Priscilla:你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix?493Please respect copyright.PENANAbQjBJ1gIvV
493Please respect copyright.PENANALXfmrNpoIp
慶祝過後,我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。493Please respect copyright.PENANAyzWCXf0YK6
493Please respect copyright.PENANAroGevH4aui
我:你屋企人會俾我嚟咩?493Please respect copyright.PENANAXmH3sJXMn3
493Please respect copyright.PENANASVymBRjADv
Priscilla:我屋企人都喺上面,喺香港我冇親人。493Please respect copyright.PENANAgKTyPsJZuK
493Please respect copyright.PENANASSbLd7Q5IE
了解過後,才知原來她當初是為了工作,才來香港申請永久居民。493Please respect copyright.PENANAmyWTYZiAJt
493Please respect copyright.PENANAeZuNIZFfTl
最後,我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐,就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。493Please respect copyright.PENANAHltvMukmKS
493Please respect copyright.PENANAMuJn7mOcBc
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房,空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房,她的房間也蠻整齊的,有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品,床邊也放著一些玩偶,她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布,來裝飾自己的房間。493Please respect copyright.PENANAIgmjiDnwi8
493Please respect copyright.PENANANMuvYr2g3u
Priscilla:你有帶褲來換嗎?493Please respect copyright.PENANA8gHnBuKAww
493Please respect copyright.PENANAoRH0QePjEq
我:當然沒有啊。493Please respect copyright.PENANAh5fismd1fJ
493Please respect copyright.PENANAJRvhpNQO6c
Priscilla:我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲,應該很適合你穿。493Please respect copyright.PENANA4j85rsWJs3
493Please respect copyright.PENANAoCGeNUrdz9
我脫下外套,和換上她給的女裝睡褲,便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。493Please respect copyright.PENANApS3txYiDLF
493Please respect copyright.PENANAOUteo1k3tL
嚴格來說,這條睡褲算不上是女裝,而是一條很中性的睡褲。493Please respect copyright.PENANAX5JlFp73l7
493Please respect copyright.PENANAhNfYABqpqk
Priscilla:同你講,格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍,但租就只係貴幾百。493Please respect copyright.PENANAJmPoag6ePn
493Please respect copyright.PENANAIAL1ks4YfF
我:你呢度係專租俾女仔住?493Please respect copyright.PENANAA5dlRLEJOU
493Please respect copyright.PENANA9XHwJqbBBg
Priscilla:係呀。493Please respect copyright.PENANAYaVzEuSjeT
493Please respect copyright.PENANAzEYuAUFoSC
我:咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅?你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩?493Please respect copyright.PENANA2MbgK5y5Nw
(我對她微笑地問。)493Please respect copyright.PENANAMHLyJxVPi0
493Please respect copyright.PENANARM94QIZUKR
Priscilla:就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。493Please respect copyright.PENANAU3R8Wje6Yj
Priscilla:我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。493Please respect copyright.PENANAiycC0fYvFG
493Please respect copyright.PENANALEHmosgeJM
她說完,我不心想:難道我已經落入了Friendzone?493Please respect copyright.PENANA02jkvXoHF8
493Please respect copyright.PENANAUvYqUZxJ0h
Priscilla:你想看甚麼?493Please respect copyright.PENANALXq8ath4Wf
493Please respect copyright.PENANAPXQra6xnDF
我:睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。493Please respect copyright.PENANA4AeymWy4Ze
493Please respect copyright.PENANAiKInqzjzvJ
Priscilla在iPad上滑著,表示她正在使用朋友的帳號,於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。493Please respect copyright.PENANAlHhbOSRwxS
493Please respect copyright.PENANAVfLKnFrI5e
我:不如就開個account啦。493Please respect copyright.PENANAYIP5jWlcJ7
493Please respect copyright.PENANAaQ3qr9g06W
Priscilla:咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦,我出住錢先。493Please respect copyright.PENANAbvRm8o7Ute
Priscilla:密碼你自己定啦。493Please respect copyright.PENANApXbzb10TIe
493Please respect copyright.PENANAXwtudcVQaA
我:咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名,同埋今日嘅日期啦!493Please respect copyright.PENANAPE3V15nbLK
我:就叫「watergod20220201」啦。493Please respect copyright.PENANAyaO1mU6Vxl
493Please respect copyright.PENANAB6FmXQglhZ
