現行大學教育體制下的犧牲品,完畢。
接著說故事。讓我為剛才冗長、不簡略、沒有重點、根本騙字數的自我介紹道歉,這裡我一言以蔽之。
一個小白臉靠老婆過活的日子,以上。
當然有人想問:「這有什麼好說的?」
我會這樣回答:「這小白臉很出名。」
他叫,諸葛亮孔明。
故事的開始有點模糊,因為我記得我人在宿舍,剛吃完一塊雞排、用可樂漱口,沒有刷牙就倒在床上睡著。附帶一提,時間是星期三早上八點,一整天的課大概都得翹掉。117Please respect copyright.PENANAnHJibURRTN
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不過那已經不重要了。117Please respect copyright.PENANA5AzbS1MmGf
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因為我醒來的時候,不,應該說我「在夢裡醒來的時候」,身處於一個莫名其妙的地方。117Please respect copyright.PENANAzRN1M4lfWF
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那是一個用竹子搭建起來的房間,裡面有一套桌椅、一個衣櫃、一張床,必須用複數形容的只有凌亂四散的書籍,數量之多幾乎要淹沒整個房間。房間窗戶是打開的,透過窗戶往外看,是一大片的青竹林。117Please respect copyright.PENANAQ5NkNx7X8e
117Please respect copyright.PENANA8pIyZyewDu
風一吹,竹葉的稀疏摩擦聲如海浪般一波未平一波又起。117Please respect copyright.PENANAFGH77xB0I0
117Please respect copyright.PENANAKPk2I5Zh3h
風又吹,吹散了一個人的長髮。117Please respect copyright.PENANAQHJ54s7tYK
117Please respect copyright.PENANA6her541ryx
那個人坐在一張涼蓆上。他的皮膚是一種接近病態的蒼白、黑色長髮凌亂分岔披散在肩膀,他身上只有一件青布衣用腰帶寬鬆地繫住,更顯得過瘦的身軀弱不禁風。117Please respect copyright.PENANAMSJsfzKbEW
117Please respect copyright.PENANAgLNpjzkRVG
我想看清對方的面目,無奈那人素白的右手上拿著書,遮住了臉面。117Please respect copyright.PENANAhvf5lIVS6H
117Please respect copyright.PENANAhsyXSqwmxj
似男類女,撲朔迷離。117Please respect copyright.PENANA0gxvr5lEgJ
117Please respect copyright.PENANADdEYrJenbw
我坐起,無法理解眼前情形。117Please respect copyright.PENANAXbCufTgnGb
117Please respect copyright.PENANAhZeg51jSLC
甩甩頭,卻什麼都沒有改變。117Please respect copyright.PENANACjt6kD0kHm
117Please respect copyright.PENANAduZsaaSsOM
那個人注意到我醒了,放下書、抬起頭,開口:「早安。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAVZm2eJhoTO
117Please respect copyright.PENANAlWnUuQPuHW
我這時才看清楚對方的真面目。那是一張十分精緻漂亮的臉龐,膚白若雪、峨嵋皓齒,細柳般的髮絲垂下,一雙黑色的眼眸藏在若隱若現中。117Please respect copyright.PENANAtJwehi3550
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我幾乎以為那是個女人,但對方不讓我這麼想。117Please respect copyright.PENANA5xaaMPaQ7W
117Please respect copyright.PENANAqPX0Z76uL1
他開口:「在下複姓諸葛,名亮,字孔明。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAJiCMMUPoUQ
117Please respect copyright.PENANA0WMdb1tTg4
我活在一個被三國演義淹沒的時代,電視劇、電影、遊戲、漫畫、小說,四處可見三國人物的名號,就算沒有特別研究,也不可能不知道這個名字。117Please respect copyright.PENANAvBHIfbJC4k
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甚至可以說,聽到有點膩了。117Please respect copyright.PENANAZcJMloNaY0
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人會對未知感到迷惑、對迷惑感到恐懼。117Please respect copyright.PENANAUoTMxXVzNe
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這時我只想笑。117Please respect copyright.PENANA9Qi969uTiu
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我:「這什麼整人節目?真是大手筆。」117Please respect copyright.PENANA1MaBM2LYts
117Please respect copyright.PENANAY0XqSl8GDc
那自稱諸葛亮的人──我就暫且叫他諸葛亮──放下書,起身走到我面前,饒有興趣地問:「整人節目?那是什麼?」117Please respect copyright.PENANA06O6mXqbQN
117Please respect copyright.PENANAp7uEURzWme
我沒興趣跟他玩了,直接說:「換下一個人吧,我要走了。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAEQFPAErlru
117Please respect copyright.PENANAgY9yzwe2s5
諸葛亮點點頭,伸手比向旁邊的竹門:「請便。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAWlzAwqY7n2
117Please respect copyright.PENANAwyJNsrnPAB
我走下床、打開門、走出去……117Please respect copyright.PENANAaAjkR8yrl3
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停住。117Please respect copyright.PENANAxARlki6PaH
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如果我沒看錯,眼前是藍天白雲、房子底下空空如也。117Please respect copyright.PENANAO5M23B8Bw6
