保母車照例送她回家,在熟悉的巷口停下。星野莉奈道了謝,自己拎著包包下車,朝家的門口走去。51Please respect copyright.PENANAqZUhbtzooB
51Please respect copyright.PENANAzlpqF8aD0V
夜裡的風很輕,路燈把影子拉得很長。她聽見鞋跟在路面上輕輕敲出的聲響,一聲一聲,孤獨得像在空白的紙上打字。51Please respect copyright.PENANAdkdZBFolex
51Please respect copyright.PENANATvEk8hnrB8
進了家門,星野莉奈換上室內拖鞋,動作輕得幾乎聽不見聲音。51Please respect copyright.PENANAFG8nVhMcTn
51Please respect copyright.PENANAbSXVvw47EV
包包放在玄關的小桌上,她頓了頓,還是小心地擺正,把背帶理順。51Please respect copyright.PENANAMCgvMEAVbj
51Please respect copyright.PENANAjwB3k4r8bk
外套掛好,扣子一顆一顆扣上。收拾得,像在收拾自己。51Please respect copyright.PENANAqhs5EAVLpP
51Please respect copyright.PENANA6CG4nPNL4L
她取出放在外套口袋裡的手機,走到客廳,放在長桌上,靜靜坐下。51Please respect copyright.PENANArxOSNjTPcY
客廳很安靜,只有冰箱運轉的低鳴聲在耳邊繞。51Please respect copyright.PENANAx4wDk6Mr5j
51Please respect copyright.PENANAIvZwj5OPC0
星野莉奈抱著膝蓋,坐在沙發的一角,手指輕輕摳著自己衣服上的線頭。51Please respect copyright.PENANAwnJBwJg8io
51Please respect copyright.PENANAVA8dAEyKfR
過了很久,她才伸手拿起手機。51Please respect copyright.PENANAOyUZHJNqDR
51Please respect copyright.PENANAGVWSvs82kc
打開通訊軟體,滑到最上方那個置頂的對話框。51Please respect copyright.PENANA2F2XCV26m2
51Please respect copyright.PENANAZ9q4gCuuYj
上一次的訊息還停留在五天前,在他們要去球賽前,只有一行簡短的「你在球場上的樣子真的超帥」。51Please respect copyright.PENANAEAuJG2oMDT
51Please respect copyright.PENANAkkAbZKX63V
只有已讀標記,沒有新的回覆。51Please respect copyright.PENANAUznKKRZTFW
51Please respect copyright.PENANA6RckZ0VUbw
她盯著那個對話框看了很久很久。指尖滑動到輸入欄,敲了幾個字,又慢慢刪掉。51Please respect copyright.PENANAj89xIqgwlc
51Please respect copyright.PENANAwPwpm1GgaC
想說什麼呢?51Please respect copyright.PENANAhJIX1y6Uth
說「你看起來很好」嗎?51Please respect copyright.PENANAYANSAe4Lm1
太多餘了——他會看到,但也不一定會回。51Please respect copyright.PENANAABkxqVI5JP
51Please respect copyright.PENANAQtBYEwvTtI
說「我今天也有努力喔」?51Please respect copyright.PENANA3VkqyiRpwT
會不會像是在邀功?要期待人家回什麼?51Please respect copyright.PENANAi0TFihgBi0
51Please respect copyright.PENANAZwe42VcPIN
還是問「你的比賽怎麼樣」?51Please respect copyright.PENANA8zmxAFICt9
「你有沒有揍那個前鋒了」?51Please respect copyright.PENANAWQv7zzp6ZW
51Please respect copyright.PENANAtvumMzATo3
可是他可能沒空詳細說他們的賽況;也沒有理由真的去揍那個前鋒。51Please respect copyright.PENANARQORq47T9d
51Please respect copyright.PENANAPN2ShSaD5V
那——要不要乾脆只傳一個表情符號?51Please respect copyright.PENANAxhCC4Vc0rh
一個不會被誤會、也不會太明顯的微笑?51Please respect copyright.PENANApaauB4IcF4
51Please respect copyright.PENANA0jJupWeaqi
還是——51Please respect copyright.PENANAFIkPkIwAz2
什麼都不說,只顯示上線狀態,讓他知道,她還在這裡。51Please respect copyright.PENANAmmsDeXJu0i
51Please respect copyright.PENANA23QtmmXPyM
