現行大學教育體制下的犧牲品,完畢。
接著說故事。讓我為剛才冗長、不簡略、沒有重點、根本騙字數的自我介紹道歉,這裡我一言以蔽之。
一個小白臉靠老婆過活的日子,以上。
當然有人想問:「這有什麼好說的?」
我會這樣回答:「這小白臉很出名。」
他叫,諸葛亮孔明。
故事的開始有點模糊,因為我記得我人在宿舍,剛吃完一塊雞排、用可樂漱口,沒有刷牙就倒在床上睡著。附帶一提,時間是星期三早上八點,一整天的課大概都得翹掉。132Please respect copyright.PENANA1sWP5vFatK
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不過那已經不重要了。132Please respect copyright.PENANAQLQGvn30H9
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因為我醒來的時候,不,應該說我「在夢裡醒來的時候」,身處於一個莫名其妙的地方。132Please respect copyright.PENANASlY5byFEMn
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那是一個用竹子搭建起來的房間,裡面有一套桌椅、一個衣櫃、一張床,必須用複數形容的只有凌亂四散的書籍,數量之多幾乎要淹沒整個房間。房間窗戶是打開的,透過窗戶往外看,是一大片的青竹林。132Please respect copyright.PENANAZwZo3FprIk
132Please respect copyright.PENANAwRWNXoUDfI
風一吹,竹葉的稀疏摩擦聲如海浪般一波未平一波又起。132Please respect copyright.PENANA7YQ58J6Ciu
132Please respect copyright.PENANAYqL0zdbmzA
風又吹,吹散了一個人的長髮。132Please respect copyright.PENANAiFKN8RNjYd
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那個人坐在一張涼蓆上。他的皮膚是一種接近病態的蒼白、黑色長髮凌亂分岔披散在肩膀,他身上只有一件青布衣用腰帶寬鬆地繫住,更顯得過瘦的身軀弱不禁風。132Please respect copyright.PENANAwM0pcaMoTY
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我想看清對方的面目,無奈那人素白的右手上拿著書,遮住了臉面。132Please respect copyright.PENANAYHwD1YTnwm
132Please respect copyright.PENANA3Yub6CTQ4M
似男類女,撲朔迷離。132Please respect copyright.PENANAoBN2Q3kSEz
132Please respect copyright.PENANA1Vi8Cnlsot
我坐起,無法理解眼前情形。132Please respect copyright.PENANAXPyJdnDj34
132Please respect copyright.PENANAhlzJN8nvPW
甩甩頭,卻什麼都沒有改變。132Please respect copyright.PENANAo7DWMLUQZw
132Please respect copyright.PENANAnyzUKUkROt
那個人注意到我醒了,放下書、抬起頭,開口:「早安。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAhldt2gqYsQ
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我這時才看清楚對方的真面目。那是一張十分精緻漂亮的臉龐,膚白若雪、峨嵋皓齒,細柳般的髮絲垂下,一雙黑色的眼眸藏在若隱若現中。132Please respect copyright.PENANABJxIoV4dM0
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我幾乎以為那是個女人,但對方不讓我這麼想。132Please respect copyright.PENANAPCF4QPzcz3
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他開口:「在下複姓諸葛,名亮,字孔明。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAoMvihTjch4
132Please respect copyright.PENANArvQIkCVt9L
我活在一個被三國演義淹沒的時代,電視劇、電影、遊戲、漫畫、小說,四處可見三國人物的名號,就算沒有特別研究,也不可能不知道這個名字。132Please respect copyright.PENANAOoSjTaItaC
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甚至可以說,聽到有點膩了。132Please respect copyright.PENANAQXiuagmjjH
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人會對未知感到迷惑、對迷惑感到恐懼。132Please respect copyright.PENANAp4vQOvSx9B
132Please respect copyright.PENANAFdVhl6tlgm
這時我只想笑。132Please respect copyright.PENANAmOQWre9RHh
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我:「這什麼整人節目?真是大手筆。」132Please respect copyright.PENANA5XFh5oYaDL
132Please respect copyright.PENANAFhmEhIZJ5l
那自稱諸葛亮的人──我就暫且叫他諸葛亮──放下書,起身走到我面前,饒有興趣地問:「整人節目?那是什麼?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAYFrqt69obJ
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我沒興趣跟他玩了,直接說:「換下一個人吧,我要走了。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAedbfrQfp7Y
132Please respect copyright.PENANAQoTegSF9TS
諸葛亮點點頭,伸手比向旁邊的竹門:「請便。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAuVoU8p2eEB
132Please respect copyright.PENANAXZVW4fYuEk
我走下床、打開門、走出去……132Please respect copyright.PENANAB7tGRSKiL2
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停住。132Please respect copyright.PENANAQEpM0UhBYe
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如果我沒看錯,眼前是藍天白雲、房子底下空空如也。132Please respect copyright.PENANAYI9zLuL5RR