117Please respect copyright.PENANAPTnPTWjJpF
刺骨的寒風一吹,攪得我心頭一涼。117Please respect copyright.PENANAOhxFTyHz0V
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我面無表情關上門,回頭。117Please respect copyright.PENANAntMv58XrK0
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諸葛亮好整以暇坐在床上,開口:「這是模擬我住的地方想像出來的空間。如果你想要,說說看喜歡什麼樣的地方,我都能換給你。順便一提,想要冷、熱、痛甚至是奇癢,我都能你體會到。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAt0jt1fG5oR
117Please respect copyright.PENANA10ogS2PQc7
諸葛亮冷笑:「不管你想不想要。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAGMmmhbcIix
117Please respect copyright.PENANAugcnF7w88W
文言文我大致上都聽得懂,感謝我的國文老師。117Please respect copyright.PENANAfTLvZJKMMH
117Please respect copyright.PENANAiuYCdceZmN
太長的、比較難的,我就當場自己翻譯成白話文,這樣我比較好懂、大家也比較好懂──不要再跟我討論什麼古代人怎麼會說白話文的問題。117Please respect copyright.PENANA2HbFVbNLfS
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但我還是聽不懂諸葛亮想表達什麼。117Please respect copyright.PENANA4XDfSy1DXp
117Please respect copyright.PENANA9bJQwoJ4Oo
諸葛亮也不管我是不是理解了,自顧自開口:「聽你說話的方式,應該是生活在我的後世而非前世,真想跟你聊一聊以後的世界。可惜我們的時間不夠,有些事情該交代的,道義上我還是要向你交代一下。」117Please respect copyright.PENANADctknqUpPz
117Please respect copyright.PENANA4NbZiNMmZQ
我沒有理他,走到窗戶旁邊,探出頭。117Please respect copyright.PENANArxFh1IvVhg
117Please respect copyright.PENANA5PEc2KyZmT
竹林消失,又是一片藍天白雲。117Please respect copyright.PENANApcVpNYEiay
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怎麼辦?我只好祈禱。117Please respect copyright.PENANAXRrMrEA2Bj
117Please respect copyright.PENANAI9vUCCKgiB
萬能的天神啊,我知道錯了,我不該沒刷牙就睡覺。我以後一定會當一個乖寶寶的,如果這是夢,請快點讓我醒來吧。117Please respect copyright.PENANAZ7zC5CBdrI
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然後我在自己臉上打了熱騰騰的一巴掌。117Please respect copyright.PENANAxhmEJAyFTg
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痛死我,不信也得信了。117Please respect copyright.PENANANBiLLjnVIw
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「後悔也來不及了、祈禱也沒有用的,這個世界沒有神。」諸葛亮好像看穿我在想什麼。「好好談談吧,對你不會有壞處的。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAn8Plgwj83N
117Please respect copyright.PENANAyLRotgiE62
我:「這是什麼情況?」117Please respect copyright.PENANAOxb5fKsTaf
117Please respect copyright.PENANA61IKPPupyy
這比醒來的時候發現自己被關在密室腳上被綁著鐵鍊旁邊還只有一把生鏽的鋸子逼你把腿鋸掉還要扯的到底是什麼情況?117Please respect copyright.PENANAMSQY6y3oZ9
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我絕對沒有打錯字。117Please respect copyright.PENANA4QZvLoG1sS
117Please respect copyright.PENANAtdjcgd49Ox
諸葛亮:「這裡是我設下的幻魂陣,能讓精神脫離肉體,直接進行交流。不過我不是要和你交流什麼,而是想讓你代替我。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAKgjv7uYVoG
117Please respect copyright.PENANAhZpfCQCQkP
我:「代替?」117Please respect copyright.PENANAwLrULNe1ws
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諸葛亮:「就是讓你變成我。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAn9VBn8cXU6
117Please respect copyright.PENANA9E4WcKeX5s
我:「為什麼?」117Please respect copyright.PENANADiCSD01N5R
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諸葛亮:「這說來話長。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAyv2OOI1zSE
117Please respect copyright.PENANAapYAlGpMxV
我:「那不要說好了。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAOQlCnTcV2E
117Please respect copyright.PENANAoToX6jZQx5
諸葛亮:「但我還是想說一下。這得從我的志向開始說起。」117Please respect copyright.PENANADNpvblqiPm
117Please respect copyright.PENANAmElA25Zjhr