還在這裡,一個人。51Please respect copyright.PENANAU0Rq8iOpXn
51Please respect copyright.PENANAGYNdo9bm9I
手機螢幕因為長時間沒有操作,自動暗了下來。51Please respect copyright.PENANA9v5XVOoTzY
51Please respect copyright.PENANAC5u3J646wY
星野莉奈沒有再打開。51Please respect copyright.PENANAEE13yAHGQt
她把手機翻面扣在桌上,怕再看到什麼,又怕什麼都沒有。51Please respect copyright.PENANAHYTOVRMOq5
51Please respect copyright.PENANAcSS2dgZBtO
然後,她慢慢縮回沙發的角落,把自己抱得更小。51Please respect copyright.PENANARtrksxE2Pp
外面的風輕輕吹過陽台的門縫,帶來一點夜裡的冷意。51Please respect copyright.PENANADvVcruTOpY
51Please respect copyright.PENANAJi3dIyTyrj
她靠著沙發背,閉上眼睛。51Please respect copyright.PENANAHtT2lcHl4k
51Please respect copyright.PENANALGdzB3qmHe
沒有哭。51Please respect copyright.PENANAMX8Wd9wJnC
51Please respect copyright.PENANALPZPeMxZjG
也沒有期待誰會來敲門。51Please respect copyright.PENANAXGebafD6oR
只是靜靜地,和自己待在這個空蕩蕩的客廳裡。51Please respect copyright.PENANALdkAKum8V2
51Please respect copyright.PENANAJwpB4sAA7d
就像很多個夜晚一樣。51Please respect copyright.PENANAbQOEkpjeJV
51Please respect copyright.PENANAcBN96Fwdut
她一直都是這樣走過來的。51Please respect copyright.PENANAKq9JqpbDno
51Please respect copyright.PENANAGk19jrg78e
這次也可以。51Please respect copyright.PENANARAm2CVlyRY
51Please respect copyright.PENANAec73PUbDn4
「莉奈?」51Please respect copyright.PENANAFbKxRmMgzJ
51Please respect copyright.PENANAueFRLjZcpm
星野莉奈把眼睛睜開,看見媽媽穿著家居服,手上拿著溫熱的巧克力牛奶和提拉米蘇切片蛋糕,還有一小盒切好的水果,輕手輕腳地走下樓來。51Please respect copyright.PENANAl4XVUJ96LF
51Please respect copyright.PENANAhHXjV5eOxu
「聽到聲音了,才放心。」51Please respect copyright.PENANANnPtWnVYW8
51Please respect copyright.PENANAZr1hxORNEc
她邊說邊靠近,像是怕驚動什麼一樣,動作溫柔又輕。51Please respect copyright.PENANAbuOhngJ8ij
51Please respect copyright.PENANAYutUzilbDP
「今天回來時順路看到,就買了一點。」51Please respect copyright.PENANAESlfvqOJQy
51Please respect copyright.PENANAAE8y0UXXYF
媽媽輕描淡寫地笑著,把東西放在茶几上。51Please respect copyright.PENANAe3jgwc3fW8
51Please respect copyright.PENANAd83nh8lC5e
「我可是藏得很辛苦,才沒被妳爸爸偷拿去吃呢。」51Please respect copyright.PENANAaSb6isaWhl
51Please respect copyright.PENANAGmdVWorCfQ
星野莉奈點點頭,沒說話。51Please respect copyright.PENANAaF9k5QjEuM
51Please respect copyright.PENANAKIsTOsBoYV
「趁熱熱的喝,比較好喝。」51Please respect copyright.PENANAawbM6Nh8ip
51Please respect copyright.PENANAq6wTLY5Adk
星野莉奈視線停在那杯巧克力牛奶上,杯緣冒著微微熱氣。旁邊提拉米蘇蛋糕的高脂肪乳酪,上面還填蓋一層層奶油——51Please respect copyright.PENANALVmRM1cidN
51Please respect copyright.PENANAP9IVAZLvzo
「不急著變得更好,今天先吃飽就好。」51Please respect copyright.PENANAa4jJ1yJOXv
51Please respect copyright.PENANAUZCNMf3mqd
媽媽笑了笑,拍拍她的手背。51Please respect copyright.PENANAoXc3sXJrSG
