Chapter twenty-seven
Matt
"Is this about sex? Is that what you want from me?" Novah says. I can't believe Novah just accused me of wanting to use her for sex. What does she think I am? I mean, not that I haven't done it before, to other women, but she's different. I thought she knew that.
"Of course not. I thought I made that clear from the beginning. Yeah, you're very attractive and turn me on like no other but I would never use you for sex." I say to Novah. As soon as I saw the look on Novah's face when she opened the door, I knew that Skylar's been shit talking about me. Skylar's an evil bitch. Her instigating ass. She always does this. And I know that she's gonna keep poisoning Novah against me.
"But you've done it to other women," she says matter-of-factly. See? Skylar's gonna find any and everything I've done wrong, and tell Novah. I honestly don't know why Jon likes her. She's annoying as fuck. And a fucking bitch.
"It was fucking Skylar, wasn't it? That bitch. I knew...."
"No Matt. It wasn't Skylar. You make your own decisions." she interrupts. Oh no. Does she not want anything to do with me now?
"What are we even doing here?," Fuck. There's more. I didn't know she thought this low of me. She thinks I'm a fucking monster. "I mean, you're a fucking womanizer, you don't want a relationship. What am I even doing talking to you?" I don't know how to register the feelings that I'm feeling so I just ignore them. Like I've done my whole life.
"Are you coming with me or not?" I ask.358Please respect copyright.PENANADYgpVWoOME
She stands there with her arms crossed. So stubborn. Never listens. That's one of the things I love about Novah. 358Please respect copyright.PENANAPn9ZOGm8pe
She's so goddamned difficult. 358Please respect copyright.PENANArUPJUgBk1w
She doesn't listen to shit I say.358Please respect copyright.PENANAbkWG1HEQPd
I turn and walk away before I say something I'll regret. 358Please respect copyright.PENANAJvHHdkFXC1
I never know how to articulate my feelings so I just keep them at bay and put on a cold, distant face. Nobody's ever cared about my feelings so who's gonna care now?358Please respect copyright.PENANAJqdUBSSKIE
No woman has ever hurt my feelings cause I, simply, don't give a shit. 358Please respect copyright.PENANAcVJuQGRKnE
I open the door to the staircase and sit down on the first step to get my shit together before I go back to my usual self.358Please respect copyright.PENANAX74FnQ7F6U
I've always had to hold it together for people. I'd rather not even feel feelings. 358Please respect copyright.PENANAPKD3CZoIqr
But, the fact that Novah thinks I'm a womanizer. I mean, my feelings aren't hurt because that's a lie. I kind of am a womanizer. 358Please respect copyright.PENANAJMuK9bbT6g
Not something to be proud of, but, then again, I don't give a shit what anyone thinks of me. I've never given a shit what anybody has thought of me, up until this point.358Please respect copyright.PENANAdPzq0X2LLx
Novah has me acting all out of character. I tried to do something nice to show that there is something underneath my shell, but it backfired.358Please respect copyright.PENANAxZZSUWu6TD
And now Novah thinks I'm a shit bag. Unintentionally, my eyes start to water up. Damn it! I haven't cried since I was fifteen. Since......the thing happened. 358Please respect copyright.PENANAmp9JtPH18m
How can this woman make me cry after five years of keeping it all together? I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around. Its Novah. God, she's beautiful. I don't think she knows how fucking gorgeous she is. I can barely control myself around her. I probably look stupid as hell., crying about something she said about me when it's true.
"Matt? What...why...how..." she stutters, probably wondering why the fuck this big baby is crying?358Please respect copyright.PENANAdUChBb8DvO
"Matt, were you crying?" she asks and takes my hand into her warm hand. I want her so bad. But I've already heard what she thinks of me. She said it herself. What are we even doing here? I mean, it's obvious that she's out of my league. I can't let her see me like this.
"No. I was just about to leave." No, I was gonna sit on this step and cry. I turn around and try to make it out of there as fast as possible but she grabs my hand.
"No." she whispers. Fuck. She always looks so innocent and vulnerable. It does something to me. But no. She doesn't want me. I don't even want myself. Nobody has ever wanted me and I don't know why, for a bit, I thought that she might be different. That she might see me differently. I'm fucking trash. Why would she want me?
"Novah, I really just want to be left alone right now." I turn and walk away and outside, knowing that her feelings are hurt. 358Please respect copyright.PENANAF0o0QyTDXh
She's a sensitive person. And usually, I never gave a shit if a girl cried, but something about seeing her crying, that night we went the carnival, because of me. I felt like a shit bag. But then again, what's new? I've felt like a shit bag since I was fifteen. Even before then.358Please respect copyright.PENANA7QsJMxobIx
I get into my car and start it up. Back when I was a teenager, if I was feeling like shit or if I was angry or sad, I would drink or smoke. But since I had to quit, now If I'm feeling any type of way, I go to the gym and work out until I feel better. One time, I was really fucking furious, so I was at the gym, working out, for three hours. Hey, it's better than getting shit-faced at a bar. 358Please respect copyright.PENANAI2Gqqtqu5S
I don't think I can work this feeling off, though.
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