「什麼志向?」我隨口問。你想當第一任臨時大總統之類的嗎?117Please respect copyright.PENANAJPhhsiqoeJ
117Please respect copyright.PENANAMJBA5fViM1
諸葛亮:「第一,就是當皇帝。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAgh9E2iIF24
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也差不多意思。117Please respect copyright.PENANAza5E2UEf9X
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諸葛亮:「第二,就是把我喜歡的美女通通收入後宮。如果可以直接完成第二項,那第一項不用完成其實沒關係。」117Please respect copyright.PENANA42uEWqm7gI
117Please respect copyright.PENANAvCSprASe0a
真是遠大的志向啊,佩服佩服。你個死色胚。117Please respect copyright.PENANAw6CtUhNZUU
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諸葛亮嘆了口氣:「唉,但我不小心犯了一個錯。為了完成我的遠大志向,我想要那老頭──一個叫黃承彥的老頭,我想要他的『四象八卦圖』,誰知道他只送不賣,說是要拿來當他女兒的嫁妝。」117Please respect copyright.PENANACww1dtnEoG
117Please respect copyright.PENANAYBfJVzcoLL
好個有商業頭腦的老頭。117Please respect copyright.PENANAvSsLYMFIhO
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我:「這算什麼錯?」117Please respect copyright.PENANA01IqlPLa7v
117Please respect copyright.PENANABxAnRKU1fA
諸葛亮:「別急,我還沒說完。我問他:『汝女之容如何?』他回答我:『沉魚落雁、閉月羞花,汝見之,必驚為天人。』我考慮了一下,既可以拿到我想要的東西、還順便賺一個美女當老婆,這麼划算的事情不答應簡直是白癡,所以我就答應了。」117Please respect copyright.PENANApHvItB168u
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我:「這樣很好啊。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAfuq8jkg3Nr
117Please respect copyright.PENANAH5kOX5ujiu
諸葛亮面無表情用最快的速度說:「魚跟鳥都會被她嚇死,月跟花都不敢看她,我看到她,差點升天去見祖先。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAeZqwnGzxKp
117Please respect copyright.PENANAOWeXHJjUSe
……117Please respect copyright.PENANAvpmjk0oICb
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諸葛亮:「我後來私下探訪,才知道黃老頭的女兒根本是個滯銷品。她醜得用豬形容都侮辱豬,而且還不只是醜、醜我還可以接受,重點是她的個性又很差,差得用老母形容都侮辱老母啊。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAYXrd6XR5a2
117Please respect copyright.PENANAVSa9L8SUbF
你老母的個性到底是多差才會被你拿來這樣比喻啊!117Please respect copyright.PENANAYQu6m60OTT
117Please respect copyright.PENANAw98Z92jiC2
諸葛亮:「我當然反悔了,但又不想把東西還給黃老頭,所以想賴帳。但黃老頭找了一群人來對付我,我打不贏又逃不掉,只好去找我師傅幫忙。但你知道我師傅跟我說什麼嗎?」117Please respect copyright.PENANAZTjOR1sO1A
117Please respect copyright.PENANA157CmPjsNw
我:「什麼?」117Please respect copyright.PENANAyCmWVgCssF
117Please respect copyright.PENANAtiXBnVeNJk
諸葛亮:「他說:『這是你的報應。』」117Please respect copyright.PENANACdlYoZMdTC
117Please respect copyright.PENANAOzOJXHGfjV
是報應沒有錯啊。117Please respect copyright.PENANAdT88bPeQmF
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不過,這到底哪門子因果報應劇場的劇情?你是諸葛亮耶,怎麼抱怨起來簡直像是菜市場的歐巴桑在抱怨一樣又臭又長?你知道你說話的長度觀眾看了會煩嗎?你知道你說話的方式像是我把我心裡的對白全部講出來一樣誇張嗎?說好的長話短說呢?117Please respect copyright.PENANAwDdWvj1hf9
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重點是。117Please respect copyright.PENANAixqHixGSiw
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怪我嘍?117Please respect copyright.PENANAqqqHBbrgeR
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我:「那是你自己搞出來的事,不要牽拖到我身上吧?」117Please respect copyright.PENANAsVSpFFraoZ
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諸葛亮:「抱歉。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAtnH53MeTew
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我:「不接受行不行?」117Please respect copyright.PENANANmqtZDeqBd
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諸葛亮:「對不起。」117Please respect copyright.PENANA2efWT2I5EY
117Please respect copyright.PENANAggRGKb8IPr
……117Please respect copyright.PENANAiibEw5iDjL
