Song Used: Complicated by Avril Lavigne
Trigger Warnings: Degrading stuff, self-harm, anxiety. Don’t read if you can’t handle this stuff, but if you’re struggling and need to vent I’m here for you 💜
————————————————————————————
-Dark’s P.O.V-561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDIjgEmsx6
I observe Azu, frowning as I see him wince and shift, turning his head here and there trying to get comfortable. Standing I go over to him, “You did it again?” He looks at me confused before realising what I was implying, “Your forehead Azu.” There’s a bump there, I sigh, gently tracing my fingers on it, watching his face carefully for any signs of pain.Uh huh, uh huh, that's the way it is
”I know not being able to be with Teena is annoying but you can’t keep hitting your head on walls and tables like this.” Rationing with him really won’t work but hey, in the long-run it might so I’m gonna try my best to make it work! “Dark you know I don’t care about anyone besides you two.” He grumbles, pressing a palm into the newly forming bluish-black bruise on his tan skin. 'Cause life's like this
I try reasoning with him more, yeah, I know he’s hurt but this isn’t the right way to go about when it comes to a nasty friendship like this. It really isn’t. Eventually, our class bell rings and we head out into the hall as everyone else zooms by in their rush to get to the cafeteria. I stay with Azu, just in case he has another one of his…self-attacks.Uh huh, uh huh that's the way it is
”It’ll be fine Azu, you know it will be!” I make my voice as reassuring and light-hearted as I can, hoping that it lightened his mood just by a littleeee bit at least. I pause, waiting for a reaction as he just walks on ahead of me. Tilting my head, I don’t move, it feels as if one step forward could set off a deadly booby-trap. “...you don’t have to keep injuring yourself like thi—“
“I DON’T CARE IF I DIE OKAY?!” Silence. I’m used to his little lashes of vulnerability. I’m no stranger to it. My feet feel heavy as I slowly shuffle the remaining distance to him, placing a hand on his shoulder, “Azusa..” I whisper, hearing a responding sniffle and whimper and that’s when I know how to proceed. Lay back, it's all been done before
I engulf him into a tight hug, wrapping my arms around his bony frame even tighter when I feel his chest heaving with the struggle of holding back his tears. ‘Boys don’t cry.’ I’m sure that’s what’s going through his mind right now, but that’s okay, he’s gonna be okay. “I care if you die, stupid...” I mumble and I can feel him starting to give in to the hurt.And if, you could only let it be, you will see
”Shh..I’m not going anywhere...you can let it all out on me.” I say and that’s the triggering words as the floodgates open and his whole body seems to go limp against my smaller one. His head drops to my shoulder and I can hear the drowning gasps for breath as he hiccups into pained tears. I guide him through it gently, stroking his back up and down until his breathing goes regular again and there’s no more gulping of air.
~I like, you the way you are
Laughs echo throughout the school bus as we head to our after-school activities. “Laito?” I grin, feeling my flush rise from my neck to my ears as the resounding, “Yes, Love?” goes straight to my heart, “Do you want to join us playing T or D?” “Nah, I’m tired, you can go play with them, shoo shoo.” He makes a hand motion and I giggle, turning back to Shane, Yuma, Len and Azusa.When we're, driving in your car
The shouting gets louder as the guys toss dares at each other all willy-nilly. All except Azu. He’s pretending again; pretending to be someone he’s not. My face must’ve saddened by a long mile because Yuma and Azusa stopped talking all together, looking at me, “What happened?” Yuma blurted out first, getting the others’ attention. I just shook my head, just daydreaming.” Giving them the best ‘You can try all you want but you ain’t gonna get anything outta me’ smile. Yuma just nodded and we resumed the game.And you're, talking to me one on one but you become
We arrived back, just as it was time for everyone to head home. Except Azusa and I, we always tended to stay back for whatever reason it may be and chat or just hang around. “Hey Dark?” I hummed acknowledgement, already guessing as much as that he was going to ask me what happened during the ride, which, to no surprise, he did. “You were acting different.”
