Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODZDAdodoI
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjImSaOxH0h
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZtAO8Cixb
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WL3oxOugf
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfMycXWMBk
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWusExs5LnF
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7HULj9XOS
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbtDE68RL7
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBiGSc00lo
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7LzqWnQAj
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BtAelrXwW
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYJShY12Ss
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAnSMdV3lXw
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncllOkMp9j
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaP8UylrY9H
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJuiWVl4zi
我：當然沒有啊。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaXAdsiDbc
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgXKztPhaC
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdXuZKHwAY
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPvYMBMDFD
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6dxhplpyR
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2w3KlGKmx
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDYX4ghFM8
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYMYzoBtTN
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSyGqRHFl4
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp3RCAsSvgC
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUMiNDVxCu
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlE9eaFe61
Priscilla：係呀。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MjaTa32Wt
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixSUuJaZlu
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUD9htrcFLK
（我對她微笑地問。）448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDVfTHOQMu
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7ttflPqqw
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRfVzGhOPt
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPHZr8udAl
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3Z1LYk3sO
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9OQvnQt6UI
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gXKnoq9L1
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhNovq3QJE
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpRy6Fgb7T
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUvjeh7fRS
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfe4lbOqnWW
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQgByGNqxu
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mLIBu9hTH
我：不如就開個account啦。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPz1OH6mnsd
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYNK66rqaw
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mGz2GCgjz
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGD7dqKEgZ
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHF1foL3LMk
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEylszCtET
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7819eonTpW
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFG3s5iTskj
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZqKT4rG8N
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrhmjqUAgs
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7vfJ773gw
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs12owsBsxz
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OZcbC3Fk2
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiWopqotIQ
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUGzimP6aU
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbqO7eJVQY
我：睇完先再算啦。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPezFGR4Kr
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6BXIcnag2
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63VmIF52lT
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWGGo8Coh5
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NGv0iBuar
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFF9MllLEO
-----大年初一的早上-----448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJivx5qaqPG
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFW9Yl4GaP
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4LLlOl1PN
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8nUdZZs12
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieugJFCSEa
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHuXPZ5Zkps
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFi6LXkQgp2
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmczkf60X2a
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf18aJTPhhc
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdH4Chw63Uv
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3KJabIYdW
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFIYhjMDcs
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mzmFlFwu1
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREMHpkTqhg
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaVfDRW20y
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkJVrEKMZi
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bdK88wAMu
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPy2GVeNMG7
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZiPkFutdT
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw86ruuF9QR
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoHcuO8D6B
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9ynJMqzrM
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9V34xtndh6
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzALDRGeJt
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeC0uFghLUb
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlAzUlwd4J
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TjGRXSlKV
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJ1brl1Jnt
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQAFh8FyBw
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5ebhGYjxe
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3tcWPnz9f
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnfRDYBs7K
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHaWkwNXijE
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNmEcf0Hoc
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8EunDdr4K
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOB0S9Z5Dmn
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhR2pK0EjYJ
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpLEAhYqHI
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECdOegLNKf
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXCKXi4ck6
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSc20STy4Ps
我：咁拍咗幾耐？448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRj5cRE4TH
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsrGzWKJwi
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSeOZuTl87
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjB6B7d0Uqu
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsTey5PzNK
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xsjADEwiX
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1uUCVaWEM
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEkGt48O6G
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqEAzQYyOb
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnRrfCIEQG
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ogGPyhnCv
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVUO6WT1FE
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBnyck8KyR
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkn3id0HnX6
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNggOaag0L6
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkgpjIpcTi
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrutGfkYRKe
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsftgUzsdRk
說著，我又說起自己的情史。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEGfNhpKS7U
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfBVlbLThL
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiq7y1PbrSq
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwL8K2A2QU
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWU2yR9wUe
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZ4vshq69M
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZP0Fe0wLuX
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOO5Y6GBfS
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsgbHYxIZe
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFh9EM1rZA
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtaFV3MLJ9
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EzNvjrYJF
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn79iIuSAmm
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7h3zX3JeRo
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMeJ54oncr
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBr9edlICD
我：最後拍左一個月就散。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bEd3VXq01
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSN08etaQG
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgya4EFQIrz
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQusXyfn5Z
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtoJBRW2oR
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOXzgi3YyI
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl95XfAAdo6
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6OaSaNlQR
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfPGeOzRTl
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx42ekdmoyW
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gd3fB5E9L
這頓早茶，以AA制完。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjpf6HnyxQ
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0WiXU28Bg
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmyfyO45JC5
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UcNcCl3DZ
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60vVCnxVnz
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxsLFYv2sO
我：下次再玩啦！448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7c9UjvfTvX
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIWlxOxzpT
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPyVGwn233
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELqNe1WxBn
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIpVYVqS4F
448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmx6Ulw5iO
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKIMdg3tC3
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