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諸葛亮毫不在乎我的感受,繼續抱怨:「還有啊,既然你是後世的人應該知道吧,那個娘砲劉備硬是要我去當他的軍師。我可是要當皇帝的人,所以我當然拒絕他──誰知道他身邊一群流氓,我不幫忙就拿刀要砍我,所以我只能四處躲躲藏藏,希望不要被他找到。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAQRIYRDl0of
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那我大概有三次被抓的機會。117Please respect copyright.PENANApJhHJqDvdI
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「對了,我已經被抓到兩次了,如果你再被抓到可能只有死路一條,自己小心一點。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAriMBMVmMgE
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去你妹的。117Please respect copyright.PENANAJHtq4HEV43
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我:「你去找別人好不好?如果你需要,我可以推薦幾個人給你。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAaPbzyTZfHn
117Please respect copyright.PENANAV0X94MKagN
那幾個向我借錢不還的、背後偷罵我的、賣黑心食品的、硬拆房子的、愛穿三角褲游泳的,我認為都是不錯的對象。117Please respect copyright.PENANAggBkynKOLi
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不要問我穿三角褲游泳哪裡錯了。117Please respect copyright.PENANAx16SdP3hcV
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但諸葛亮只是說:「你連自己的長相都忘了?」117Please respect copyright.PENANAGeYy4L0dNt
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他說完,一面銅鏡浮現在我面前。117Please respect copyright.PENANAOXXIX8VyjU
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我一看,鏡子裡只有諸葛亮。117Please respect copyright.PENANAIqPrvTfHl8
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鏡子拿下,卻看到我自己。117Please respect copyright.PENANAnr6lZPvYbr
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諸葛亮:「你就是我、我就是你,別人沒辦法代替我。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAgzU83HAh17
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我無話可說。117Please respect copyright.PENANAgAXpQV6Dgi
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諸葛亮:「另外,大白天就在做白日夢的你,也算是異類了。」117Please respect copyright.PENANA1Hw4nhquV5
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我真的無話可說。117Please respect copyright.PENANAmgFsYjCAq2
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諸葛亮笑笑:「換個方向思考,跟我交換也不是只有壞處嘛。我這麼天才,你怎麼可能是個廢物?但我看你現在就是半個廢人,換個地方,看你能不能換個心情好好努力。」117Please respect copyright.PENANA2B0AFRzQYE
117Please respect copyright.PENANALGcyZ9H9mk
我:「那我會變成什麼樣子?」117Please respect copyright.PENANA6akSMlD6Nw
117Please respect copyright.PENANA1TSPByhqqR
諸葛亮:「就這樣,時間差不多了,有沒有問題想問的?」117Please respect copyright.PENANAlXDsbWllva
117Please respect copyright.PENANA5QlGxwEz4S
我剛才已經問了!117Please respect copyright.PENANA2z1iQPNyVI
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他根本就只有抱怨啊,從頭到尾都只有抱怨啊,說好要交代的事情呢?117Please respect copyright.PENANAOIeYzrvPa7
117Please respect copyright.PENANAu6aGFQuOof
我:「現在的我呢?會變成什麼樣子?」117Please respect copyright.PENANAEe4RxakB4a
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「我故意不想回答,你還是硬要問這個啊,真是沒有意義。」諸葛亮一臉我問錯問題的樣子。「算了,我就回答你吧。這個你大可以放心。」117Please respect copyright.PENANASwgmfajOQA
117Please respect copyright.PENANAJa4Ch7sWU2
我:「放心?」117Please respect copyright.PENANAXoJ5pQTnKs
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諸葛亮笑著:「我已經準備好另一個身體,並不會跟你調換。所有認識你的人都會忘了你,那個世界不會有關於你的存在。」117Please respect copyright.PENANA01m63doz8a
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我喉頭一澀。117Please respect copyright.PENANAK7dOTkM9GT
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根本笑不出來。117Please respect copyright.PENANA8scAPNHsjT