51Please respect copyright.PENANAyQ4nHlDtrY
星野莉奈抬起頭,視線越過媽媽的肩膀,落在牆上的那張照片——51Please respect copyright.PENANA4mppV3bJDx
此刻照片裡的她,正穿著家居服站在自己面前,笑容跟牆上照片模特兒一模一樣——眼神一樣溫柔堅定,聲音一樣輕。51Please respect copyright.PENANATutv2DMHLc
51Please respect copyright.PENANAIaBwISwFKL
她鼻尖微微發酸,輕輕點頭。51Please respect copyright.PENANASvE9pM0g1m
51Please respect copyright.PENANAuJuiKRQpdH
星野莉奈一直都知道,自己崇拜的那個人——不是因為她站在鎂光燈下,而是因為每一個像現在這樣的時刻。51Please respect copyright.PENANAwqiiTTK5Ub
51Please respect copyright.PENANAVQCsJRzLwE
媽媽在她對面的單人沙發坐下,輕輕舒了一口氣,像累了很久,終於可以休息一下。51Please respect copyright.PENANAYXYH3bQOU4
51Please respect copyright.PENANAVePPsbZ2wu
過了好一會兒,她才開口,語氣又輕又帶著一點笑意:51Please respect copyright.PENANAORDDeYwNud
51Please respect copyright.PENANAG42tZczKLL
「還在想小冴啊?」51Please respect copyright.PENANAfZKxBAfTnt
51Please respect copyright.PENANAyIqWvZXO27
言語裡帶著寵溺,就像提到什麼頑皮又惹人喜歡的小動物。51Please respect copyright.PENANAoIfvVCMIR9
51Please respect copyright.PENANAJgeJi7KWHU
星野莉奈怔了一下,眼眶瞬間酸了。低下頭,小小地吸了一口氣,沒回話。51Please respect copyright.PENANA0bFbQg1kQi
51Please respect copyright.PENANABUXGRVbhvu
媽媽沒有逼問,只是歪著頭,笑得更溫柔了些,是心疼,又笑她太傻、太認真。51Please respect copyright.PENANAxI85Q3W8kN
51Please respect copyright.PENANAtJSCkv22i5
「那孩子啊,從小就不太會說話,悶悶的;嘴巴硬得要命,心卻軟得不得了。明明什麼都放在心上,偏偏開口的時候,說出來的都是會惹人誤會的話。」51Please respect copyright.PENANAG5bdJYRIYO
51Please respect copyright.PENANAbVpS8gBrDZ
她笑了一下,沒什麼無奈,彷彿在說自家孩子,再麻煩都覺得可愛。51Please respect copyright.PENANAafZM3gfWYx
51Please respect copyright.PENANAqukBIXmlgI
「傻得很可愛。」51Please respect copyright.PENANAsRb0cKHPVv
51Please respect copyright.PENANAp1cStVe3uH
媽媽靠進沙發椅背,像在說一個輕輕的故事。51Please respect copyright.PENANABfb01IBxom
51Please respect copyright.PENANA3OeraO0CTS
「偏偏妳就看得出來,他其實一直有在注意身邊的事——只是他不習慣出聲,不習慣被綁住。就像那天我看他來家裡,鞋子擺得整整齊齊的,手上東西也沒忘記拿,話雖然不多,但我說一句,他都聽得進去。」51Please respect copyright.PENANAc71PJyjQS7
51Please respect copyright.PENANAZ0bplaL4KH
星野莉奈咬著唇,肩膀微微顫了一下。51Please respect copyright.PENANA09TJ5DyEcv
51Please respect copyright.PENANA7N57IIGdJo
「冴那孩子不會說喜歡妳,不會說想妳,也不會主動牽手⋯⋯但每次妳跌倒了,都是他站在妳後面,手放在妳背上,等妳自己站起來——從小就是這樣呢。」51Please respect copyright.PENANAuruVcfuAam
51Please respect copyright.PENANAd2R1N25yuJ
星野莉奈很安靜,雙手卻把曲起的雙膝抱得更緊。51Please respect copyright.PENANAgcwkYIxWge
媽媽靜靜看了她一會兒,然後緩緩地站起來,走到她身邊。51Please respect copyright.PENANAsOmPM0WgYS
51Please respect copyright.PENANAG38nxTsLcv
什麼都沒說,只是坐下,輕輕把她摟進懷裡。51Please respect copyright.PENANA2vXJq8Rve0
51Please respect copyright.PENANAJ6bWFgjhLO
沒有太用力,也沒有多餘的語言。51Please respect copyright.PENANAMtrDpBJI26
只是這麼靜靜地,把她抱住。51Please respect copyright.PENANAbN5S3hJ3uL
