Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzjcOdE6TH
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ck4z8YnrB
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Vw8aBH7zW
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdLy0v98fa
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSX74CgfRly
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGfKBhXDCY
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDf7XmjLGK4
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqhW6ZEWX7
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhg85Oit8mC
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIL54YQfZR
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5fxcnD8xJ
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2DaIXEmSS
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ar3KopDxq
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5PojvX4vt
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2cSxub1dQ
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2Etrz5KeU
我：當然沒有啊。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQ9sq1NBOY
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzK4PFUP8M
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3yG6LuWsm
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGv7GpOxc20
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzL2R0zstp
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItFJmCHmNN
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaguJEgB1Bd
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYbj2ggUKH
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0IJaINsLB
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0Yh0Sybtw
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpA7w3Gqwb
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMCIYtW7mL
Priscilla：係呀。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczcaCdwPxF
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJYaaut9gt
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiioEBwI5nm
（我對她微笑地問。）444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHmw3KdpXJ
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqiwg3kZBl
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9klJT4FiH7
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cGwLBiUHY
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDto6e8yVY9
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAb2qbZ0is
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjv4tbB9Fm
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6blvDhB1s
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqFHYUGLsh
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXlx5Zkif2
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKs3zPXLzyK
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelYRFVVwtc
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLTPzQrn5y
我：不如就開個account啦。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qw87SQjRc
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaiAUtMVgE
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkh6AGVsw87
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqBohdEJcL
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYUUIn4AT6
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZFM7V6hR4
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnbC90NTGk
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUvjzDuB0F
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8eDjNGDH9Z
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzFu3mmd1x
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHGIzNhYNM
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwauT1uSmI
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvFCIe4RFf
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1Mc3QBnZe
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ynmg3qQXt
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84myTaT8XG
我：睇完先再算啦。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrzOlRl9Nk
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9Dz3Azezu
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRgBcqZKWp
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpi1TaKNLvE
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPJGFA4S2O
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9DWYPugSN
-----大年初一的早上-----444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8LDcxuPu4
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXaXaA0OIHF
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEUdHhnx6d
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpCFljB9D2
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLXk6GcAgP
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdpJ98SOAI
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTbyv1oMlI
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwx9Nr7MN5
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5y8xfTNPIb
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7m97T4O8er
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnvACeyOLs
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsRQk7T7x96
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfF4vsJFEy
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvJEkHxd0w
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxqd99gWyp
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxiBLJvAqET
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMEQrefC4N
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzA5UQWqPGc
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIt51OEfx1t
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu58t9BDsf8
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRnQvzi1T0
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxog7mVcTT
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItTLd85mB8
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrYl5cG1Fh
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyoE96ov4U
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa50GOkdPlF
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJVsI9vfFH
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ylbbTZnoF
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqJLXnq91j
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNy3Y3btys
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDtvcs0ucq
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzH3IbrRWPH
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeSqmLU9qM
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxen9sloHC0
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFrvS1BE7O
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSnvQ2o5Cl
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Jja6sP8K8
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MqszUFtch
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxstJAqAFld
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQEDPYAW4p
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLnjiABwol
我：咁拍咗幾耐？444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctnpXR1Whg
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKjJ2bkGeA
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xthGKQksS
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztIKO6f3aw
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0dRWuDuckB
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbd1TvOlwP
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3TqvhN9FTT
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NzrgQXwqP
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqglIEpBTpE
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLr0v1yL2W
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUiaFHk3eX
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpJLAA0z5w
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHVBjd4LpF
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iaWZ6r17h
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vIBzRK0pl
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uEw33pArP
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOSGlBzaTo
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxnTYp08XA
說著，我又說起自己的情史。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3DIkkhTBo
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMGyZ6WCtD
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuaf1E9JOE2
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcTEeBALju
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKS1tFXq2Gg
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LbTQYbr55
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdvxsA63he
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqbWIwuAYq
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1Kg3ZyRLb
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRN9mdO8CK
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunFz3nQwMD
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6JW671iVl
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8hBsDNoQV
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlR8nR0CRl
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11jYkowOJ4
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrxqvNL7pX
我：最後拍左一個月就散。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3sTT0vQcR
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBo2Yow8TR
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqV96QegpBh
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMrHBsi0bM
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhoBFvT08Y
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0DWiW0ZRz
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSgDVK07rv
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFn2dVPFL6L
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KnecN1SUn
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLs3lIvZIym
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeS64M3mCV8
這頓早茶，以AA制完。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKQrBZQX6G
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsBowgOWcZ
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfZT7yKDxO
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQRL7O1OBx
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2eJEK8Q69t
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPNDzsRwaH
我：下次再玩啦！444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvghXBzn3I4
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexvCkjoT0s
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxeHnsFkzwv
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhSklAy6Is
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYO6VGYsrC
444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCe4hqQ8REd
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。444Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73rzpoXcAb
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