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...I'm rather confused with myself. I care and then I don't. I'm something then I'm not.
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Maybe it's not confusion, but perhaps a misunderstanding. Or in some cases, denial and then acceptance.
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About what, you ask? I'm not sure if it's even okay to say. I'm so unsure about everything in its entirety. Let's just say, I've felt this way for a while now, I think, and am just now realizing somethings.
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Then again, I wouldn't put it past myself to just be lying to myself. Or to just be curious in the most intimate of ways.
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Is it bad to be curious about something wrong? Or something others think is wrong?
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I don't want to be looked down upon because of my choices in life. But, should I be? You are your choices, correct? Even if you know it's bad and you do it anyway, that's still a choice you made. Whether it's a mistake or not.
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Why is something as simple as self-discovery such a complex thing? Shouldn't you know who you are when you've been with yourself for the past 18 years?
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I guess I'm right back to the beginning: denial.
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Why admit who you are and what you want if it's only going to cause trouble? Why tell people? Why let anyone in at all if all you get is hurt?
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It makes no sense.
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I don't understand why who I am is so hard for people to understand. Why is my sense-of-self something for others to only tear down?
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Why is everything so damn difficult and mistrusting? No, scratch that. Why are people so damn difficult and mistrusting? Maybe they're just as in denial and confused as I am. Who knows?
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What I do know is that I can't do hardly any self-discovery without putting myself out there and experimenting with different elements. Maybe that's what I'll write about next: A PIECE OF ME HAS BEEN FOUND.
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We shall see.