《請跟我交往！拜託啦！》 - 第二章數學課！

「同學們，請回位子上坐好。」一位沒見過的老師在鐘響後走進教室。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClOsTpeuLV

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同學們面面相覷。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpVDWGMjgwT
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「那個……您是不是走錯教室了呢？」身為班長的我起身詢問。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCn29EebFx
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「啊，你們的數學老師請假，所以今天是我代課喔。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcugiwMu3hu
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「咦咦？沒用的老東西請假？」賴妍驚訝的問。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTQbnUrWad
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「請不要叫數學老師沒用的老東西。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXy2UYxy6m
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「那改成老不羞好了。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9l1hfRQcm
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「更糟糕了啊！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxxQgjr9vc
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「咳，總之，」代課老師乾咳一聲打斷我們的對話，「請各位打開課本第……為什麼桌上有酒瓶？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1d9PCwZD1x
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「因為上一節是化學課。」正在製作燃燒瓶的簡澄說。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8rpH5G1do
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「那你桌上正在燒的酒精燈是怎樣？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHrKTiLcGc
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「老師，它正在暖身。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghAdhf5vv8
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「它是要暖什麼身啊！給我拿回去實驗室放好！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF62EcFn3Dg
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「我要去！」賴妍自告奮勇的起身。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwtFPWs97K
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「給我坐下，妳不值得信賴。」我不耐煩的說。「三岐，你去放。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qJ49cpOVT
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「那我改姓三岐。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIc2f7jARxL
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「才不是這個意思！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡziyeeCUezX
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「而且為什麼是三岐！」剛剛還趴著的三岐抗議。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMR83K0z0AF
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「少囉唆！快點給我去放！」我用課本敲三岐的頭，「別跟著搗亂上課秩序好嗎？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmf24mRMvhh
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「汝等下級生物，竟敢命令本元帥，看我痛啊啊啊啊啊啊！」三岐的話還沒說完就被我再次用力敲頭，不過這次用的是不鏽鋼水壺。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0Udu3MFYn
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「元帥好弱。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhD8bPRLC4
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「你根本是想殺了我吧！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFLr7fZKg2
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「同學們！請安靜！」代課老師看起來有些惱火。「全部給我翻開課本！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopzstCSB5l
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「老師。」賴妍突然嚴肅的開口，「你覺得數學的意義到底是什麼？數學又是為何而存在？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIF0qwPuQQh
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「數學是為何而存在…………？」老師陷入沉思。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5V6nRuR1As
除了賴妍之外的同學們臉色一沉。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQy98uGgPHb
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「老師！別中計啊！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECo4ouKNG0
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「這傢伙的腦子才不會思考這種深奧的東西呢！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjsHeTIMLw
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「她只是單純不想上數學課而已啊！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLxAm13ufd
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不過老師抬起手制止了那些警告他的同學。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJu4invSfF
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「我認為……」在思考片刻之後，老師開口，

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「數學是使生活變得更方便的工具。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ClN4Oiycj
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「真的是這樣嗎？」賴妍問。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64YQ7IaL0Z
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「古埃及人與巴比倫人靠著幾何學的幫助，建造出了許多壯觀的建築物！牛頓發明的微積分也間接造福了許多人類！」老師越說越激動，「所以我才會選擇就讀數學系，成為數學老師！數學對我來說就是世界的真理！就是絕對的信仰！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzavOTYMHKJ
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「那……如果我說，」賴妍緩緩開口，「我能反駁你的論點呢？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7E2jskdYiP
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「什──」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JRYAN30y2
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「如果我能證明…………數學並不是世界的真理呢？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFphf72vFVJ
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「臭小鬼！妳明白妳在說什麼嗎！妳說的話是對神的褻瀆！」代課老師憤怒地吼道。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtz5JH9vpKW
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「那個，班長，」坐在我後面的男同學輕聲對我說，「這部不是日常番嗎？為什麼會出現戰鬥番的台詞？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0ibk8X5pH
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「我也很好奇啊！而且現在不是數學課嗎！」