132Please respect copyright.PENANAhbBC3uMv9Z
刺骨的寒風一吹,攪得我心頭一涼。132Please respect copyright.PENANAgaHZk3IWZI
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我面無表情關上門,回頭。132Please respect copyright.PENANADOlDJjPqwz
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諸葛亮好整以暇坐在床上,開口:「這是模擬我住的地方想像出來的空間。如果你想要,說說看喜歡什麼樣的地方,我都能換給你。順便一提,想要冷、熱、痛甚至是奇癢,我都能你體會到。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAwqv07dOnnz
132Please respect copyright.PENANAunTrMZjP6k
諸葛亮冷笑:「不管你想不想要。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAIJL4FAMhgL
132Please respect copyright.PENANAWrsqlk3yHH
文言文我大致上都聽得懂,感謝我的國文老師。132Please respect copyright.PENANAxDpglNHtZh
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太長的、比較難的,我就當場自己翻譯成白話文,這樣我比較好懂、大家也比較好懂──不要再跟我討論什麼古代人怎麼會說白話文的問題。132Please respect copyright.PENANAQD8R1Ezn7z
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但我還是聽不懂諸葛亮想表達什麼。132Please respect copyright.PENANA88Th7ZrZXw
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諸葛亮也不管我是不是理解了,自顧自開口:「聽你說話的方式,應該是生活在我的後世而非前世,真想跟你聊一聊以後的世界。可惜我們的時間不夠,有些事情該交代的,道義上我還是要向你交代一下。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAk9QevOgjPR
132Please respect copyright.PENANAOk92zultwz
我沒有理他,走到窗戶旁邊,探出頭。132Please respect copyright.PENANAbdJGb7RIxv
132Please respect copyright.PENANA9OYiBvZ6mQ
竹林消失,又是一片藍天白雲。132Please respect copyright.PENANAFopvQux0E0
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怎麼辦?我只好祈禱。132Please respect copyright.PENANATbfA55cplD
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萬能的天神啊,我知道錯了,我不該沒刷牙就睡覺。我以後一定會當一個乖寶寶的,如果這是夢,請快點讓我醒來吧。132Please respect copyright.PENANA80QkbcQkSY
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然後我在自己臉上打了熱騰騰的一巴掌。132Please respect copyright.PENANAZIkCgBsNJ0
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痛死我,不信也得信了。132Please respect copyright.PENANAapT9WMgQ9i
132Please respect copyright.PENANAeBH6eu3lqk
「後悔也來不及了、祈禱也沒有用的,這個世界沒有神。」諸葛亮好像看穿我在想什麼。「好好談談吧,對你不會有壞處的。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAdKK8bvH4a7
132Please respect copyright.PENANAUpIUAlObNF
我:「這是什麼情況?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAAitCfv9YH2
132Please respect copyright.PENANAZUEgFYWHFg
這比醒來的時候發現自己被關在密室腳上被綁著鐵鍊旁邊還只有一把生鏽的鋸子逼你把腿鋸掉還要扯的到底是什麼情況?132Please respect copyright.PENANAnv2tnRfnU5
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我絕對沒有打錯字。132Please respect copyright.PENANAoBTzlvlCVX
132Please respect copyright.PENANA2e4kOI8Tg6
諸葛亮:「這裡是我設下的幻魂陣,能讓精神脫離肉體,直接進行交流。不過我不是要和你交流什麼,而是想讓你代替我。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAuO8kCPQSgQ
132Please respect copyright.PENANAMq9hCkOEuc
我:「代替?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAnZVLqLZSAT
132Please respect copyright.PENANAnSDJhqGKot
諸葛亮:「就是讓你變成我。」132Please respect copyright.PENANA2l7cjZkQZm
132Please respect copyright.PENANAKEj1XVSW2U
我:「為什麼?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAkSYoeUZEkd
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諸葛亮:「這說來話長。」132Please respect copyright.PENANA23hhwPsuCg
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我:「那不要說好了。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAstHETiYtGh
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諸葛亮:「但我還是想說一下。這得從我的志向開始說起。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAKGB8e5Kj2W
132Please respect copyright.PENANAh1rAsgCIkN
「什麼志向?」我隨口問。你想當第一任臨時大總統之類的嗎?132Please respect copyright.PENANAm9KTBW8r1m
