Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoZbvAjbYQ
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FWXGAdXaX
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRrFQBXRCV
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgGO4ah5WZ
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5cWCaz4f1
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjxq692XXb
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdKCGyCW0r
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zq0qTMACv
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz79BLUXtsc
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wQvB7skow
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgLr3T55bP
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3f0jk9FOZP
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoxNMbUxTc
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQu6nTBIig
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMBmSVX47s
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1pNRWQcJe
我：當然沒有啊。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAA6Z0x04Ce
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2MO8eB8ZY
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXIpV0XXme
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBQcdioQhW
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAb13tE7JgK
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpN35sTqGy
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7d6PCAk3q
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzpX9RWKnJ
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPNNLvGJxd
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvNCzYRpuE
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxNXzlIyJ9
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6962UnyN13
Priscilla：係呀。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hDq0TCTaS
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Ax5bARVgc
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtE0igV2yl
（我對她微笑地問。）497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAj2f0s446k
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIX7DEKBDSE
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACOYAj6Wx6
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSbbg3AeVI
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOVU6jPWER
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6zcRsrzr9
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0QtzJNtiV
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94DenjLuHC
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMSD9AfbFU
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoG7mxqsLJ
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9eceFAyol
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwniLFKDKjY
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjoDzkttRnT
我：不如就開個account啦。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbOO6XNbG7
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQdO2lSIjp
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN67IfXiOOd
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrT1mDleW0K
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZScwxCrtiF
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5jCV7IdWb
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVWfXMVf3iF
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVGwT7P5D2
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXjYpjcLng
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYv1aBstBa
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YAhgYyWQP
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPFhCbxIXU1
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsVJrNV5lS
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpPu9kHSMS
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBV9FUKWIWW
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmXCYsvhXC
我：睇完先再算啦。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQ1snernZS
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HMwIS6Paj
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoM1RznpXvD
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaC43mQ16q5
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTA80kICRm
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthqksDgnzp
-----大年初一的早上-----497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6428hFwvAC
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExJLKrKj3T
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMV68QECRFo
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6QHTl9BT9
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRq5R1xRYXM
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcH8Eiia7c
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZhaPFpdIZ
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZWh5bhXx1
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6eikFDWBx
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkh0mdHs9xI
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfsndXLyEH
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlLkR242ad
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoLgBRwbCK
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAYHk5e6gm
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaOaUw1SA4
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGoC55d5a0f
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLoWs47EVc
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBbbjj3T7I
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtm3Mz9k5zn
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGR50fGHUeS
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rmZeaf3uv
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡotO9RPEQxb
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWINpWTJej
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcB7scMhFPE
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjhWT5bBBZ
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TNwjDdhGN
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77qZ5zRw8c
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ONH9Lz7cy
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQm0uNqThb
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9e9W7dsun
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTPK4P3wCj
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNMUw8W5Ys
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9of1t5wPp
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxKCyco3KH
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMA2JX9zEl7
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6leoEQ98RC
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVo3tCgncp
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltZ8cFMkfY
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjQEG6xAxV
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGR9xawKCGZ
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcbZ8FK44b
我：咁拍咗幾耐？497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSvCByC1Jh
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWGtOs6REc
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUuNTFdhk40
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5Jjfaicnf
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJk5hjOtpzq
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67ujCWhMmq
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XEzzLxKb0
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wCpFhqgff
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhSgqW5HLE
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxKGfGEyGV
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecGgWAJpwA
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKMarpGF5B
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrCL8Jhruj
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlkDCCUpGQ
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TAuEXVWzn
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNInNJUv2lc
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKh2jmMVt02
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUPZoG6sD9
說著，我又說起自己的情史。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVo19K0dI4n
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhFCB7RJiw
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0VWUvBOHF
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0K9lDwpe16
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPug06IquL
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMNvaq5TbQ
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFHXLU4ZYX
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5ryMOqiIh
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPlI07HhYV
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3bTK7Jilf
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiftvyvn3nx
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnnwHc7vww
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyRHSdenBn
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCebUlIEYbR
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡof2BD4I5vk
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykxRV7ZhKL
我：最後拍左一個月就散。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBPRmmBJuS
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GO5ykxo7d
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwHHgAJQ2Zr
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5czdkKz0sE
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4mxvlMFsV
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWSkHN5Fyv
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgH17bGVM3x
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BhBpaURbg
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAYbl0eL1h
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAteu0BonUw
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfDRlMXQg7
這頓早茶，以AA制完。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡciTEZA62TF
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlR50vxXOH7
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0opI4QpyU
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YkIUBU21h
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIZ8EDuaQz
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRhiEWEB5Q
我：下次再玩啦！497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtc8H3PxzE5
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNM0gdzumf
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQrd3FisPv
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOuXfneDkc
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSPM7T8dpd
497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXejqpGWtpP
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。497Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDf1m3j3Up
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