Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5yKA14bVS
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdx9nlIlRbx
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLD4gD6txOe
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UNMtDkQ06
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0B7nIzD5zq
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYCQ193A6Q
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyE4x29Me1U
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpjzEytUqeS
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eHVc5W7gx
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BbDbXNPro
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYmirHZwHZ
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdu0dHaw21G
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOulQQdQEgQ
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxr1JYcwdaC
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuF9zg4KTEf
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSWhmRDkDt
我：當然沒有啊。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhjQkuUiho
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7GGH7e0T7
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3c7aKtm9A
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvg3yU9Xdf
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNtL4RIrUI
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXrMDJjmTl
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22Um42afA2
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfRfBVEph4
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVcXbUpOXb
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnGojPgSJ1
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqN7v7u0tH
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejmzIsa8RQ
Priscilla：係呀。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtJHfL4pEf
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9DGwJLMe8
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUru3FyFgq
（我對她微笑地問。）478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggNhyBsx4p
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8rYMWZbyO
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQg2h7aMdXU
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NXbJyWF9D
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jS4oOTvmM
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUN0vv3LS6q
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfqSiRI3pL
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYRn1UdQSc
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISef5Es948
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNoZSuPW3V
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQMZh4Yiy7
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfU87vIK34G
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2fxoikdOz
我：不如就開個account啦。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVoImzNpJN
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSN3Lwaljfo
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgkLy5UKAU
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyimz9E8P2Z
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQoadV3ApC
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgorTsDlEuA
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiiIlIuTh9v
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcINLWdqHCi
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGJJ6pqLq6
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl87xxLZCyR
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgoaaUms96i
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwiOTLJlWi
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwEqNWObDW
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVnWjaboiu
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCbgPYws2f
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJXxZHwe9g
我：睇完先再算啦。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIBjFA9huh
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5BBU7tUDG
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGgekpkwlF
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bl3ZdHiyV
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdYI2XSjx9
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5ydkeUxOb
-----大年初一的早上-----478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO00PJv9NAz
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gkc1Hbul3
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBU8b14azj
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuU6ai7iN9
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcWCCsTgdL
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4C2tFywQb
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9uIvN4JAv
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuU74dtP7iv
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkje2tu2XD4
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8Vh44Mtzb
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnojtgEnqJk
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvfq66hZJK
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp09wnCOfpY
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvO9VbmtHzK
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvguYhFs1cn
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplgGak1INP
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknhJojXaLZ
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoCqgBgtbi
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWAeX3gUdP
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQ0yajwXfl
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScsVWJT47D
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEX1qQqmfV5
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikb25hA0z3
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJzoa0OP1u
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGMfLdfCdH
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEzuH33AeP
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIufHdKNg5
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡah0vChFW5C
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4r78JHbUDA
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoItKWBrxg
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJvFZGTyba
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf84lFcagmK
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgY1Zx1wBP
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbclzlRWaTv
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1StMIABVr
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhlOPZRp3A
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmMCejQioU
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1E7CoNVC3Z
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdyUIr3V6b
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaaogSO8eZ
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLOp85FSEy
我：咁拍咗幾耐？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15rTTx9zqr
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIn3MiqyUv3
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mKsKdsKTQ
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfySGnPaP6
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0cn7ZMDJf
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjj7A1keUc
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPzQ0rirMu
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡed7mgps2QL
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFYUsJCtKn
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdxXpBcJeb
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcBqgYY0Nl
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vOKkm65G4
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfyMmhsFgh
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLSC39L6CI
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY42yXfe8TA
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTm1DZZyCi
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIt5T1p91dp
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3GKXndlSe
說著，我又說起自己的情史。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNwwEbWxee
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhRDwmOz5I
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvqZ3OKUHz
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sl72DsUAD
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfL8r2ln3eN
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hq0iYN7Aq
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesDKaVfM3r
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkRbZh0YHT
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HmLrZXFx8
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfkcOolTka
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqZzADX8AB
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LlGjllCEF
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVoxCGs4jk
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBgCWYyhb0
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCPRg4QJL7
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGSM4uR2hJ
我：最後拍左一個月就散。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejwR5mld9f
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzagZL9dIvm
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzT64LmmNBa
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYHn7FoFnm
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYGy9Tl8wH
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylQERIeH3A
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1Hf1lY1I1
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJz3dELT1rS
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQ2RXVpUrO
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzuBs7s3Hw
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5uruGAvHW
這頓早茶，以AA制完。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4tSyPuVYG
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxt8pFjKI3x
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwEEeXLoY1
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOeTTMaLBhg
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7LtwLosJI
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSPt2I5QqK
我：下次再玩啦！478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlL1qRTS5hI
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekb0greaqp
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGe45kaJwyw
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESdSPZ1qCk
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvGwj8fVlE
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WVKYImlod
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWiD50ojCTE
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