132Please respect copyright.PENANAGqb3CDlgD6
諸葛亮:「第一,就是當皇帝。」132Please respect copyright.PENANABWONDfC0hW
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也差不多意思。132Please respect copyright.PENANAdKjA1iRapz
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諸葛亮:「第二,就是把我喜歡的美女通通收入後宮。如果可以直接完成第二項,那第一項不用完成其實沒關係。」132Please respect copyright.PENANApjRazhomTc
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真是遠大的志向啊,佩服佩服。你個死色胚。132Please respect copyright.PENANAVgs51PYb39
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諸葛亮嘆了口氣:「唉,但我不小心犯了一個錯。為了完成我的遠大志向,我想要那老頭──一個叫黃承彥的老頭,我想要他的『四象八卦圖』,誰知道他只送不賣,說是要拿來當他女兒的嫁妝。」132Please respect copyright.PENANARpDXKOgEbY
132Please respect copyright.PENANAuGZcMKXaQ4
好個有商業頭腦的老頭。132Please respect copyright.PENANAczoCKuBdEG
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我:「這算什麼錯?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAag3hx5JLHN
132Please respect copyright.PENANAHACTawg5Ln
諸葛亮:「別急,我還沒說完。我問他:『汝女之容如何?』他回答我:『沉魚落雁、閉月羞花,汝見之,必驚為天人。』我考慮了一下,既可以拿到我想要的東西、還順便賺一個美女當老婆,這麼划算的事情不答應簡直是白癡,所以我就答應了。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAsMqk8P4U7R
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我:「這樣很好啊。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAB5jhP3SH6I
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諸葛亮面無表情用最快的速度說:「魚跟鳥都會被她嚇死,月跟花都不敢看她,我看到她,差點升天去見祖先。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAAS8dGllQo1
132Please respect copyright.PENANAhuo5et7hxM
……132Please respect copyright.PENANA1aO1DqrESe
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諸葛亮:「我後來私下探訪,才知道黃老頭的女兒根本是個滯銷品。她醜得用豬形容都侮辱豬,而且還不只是醜、醜我還可以接受,重點是她的個性又很差,差得用老母形容都侮辱老母啊。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAvKwe81BiAX
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你老母的個性到底是多差才會被你拿來這樣比喻啊!132Please respect copyright.PENANAXNtU3OxjMa
132Please respect copyright.PENANAxZjBaBNl37
諸葛亮:「我當然反悔了,但又不想把東西還給黃老頭,所以想賴帳。但黃老頭找了一群人來對付我,我打不贏又逃不掉,只好去找我師傅幫忙。但你知道我師傅跟我說什麼嗎?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAcGA06s8kib
132Please respect copyright.PENANAIJztkF1lx0
我:「什麼?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAVj3dAYZfwx
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諸葛亮:「他說:『這是你的報應。』」132Please respect copyright.PENANA3U44acYmM8
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是報應沒有錯啊。132Please respect copyright.PENANA6Emv6S35de
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不過,這到底哪門子因果報應劇場的劇情?你是諸葛亮耶,怎麼抱怨起來簡直像是菜市場的歐巴桑在抱怨一樣又臭又長?你知道你說話的長度觀眾看了會煩嗎?你知道你說話的方式像是我把我心裡的對白全部講出來一樣誇張嗎?說好的長話短說呢?132Please respect copyright.PENANAPIENnVqKuC
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重點是。132Please respect copyright.PENANAudbUSnGajf
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怪我嘍?132Please respect copyright.PENANACsKo4ycrhi
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我:「那是你自己搞出來的事,不要牽拖到我身上吧?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAUqTTQM7L8B
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諸葛亮:「抱歉。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAD2Mk8QtoIM
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我:「不接受行不行?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAU94EFQEGOU
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諸葛亮:「對不起。」132Please respect copyright.PENANADmmV3Oth2h
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……132Please respect copyright.PENANAGabQlXoB0w
