在TG上，大家互相交換照片，今年的動漫節我只去了兩天。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCTZelxTeQ
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSh0sct8XWi
Annie看完我cosplay男角和女角的照片，她看到其中一張我cosplay著女角跟一另一名女coser的合照，便回應：541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISz4BUVwuM
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYhTpg0IoW
Annie：你隔離嗰條女好靚，你啲frd嚟？541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡedpV1yKU8U
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3EjWAqvqx5
我：梗係唔係啦，啱啱先識嘅（笑喊541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Ngxokdphr
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXyCgYoC1C
接著Annie也給她的化妝照我看，又交流著化妝心得。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFExxN9bh1I
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37hbgSBMB7
論「擠牙膏式」聊天戰術，對我來講cosplay、化妝、寫網絡小說，這三大話題是最長壽命的話題，能用來談很長、很長的時間。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7F3ecRFaa
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYiXYIQuDMS
總之，我最終目的就是要把她約出來見面！541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHaeYGhbjo
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmImgCeV82k
每次我以cosplay裝扮出席這類活動時，都必定認識到新朋友，男女都有，也是同樣cosplay的人，然後他們都會跟我交換IG。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4RfEKUF8s
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Yc0oQlZ77
在我的IG裡，粉絲頗多，主要有兩類：一是從cosplay圈認識的人，二是我從網上寫小說而招來的讀者粉絲和其他作者。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvf7lutgRav
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5YG775cYi
每逢我發佈小說的宣傳文，只有十幾個讚好，但當我發佈cosplay照時，不論是男裝還是女裝，總會引來多3倍的讚好，真是人靠衣裝。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCFkswn9DP
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEe2ol7BljR
因此有人會覺得我的朋友圈子大，但其實這只不過是假象；因為我都很少與人會面，平日頂多都是跟我唯一好友Jason見面或獨自一人到cafe消閑。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerp2gy6ets
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGB87tihNZV
Annie：你個樣本身可以好女仔，出街實冇人知你係偽娘。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7myYl2Pnkk
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXXjmhoWiC
我：但冇計啦我太高喇，實出賣男兒身㗎（笑喊541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBqlrO6hE0
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwt9VmRt8JK
Annie：其實我好憎啲男仔睇樣541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMhhDyAXmG
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHRrqKoFXr
我：做咩突然間講呢啲嘅？541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxFae1jVcy
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjxZP9pWy6
Annie：以前試過交換完相之後，條仔嫌我肥，就即block我541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50hxAzhbuZ
Annie：我真係好自卑541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykWuqdrSbZ
Annie：啲人成日都同我講，話我個樣唔差，叫我扮下靚就有541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97yJtiJ7Mq
Annie：佢哋口口聲話唔介意肥閪，但係行動上就好誠實咁話我知，佢哋跟本介意。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuW51vE7ROg
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2f4CWWLtL
其實我也很清楚知道，這個世上沒有絕對的零歧視。很多時候人只是出於禮貌，而在表面的社交應酬上，包裝自己的說話，但心裡仍然保留真正的自己。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysCbg8dOnt
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5E0SurJaS
所以我的世界觀是：適者生存，與其努力去改變世界，倒不如學習保護自己。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyg2q0Nx0JD
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAZSqNM0nw
偽娘也會被歧視嗎？當然有，只是我比較幸運，身邊的人大致上都是禮貌跟我相處；或可能有人心底裡不喜歡，但我相信既然有人不喜歡，那麼總有人喜歡，每個人總會找到自己的一套生存之道，多訓練自己的敏感度，便可容易地觀察人心，從而使自己作更好的決定。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1v0xS3MBQ
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAgzjMEUwf
所以在前面說到創建Tinder帳號時，我都說，即管大膽表明自己是偽娘身份，當有人被我吸引進來之後，再慢慢過濾誰是真正交友。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwdylAaRcU
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PY0vl9JjO
或許有人問：你這樣不辛苦嗎？不做偽娘就好了。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASmW9U7icy
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2K1PSr7bga
我會反駁：食得鹹魚抵得渴，為心靈滿足而選擇紋身的人，會害怕生活上的阻礙而放棄嗎？541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmhLPtohnd
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHuoUQp1Yk
我們又繼續聊，然後我嘗試開玩笑地拋出一句。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QZt2WZbpo
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDO6FXQrHA
我：我好想食豬扒飯。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivw4LYGrK3
我：不過我想食你件豬多啲（笑喊541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8NB7nEQGZ
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcujIvZOog
Annie：我唔係豬扒！！541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡheKKJKwT4k
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiNXxyMdda
糟糕了，我講錯說話，焦慮的我想嘗試修復。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHQh2gOXMN
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZ70YQXS2R
我：豬扒都有豬扒嘅好（笑喊541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRfUzNAWeZ
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtr722mjbv
Annie：可以啪啪聲嘛（大笑541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmd3F9I0BF9
Annie：同埋，我呢啲高嘅係叫坦克車唔係豬扒541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmhJ2FFh021
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEBFYL861q
最原始的對話版本我已經忘記了，也刪了；總之大概記得，我以「豬扒」這個詞語來開玩笑，說過幾句；但是勾起了Annie的怒火，而我又嘗試熄滅。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiX5HFCDpB
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlfYwxlpOo
我：噢，原來我一路以嚟攪錯咗豬扒呢個term嘅用法。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRY9zDtvC6
