPkvxG
我：「這樣很好啊。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6xvs5bdjF
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGeHs4RiPaV
諸葛亮面無表情用最快的速度說：「魚跟鳥都會被她嚇死，月跟花都不敢看她，我看到她，差點升天去見祖先。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8sDF4436C
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLlgvfG0f1
……119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqORWbg4mz
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諸葛亮：「我後來私下探訪，才知道黃老頭的女兒根本是個滯銷品。她醜得用豬形容都侮辱豬，而且還不只是醜、醜我還可以接受，重點是她的個性又很差，差得用老母形容都侮辱老母啊。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywNKx9D5oN
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVywyXxv16v
你老母的個性到底是多差才會被你拿來這樣比喻啊！119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS21lXkaWB3
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7MBqOUfHL
諸葛亮：「我當然反悔了，但又不想把東西還給黃老頭，所以想賴帳。但黃老頭找了一群人來對付我，我打不贏又逃不掉，只好去找我師傅幫忙。但你知道我師傅跟我說什麼嗎？」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRb7yXBFGiF
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4ZifW9avT
我：「什麼？」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡht5VmDZdBK
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVYKXCpiQp
諸葛亮：「他說：『這是你的報應。』」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7N0Lwfwuw
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是報應沒有錯啊。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuZLNMfk3A
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhnT18nFJ8r
不過，這到底哪門子因果報應劇場的劇情？你是諸葛亮耶，怎麼抱怨起來簡直像是菜市場的歐巴桑在抱怨一樣又臭又長？你知道你說話的長度觀眾看了會煩嗎？你知道你說話的方式像是我把我心裡的對白全部講出來一樣誇張嗎？說好的長話短說呢？119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QZoWEyqWt
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8USKaYG04
重點是。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xair1DRVt
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怪我嘍？119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIm4gdM0EG
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我：「那是你自己搞出來的事，不要牽拖到我身上吧？」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡag1TG12tsZ
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qAQfFvUig
諸葛亮：「抱歉。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDwBKWIvzl
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1GjsmlOVus
我：「不接受行不行？」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BsPAHa6bJ
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AhciTCFen
諸葛亮：「對不起。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCsWDXqmkY
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIXJV4RNsr
……119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1NN3mhhJ3
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhZbd49ZbH
諸葛亮毫不在乎我的感受，繼續抱怨：「還有啊，既然你是後世的人應該知道吧，那個娘砲劉備硬是要我去當他的軍師。我可是要當皇帝的人，所以我當然拒絕他──誰知道他身邊一群流氓，我不幫忙就拿刀要砍我，所以我只能四處躲躲藏藏，希望不要被他找到。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64wHD1TqKp
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那我大概有三次被抓的機會。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqJueTFCzN
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpUhBT4jDA
「對了，我已經被抓到兩次了，如果你再被抓到可能只有死路一條，自己小心一點。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBNihtLhrR
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去你妹的。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutz1lgup0c
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我：「你去找別人好不好？如果你需要，我可以推薦幾個人給你。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTnWVIt48n
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6CxJbYj5m
那幾個向我借錢不還的、背後偷罵我的、賣黑心食品的、硬拆房子的、愛穿三角褲游泳的，我認為都是不錯的對象。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLVSjyJ6zB
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYmCturmlbX
不要問我穿三角褲游泳哪裡錯了。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31cj9A9YVE
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxEE2wu7Dai
但諸葛亮只是說：「你連自己的長相都忘了？」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdKeiDgv6o
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HMI9DDajd
他說完，一面銅鏡浮現在我面前。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZs2ioRjiC
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHoGmEehEzE
我一看，鏡子裡只有諸葛亮。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOC0Zm4qO4G
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8JGY8igU5W
鏡子拿下，卻看到我自己。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6pJcURvZk
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHf3iBul2he
諸葛亮：「你就是我、我就是你，別人沒辦法代替我。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFK9lNNUui
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9sNRHqBxrt
我無話可說。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Vr8raGryi
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lUoBqLIG4
諸葛亮：「另外，大白天就在做白日夢的你，也算是異類了。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgHONJG3X0
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCuedXNRWdE
我真的無話可說。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabyAhs2sGz
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KfP5slAsM
諸葛亮笑笑：「換個方向思考，跟我交換也不是只有壞處嘛。我這麼天才，你怎麼可能是個廢物？但我看你現在就是半個廢人，換個地方，看你能不能換個心情好好努力。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57SEUuQPmw
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKzRlIChJB
我：「那我會變成什麼樣子？」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2s5S1LaHr2
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT46bnc79gX
諸葛亮：「就這樣，時間差不多了，有沒有問題想問的？」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56UwAcmVTO
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzcuB8B9fL
我剛才已經問了！119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMP3180uc20
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9JJdh4BTQ
他根本就只有抱怨啊，從頭到尾都只有抱怨啊，說好要交代的事情呢？119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdzw5DwhRI
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnPNgxVSf7C
我：「現在的我呢？會變成什麼樣子？」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZw2Hhex84
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdeIBRcSD1
「我故意不想回答，你還是硬要問這個啊，真是沒有意義。」諸葛亮一臉我問錯問題的樣子。「算了，我就回答你吧。這個你大可以放心。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSswN2X8fQc
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTguOfMZzg
我：「放心？」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrKPjuY5Jq
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZLxpOSrdq
諸葛亮笑著：「我已經準備好另一個身體，並不會跟你調換。所有認識你的人都會忘了你，那個世界不會有關於你的存在。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6dDKvyhf2
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fu5RKHokh
我喉頭一澀。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYJTeDGJ7H
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGO16jj3Yo3
根本笑不出來。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ249ZEWFRmR
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvYPKPcRRy
但諸葛亮只管他的我行我素：「最後提醒你一件事。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl82p8pi5Aj
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLVK09QcOv
那是一個頗有深意的笑容。119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhL1AYOwBR
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlondR5mpD
「歷史是會騙人的。」119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubH1xxvdDL
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaAN3CVWu20
我的視界陷入混沌當中。