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諸葛亮毫不在乎我的感受,繼續抱怨:「還有啊,既然你是後世的人應該知道吧,那個娘砲劉備硬是要我去當他的軍師。我可是要當皇帝的人,所以我當然拒絕他──誰知道他身邊一群流氓,我不幫忙就拿刀要砍我,所以我只能四處躲躲藏藏,希望不要被他找到。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAw8UQpy3n2z
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那我大概有三次被抓的機會。132Please respect copyright.PENANAVk9OeRqcoB
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「對了,我已經被抓到兩次了,如果你再被抓到可能只有死路一條,自己小心一點。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAcDF8RLXPyx
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去你妹的。132Please respect copyright.PENANAH6nEW5fEDk
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我:「你去找別人好不好?如果你需要,我可以推薦幾個人給你。」132Please respect copyright.PENANARDSxVjD7Qh
132Please respect copyright.PENANA3UXWzywl2H
那幾個向我借錢不還的、背後偷罵我的、賣黑心食品的、硬拆房子的、愛穿三角褲游泳的,我認為都是不錯的對象。132Please respect copyright.PENANAyb8NW7QsUf
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不要問我穿三角褲游泳哪裡錯了。132Please respect copyright.PENANA81TrDNA5pX
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但諸葛亮只是說:「你連自己的長相都忘了?」132Please respect copyright.PENANA8WExmMEqtr
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他說完,一面銅鏡浮現在我面前。132Please respect copyright.PENANAFr3ZPWCJIL
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我一看,鏡子裡只有諸葛亮。132Please respect copyright.PENANACrdzKSXoCC
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鏡子拿下,卻看到我自己。132Please respect copyright.PENANAjxd7bEYhBF
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諸葛亮:「你就是我、我就是你,別人沒辦法代替我。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAhwqQJo2JFj
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我無話可說。132Please respect copyright.PENANA0OEKGVptRu
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諸葛亮:「另外,大白天就在做白日夢的你,也算是異類了。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAw9hNay2Kkg
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我真的無話可說。132Please respect copyright.PENANAwz4la75vZN
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諸葛亮笑笑:「換個方向思考,跟我交換也不是只有壞處嘛。我這麼天才,你怎麼可能是個廢物?但我看你現在就是半個廢人,換個地方,看你能不能換個心情好好努力。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAgDZX03lPzg
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我:「那我會變成什麼樣子?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAEBxkfaynpY
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諸葛亮:「就這樣,時間差不多了,有沒有問題想問的?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAxUXTAmEsRe
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我剛才已經問了!132Please respect copyright.PENANAiTv07ImXV0
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他根本就只有抱怨啊,從頭到尾都只有抱怨啊,說好要交代的事情呢?132Please respect copyright.PENANAW3GUPz3REA
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我:「現在的我呢?會變成什麼樣子?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAJOJ2D77E99
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「我故意不想回答,你還是硬要問這個啊,真是沒有意義。」諸葛亮一臉我問錯問題的樣子。「算了,我就回答你吧。這個你大可以放心。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAgmM8HvhTC6
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我:「放心?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAJGL5cB6PnB
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諸葛亮笑著:「我已經準備好另一個身體,並不會跟你調換。所有認識你的人都會忘了你,那個世界不會有關於你的存在。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAkv3AeNy21L
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我喉頭一澀。132Please respect copyright.PENANA6yDfwocQgb
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根本笑不出來。132Please respect copyright.PENANArLrXpOe3Zt