雖然現今科技發達,有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼;但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字,還有今天的日子。493Please respect copyright.PENANANInrwId1qx
493Please respect copyright.PENANAbW6SPeODX7
Priscilla:不如就睇呢套啦!493Please respect copyright.PENANAufuSgugOxK
493Please respect copyright.PENANAmy4rBaVBZE
於是,她就點進了《勿說是推理》。493Please respect copyright.PENANAKfIOFFdkto
493Please respect copyright.PENANAcWgFBag9JB
Priscilla:你唔洗返屋企咩?493Please respect copyright.PENANAoRk5CJBsdw
493Please respect copyright.PENANAgsZCWuCoQ8
我:睇完先再算啦。493Please respect copyright.PENANAA36G4b6TKK
493Please respect copyright.PENANA0xTZ0PlCO4
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上,身子是半坐半躺的,各自地蓋上毛氈;只有把腿子捲起來,才會勉強地把全身放在床上,我和她的距離,已經是肩碰肩。493Please respect copyright.PENANAYu75ONkBRh
493Please respect copyright.PENANALBd7olCKzj
看了很久,她自自然然地睡著了,而我也借著自己疲累的身軀,打算順勢地睡在她身上;可是理性又告訴我,用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係,太冒險了,結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。493Please respect copyright.PENANAn4ZSW35O26
493Please respect copyright.PENANAkH1wBUipys
-----大年初一的早上-----493Please respect copyright.PENANA5Emg16jvow
493Please respect copyright.PENANAoM53qLjO05
我們的早餐,就是去飲茶。493Please respect copyright.PENANAx2U9v9BFIA
493Please respect copyright.PENANAL69tVIUBWH
「奶黃包!」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心,點心上的每個白臉小包,都印上了一個黃色的笑表情,我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。493Please respect copyright.PENANACvwclsheSx
493Please respect copyright.PENANApigQTVZgR5
Priscilla:你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎?493Please respect copyright.PENANANhoTfT8v8E
493Please respect copyright.PENANA4QeSKeMjwe
這已經是不知第幾次,被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候,我總是要思考一會才能回答。493Please respect copyright.PENANAJ0PTJyHkRi
493Please respect copyright.PENANAiTyilb7EIm
我:搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦,但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。493Please respect copyright.PENANAfwSSiXmI8j
493Please respect copyright.PENANAKiCkQk6OLw
根據「無性戀」的定義,是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到,又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。493Please respect copyright.PENANAVccvCugczZ
493Please respect copyright.PENANAjSfPyel4J5
如果直接問我的性取向,就如發問這樣的數學題:0除以0等於多少?0?1?無限?無解?無意義?493Please respect copyright.PENANAzGeGDi5WBE
493Please respect copyright.PENANAAzhU8sRaoI
對我自己來說,最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為;而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。493Please respect copyright.PENANAXSDDqdYrYE
493Please respect copyright.PENANAJTPYa3VgbY
都是那個比喻:我最喜歡吃魚,但不等於抗拒吃豬;平日如果要二選其一的話,我當然選擇吃魚;但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話,我還是會開放地接受吃豬。493Please respect copyright.PENANAs89aTfHoQh
493Please respect copyright.PENANAMerPsfXxP9
只膚淺地說我是異性戀,不準確;雖然在浪漫的情感上,我也是追求一個女生談戀愛;但在性的層面上,我的最優先傾向是戀物,女生才是其次。493Please respect copyright.PENANAeI8eIEjOOc
493Please respect copyright.PENANA7YEQrC6FeV
說我是無性戀,也不準確;因為我也有戀物的傾向,會看黃色網頁,這已經是一種性生活。493Please respect copyright.PENANAsjxWuHzjxM
493Please respect copyright.PENANA3v6XInI37J
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物,怕她接受不了。493Please respect copyright.PENANAYbSbt8jjed
493Please respect copyright.PENANAFTZ5yI9NUO
Priscilla:講真,憑我嘅雷達,我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。493Please respect copyright.PENANA4mVrJrhuBM
Priscilla:我又唔覺得你係直,又唔覺得你係gay。493Please respect copyright.PENANAecmTtKMtXQ
493Please respect copyright.PENANALWNJnhlu66
我:你第一次扑野係幾時?493Please respect copyright.PENANAcCdk700B7c
493Please respect copyright.PENANASvX6LidAm5
Priscilla:8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。493Please respect copyright.PENANAigFJuMYxEQ
493Please respect copyright.PENANAPbwq23GqWL
