I savored every moment of her lips.
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I memorized each fold of them and our tongues danced together. It was full of desire and need. I needed her more than I'd ever needed anyone. She was a dream and I was asleep. I never wanted to wake up from her.
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Our lips connected like the last piece to a puzzle I never wanted to take apart. I held her cheek gently in my palm pulling her more into me. She wrapped her arms completely around me, letting her fingers play with my hair. We pulled away after a short moment breathless and drunk.
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"We shouldn't be doing this." My voice came out as a whisper.
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"We shouldn't." She whispered back.
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I pecked her forehead lightly and continued down by her cheeks to her neck. With closed eyes and parted lips she didn't object to my kisses. "I can stop if you want me to."I gently spoke once I reached her ear. I pulled her head back so she would look at me. "Don't stop."
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A small smile creeped onto my face as I realized she was enjoying herself as much as I was.
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I kissed down her neck leaving small bites on her skin and with every bite, a suppressed moan was released from her lips. Throwing the journal on the bed behind us, I skimmed her body with my other hand until I reached the hem of her dress. Holding her gaze, I played with the edge of her dress letting my fingers graze her thigh. She took her hands and wrapped them around my biceps pressing her nails into my skin. I searched her eyes for permission to go further and my permission was granted when she placed her hand on top of mine and guided it to the bare skin under the lacey fabric.
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She had complete control of me.
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I would do anything she asked of me unashamedly. I don't know how or why I let her have that much power over me but there was no going back. I was consumed by her.
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I slid my fingers to the top of her clit while watching her grab onto me tighter. I carefully ran my fingers across her slit letting her flood my fingers. A small hum escaped her lips and she closed her eyes to my touch. She buried her head into my neck and I could hear her breathing hitch under me. I tugged her hair back lightly so we'd be face to face. "Don't move, I want to watch you." I spoke quietly on her lips. She didn't move, her eyes darted side to side nervously then ended back on me.
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Her gaze held mine as I took two fingers and slid them inside of her. Her eyes widened and I felt her legs weaken. I glided my fingers inside and lifted my thumb to rub her clit. I began repeating a circular motion, watching her fight and suppress her moans. It took everything inside of me not to push her on the bed and roam her body. I knew I shouldn't do that, I knew I shouldn't be doing any of the thingsI was doing but I had this indescribable urge to be near her, to touch her, to please her.
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I couldn't tell if it was the alcohol but I couldn't keep away from her.
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I kept on with this motion until I felt her nails dig into me once again. Her eyes closed and her lips opened wide as she released a shaky breath. I kissed her once I felt her tighten on my fingers and felt her dripping down my hand.
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I removed my hand from inside of her pulling her head back gently by her hair and rubbed my fingers onto her lips before pushing them into her mouth. She quietly obliged, sucking my fingers dry not looking away from me once. I took my fingers out of her mouth and replaced them with my own lips. She tasted better than I could imagine. I withheld myself from doing more because I knew at any moment I could wake up from this dream and realize I was sabotaging my relationship with her even more.
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I pulled away with low eyes, feeling more drunk as the night continued. "Are you okay?" She answered with a nod.
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"Are you sure?" I pressed further. She lifted herself up and pecked my nose. "I promise I am."
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I released a breath of relief after her reassurance and embraced her in a hug. We stayed like this for a few minutes quietly until I realized how late it was.
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"I should go." I backed away from her grabbing my journal off of the bed.
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"You should stay. You're drunk and it's late."
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"I don't know if that's a good idea."
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"I know but-"
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"Summer I can't lose you. Last time I kissed you, you disappeared and I didn't know if I'd see you again. I can't risk that happening again."
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She sat with my words and reflected. Appearing to be deep in thought she turned over to her bed and dipped herself under the covers. "Just stay until I fall asleep."
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I gave her a look of defeat and relaxed my shoulders before I walked over to the other side of the bed. I laid on the pillow beside her with my eyes on the ceiling. Her hand rested on my cheek and I turned to look at her. "I wont leave this time."
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I didn't need any more words of confirmation after that. She could be lying to me straight through her teeth but I didn't care. I just thought to enjoy the calm before the storm. I watched her cozy up under the blanket shifting from her back to her side to face me. I didn't get under the covers with her so I didn't get too comfortable and end up falling asleep. It didn't take long for her to drift into a deep sleep. I silently admired her peacefulness and watched her expressions change periodically through the night. She must've been having a dream.
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I know I was supposed to leave once she fell asleep but I was glued to this bed.
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I spent the rest of the night in my head.