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但諸葛亮只管他的我行我素:「最後提醒你一件事。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAmEVQ8qi4bY
132Please respect copyright.PENANAdPRDOcxtIA
那是一個頗有深意的笑容。132Please respect copyright.PENANAgrULUDbYiu
132Please respect copyright.PENANAup4c4TlxZJ
「歷史是會騙人的。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAULo4hP6WEn
132Please respect copyright.PENANAF8dfgzDJyi
我的視界陷入混沌當中。
ns216.73.216.238da2 132Please respect copyright.PENANAcJZefgQMys
不過那已經不重要了。132Please respect copyright.PENANAQLQGvn30H9
132Please respect copyright.PENANAIwDmcnNT0x
因為我醒來的時候,不,應該說我「在夢裡醒來的時候」,身處於一個莫名其妙的地方。132Please respect copyright.PENANASlY5byFEMn
132Please respect copyright.PENANAxINLtBPknj
那是一個用竹子搭建起來的房間,裡面有一套桌椅、一個衣櫃、一張床,必須用複數形容的只有凌亂四散的書籍,數量之多幾乎要淹沒整個房間。房間窗戶是打開的,透過窗戶往外看,是一大片的青竹林。132Please respect copyright.PENANAZwZo3FprIk
132Please respect copyright.PENANAwRWNXoUDfI
風一吹,竹葉的稀疏摩擦聲如海浪般一波未平一波又起。132Please respect copyright.PENANA7YQ58J6Ciu
132Please respect copyright.PENANAYqL0zdbmzA
風又吹,吹散了一個人的長髮。132Please respect copyright.PENANAiFKN8RNjYd
132Please respect copyright.PENANAXr8STmsxbZ
那個人坐在一張涼蓆上。他的皮膚是一種接近病態的蒼白、黑色長髮凌亂分岔披散在肩膀,他身上只有一件青布衣用腰帶寬鬆地繫住,更顯得過瘦的身軀弱不禁風。132Please respect copyright.PENANAwM0pcaMoTY
132Please respect copyright.PENANAq8BIPPrjSB
我想看清對方的面目,無奈那人素白的右手上拿著書,遮住了臉面。132Please respect copyright.PENANAYHwD1YTnwm
132Please respect copyright.PENANA3Yub6CTQ4M
似男類女,撲朔迷離。132Please respect copyright.PENANAoBN2Q3kSEz
132Please respect copyright.PENANA1Vi8Cnlsot
我坐起,無法理解眼前情形。132Please respect copyright.PENANAXPyJdnDj34
132Please respect copyright.PENANAhlzJN8nvPW
甩甩頭,卻什麼都沒有改變。132Please respect copyright.PENANAo7DWMLUQZw
132Please respect copyright.PENANAnyzUKUkROt
那個人注意到我醒了,放下書、抬起頭,開口:「早安。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAhldt2gqYsQ
132Please respect copyright.PENANACBklC5yxwx
我這時才看清楚對方的真面目。那是一張十分精緻漂亮的臉龐,膚白若雪、峨嵋皓齒,細柳般的髮絲垂下,一雙黑色的眼眸藏在若隱若現中。132Please respect copyright.PENANABJxIoV4dM0
132Please respect copyright.PENANA7RGZR0ssim
我幾乎以為那是個女人,但對方不讓我這麼想。132Please respect copyright.PENANAPCF4QPzcz3
132Please respect copyright.PENANAMHMNxy4wZI
他開口:「在下複姓諸葛,名亮,字孔明。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAoMvihTjch4
132Please respect copyright.PENANArvQIkCVt9L
我活在一個被三國演義淹沒的時代,電視劇、電影、遊戲、漫畫、小說,四處可見三國人物的名號,就算沒有特別研究,也不可能不知道這個名字。132Please respect copyright.PENANAOoSjTaItaC
132Please respect copyright.PENANA5LKPoi63nT
甚至可以說,聽到有點膩了。132Please respect copyright.PENANAQXiuagmjjH
132Please respect copyright.PENANAdmKsC9grqh
人會對未知感到迷惑、對迷惑感到恐懼。132Please respect copyright.PENANAp4vQOvSx9B
132Please respect copyright.PENANAFdVhl6tlgm
這時我只想笑。132Please respect copyright.PENANAmOQWre9RHh
132Please respect copyright.PENANAQEQa2uXclA
我:「這什麼整人節目?真是大手筆。」132Please respect copyright.PENANA5XFh5oYaDL
132Please respect copyright.PENANAFhmEhIZJ5l
那自稱諸葛亮的人──我就暫且叫他諸葛亮──放下書,起身走到我面前,饒有興趣地問:「整人節目?那是什麼?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAYFrqt69obJ
132Please respect copyright.PENANAFKCh07IwdI
我沒興趣跟他玩了,直接說:「換下一個人吧,我要走了。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAedbfrQfp7Y
132Please respect copyright.PENANAQoTegSF9TS
諸葛亮點點頭,伸手比向旁邊的竹門:「請便。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAuVoU8p2eEB
132Please respect copyright.PENANAXZVW4fYuEk
我走下床、打開門、走出去……132Please respect copyright.PENANAB7tGRSKiL2
132Please respect copyright.PENANA3BQehcvP6J
停住。132Please respect copyright.PENANAQEpM0UhBYe