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但諸葛亮只管他的我行我素:「最後提醒你一件事。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAJE64EkP0Gf
117Please respect copyright.PENANAnkZr1mxTYa
那是一個頗有深意的笑容。117Please respect copyright.PENANAMIuSZrapX6
117Please respect copyright.PENANAjGimtpKnUh
「歷史是會騙人的。」117Please respect copyright.PENANA6eqhjbpsH8
117Please respect copyright.PENANAUNFS5AfWDi
我的視界陷入混沌當中。
ns216.73.216.146da2 117Please respect copyright.PENANAfJa0YlVv7C
不過那已經不重要了。117Please respect copyright.PENANA5AzbS1MmGf
117Please respect copyright.PENANAqmPNbqX6WP
因為我醒來的時候,不,應該說我「在夢裡醒來的時候」,身處於一個莫名其妙的地方。117Please respect copyright.PENANAzRN1M4lfWF
117Please respect copyright.PENANAPSRabKab42
那是一個用竹子搭建起來的房間,裡面有一套桌椅、一個衣櫃、一張床,必須用複數形容的只有凌亂四散的書籍,數量之多幾乎要淹沒整個房間。房間窗戶是打開的,透過窗戶往外看,是一大片的青竹林。117Please respect copyright.PENANAQ5NkNx7X8e
117Please respect copyright.PENANA8pIyZyewDu
風一吹,竹葉的稀疏摩擦聲如海浪般一波未平一波又起。117Please respect copyright.PENANAFGH77xB0I0
117Please respect copyright.PENANAKPk2I5Zh3h
風又吹,吹散了一個人的長髮。117Please respect copyright.PENANAQHJ54s7tYK
117Please respect copyright.PENANA6her541ryx
那個人坐在一張涼蓆上。他的皮膚是一種接近病態的蒼白、黑色長髮凌亂分岔披散在肩膀,他身上只有一件青布衣用腰帶寬鬆地繫住,更顯得過瘦的身軀弱不禁風。117Please respect copyright.PENANAMSJsfzKbEW
117Please respect copyright.PENANAgLNpjzkRVG
我想看清對方的面目,無奈那人素白的右手上拿著書,遮住了臉面。117Please respect copyright.PENANAhvf5lIVS6H
117Please respect copyright.PENANAhsyXSqwmxj
似男類女,撲朔迷離。117Please respect copyright.PENANA0gxvr5lEgJ
117Please respect copyright.PENANADdEYrJenbw
我坐起,無法理解眼前情形。117Please respect copyright.PENANAXbCufTgnGb
117Please respect copyright.PENANAhZeg51jSLC
甩甩頭,卻什麼都沒有改變。117Please respect copyright.PENANACjt6kD0kHm
117Please respect copyright.PENANAduZsaaSsOM
那個人注意到我醒了,放下書、抬起頭,開口:「早安。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAVZm2eJhoTO
117Please respect copyright.PENANAlWnUuQPuHW
我這時才看清楚對方的真面目。那是一張十分精緻漂亮的臉龐,膚白若雪、峨嵋皓齒,細柳般的髮絲垂下,一雙黑色的眼眸藏在若隱若現中。117Please respect copyright.PENANAtJwehi3550
117Please respect copyright.PENANA1pHsONXsdk
我幾乎以為那是個女人,但對方不讓我這麼想。117Please respect copyright.PENANA5xaaMPaQ7W
117Please respect copyright.PENANAqPX0Z76uL1
他開口:「在下複姓諸葛,名亮,字孔明。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAJiCMMUPoUQ
117Please respect copyright.PENANA0WMdb1tTg4
我活在一個被三國演義淹沒的時代,電視劇、電影、遊戲、漫畫、小說,四處可見三國人物的名號,就算沒有特別研究,也不可能不知道這個名字。117Please respect copyright.PENANAvBHIfbJC4k
117Please respect copyright.PENANAJIW794Y8Cf
甚至可以說,聽到有點膩了。117Please respect copyright.PENANAZcJMloNaY0
117Please respect copyright.PENANArXAua0yP1o
人會對未知感到迷惑、對迷惑感到恐懼。117Please respect copyright.PENANAUoTMxXVzNe
117Please respect copyright.PENANAlNhPFyHcoF
這時我只想笑。117Please respect copyright.PENANA9Qi969uTiu
117Please respect copyright.PENANAGSplVeVclY
我:「這什麼整人節目?真是大手筆。」117Please respect copyright.PENANA1MaBM2LYts
117Please respect copyright.PENANAY0XqSl8GDc
那自稱諸葛亮的人──我就暫且叫他諸葛亮──放下書,起身走到我面前,饒有興趣地問:「整人節目?那是什麼?」117Please respect copyright.PENANA06O6mXqbQN
117Please respect copyright.PENANAp7uEURzWme
我沒興趣跟他玩了,直接說:「換下一個人吧,我要走了。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAEQFPAErlru
117Please respect copyright.PENANAgY9yzwe2s5
諸葛亮點點頭,伸手比向旁邊的竹門:「請便。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAWlzAwqY7n2
117Please respect copyright.PENANAwyJNsrnPAB
我走下床、打開門、走出去……117Please respect copyright.PENANAaAjkR8yrl3
117Please respect copyright.PENANAMYY0fyKsL0
停住。117Please respect copyright.PENANAxARlki6PaH
117Please respect copyright.PENANAct8vaGW2yh