51Please respect copyright.PENANAlmTztQwkbD
一開始星野莉奈還僵著,像是不太習慣。51Please respect copyright.PENANAg3bAuC9GdV
但很快,她慢慢地,把額頭靠進媽媽的肩膀。像終於找到可以喘氣的地方。51Please respect copyright.PENANAJMWn3XlWev
51Please respect copyright.PENANAme34EZ8ZCs
媽媽一隻手輕輕拍著她的背,低低地說:51Please respect copyright.PENANATLl2TwqD81
51Please respect copyright.PENANAD0r4mBsnwc
「辛苦了,寶貝。真的很辛苦了。」51Please respect copyright.PENANADzRtZND0iI
51Please respect copyright.PENANAUfkZycfSQM
星野莉奈緊緊閉著眼,眼淚無聲地滑下來。51Please respect copyright.PENANAPtvRJ8txdh
51Please respect copyright.PENANAKWqsptE2jh
媽媽輕輕拍著星野莉奈的背,過了一會兒,輕聲笑了:51Please respect copyright.PENANAhftupEDouv
51Please respect copyright.PENANA4PBjPwB7g9
「媽媽啊,年輕的時候也有過喔。」51Please respect copyright.PENANAP9gGF6BwWr
51Please respect copyright.PENANAkG6DuQ5kSh
星野莉奈動了動,沒有抬頭,但她聽見了。媽媽的手一邊順著她的背,一邊慢慢地說:51Please respect copyright.PENANAltDuYCiTc2
51Please respect copyright.PENANAiebGfLmpsj
「那時候,我還是新人模特兒,剛開始走紅。接了很多廣告,也拍了人生第一本寫真集。那本是跟一位很有名的攝影師合作的,風格偏紀實、比較像是在記錄那時候的我,沒有太多妝、也沒有太多設計——只是陽光、素顏,還有一些比較生活感的場景。」51Please respect copyright.PENANAJp1GFhinxl
51Please respect copyright.PENANAbrhEUsA2ES
她頓了一下,像在回想那段時間的味道。51Please respect copyright.PENANAGB64DJMa3p
51Please respect copyright.PENANAeTP1ClpkMI
「但外界的聲音很難聽。什麼天生好命啦、靠人脈啦、會炒作啦⋯⋯說得好像我所有的努力都不是我自己的一樣。那時我也年輕,不太會反駁,只能一直拍、一直撐,讓自己撐到那些聲音沒辦法再把我抹掉。」51Please respect copyright.PENANA8Q7gCNSGvQ
51Please respect copyright.PENANAnbJBxKaFc8
她笑了笑,語氣帶著一點無奈,又有點溫柔:51Please respect copyright.PENANAa166CKT3Xi
51Please respect copyright.PENANAzB28d0sTTt
「那時候啊,唯一相信我、支持我的,就是妳爸爸。他還只是個小小的攝影助理,沒什麼話語權——但每次拍照,他都特別認真幫我找角度、打光,什麼都不多說,卻用行動讓我知道,我不是一個人在對抗這個世界。」51Please respect copyright.PENANAUhtHYQ33BR
51Please respect copyright.PENANAJExDGYGdmk
媽媽低頭親了親星野莉奈的髮頂,聲音低低地,像是把一個秘密輕輕放進她耳朵裡:51Please respect copyright.PENANAnZagYNCRZP
51Please respect copyright.PENANApwckxk312X
「所以啊,妳現在這樣難過,是很正常的。不是妳做錯了什麼,也不是妳不夠好。是這個世界,有時候就是這麼吵、這麼粗糙。」51Please respect copyright.PENANAQuF9jOWLi7
51Please respect copyright.PENANAp1Y30tr4s1
她停頓了一下,又笑了笑,語氣變得更溫柔:51Please respect copyright.PENANAD1ch7AhCS2
51Please respect copyright.PENANAWm8ClpNWRn
「我一直都知道,妳活得很自主,走路很穩,不太需要別人扶——也一直以為,給妳空間、讓妳自由,就是對妳最好的支持。」51Please respect copyright.PENANAucQqZ6YKRp
51Please respect copyright.PENANAzRKCzxuOfH
媽媽輕輕收緊了擁抱,語氣像嘆息又像自問自答:51Please respect copyright.PENANA9jEZm9bhZR
51Please respect copyright.PENANAgLzYtTw5Uu
「但是啊⋯⋯就算是最會走路的小孩,有時候也會想被抱一下吧。」51Please respect copyright.PENANAwur86WbqBC
51Please respect copyright.PENANA2u64GKRCq9