132Please respect copyright.PENANAtfS09HnHbu
如果我沒看錯,眼前是藍天白雲、房子底下空空如也。132Please respect copyright.PENANAYI9zLuL5RR
132Please respect copyright.PENANAhbBC3uMv9Z
刺骨的寒風一吹,攪得我心頭一涼。132Please respect copyright.PENANAgaHZk3IWZI
132Please respect copyright.PENANAN5VaEwkHEL
我面無表情關上門,回頭。132Please respect copyright.PENANADOlDJjPqwz
132Please respect copyright.PENANAr2lajRPIZa
諸葛亮好整以暇坐在床上,開口:「這是模擬我住的地方想像出來的空間。如果你想要,說說看喜歡什麼樣的地方,我都能換給你。順便一提,想要冷、熱、痛甚至是奇癢,我都能你體會到。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAwqv07dOnnz
132Please respect copyright.PENANAunTrMZjP6k
諸葛亮冷笑:「不管你想不想要。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAIJL4FAMhgL
132Please respect copyright.PENANAWrsqlk3yHH
文言文我大致上都聽得懂,感謝我的國文老師。132Please respect copyright.PENANAxDpglNHtZh
132Please respect copyright.PENANAgDYbL0wtjB
太長的、比較難的,我就當場自己翻譯成白話文,這樣我比較好懂、大家也比較好懂──不要再跟我討論什麼古代人怎麼會說白話文的問題。132Please respect copyright.PENANAQD8R1Ezn7z
132Please respect copyright.PENANAqyckSOo8Wn
但我還是聽不懂諸葛亮想表達什麼。132Please respect copyright.PENANA88Th7ZrZXw
132Please respect copyright.PENANAdZZRpFAHvr
諸葛亮也不管我是不是理解了,自顧自開口:「聽你說話的方式,應該是生活在我的後世而非前世,真想跟你聊一聊以後的世界。可惜我們的時間不夠,有些事情該交代的,道義上我還是要向你交代一下。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAk9QevOgjPR
132Please respect copyright.PENANAOk92zultwz
我沒有理他,走到窗戶旁邊,探出頭。132Please respect copyright.PENANAbdJGb7RIxv
132Please respect copyright.PENANA9OYiBvZ6mQ
竹林消失,又是一片藍天白雲。132Please respect copyright.PENANAFopvQux0E0
132Please respect copyright.PENANAUXJLwrf1tT
怎麼辦?我只好祈禱。132Please respect copyright.PENANATbfA55cplD
132Please respect copyright.PENANAKwLx7p4pNL
萬能的天神啊,我知道錯了,我不該沒刷牙就睡覺。我以後一定會當一個乖寶寶的,如果這是夢,請快點讓我醒來吧。132Please respect copyright.PENANA80QkbcQkSY
132Please respect copyright.PENANAIoV9vqzQu6
然後我在自己臉上打了熱騰騰的一巴掌。132Please respect copyright.PENANAZIkCgBsNJ0
132Please respect copyright.PENANAxNDWc7CLDO
痛死我,不信也得信了。132Please respect copyright.PENANAapT9WMgQ9i
132Please respect copyright.PENANAeBH6eu3lqk
「後悔也來不及了、祈禱也沒有用的,這個世界沒有神。」諸葛亮好像看穿我在想什麼。「好好談談吧,對你不會有壞處的。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAdKK8bvH4a7
132Please respect copyright.PENANAUpIUAlObNF
我:「這是什麼情況?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAAitCfv9YH2
132Please respect copyright.PENANAZUEgFYWHFg
這比醒來的時候發現自己被關在密室腳上被綁著鐵鍊旁邊還只有一把生鏽的鋸子逼你把腿鋸掉還要扯的到底是什麼情況?132Please respect copyright.PENANAnv2tnRfnU5
132Please respect copyright.PENANA6DGrs7i0D8
我絕對沒有打錯字。132Please respect copyright.PENANAoBTzlvlCVX
132Please respect copyright.PENANA2e4kOI8Tg6
諸葛亮:「這裡是我設下的幻魂陣,能讓精神脫離肉體,直接進行交流。不過我不是要和你交流什麼,而是想讓你代替我。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAuO8kCPQSgQ
132Please respect copyright.PENANAMq9hCkOEuc
我:「代替?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAnZVLqLZSAT
132Please respect copyright.PENANAnSDJhqGKot
諸葛亮:「就是讓你變成我。」132Please respect copyright.PENANA2l7cjZkQZm
132Please respect copyright.PENANAKEj1XVSW2U
我:「為什麼?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAkSYoeUZEkd
132Please respect copyright.PENANAAOqKHulHvB
諸葛亮:「這說來話長。」132Please respect copyright.PENANA23hhwPsuCg
132Please respect copyright.PENANAkxboeMe19I
我:「那不要說好了。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAstHETiYtGh
132Please respect copyright.PENANA6BBHvbDLNH
諸葛亮:「但我還是想說一下。這得從我的志向開始說起。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAKGB8e5Kj2W
132Please respect copyright.PENANAh1rAsgCIkN
「什麼志向?」我隨口問。你想當第一任臨時大總統之類的嗎?132Please respect copyright.PENANAm9KTBW8r1m
132Please respect copyright.PENANAGqb3CDlgD6