最重要的是，代課老師已經在不知不覺間步入了賴妍「不想上課」的節奏之中，這才是她被稱為瘋狗的最大原因。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFYubrqTvh
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真正恐怖的地方還在後頭。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4JskAiY6B
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「老師……你知道數學的英文，Math的意義，其實是Mental Abuse To Humans，也就是人類精神虐待的意思喔？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcBhbmYpPy
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「那只是討厭數學的人提出的可悲巧合而已！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9dq4IuvJw
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賴妍歪頭。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFiFQhhugJ
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「如果數學是真理，為什麼有人會討厭祂呢？」她問道。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucarW9jenG
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「因為世界上總是有許多自以為是的人！他們只因為生活不如預期，就怪罪到神聖的信仰上面！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHF2plLeQfw
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「生活不如預期？你是指生活中的事發生無法用真理解釋的情況嗎？還是生活並沒有想像中的便利？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXeSCaw6iFn
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「世上所有的事情一定都有辦法用真理來說明！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpxM49WrBS
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「真的嗎？」賴妍正色道，「那我舉個簡單的例子吧。您有看過商店中『買二送一』的活動嗎？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbs9M4mnyE
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「當然有。」代課老師不耐煩地回答。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4Rrw43Ygv
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「那麼一加一等於幾？這只是單純的數學問題，不是腦筋急轉彎喔。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkQv4yWbMM
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「一加一等於二。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMGjjoahSk
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「啊咧？奇怪了？」賴妍故意用困惑的語氣說到，「我只付了兩個物品的價錢，為什麼我得到了三倍的利潤？好奇怪吶～」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH3SFMi3kUe
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「……咦？」老師愣住了。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1DFFNQYxF
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「這樣子算式就變成了『一加一等於三』而不是真理所說的二了呢。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNCjWe2l7W
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「什…怎麼會……」代課老師開始感到恐慌。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGL00UWQADo
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「老師別中計啊！那只是一種行銷手法而已啊！」我大喊。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBul57YhP3E
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「我…但是、但是一加一應該……還是等於二啊…………？」代課老師緩緩抬頭，用困惑而渙散的眼神看著我，就像一位瀕臨崩潰的精神病患者。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uAN5DF495
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完蛋了。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplHhkHu8Yq
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「我再舉一個例子吧。」賴妍再次開口。「剛剛說了一加一等於三，但是這也不是正確答案。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDhtTNk6w5
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「您應該也知道結婚是什麼吧？就是長期的一對一賣春契約。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSfKdbNV3jz
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「才不是這樣！」我吐槽。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWId8IuEd8A
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「好奇怪吶。住在我家隔壁的王叔叔明明結婚了，為什麼最近兩個月，在王阿姨不在的週五晚上，還會出現另外六個女人陪他過夜呢？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlep721ZPPL
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「這種事情你應該早點去跟王阿姨說才對吧！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7xDaldgTU
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「咦咦，」賴妍不理我，「一加一不是等於三嗎？為什麼同時又等於八呢？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bLaekpJ0z
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「為什麼啊啊啊啊啊！」代課老師抱住頭，驚慌失措地尖叫。「為什麼真理要遺棄我啊啊啊啊！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp06Yr0e8JE
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「沒錯，就是因為人們被你所說的真理拋棄，才會轉而討厭，甚至憎恨數學。對他們來說，數學不只不是世界上的真理，更不是讓生活變得更方便的工具！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3c8FnpyDbD
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賴妍深呼吸，補上了最後一擊：「對他們來說，數學只是讓生活更不方便的枷鎖！只是阻礙人類發展的、根本沒有存在必要的、無用垃圾而已啊！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqh3LKbx7qX
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「啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊……」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxbd7gd8zZ
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老師緩緩蹲下，雙手抱住膝蓋，露出自己長久以來深信的事情在一夕之間被摧毀的表情。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacocl19Hdt
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這時，去化學教室放酒精燈的三岐回來了。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgj216fEDxP

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老師彷彿看見了希望一般，朝著三岐跑過去，抓住了他的肩膀，用力地前後搖動。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyMbgBysBr
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「同學！一加一等於多少！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObSNb0EZcd
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「咦？」在狀況外的三岐很錯愕。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAW6BnJoXXs
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賴妍露出了勝利的微笑，坐回位子上，舒服的翹起二郎腿，抓著桌上的白蘭地仰頭灌了一大口。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pJ8cwo20i
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「到底等於多少啊啊啊啊啊！！！」代課老師瘋狂地大喊。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuDLKGJQ2p
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「等、等於五十……」一天到晚吃麥O勞的三岐結結巴巴的回答。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KEx01S36p
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「三等於八、八等於五十……等式應該不成立才…三又等於五十……啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊！」代課老師崩潰了，尖叫著衝出了教室。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCu0wbEJ2xJ
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全班盯著三岐。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyCsMv0LbK
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「欸？我做錯什麼了嗎？」三岐很錯愕。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYp90aMtoa9
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賴妍抬頭看了一眼教室牆上的時鐘。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYq88gPRJk
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「呦喜！多賺到了半小時下課時間。」她握拳。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpxgmYrtO9
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「呦喜妳個大頭！他被你弄壞了啦！」我慌張地大喊，「全班快點出去幫忙找代課老師啊！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmiQCnVgtn4
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當日結果：317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEeEeQJtgu
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在數學科辦公室全體數學老師的幫忙下，於放學前在校舍頂樓的花圃角落發現了喃喃自語著「三等於八等於五十三等於八等於五十三等於八等於五十我被神拋棄了嗚嗚嗚我要成為一棵用費波納契數列整齊排列的植物三等於八等於五十三等於八等於五十…」的代課老師，並送到附近醫院的精神科治療。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUTM3b4Elx
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賴妍被記了一支大過（目前總共七支）。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvtfrOEno3
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第二章 數學課！

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第二章數學課！