He raised a confused eyebrow. “What do you mean?” He really doesn’t think I noticed? Or does he really not see what he’s doing to himself? I place a hand on my cheek, pretending to ponder what I already know. “With Shane and Len, you tried to keep your voice shouting even though it was all crackly. In fact, whenever it got all crackly you stopped shouting for a moment. And even when some things Len said bothered you; you didn’t talk back to him. It’s not you.” I concluded.'Round everyone else
The corners of his mouth dropped and he looked away from my face, shoulders sagging and head hanging lower. “Azu, just be yourself.” “People don’t like ‘myself’ “ He spat, air-quoting parts of it. “I like the normal you!” I replied, a subtle note of hysteria in my voice, but it was mostly soaked in longing, a longing to have that old Azusa back again. The Azusa who didn’t care that he was different, or silly or whatever. Just…Azusa when he was himself. You're watching your back
”No, you don’t.” The tone was clipped and sharp-edged, as if it was hiding something. It’s either jealousy or anger I mused inwardly, and decided to test the boundaries on that. “Why do you say so?” “You chose Laito over me!” Ah, jealousy then. I squint at him, “Azu you know that I love Laito, for God’s sake he’s my boyfriend! My love! But that doesn’t mean I can’t like you the way you are. Like and love have two very different meanings you know.” Jeez..he’s so bitter about the fact that I chose Lai-Kun over him. Like you can't relax
A carbonated breath leaves him, “Yes...Yes you’re right I’m so sorry I don’t know what came over me.” He blabbers but I stop him before anything else comes out of that un-dammed river. “Jealousy.” He nods minutely, but I catch the movement and walk further, “Come, let’s buy you a snack yeah? That’ll cheer you up!” I smile as his eyes focus back on mine after maybe half an hour and light up like a kid in a toy store. I can’t help but worry about people, and he is definitely one of them.
~You're trying to be cool
I pat my Sweetheart’s hair, watching it bounce up and down, like a field of cotton plants. “DARK!” Huh? I look at Laito, who shared the same puzzled expression as I did, Azusa, that’s all I knew at the time but as he rushed closer I noticed how frantic he looked, hair tousled and shaggy as if it hadn’t been combed, forehead and neck shiny with sweat, and his eyes were searching far and wide for me even though he knew I’d definitely be sitting right where I always do. You look like a fool to me
”Give me a second Darling.” I give my date a chaste kiss on the cheek and stand up, walking towards Azu. “Morning, you look frantic, what happened?” His fist quivered slightly and clenched harder than it was before, making it seem to vibrate now. “I need to punch Len.” He said shakily, adding emphasis on the words by hitting his clenched fist into his other hand repeatedly. “Because of what he did to Teena?” I queried.Tell me
”That and I heard he made you cry yesterday.” Oh. That’s new. “Oh? Well yeah, he did but I’m just oversensitive so don’t worry about it, I’m fine now!” I chortled but he still didn’t relent, “I don’t care! He’s a jerk for everything he did and he deserves to be punched in the face—!” Without so much as a flinch I stepped back as the fist came flying at my face. “Get. Away.” I hear Laito’s voice from right behind me.
I turn to face him, running my fingers down his cheek for a second, “Oh my Prince Charming is here.” I laugh and kiss him briefly, “I’m okay though, not a scratch!” I mention as I hear Azusa’s voice crack. “O-oh my G-God…” I look him straight in the eyes, his arm immediately dropping and staying tightly coiled to his side. “I-I.. I’m so s-sorry..” Poor boy, he must’ve been so caught up in his own pain and hurt that he didn’t realise he does things sub-consciously sometimes. I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
I reach out and pick up his wrist, ignoring the lightly fuming boyfriend behind me. “It’s okay, really it is. But don’t go punching people please..okay?” I can tell a part of him is fighting to disagree with me but the other half is telling him to nod and accept the fact that he can’t murder Len on the spot today morning. Eventually, he agrees with a meek, “okay.” and heads off to play basketball.
