Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rIQXsIFi7
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MG1KAUx9v
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdAOt9KPk1
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqmq3tNwjI
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBt6cVLdIE
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiq5r4VbENT
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bxSlGR0RY
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgMkkJRvzr
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQtusbQlIP
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDtSUl5VtK
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawxPobGpB7
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJ4RBaAZyr
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9AfQIWu6CG
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUP2123LjWR
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOIfEtyWesF
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycrja5Cc5a
我：當然沒有啊。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8NF1NsKRV
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jACULJR9E
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlBKj0i3exi
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQN2DwcktVh
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWLNCE99jN
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61BzD0f3uz
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lrlluqkEx
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn12SukZ0I5
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqmnVIS10K2
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSQPmG0oRA
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswA2vRSNjP
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqPyCxI6zH
Priscilla：係呀。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLDJM5jCg0
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rSvdQvKDI
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqZOae9R0e
（我對她微笑地問。）481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96WX9QoGHp
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHDAK2Dh04
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1YY8yUmkv
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFHwJGh9v3
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpfqWFmuPK
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrrVjmsxdm
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLF2Fi4Xn7X
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyed9ANSz80
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGjdmpVFP1
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5NlTX0tca
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKO6QnuhBJW
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD06jgM5cIm
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9Rd01uKVm
我：不如就開個account啦。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumdMdVAHf0
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBSQfoJYlC
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpFPGmXkug
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgTFsJHsK0
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvn0dinjQO1
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCHbO9UQNf
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMPfplPvnI
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluosmBDCo8
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDPp1BTdqF
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3itcD7mmOm
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06mPHVbC7w
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73I0FcYp5V
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalhmTCQeYs
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zvzFla8Kt
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI75Sgx1JWH
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVdiXBF8YR
我：睇完先再算啦。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJl0ao7m5d
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GB8P4rfeZ
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tohSJTdbf
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXAhvfBTpA
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡurWaP0RRtN
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTrG7aR1g4
-----大年初一的早上-----481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuGJ7iNYAV
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbc7AUAvkBZ
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsyBN2dxJk6
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDO5JpCpQ2
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXcYG7L9so
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsJS1JuauZ
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwfiGToZSr
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqwsrNnvTk
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgGLuRf0j4
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDOvkKhKyHP
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIX4ghrlXr
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tLGZjjPrc
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAuzIjRHTN
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTcZoNrC2NY
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7SKYWNc7Z
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIzpKSjh4B
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rgQpOQwf7
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFYF0LDJWd
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1swAHlgKv
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVlp2Q41g9
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGAarf3Cjk
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡql2gO4aFrM
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7rzbMLnUG
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JorSPs6Dr
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsxnX8ySt7
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcEYo9iLjt
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8i9Owhwlv
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuBJ5JBFJE
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1EHTJBbMy
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4WQwluZrN
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyzP9tI3MUW
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlQ0mg7HUc
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp40bKDnVHS
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fAZanyYY8
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QvQykWGlh
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0cO3c6uYY
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExOQlNV93O
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SuvbVunIT
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RV3bG8MRR
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0snpS3YVn
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjK3Y11fEMH
我：咁拍咗幾耐？481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXC0WwniRsv
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdscqDjJduB
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmx21WZZ6Zg
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOlrY85QUs
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8v2wpqqTPo
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpL5htH4O1X
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBXJ7cdetb
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD21uADfC0W
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlEJkmx67jx
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJtJXoJ8ZE
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwQHgppbr9
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0blbu1SMJ8
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosi6cvQIgX
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH04Oo4hA9m
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKsN3nDxi8
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHjv3XGkj2
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6poHkQI0hB
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYf8ccsublg
說著，我又說起自己的情史。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfF3FXJ3B1T
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaewK2KnXgr
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiH3sGStwfn
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9pJUoc3b0
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zj03a17J8
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTz00u9t9x
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVY0JaZHD9
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf12tJ1gomd
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtjw3l1NCz
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4jISBIKr0
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1DCHxDpT9
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKylupT5Kg
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76RAzcNGfF
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUinM0IP3b
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7SbhRA9Sop
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGN92y0I2B
我：最後拍左一個月就散。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3X6bIVqi90
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSGpAg1Y1d
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQcmJXCbXn
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYeIXVa29y
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgXGkxTCNh
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRipv6VEYj
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9zsyvIIdL
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoW2vwWe7q6
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50hbymyRm7
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVFHsQCXHT
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDen9rwa0oX
這頓早茶，以AA制完。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVx8atdfx7
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsRAzpykcY
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcCa8ZsYcl
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBwm2MQWB1t
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tZax614UP
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxI53xMIBss
我：下次再玩啦！481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3yqRQ90aDv
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TFvOr4r3L
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkNdbklxjs
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEBFZhnT70
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGz4J9sAOJ0
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FazoQQny9
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8Rrt8cNW5
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