諸葛亮:「第一,就是當皇帝。」132Please respect copyright.PENANABWONDfC0hW
132Please respect copyright.PENANAcTLILs0wHi
也差不多意思。132Please respect copyright.PENANAdKjA1iRapz
132Please respect copyright.PENANAUjpyIEXQEe
諸葛亮:「第二,就是把我喜歡的美女通通收入後宮。如果可以直接完成第二項,那第一項不用完成其實沒關係。」132Please respect copyright.PENANApjRazhomTc
132Please respect copyright.PENANAGnBCNoAthk
真是遠大的志向啊,佩服佩服。你個死色胚。132Please respect copyright.PENANAVgs51PYb39
132Please respect copyright.PENANAgSujYAWEfb
諸葛亮嘆了口氣:「唉,但我不小心犯了一個錯。為了完成我的遠大志向,我想要那老頭──一個叫黃承彥的老頭,我想要他的『四象八卦圖』,誰知道他只送不賣,說是要拿來當他女兒的嫁妝。」132Please respect copyright.PENANARpDXKOgEbY
132Please respect copyright.PENANAuGZcMKXaQ4
好個有商業頭腦的老頭。132Please respect copyright.PENANAczoCKuBdEG
132Please respect copyright.PENANARZFW5R7Iio
我:「這算什麼錯?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAag3hx5JLHN
132Please respect copyright.PENANAHACTawg5Ln
諸葛亮:「別急,我還沒說完。我問他:『汝女之容如何?』他回答我:『沉魚落雁、閉月羞花,汝見之,必驚為天人。』我考慮了一下,既可以拿到我想要的東西、還順便賺一個美女當老婆,這麼划算的事情不答應簡直是白癡,所以我就答應了。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAsMqk8P4U7R
132Please respect copyright.PENANATlxPvSCmK1
我:「這樣很好啊。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAB5jhP3SH6I
132Please respect copyright.PENANAVcARrXHJbr
諸葛亮面無表情用最快的速度說:「魚跟鳥都會被她嚇死,月跟花都不敢看她,我看到她,差點升天去見祖先。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAAS8dGllQo1
132Please respect copyright.PENANAhuo5et7hxM
……132Please respect copyright.PENANA1aO1DqrESe
132Please respect copyright.PENANAH2baN6Bk30
諸葛亮:「我後來私下探訪,才知道黃老頭的女兒根本是個滯銷品。她醜得用豬形容都侮辱豬,而且還不只是醜、醜我還可以接受,重點是她的個性又很差,差得用老母形容都侮辱老母啊。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAvKwe81BiAX
132Please respect copyright.PENANAW4wPbAXOeP
你老母的個性到底是多差才會被你拿來這樣比喻啊!132Please respect copyright.PENANAXNtU3OxjMa
132Please respect copyright.PENANAxZjBaBNl37
諸葛亮:「我當然反悔了,但又不想把東西還給黃老頭,所以想賴帳。但黃老頭找了一群人來對付我,我打不贏又逃不掉,只好去找我師傅幫忙。但你知道我師傅跟我說什麼嗎?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAcGA06s8kib
132Please respect copyright.PENANAIJztkF1lx0
我:「什麼?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAVj3dAYZfwx
132Please respect copyright.PENANAGkD4aEIua8
諸葛亮:「他說:『這是你的報應。』」132Please respect copyright.PENANA3U44acYmM8
132Please respect copyright.PENANAo1ntTPHZjB
是報應沒有錯啊。132Please respect copyright.PENANA6Emv6S35de
132Please respect copyright.PENANA2nxiZ6oWv5
不過,這到底哪門子因果報應劇場的劇情?你是諸葛亮耶,怎麼抱怨起來簡直像是菜市場的歐巴桑在抱怨一樣又臭又長?你知道你說話的長度觀眾看了會煩嗎?你知道你說話的方式像是我把我心裡的對白全部講出來一樣誇張嗎?說好的長話短說呢?132Please respect copyright.PENANAPIENnVqKuC
132Please respect copyright.PENANAnxmCbnHxuJ
重點是。132Please respect copyright.PENANAudbUSnGajf
132Please respect copyright.PENANAkWkc5Rv5aU
怪我嘍?132Please respect copyright.PENANACsKo4ycrhi
132Please respect copyright.PENANAepZCGzZRFz
我:「那是你自己搞出來的事,不要牽拖到我身上吧?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAUqTTQM7L8B
132Please respect copyright.PENANAGqUrd6osa5
諸葛亮:「抱歉。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAD2Mk8QtoIM
132Please respect copyright.PENANAUMoqxZN8BK
我:「不接受行不行?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAU94EFQEGOU
132Please respect copyright.PENANAmWCauxXhKz
諸葛亮:「對不起。」132Please respect copyright.PENANADmmV3Oth2h
132Please respect copyright.PENANArsyqXBX3y4
……132Please respect copyright.PENANAGabQlXoB0w
132Please respect copyright.PENANAym9oKepsIy
諸葛亮毫不在乎我的感受,繼續抱怨:「還有啊,既然你是後世的人應該知道吧,那個娘砲劉備硬是要我去當他的軍師。我可是要當皇帝的人,所以我當然拒絕他──誰知道他身邊一群流氓,我不幫忙就拿刀要砍我,所以我只能四處躲躲藏藏,希望不要被他找到。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAw8UQpy3n2z