如果我沒看錯,眼前是藍天白雲、房子底下空空如也。117Please respect copyright.PENANAO5M23B8Bw6
117Please respect copyright.PENANAPTnPTWjJpF
刺骨的寒風一吹,攪得我心頭一涼。117Please respect copyright.PENANAOhxFTyHz0V
117Please respect copyright.PENANATVStsqACZ1
我面無表情關上門,回頭。117Please respect copyright.PENANAntMv58XrK0
117Please respect copyright.PENANAzgWv5ZuBXB
諸葛亮好整以暇坐在床上,開口:「這是模擬我住的地方想像出來的空間。如果你想要,說說看喜歡什麼樣的地方,我都能換給你。順便一提,想要冷、熱、痛甚至是奇癢,我都能你體會到。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAt0jt1fG5oR
117Please respect copyright.PENANA10ogS2PQc7
諸葛亮冷笑:「不管你想不想要。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAGMmmhbcIix
117Please respect copyright.PENANAugcnF7w88W
文言文我大致上都聽得懂,感謝我的國文老師。117Please respect copyright.PENANAfTLvZJKMMH
117Please respect copyright.PENANAiuYCdceZmN
太長的、比較難的,我就當場自己翻譯成白話文,這樣我比較好懂、大家也比較好懂──不要再跟我討論什麼古代人怎麼會說白話文的問題。117Please respect copyright.PENANA2HbFVbNLfS
117Please respect copyright.PENANAt80YpPy1QY
但我還是聽不懂諸葛亮想表達什麼。117Please respect copyright.PENANA4XDfSy1DXp
117Please respect copyright.PENANA9bJQwoJ4Oo
諸葛亮也不管我是不是理解了,自顧自開口:「聽你說話的方式,應該是生活在我的後世而非前世,真想跟你聊一聊以後的世界。可惜我們的時間不夠,有些事情該交代的,道義上我還是要向你交代一下。」117Please respect copyright.PENANADctknqUpPz
117Please respect copyright.PENANA4NbZiNMmZQ
我沒有理他,走到窗戶旁邊,探出頭。117Please respect copyright.PENANArxFh1IvVhg
117Please respect copyright.PENANA5PEc2KyZmT
竹林消失,又是一片藍天白雲。117Please respect copyright.PENANApcVpNYEiay
117Please respect copyright.PENANAwBxCLKQU9H
怎麼辦?我只好祈禱。117Please respect copyright.PENANAXRrMrEA2Bj
117Please respect copyright.PENANAI9vUCCKgiB
萬能的天神啊,我知道錯了,我不該沒刷牙就睡覺。我以後一定會當一個乖寶寶的,如果這是夢,請快點讓我醒來吧。117Please respect copyright.PENANAZ7zC5CBdrI
117Please respect copyright.PENANAcBY1yBSlrE
然後我在自己臉上打了熱騰騰的一巴掌。117Please respect copyright.PENANAxhmEJAyFTg
117Please respect copyright.PENANA0TxXcHrm8F
痛死我,不信也得信了。117Please respect copyright.PENANANBiLLjnVIw
117Please respect copyright.PENANANuddVKg9OB
「後悔也來不及了、祈禱也沒有用的,這個世界沒有神。」諸葛亮好像看穿我在想什麼。「好好談談吧,對你不會有壞處的。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAn8Plgwj83N
117Please respect copyright.PENANAyLRotgiE62
我:「這是什麼情況?」117Please respect copyright.PENANAOxb5fKsTaf
117Please respect copyright.PENANA61IKPPupyy
這比醒來的時候發現自己被關在密室腳上被綁著鐵鍊旁邊還只有一把生鏽的鋸子逼你把腿鋸掉還要扯的到底是什麼情況?117Please respect copyright.PENANAMSQY6y3oZ9
117Please respect copyright.PENANAHatBbzzHck
我絕對沒有打錯字。117Please respect copyright.PENANA4QZvLoG1sS
117Please respect copyright.PENANAtdjcgd49Ox
諸葛亮:「這裡是我設下的幻魂陣,能讓精神脫離肉體,直接進行交流。不過我不是要和你交流什麼,而是想讓你代替我。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAKgjv7uYVoG
117Please respect copyright.PENANAhZpfCQCQkP
我:「代替?」117Please respect copyright.PENANAwLrULNe1ws
117Please respect copyright.PENANADDvVtO5SKs
諸葛亮:「就是讓你變成我。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAn9VBn8cXU6
117Please respect copyright.PENANA9E4WcKeX5s
我:「為什麼?」117Please respect copyright.PENANADiCSD01N5R
117Please respect copyright.PENANA63KiKGGKxN
諸葛亮:「這說來話長。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAyv2OOI1zSE
117Please respect copyright.PENANAapYAlGpMxV
我:「那不要說好了。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAOQlCnTcV2E
117Please respect copyright.PENANAoToX6jZQx5
諸葛亮:「但我還是想說一下。這得從我的志向開始說起。」117Please respect copyright.PENANADNpvblqiPm
117Please respect copyright.PENANAmElA25Zjhr
「什麼志向?」我隨口問。你想當第一任臨時大總統之類的嗎?117Please respect copyright.PENANAJPhhsiqoeJ