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJOAckf6e5
沒辦法下，我只好裝傻混過去。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjSufYETXZ
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbCSRYGmwIQ
本以為如此便蒙混過關，於是我們又如常地相處下去。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cxL16KSTr
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHfXLjWR2A
接著幾天後，我又約了一個攝影師在派對房裡拍攝泳裝照片；但是照片要修圖，要等待一陣日子才有。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8Dx6aElT4
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPcNZdndFH
這晚我又跟Annie聊到半夜三更。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVUHmrkJKK
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcF1qhzhubt
Annie：你去影泳衣咁有冇相？541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZhpeL2lPF
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxqqXUNesg
我如實地交代暫未有相片，只有一張我當場的自拍照，是上身照，相中的我看起來與一個穿三點式的女人無異。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Y34HxCgAQ
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YyPyBIu62
艷濃的妝容、長長的啡捲髮、以及黑色三點式泳裝，露出大面積白皙的肌膚，正正是我當時的打扮。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9sO1qnckTG
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPT6H9pzzL
Annie：慘囉慘囉，連你都咁靚。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcHMbfkwLZ
Annie：我一見到有排骨精就有種想保護佢嘅感覺541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjT5rAn0Uy
Annie：驚佢俾風吹走541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSXO1FX1iP
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhw8AakbKel
我：你講緊邊個排骨呀？（笑喊541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BSUkCSCRW
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPJ8PzFQ4q
Annie：我好唔中意啲男仔自大541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFk5OvbQFg
Annie：見過有啲男仔喺網上露佢自己上身541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0HaVd889W
Annie：佢以為自己有六舊，有好大條J541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6HaY9r0hr
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgI7QqleVx
我：俾著係我直情同人講：我冇J㗎（笑喊541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOE4BvkuEcw
我：冇六舊肌同大J，咁咪做返女人囉（笑喊541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkExuD9Kwe
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVwCc3QYTc
我不像一般的某些直男，在網上放出袒露上身的大漢照。不穿衣服，我都會，只是我不會這樣表達而已。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1OMP2nTlA
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuyvID67oG
事實上，我的確在Tinder放過一張三點式泳裝照，還有假髮和妝容；並不是因為我對自己男性特徵（例如6腹肌）沒自信，而純粹是因為我喜歡美麗的自己。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSY4aGZeYDq
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpRwSNUgBJ
以火影忍者的語言說，大多數男人都是使用鳴人的「逆後宮術」，而我則只是在用「後宮術」，一個「逆」字只是男版和女版的分別。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU12WdqUCey
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2L42QsgKi
Annie：半夜三更瞓唔著，突然性起，傾吓性？541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzD8yHU8Mkx
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeItPubOvYT
我：你做乜咁突然想講18禁呀？M到？（笑喊541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4oEfGm5Op
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa34XALBapj
Annie：係呀，你又知？（笑喊541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNycmH8xvy5
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJ97QVEnCR
我：我憑直覺亂估咋541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBkOaSXw8n
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlnOKiPvHWe
Annie：好奇想知你唔打飛機㗎咩？541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiLUpz90TQ
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHs6wbKkuz2
我思索了一會，然後回覆。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrtG3F4VR2
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbaWUhBW2Ou
我：打呀，但我嘅性幻想唔係男女扑嘢咁簡單。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUi6gGhwOn6
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagVJeeY6jD
我的性癖，是戀物。事實上對於女性的胸、陰道，不是主要的興趣；因此如果有大胸妹子在我面前引誘我，是沒有用的；唯一能刺中我「死穴」的只有女裝。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHHZ40pcSM
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkIjnt1seK
Annie：我屋企都有兩件sex toy541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vPcjg8rRE
Annie：我試過自己裝上假J然後插落第二條女度541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9NpgcmPcv
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkHWSOlpPH
我：你本身都係bi？541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQftepw0wxW
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JTd395mKr
Annie：唔係嘅，只係貪屌女仔好玩（大笑541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGT5txEBOF1
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCR6a999Da
我：話說今日我去私影時都就嚟出水541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObOawpyfCZ
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5CwR4pneD
Annie：你都冇閪，點出水？541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHuC5PJauqY
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUXTfQ7OpV
我：人工閪😏541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrkPXYqdLN
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGLCbzgRk4
Annie：😳😳541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4kRyXceof
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8srx19n3d
我：你嚟上我啦（笑喊541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6IkHsiYw7
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGItcW4aPeP
今晚看似她已經把我說的「豬扒」拋諸腦後；另一方面，我們已經聊了1.5個月，我三番四次約會她，她都不出來，漸漸地我也被磨去了耐性和動力。我開始有點迷惘，下次應該如何提出約會，還是只保持網上關係就罷了？
Penana
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