132Please respect copyright.PENANAWfhdowkul7
那我大概有三次被抓的機會。132Please respect copyright.PENANAVk9OeRqcoB
132Please respect copyright.PENANAAhnhNoCtLH
「對了,我已經被抓到兩次了,如果你再被抓到可能只有死路一條,自己小心一點。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAcDF8RLXPyx
132Please respect copyright.PENANAc8ooEv8UDc
去你妹的。132Please respect copyright.PENANAH6nEW5fEDk
132Please respect copyright.PENANAu0lN59w9yP
我:「你去找別人好不好?如果你需要,我可以推薦幾個人給你。」132Please respect copyright.PENANARDSxVjD7Qh
132Please respect copyright.PENANA3UXWzywl2H
那幾個向我借錢不還的、背後偷罵我的、賣黑心食品的、硬拆房子的、愛穿三角褲游泳的,我認為都是不錯的對象。132Please respect copyright.PENANAyb8NW7QsUf
132Please respect copyright.PENANAWtsnQ0xFC3
不要問我穿三角褲游泳哪裡錯了。132Please respect copyright.PENANA81TrDNA5pX
132Please respect copyright.PENANABL6BVnaIRr
但諸葛亮只是說:「你連自己的長相都忘了?」132Please respect copyright.PENANA8WExmMEqtr
132Please respect copyright.PENANAWbsBwgW74X
他說完,一面銅鏡浮現在我面前。132Please respect copyright.PENANAFr3ZPWCJIL
132Please respect copyright.PENANAqCLGoGDJSI
我一看,鏡子裡只有諸葛亮。132Please respect copyright.PENANACrdzKSXoCC
132Please respect copyright.PENANAmNAYIhAMRp
鏡子拿下,卻看到我自己。132Please respect copyright.PENANAjxd7bEYhBF
132Please respect copyright.PENANALOwiDSt4h6
諸葛亮:「你就是我、我就是你,別人沒辦法代替我。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAhwqQJo2JFj
132Please respect copyright.PENANAx3W6k1C4Xr
我無話可說。132Please respect copyright.PENANA0OEKGVptRu
132Please respect copyright.PENANAqip9HfLII0
諸葛亮:「另外,大白天就在做白日夢的你,也算是異類了。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAw9hNay2Kkg
132Please respect copyright.PENANAVT4SMOhJNC
我真的無話可說。132Please respect copyright.PENANAwz4la75vZN
132Please respect copyright.PENANAgTGvfP1m9m
諸葛亮笑笑:「換個方向思考,跟我交換也不是只有壞處嘛。我這麼天才,你怎麼可能是個廢物?但我看你現在就是半個廢人,換個地方,看你能不能換個心情好好努力。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAgDZX03lPzg
132Please respect copyright.PENANARJ9GgPRm9B
我:「那我會變成什麼樣子?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAEBxkfaynpY
132Please respect copyright.PENANAFmevjLmPvg
諸葛亮:「就這樣,時間差不多了,有沒有問題想問的?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAxUXTAmEsRe
132Please respect copyright.PENANAdu8MzDBGiu
我剛才已經問了!132Please respect copyright.PENANAiTv07ImXV0
132Please respect copyright.PENANAzBHNv0dous
他根本就只有抱怨啊,從頭到尾都只有抱怨啊,說好要交代的事情呢?132Please respect copyright.PENANAW3GUPz3REA
132Please respect copyright.PENANAKAWgwUJSTr
我:「現在的我呢?會變成什麼樣子?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAJOJ2D77E99
132Please respect copyright.PENANANZvy5Rr6tM
「我故意不想回答,你還是硬要問這個啊,真是沒有意義。」諸葛亮一臉我問錯問題的樣子。「算了,我就回答你吧。這個你大可以放心。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAgmM8HvhTC6
132Please respect copyright.PENANAlSi9MQP4K2
我:「放心?」132Please respect copyright.PENANAJGL5cB6PnB
132Please respect copyright.PENANA6hBPibBzDj
諸葛亮笑著:「我已經準備好另一個身體,並不會跟你調換。所有認識你的人都會忘了你,那個世界不會有關於你的存在。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAkv3AeNy21L
132Please respect copyright.PENANAuAegNGtkaz
我喉頭一澀。132Please respect copyright.PENANA6yDfwocQgb
132Please respect copyright.PENANA51CPO8heRD
根本笑不出來。132Please respect copyright.PENANArLrXpOe3Zt
132Please respect copyright.PENANASOsqMnZnRY
但諸葛亮只管他的我行我素:「最後提醒你一件事。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAmEVQ8qi4bY
132Please respect copyright.PENANAdPRDOcxtIA
那是一個頗有深意的笑容。132Please respect copyright.PENANAgrULUDbYiu
132Please respect copyright.PENANAup4c4TlxZJ
「歷史是會騙人的。」132Please respect copyright.PENANAULo4hP6WEn
132Please respect copyright.PENANAF8dfgzDJyi
我的視界陷入混沌當中。