在TG上，大家互相交換照片，今年的動漫節我只去了兩天。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzjyKLQQN9
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PdOhCpQLp
Annie看完我cosplay男角和女角的照片，她看到其中一張我cosplay著女角跟一另一名女coser的合照，便回應：547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZCIEoJLRb
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUhwmlkivI
Annie：你隔離嗰條女好靚，你啲frd嚟？547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnJinNozSj
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSHYO8AKmG
我：梗係唔係啦，啱啱先識嘅（笑喊547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjO82NzoGRl
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxq2igDPWl
接著Annie也給她的化妝照我看，又交流著化妝心得。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCgCDMHNP7
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUV7F7NVS89
論「擠牙膏式」聊天戰術，對我來講cosplay、化妝、寫網絡小說，這三大話題是最長壽命的話題，能用來談很長、很長的時間。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzcrqb755F
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ZSfHV9x05
總之，我最終目的就是要把她約出來見面！547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dwOc4EnZI
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwx6I0sXAjH
每次我以cosplay裝扮出席這類活動時，都必定認識到新朋友，男女都有，也是同樣cosplay的人，然後他們都會跟我交換IG。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdU20zyqLl
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCVS3sCWa3
在我的IG裡，粉絲頗多，主要有兩類：一是從cosplay圈認識的人，二是我從網上寫小說而招來的讀者粉絲和其他作者。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyVsK3w3nn
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuSmbp4R9I
每逢我發佈小說的宣傳文，只有十幾個讚好，但當我發佈cosplay照時，不論是男裝還是女裝，總會引來多3倍的讚好，真是人靠衣裝。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXh1kdACd8P
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XpnyrPrhn
因此有人會覺得我的朋友圈子大，但其實這只不過是假象；因為我都很少與人會面，平日頂多都是跟我唯一好友Jason見面或獨自一人到cafe消閑。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnZPE4XD7a
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiybpJHeL67
Annie：你個樣本身可以好女仔，出街實冇人知你係偽娘。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzTvLVGrAa
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1RQBaACVd
我：但冇計啦我太高喇，實出賣男兒身㗎（笑喊547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dtEhHIlnf
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhAOJeiG2b
Annie：其實我好憎啲男仔睇樣547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPMGQnsOrQ
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflCGlQIEnJ
我：做咩突然間講呢啲嘅？547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmxUm8irfR
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFY6Fxjij4w
Annie：以前試過交換完相之後，條仔嫌我肥，就即block我547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92CbvKmLKI
Annie：我真係好自卑547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWYzF7Ki8I
Annie：啲人成日都同我講，話我個樣唔差，叫我扮下靚就有547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtCmugZ6Dq
Annie：佢哋口口聲話唔介意肥閪，但係行動上就好誠實咁話我知，佢哋跟本介意。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfsM2bGIrU
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpl0AXcy70i
其實我也很清楚知道，這個世上沒有絕對的零歧視。很多時候人只是出於禮貌，而在表面的社交應酬上，包裝自己的說話，但心裡仍然保留真正的自己。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTPgSrMmgu
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu1SAXH78Tn
所以我的世界觀是：適者生存，與其努力去改變世界，倒不如學習保護自己。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlnfkZ062i
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqkaKqjpIJ
偽娘也會被歧視嗎？當然有，只是我比較幸運，身邊的人大致上都是禮貌跟我相處；或可能有人心底裡不喜歡，但我相信既然有人不喜歡，那麼總有人喜歡，每個人總會找到自己的一套生存之道，多訓練自己的敏感度，便可容易地觀察人心，從而使自己作更好的決定。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8kczbiSnk2
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OsO5Ae8J9
所以在前面說到創建Tinder帳號時，我都說，即管大膽表明自己是偽娘身份，當有人被我吸引進來之後，再慢慢過濾誰是真正交友。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrxZvVk2Ty
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEHr5aWBEa
或許有人問：你這樣不辛苦嗎？不做偽娘就好了。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNNsxG0std
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTwR9pCUGt
我會反駁：食得鹹魚抵得渴，為心靈滿足而選擇紋身的人，會害怕生活上的阻礙而放棄嗎？547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvA0NgxXqJ4
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpTVuObbWE
我們又繼續聊，然後我嘗試開玩笑地拋出一句。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjpmjp4Xab
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGN4xQMjFd
我：我好想食豬扒飯。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGImxiCzQB
我：不過我想食你件豬多啲（笑喊547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1HR7AxiCV
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWz6m237hdG
Annie：我唔係豬扒！！547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxe71dys9De
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvSlFiyFIL
糟糕了，我講錯說話，焦慮的我想嘗試修復。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5yBGnQ6lQ
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5ETcJj3Tv
我：豬扒都有豬扒嘅好（笑喊547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGoTkMltKZ
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYBQJ7QdpR
Annie：可以啪啪聲嘛（大笑547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmKZBDdTpf
Annie：同埋，我呢啲高嘅係叫坦克車唔係豬扒547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LHrG9LOZv
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQTa9z0ij6
最原始的對話版本我已經忘記了，也刪了；總之大概記得，我以「豬扒」這個詞語來開玩笑，說過幾句；但是勾起了Annie的怒火，而我又嘗試熄滅。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0wNLJ1wcF
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDemQCGldr
我：噢，原來我一路以嚟攪錯咗豬扒呢個term嘅用法。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofzkouEgaw
