Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmViitjL1LF
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLaA93DSQlw
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZl86tOUa8L
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XzUzdP3Pt
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkt7ZKZgNdT
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBi0WdrzaH
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlBgIpewZeB
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6vOb2Iqzd
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUoLMBCLpr
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YJfIAWkBY
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr2vwDjEjSW
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPk8X2NmHH
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6h212dmSI
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgvbHr9BOw
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNYP8ZMOX5
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ICtoJT705
我：當然沒有啊。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7XxPXMPa8
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrLdJgI2pc
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYteIv2fzfn
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWfGpQFH3V
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdETUmdbTv
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxkdt926Y7
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySNO9yoM3D
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHiRwLMyuag
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1EsOUy90v
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHqMrH6Jq4
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFEN2D3NAr
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7pKLyJr8pR
Priscilla：係呀。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDlMAZCYV5
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ofYtCiAT3
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxr7YfTLeM
（我對她微笑地問。）493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsbleZHbuk
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUd1KKTcqY
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTws9zQtl6
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡevk6A5kF0H
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTAyDVicfI
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimg2negZ4k
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGecKV0Rqe
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIJwWEoWeV
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbWNK1J0Up
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKVsNHfGeJ
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmho4GbZEkM
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSG2i9AXkfe
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnijfU9suV9
我：不如就開個account啦。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagkHeBr1H8
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWk58mFBwS5
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYLuhss8g7
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfvDeu3Px3
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ylTgBW4Wz
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6H89SwPl1m
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxf3jBng7Ct
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMCv9oedLc
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAD0ctbxsD2
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlEZbzh61K
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxczLFA44ag
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpBWI5juPx
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71tEXUm31x
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79lnB6vlQT
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1g4aXJuU2
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCbt8c2Hff
我：睇完先再算啦。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqucUpwU9qI
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gd8zQlp9z
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdSI3DpGvG
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDRADmRsc9
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQL4jr6mcD
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfCzgtKhwf
-----大年初一的早上-----493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iDvHOnQE8
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVimUCGQJ5
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8TlsBIOpe
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHgnWqnoE2
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHo7d9r9UbB
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8W9wXf9P3M
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2O9amE2LQ
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDkq4Q0fML
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdlUkkwxNz
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahBh9Bz8kf
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtF3ruQndD
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZOKLt5oXl
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7AN1uH841b
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmRm3DnIQt
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7jXHD4x3V
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdTA80CZYa
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfT0xaaoP7e
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLtm4IZwyEz
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ514TJROCiH
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJgjhv7AQK
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRSwrQDjzI
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HXG02WvVB
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKkb23CBtU
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bOlcAd7Uo
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp3oLopXtaz
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLw5KKNqkUW
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExyBblGrz7
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhX2HZIe78B
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rhQJKZh2Z
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGKApsjsLo
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkuqr3IXBl1
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7S1PyJh6E
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUqqj1cSul
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkobMwWFNtd
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHWpnRo6v9
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxFz6PXn4J
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9xqPdcUFt
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtORR26mJm
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ674iofJqql
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEArOKFuUu
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCyHQTd5IN
我：咁拍咗幾耐？493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HdRJ22wS2
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX70OStgrs6
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlF7Lh9UxP
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPlLgUQa1x
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lH9nnan7g
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmXgPM41TU
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfWbWOBoik
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJuN57o4k8
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiL6n3vTR8d
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUZ7tCRHzn
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NqoZxfOUM
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRuLDfC6N7
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOO2QEtD8i
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowcIeJ4FRL
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICHYbNihe9
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvqZIyWIvT
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKB4s9X7XS7
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFVbcxyaHE
說著，我又說起自己的情史。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTJc39m1ty
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFTzmFdNvm
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RRbe8mXYv
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs56ChHCaJi
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIEImJUZMm
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHW8hduX8W
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZoEAbjDnNX
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9ywnNQGdh
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdueZKtyzU
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwV9Fd0ONe
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8WjNv6beL
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeGPKgZQxS
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLzdOiyIWF
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCAOnuvA4F
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡheqKE0vE0s
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxdm7PDxja
我：最後拍左一個月就散。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDchino5OT
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7X4IdQ5FX
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKu3XTBa0tT
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuPeouRLqo
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5W6mIm8Xjd
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUDPeFArS7
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzX7XBgH79j
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBuCj9XT2a
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMqjmQfbhh
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPOmAAzwG3
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVrm9cwhqq
這頓早茶，以AA制完。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpuSNwf8jh
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYBaVBni6C
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bxg6gwLUj
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpXsQQAtVa
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaE7OCg4i9U
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfL8FgFGn7m
我：下次再玩啦！493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbcVPkj2o0B
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAbcW72Q9D
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZORMCRaK2b
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtxAGi7uFL
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oZK1LGorH
493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrckwcpndHp
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmT0F6oMh5M
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