~Life's like this you,
There are times where I don’t get that boy at all. He’s stubborn and refuses to give up something over a small issue one moment but then the next he’s screaming and thrashing and trying to destroy it’s very existence.And you fall, and you crawl, and you break
He'll try his absolute best to convince me that he doesn’t need help and care about him but then the next moment he cries out about being lonely and unloveable. He tells me all sorts of small fibs about wanting to ‘not feel the pain any longer’ or ‘finally being happy again.’And you take, what you get, and you turn it into
He's a real funny one, I’ll admit. He can never make up his mind and he’s as reckless as a child in a ball pit. But he can also be one of the sweetest and most human human beings you will ever meet once he’s speaking about Teena, because I think she brings out the best in him. Honesty and promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it
But a part of me does say that, though she may bring out the best in him; he may not bring out the best in her, thus, the ordeal won’t pull through no matter what he tries. It’ll shoot him down, pull him into the harsh seas like a ship anchor and it’ll feel like he’s drowning but I’m determined to help him break that chain.No, no, no
At least till he can see the surface.
~
Dressed up, like you're something else
Azusa came for Halloween night, though not dressed up like I was. I smiled and waved him over, shifting closer to Light so he could stand with us. “Hey Azu!” We all greeted, he seemed happier though, which was good. Maybe he just needed a ‘night out’ to help him unwind.Where you aren't where it's at you see561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1q4yOYgANf
You're making me
The night went on as per normal and there were no real bad mood swings. I felt happy and greatly relieved as I could tell he was getting better as the days went on. Laugh out, when you strike your pose561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwclBN0Upg
Take off, all your preppy clothes
After that night, days passed.You know, you're not fooling anyone561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfYckqKALh
When you become
Days turned into weeks..
'Round everyone else
Then into a month before I heard the familiar ‘Ding!’ Of my phone message notifications.You're watching your back561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKNU5hM8uO
Like you can't relax
‘I think I’m finally moving on! :D’ You're trying to be cool561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhPyE9EIZT
You look like a fool to me
I smile at my phone, typing out an ‘I told you so.’ But I can’t help but be overjoyed because my childhood friend had come over his heartbreak and anxiety by himself and I don’t know what would’ve been otherwise. Tell me
The next day, I elbow him playfully, the same old grins playing on our lips as I turn to him, “You just gotta be patient Azu, your time will come!” I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
He looks at me, I can see the gears turning in his head as he thinks of what to say to my cheering. Life's like this you561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSu8pI3PJo
And you fall, and you crawl, and you break
”I guess you’re right Dark.” And you take, what you get, and you turn it into561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUYKjQVrxP
Honesty and promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it
I smile at him even wider, causing him to raise an eyebrow at me, “What?” I shake my head and smirk, flicking his nose and running as fast as the heavy bag on my back will allow me to. No, no, no561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyD4daFy1l7
No, no, no, no
”OI COME BACK YOU SHORTY!”
~No, no, no, no561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubHCz0FhP9
No, no, no, no, no
It’s my birthday today!
Lay back, it's all been done before
I perch myself next to my date as usual, laying my head on his shoulder and whispering with him. “Dark!” My head shoots up to spot Azusa jogging over, all sweaty from his sports. And if, you could only let it be561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpfSIvcJjQ
You will see
“What’s up Azu?” “Here,” He declares as he hands me a handmade card, it’s blue and written in bolded red letters is “HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARK” and some candles and cake and other doodles.
'Round everyone else
”It’s pretty! Thank you Azusa!!” I beam as I wrap my arms around him in a tight hug, he pulls away and smiles sweetly at me...too sweetly....You're watching your back561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yUmUPJsKB
Like you can't relax
“Nah, thank you for everything Dark, happy birthday Oldie.” You're trying to be cool561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZETmoFxU7
You look like a fool to me
Did he just..?Tell me
“AZUSA IM GOING TO MURDER YOU!! IM ONLY A YEAR OLDER!!” I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
“Still older right??”Life's like this you561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiq7cSwbBy
And you fall, and you crawl, and you break
”I DONT CAREEEE”And you take, what you get, and you turn it into561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSX1w4SzLkf
Honesty and promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it
He chuckles and looks down at me, “Fine fine, sorry, I’m sorry.” No, no561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Y7EiKXLvY
Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I pout and turn away, feigning aggression, “No! You’re mean!” I grumble. I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
I hear wrappers unwrapping behind me, and a sweet smelling snack wafts into my nose, chocolate!!!Life's like this you561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIIDIplCCo
And you fall, and you crawl, and you break
”I did get chocolateeee...but I guess you don’t want it...” And you take, what you get, and you turn it into561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWpCjFyylK
Honesty and promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it
”GIMME!!”No, no, no