117Please respect copyright.PENANAMJBA5fViM1
諸葛亮:「第一,就是當皇帝。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAgh9E2iIF24
117Please respect copyright.PENANAiOIo035Q7s
也差不多意思。117Please respect copyright.PENANAza5E2UEf9X
117Please respect copyright.PENANAStyguV3xso
諸葛亮:「第二,就是把我喜歡的美女通通收入後宮。如果可以直接完成第二項,那第一項不用完成其實沒關係。」117Please respect copyright.PENANA42uEWqm7gI
117Please respect copyright.PENANAvCSprASe0a
真是遠大的志向啊,佩服佩服。你個死色胚。117Please respect copyright.PENANAw6CtUhNZUU
117Please respect copyright.PENANAvpeApcSCQH
諸葛亮嘆了口氣:「唉,但我不小心犯了一個錯。為了完成我的遠大志向,我想要那老頭──一個叫黃承彥的老頭,我想要他的『四象八卦圖』,誰知道他只送不賣,說是要拿來當他女兒的嫁妝。」117Please respect copyright.PENANACww1dtnEoG
117Please respect copyright.PENANAYBfJVzcoLL
好個有商業頭腦的老頭。117Please respect copyright.PENANAvSsLYMFIhO
117Please respect copyright.PENANAF96yXaSaQk
我:「這算什麼錯?」117Please respect copyright.PENANA01IqlPLa7v
117Please respect copyright.PENANABxAnRKU1fA
諸葛亮:「別急,我還沒說完。我問他:『汝女之容如何?』他回答我:『沉魚落雁、閉月羞花,汝見之,必驚為天人。』我考慮了一下,既可以拿到我想要的東西、還順便賺一個美女當老婆,這麼划算的事情不答應簡直是白癡,所以我就答應了。」117Please respect copyright.PENANApHvItB168u
117Please respect copyright.PENANA0bGqba6Map
我:「這樣很好啊。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAfuq8jkg3Nr
117Please respect copyright.PENANAH5kOX5ujiu
諸葛亮面無表情用最快的速度說:「魚跟鳥都會被她嚇死,月跟花都不敢看她,我看到她,差點升天去見祖先。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAeZqwnGzxKp
117Please respect copyright.PENANAOWeXHJjUSe
……117Please respect copyright.PENANAvpmjk0oICb
117Please respect copyright.PENANA64FHbCDgtN
諸葛亮:「我後來私下探訪,才知道黃老頭的女兒根本是個滯銷品。她醜得用豬形容都侮辱豬,而且還不只是醜、醜我還可以接受,重點是她的個性又很差,差得用老母形容都侮辱老母啊。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAYXrd6XR5a2
117Please respect copyright.PENANAVSa9L8SUbF
你老母的個性到底是多差才會被你拿來這樣比喻啊!117Please respect copyright.PENANAYQu6m60OTT
117Please respect copyright.PENANAw98Z92jiC2
諸葛亮:「我當然反悔了,但又不想把東西還給黃老頭,所以想賴帳。但黃老頭找了一群人來對付我,我打不贏又逃不掉,只好去找我師傅幫忙。但你知道我師傅跟我說什麼嗎?」117Please respect copyright.PENANAZTjOR1sO1A
117Please respect copyright.PENANA157CmPjsNw
我:「什麼?」117Please respect copyright.PENANAyCmWVgCssF
117Please respect copyright.PENANAtiXBnVeNJk
諸葛亮:「他說:『這是你的報應。』」117Please respect copyright.PENANACdlYoZMdTC
117Please respect copyright.PENANAOzOJXHGfjV
是報應沒有錯啊。117Please respect copyright.PENANAdT88bPeQmF
117Please respect copyright.PENANAwPYhrHg6K2
不過,這到底哪門子因果報應劇場的劇情?你是諸葛亮耶,怎麼抱怨起來簡直像是菜市場的歐巴桑在抱怨一樣又臭又長?你知道你說話的長度觀眾看了會煩嗎?你知道你說話的方式像是我把我心裡的對白全部講出來一樣誇張嗎?說好的長話短說呢?117Please respect copyright.PENANAwDdWvj1hf9
117Please respect copyright.PENANA8gH7uPrCj0
重點是。117Please respect copyright.PENANAixqHixGSiw
117Please respect copyright.PENANABxmgGbJJx5
怪我嘍?117Please respect copyright.PENANAqqqHBbrgeR
117Please respect copyright.PENANArhjQUpJ92x
我:「那是你自己搞出來的事,不要牽拖到我身上吧?」117Please respect copyright.PENANAsVSpFFraoZ
117Please respect copyright.PENANA4sqzR3KBB5
諸葛亮:「抱歉。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAtnH53MeTew
117Please respect copyright.PENANAIPhxHefy1A
我:「不接受行不行?」117Please respect copyright.PENANANmqtZDeqBd
117Please respect copyright.PENANA2CwAWXgSQz
諸葛亮:「對不起。」117Please respect copyright.PENANA2efWT2I5EY
117Please respect copyright.PENANAggRGKb8IPr
……117Please respect copyright.PENANAiibEw5iDjL
117Please respect copyright.PENANA3cC5pDly2J
諸葛亮毫不在乎我的感受,繼續抱怨:「還有啊,既然你是後世的人應該知道吧,那個娘砲劉備硬是要我去當他的軍師。我可是要當皇帝的人,所以我當然拒絕他──誰知道他身邊一群流氓,我不幫忙就拿刀要砍我,所以我只能四處躲躲藏藏,希望不要被他找到。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAQRIYRDl0of