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgk8HRPWqn
沒辦法下，我只好裝傻混過去。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bhkDpRxJ7
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76es3deSc4
本以為如此便蒙混過關，於是我們又如常地相處下去。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtISJMeaNuS
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxB4TPk4q0q
接著幾天後，我又約了一個攝影師在派對房裡拍攝泳裝照片；但是照片要修圖，要等待一陣日子才有。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvu41zBzvbd
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UZmK432bO
這晚我又跟Annie聊到半夜三更。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmU8BjHCNv
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWfnTSIVRg
Annie：你去影泳衣咁有冇相？547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlna0rLPU3
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdGBH2ud3F
我如實地交代暫未有相片，只有一張我當場的自拍照，是上身照，相中的我看起來與一個穿三點式的女人無異。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcfkM4s0GY
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HVAgZJIf3
艷濃的妝容、長長的啡捲髮、以及黑色三點式泳裝，露出大面積白皙的肌膚，正正是我當時的打扮。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrglpR8zU1A
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSv5gn5zQNX
Annie：慘囉慘囉，連你都咁靚。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzaTJen9obr
Annie：我一見到有排骨精就有種想保護佢嘅感覺547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNV8Wq60gE
Annie：驚佢俾風吹走547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSDOaXefW3
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYRfaYdXi0
我：你講緊邊個排骨呀？（笑喊547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGO4x4d8OX1
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTORWZm27E
Annie：我好唔中意啲男仔自大547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndM8l1ZjSG
Annie：見過有啲男仔喺網上露佢自己上身547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PmjzyJWA9
Annie：佢以為自己有六舊，有好大條J547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5mS8sfCgi
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1HWZX4ORW3
我：俾著係我直情同人講：我冇J㗎（笑喊547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGiJBaNdIvt
我：冇六舊肌同大J，咁咪做返女人囉（笑喊547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxDKVW5J2s
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHP3c3GLloq
我不像一般的某些直男，在網上放出袒露上身的大漢照。不穿衣服，我都會，只是我不會這樣表達而已。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbkcDbT4iF
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtqj1AVgMl
事實上，我的確在Tinder放過一張三點式泳裝照，還有假髮和妝容；並不是因為我對自己男性特徵（例如6腹肌）沒自信，而純粹是因為我喜歡美麗的自己。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIzG8kr7Ys
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RnLPkyA6k
以火影忍者的語言說，大多數男人都是使用鳴人的「逆後宮術」，而我則只是在用「後宮術」，一個「逆」字只是男版和女版的分別。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqkAxrG1DB
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhe1VvlNrA
Annie：半夜三更瞓唔著，突然性起，傾吓性？547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0ER6F5GmB
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ518w7rAUAN
我：你做乜咁突然想講18禁呀？M到？（笑喊547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIURv7MLr6
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXwYEaWKRu
Annie：係呀，你又知？（笑喊547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxb6GG4xPpg
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooPRQnhDON
我：我憑直覺亂估咋547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA81TgHN4x0
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVRQv7DmcD
Annie：好奇想知你唔打飛機㗎咩？547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPZsVyu48A
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvpaappH0B
我思索了一會，然後回覆。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnxH4O6Nro
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KtcLh7GxH
我：打呀，但我嘅性幻想唔係男女扑嘢咁簡單。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXd8prroc9k
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkv8JivCRs7
我的性癖，是戀物。事實上對於女性的胸、陰道，不是主要的興趣；因此如果有大胸妹子在我面前引誘我，是沒有用的；唯一能刺中我「死穴」的只有女裝。547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4b7dl9yBTz
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzwDtmR7vI
Annie：我屋企都有兩件sex toy547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4SM5udu18
Annie：我試過自己裝上假J然後插落第二條女度547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQvcVSzPom
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVfoJ1uEp7
我：你本身都係bi？547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHv6dcPm2U
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQZREQfBn3
Annie：唔係嘅，只係貪屌女仔好玩（大笑547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3T3uA7LWe
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Pd4ivOpJy
我：話說今日我去私影時都就嚟出水547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQlGDzDCeH
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UnMXWpAQp
Annie：你都冇閪，點出水？547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVh3YlVNU7t
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1GnhXpNnWs
我：人工閪😏547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyKAk4CQXf
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0AvJ92yy1
Annie：😳😳547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KjGnEMy62
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxLi1AoPCp
我：你嚟上我啦（笑喊547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nqkIs0ZE1
547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9j4u5v1QA
今晚看似她已經把我說的「豬扒」拋諸腦後；另一方面，我們已經聊了1.5個月，我三番四次約會她，她都不出來，漸漸地我也被磨去了耐性和動力。我開始有點迷惘，下次應該如何提出約會，還是只保持網上關係就罷了？
Penana
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