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I didn't realize how late it was until my phone alarm went off at seven in the morning. I'd been here for only four hours but it felt like one. I didn't sleep at all. I couldn't bring myself to sleep with all the thoughts I had racing through my head. I turned my alarm off as quickly as I could so I wouldn't wake her but when I turned over she was gone.
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I sat up searching the room for a sign of where she went but came up blank. My head was spinning and my throat was dehydrated from all the liquor still in my system. I stood up slowly holding on to my head trying to ground myself when I heard a door slam. I turned over to where the noise came from and it was from outside of her room I cracked her door open to see her figure standing by the front door with her arms crossed.
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"Why are you here?"
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"You gave me the key, I'm just grabbing a couple things I won't be long."
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I heard a male voice that sounded familiar.
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"Jason you can't just butt in and out of my apartment as you please. Privacy still exists."
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"You gave up that privacy when you gave me a spare key. Besides, I've seen everything here before there's nothing to hide."
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I couldn't quite see him because of how small the crack in the door was, and I didn't want to risk revealing myself. All I could see was him standing over Summer with his back facing me. She looked over at her room door where I was peaking but I don't think she noticed me because she had a blank expression on her face. His head moved towards the kitchen to the coffee machine.
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"You're making coffee? It must've been a wild night then."
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"Yeah, Gwen and I went out for drinks. Do you want a cup?"
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"It looks like there's already to cups out." He turned to her and she froze in place. "Why do you have two cups out already if you weren't expecting me over? Who's the other one for?"
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His eyes scanned the apartment and I saw her look back at her room door this time noticing me.
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"Gwen is coming back over we're having a girls day."
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He didn't respond. He looked over at her room door and I moved myself from the crack carefully so I would go unnoticed. I heard footsteps approaching the door.
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"Jace? What do you need from my room?"
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"I just want to check something."
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I panicked scanning the room for a hiding place and chose to hide in her closet. The door swung open and I heard his heavy steps hitting the floor. I heard Summer sigh frustratedly behind the door.
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"Jace you always do this. No one's here."
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I heard the bathroom door swing open and the shower curtain pull back. I felt a bead of sweat forming on my forehead knowing that the only other place for him to check would be her closet. I tried my best to burry myself deep into her closet, using her close as an extra layer to hide under.
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"You know I just hate when you go out so late, it makes me wonder what you're doing out for so long."
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"I know but I can't stay in my apartment forever, I have a life y'know?"
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"If it were up to me, you wouldn't." The room grew silent and I heard footsteps leaving the room going towards the kitchen. After a minute I stepped out and glanced around making sure they left.
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"You'll come if you really care about me." His voice echoed.
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"Fine, I'll see you tonight then." I heard the last part of their conversation before the front door slammed shut. She stood by door looking through the peep hole until he left then let a relieved sigh out. I opened the door and stepped into her living room looking at her tired eyes.
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We didn't speak.
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I sat down on the island stool and watched her pour coffee into her pink mug and into a white one. She added hazelnut creamer and two sugars before sliding it on the counter in my direction. After doing the same to hers, she stood across from me leaning into the island while hugging her cup with her hands.
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"I have to go out of town for a few days."
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"For?"
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"A business trip."
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"A business trip?" I scoffed at the lame excuse she gave me. "So we're going to pretend Jason doesnt have anything to do with it?"
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"He doesn't."
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"Summer don't lie to me, we're way past that. Does he always act that way?"
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"What way?"
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"Like he owns you?"
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"He doesn't act like he owns me he just cares about me and just overprotective."
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"Bullshit."
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"I don't need relationship advice from you."
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"Well you need it from someone, that guys no good for you."
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"Thomas, don't. You don't get to tell me what's good for me."
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"Oh, so only you can tell me what's good for me since you're a therapist?"
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"No, but you don't get to pry into my life and add your opinion on my relationship, especially not when you haven't even figured out yours."
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I sat there with her words. There was some truth to it but it stung. I was the last person to be putting judgement onto her, especially when it came to relationships. Here I was, obsessed with my therapist and emotionally detached from my actual girlfriend who I didn't have the guts to let go. She knew this too, she knew all of it. There was a power imbalance in our relationship. She knew so much more about me than I knew about her. She's seen me in the most vulnerable and exposed state and I haven't even scratched the surface of her life. She had control over me and I think a part of her recognized that.
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"I'm sorry. I know you think you're helping but it's best you stay out of it."
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"You deserve someone better."
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"You don't know what I deserve."
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Silence filled the room. We sat drinking coffee for a little longer and I decided it was time for me to leave. "When will I see you again?"
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"Soon."
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