117Please respect copyright.PENANAdnDbres0I0
那我大概有三次被抓的機會。117Please respect copyright.PENANApJhHJqDvdI
117Please respect copyright.PENANAKOdDVXDApi
「對了,我已經被抓到兩次了,如果你再被抓到可能只有死路一條,自己小心一點。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAriMBMVmMgE
117Please respect copyright.PENANA2nRUdxq6OM
去你妹的。117Please respect copyright.PENANAJHtq4HEV43
117Please respect copyright.PENANAicgbwbtp2K
我:「你去找別人好不好?如果你需要,我可以推薦幾個人給你。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAaPbzyTZfHn
117Please respect copyright.PENANAV0X94MKagN
那幾個向我借錢不還的、背後偷罵我的、賣黑心食品的、硬拆房子的、愛穿三角褲游泳的,我認為都是不錯的對象。117Please respect copyright.PENANAggBkynKOLi
117Please respect copyright.PENANAtrWo2aAlsi
不要問我穿三角褲游泳哪裡錯了。117Please respect copyright.PENANAx16SdP3hcV
117Please respect copyright.PENANAH9qBBnE33i
但諸葛亮只是說:「你連自己的長相都忘了?」117Please respect copyright.PENANAGeYy4L0dNt
117Please respect copyright.PENANAlFiNu0RQY3
他說完,一面銅鏡浮現在我面前。117Please respect copyright.PENANAOXXIX8VyjU
117Please respect copyright.PENANAfRXpdPsjxX
我一看,鏡子裡只有諸葛亮。117Please respect copyright.PENANAIqPrvTfHl8
117Please respect copyright.PENANA3Vq3pUgV1i
鏡子拿下,卻看到我自己。117Please respect copyright.PENANAnr6lZPvYbr
117Please respect copyright.PENANAd8CpbDbQzo
諸葛亮:「你就是我、我就是你,別人沒辦法代替我。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAgzU83HAh17
117Please respect copyright.PENANAITkYYbvN0T
我無話可說。117Please respect copyright.PENANAgAXpQV6Dgi
117Please respect copyright.PENANA4hAyPSqB1v
諸葛亮:「另外,大白天就在做白日夢的你,也算是異類了。」117Please respect copyright.PENANA1Hw4nhquV5
117Please respect copyright.PENANAKzAE6VJUor
我真的無話可說。117Please respect copyright.PENANAmgFsYjCAq2
117Please respect copyright.PENANAQdvXh3bySU
諸葛亮笑笑:「換個方向思考,跟我交換也不是只有壞處嘛。我這麼天才,你怎麼可能是個廢物?但我看你現在就是半個廢人,換個地方,看你能不能換個心情好好努力。」117Please respect copyright.PENANA2B0AFRzQYE
117Please respect copyright.PENANALGcyZ9H9mk
我:「那我會變成什麼樣子?」117Please respect copyright.PENANA6akSMlD6Nw
117Please respect copyright.PENANA1TSPByhqqR
諸葛亮:「就這樣,時間差不多了,有沒有問題想問的?」117Please respect copyright.PENANAlXDsbWllva
117Please respect copyright.PENANA5QlGxwEz4S
我剛才已經問了!117Please respect copyright.PENANA2z1iQPNyVI
117Please respect copyright.PENANAm0TL6S8A9q
他根本就只有抱怨啊,從頭到尾都只有抱怨啊,說好要交代的事情呢?117Please respect copyright.PENANAOIeYzrvPa7
117Please respect copyright.PENANAu6aGFQuOof
我:「現在的我呢?會變成什麼樣子?」117Please respect copyright.PENANAEe4RxakB4a
117Please respect copyright.PENANAKvVZITKOrJ
「我故意不想回答,你還是硬要問這個啊,真是沒有意義。」諸葛亮一臉我問錯問題的樣子。「算了,我就回答你吧。這個你大可以放心。」117Please respect copyright.PENANASwgmfajOQA
117Please respect copyright.PENANAJa4Ch7sWU2
我:「放心?」117Please respect copyright.PENANAXoJ5pQTnKs
117Please respect copyright.PENANAEbSaiqABv6
諸葛亮笑著:「我已經準備好另一個身體,並不會跟你調換。所有認識你的人都會忘了你,那個世界不會有關於你的存在。」117Please respect copyright.PENANA01m63doz8a
117Please respect copyright.PENANAKYENjYHCQ8
我喉頭一澀。117Please respect copyright.PENANAK7dOTkM9GT
117Please respect copyright.PENANAYZbED9kIuf
根本笑不出來。117Please respect copyright.PENANA8scAPNHsjT
117Please respect copyright.PENANAEx7OiLACVH
但諸葛亮只管他的我行我素:「最後提醒你一件事。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAJE64EkP0Gf
117Please respect copyright.PENANAnkZr1mxTYa
那是一個頗有深意的笑容。117Please respect copyright.PENANAMIuSZrapX6
117Please respect copyright.PENANAjGimtpKnUh
「歷史是會騙人的。」117Please respect copyright.PENANA6eqhjbpsH8
117Please respect copyright.PENANAUNFS5AfWDi
我的視界陷入混沌當中。