星野莉奈緊緊咬著唇,肩膀又顫了一下。媽媽輕輕拍拍她的背,接著說:51Please respect copyright.PENANAtsQHoxQ85q
51Please respect copyright.PENANAs913YC5kh4
「鈴也是啊。那孩子,特別有正義感。她知道妳不想被誤會、不想傷害任何人,所以她什麼都想擋在自己前面——讓妳可以專心做妳自己。」51Please respect copyright.PENANAf0OzJ2FAKE
51Please respect copyright.PENANANL1OUgJArB
媽媽的呼吸很輕,輕到不帶任何情緒:51Please respect copyright.PENANAqAeaUyZhMF
51Please respect copyright.PENANAbNSZciBc3Z
「而小冴呢⋯⋯很早就決定好怎麼走他的人生了。妳不能拉住他,但妳可以在他停下來的時候,剛好在那裡⋯⋯他不是會說出『我需要妳』的那種人,但那不代表他不需要。」51Please respect copyright.PENANAL2nxnFB5Oh
51Please respect copyright.PENANABQvNYy3ONR
星野莉奈伸手輕輕抓住媽媽的衣角。媽媽溫柔而堅定地說:51Please respect copyright.PENANAMDnL28xkvm
51Please respect copyright.PENANACKrHkeoLmT
「妳啊,真的做得很好了。」51Please respect copyright.PENANAdJw6wDWbFo
51Please respect copyright.PENANAKGFAHED2S5
媽媽低笑了一下,帶著一點調皮的寵溺:51Please respect copyright.PENANAhrGdNvbgzV
51Please respect copyright.PENANAckRUOhWnHi
「誰叫咱們家女兒眼光這麼好,偏偏喜歡上那麼獨立、又不太會說話的小傻瓜呢?」51Please respect copyright.PENANAu28elycuLl
51Please respect copyright.PENANAXvthoLCk88
她閉著眼,眼淚靜靜地,不斷滑下來。51Please respect copyright.PENANAM9pv3Bd6vJ
沒有聲音,也沒有顫抖。51Please respect copyright.PENANA7hnauBPpKL
51Please respect copyright.PENANA7Ttc3LgcC0
只有胸口,微微一下一下地疼著。51Please respect copyright.PENANAJbvDdfo4d0
51Please respect copyright.PENANAXmWsMplyGv
她忽然想起自己曾經無數次,51Please respect copyright.PENANAfHQLRWr4Q8
在球場邊,在便利商店,在一個又一個不經意的黃昏裡,51Please respect copyright.PENANAOo8DTHnL75
悄悄地等過那個人。51Please respect copyright.PENANADKhAQ9Hqxv
51Please respect copyright.PENANAtv8DsVuZ7x
等他的訊息。51Please respect copyright.PENANAunmzkvW0Um
等他的目光。51Please respect copyright.PENANAZSAFuoBdkV
等一個不一定會到來的回應。51Please respect copyright.PENANAlynumPwnr4
51Please respect copyright.PENANAJXebNmA8jP
不是為了要證明什麼,51Please respect copyright.PENANAh8FLWiQ5te
只是因為——51Please respect copyright.PENANA19naeJ3LxN
她真的很在意他。51Please respect copyright.PENANAocHY7G7jdk
51Please respect copyright.PENANANx8vuPSo5f
那時候,她總是告訴自己:51Please respect copyright.PENANA3l9kAwAOKx
51Please respect copyright.PENANAUcpgHyECOE
「沒關係的,我可以等。」51Please respect copyright.PENANA60a46toQci
51Please respect copyright.PENANAiLMgW5fWlt
直到今天,她才第一次承認,51Please respect copyright.PENANAD6EQSF379f
原來那些輕描淡寫的等,51Please respect copyright.PENANAFDeOY61b1O
從來都不是輕的。51Please respect copyright.PENANARy7WMbVgYy
51Please respect copyright.PENANA284NVXsjjB
媽媽的手掌還在輕輕地拍著她的背。沒有催促,也沒有要求她快點振作。51Please respect copyright.PENANAFpfrExgoHJ
只是一遍又一遍,溫柔地拍著她的背。51Please respect copyright.PENANAOcASVHBFWZ
51Please respect copyright.PENANAipWMbPlVS1
外面的風聲輕輕吹過,屋子裡只剩下心跳的聲音,和媽媽溫暖而堅定的擁抱。
ns216.73.216.238da2