接著,她說起自己的情史,我才了解到,她有過至少一次的上床經驗,我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷;但估計她和那個洋漢的關係,都是停留在FWB(friends with benefits)的關係。我有這樣的推測,是因為相信,很少人能夠接受異地戀。493Please respect copyright.PENANAVbKdZWjZok
493Please respect copyright.PENANA9BF2ga2Mb6
又以我和Yuli(Ch.19出現)的關係為例,換著是我或者是Yuli,對於在外地人物的感情處理,很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人(又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩)都知道,常見的例子就是,你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣,運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床;但,上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友?有多少人最終真的把「佢」(中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」,太二元我不喜歡在此使用。)抱回你的家鄉?又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活?493Please respect copyright.PENANAYqKcRMUBzb
493Please respect copyright.PENANAnQq0WloEqa
Priscilla真正認真的關係,是在4年前。493Please respect copyright.PENANAS4r0BxLVxN
493Please respect copyright.PENANAPB9unoa81j
Priscilla:我上一任男朋友係4年前,嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。493Please respect copyright.PENANAzdizkz0LIc
493Please respect copyright.PENANAiNWbA5gMlz
我:咁拍咗幾耐?493Please respect copyright.PENANAHaZeflFUG7
493Please respect copyright.PENANAVaQ0RJ6IRW
Priscilla:都9個月,之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力,所以分手。493Please respect copyright.PENANAa6SpYxNLPu
493Please respect copyright.PENANAMAqSRgZPq4
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候,我在想:是否她對我沒有feel?493Please respect copyright.PENANAw2clrCnh3n
493Please respect copyright.PENANA3JmmO3JuYR
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後,她那兩段的關係相隔的時間,4年,也有點久,不禁讓我想到另一種可能:她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎?以她的條件,也經常接觸不同的人,要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題,要找上一個條件比我好的人,都不是問題,為甚還需要家人的介紹?而且到現在還是沒有男朋友?即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人,但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話,最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。493Please respect copyright.PENANAXjRnHYliSs
493Please respect copyright.PENANAe9l9hCWteQ
Priscilla:你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎?493Please respect copyright.PENANAvZ4VAvAH8z
493Please respect copyright.PENANAbvNlpfPJVh
我:我冇乜女仔friend㗎。493Please respect copyright.PENANA5DXtxLvCM5
493Please respect copyright.PENANA3M3xjUGdbq
Priscilla:下?你咁都冇?偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩?493Please respect copyright.PENANArH4EGVKkiH
493Please respect copyright.PENANAirNACdvDZH
我:幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會,但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。493Please respect copyright.PENANAzr1JDlFRwY
493Please respect copyright.PENANASUBC24egQV
我:講起上次拍拖,都已經係8年前,嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。493Please respect copyright.PENANAGVJFEWtJYe
493Please respect copyright.PENANAZKvsedXZOC
說著,我又說起自己的情史。493Please respect copyright.PENANAyNvRKGxNqH
493Please respect copyright.PENANA96qGIgJkbm
8年前的那段關係,又是從網上開始,印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。493Please respect copyright.PENANA6AZcNTol1V
493Please respect copyright.PENANACzF7d5tDfu
我:嗰個女仔,又幾主動,我從未試過做主動嗰個,去拖人隻手,係佢拖我手先。493Please respect copyright.PENANAAvGwzr5v09
493Please respect copyright.PENANAxSLwB5SS0m
我:然後就係,「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊,只差攪野。493Please respect copyright.PENANAikb9cqEqpS
493Please respect copyright.PENANAarUQ1gqD4c
簡單而言,大家的關係就在stage 3(錫)止步。493Please respect copyright.PENANA9lQaJRi6iJ
493Please respect copyright.PENANACUW8dYGQFq
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為(所謂的Stage 4和5)沒有興趣,但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手(拖)、擁抱(攬)、親吻(錫),享受純愛的感覺。 493Please respect copyright.PENANAGWMkPh1GIZ
493Please respect copyright.PENANA0m6oDBzm5O
就連我自己的愛情觀裡,也是相信只有「純愛」,只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠,再上兩級就不了。493Please respect copyright.PENANAFz4QNopqVZ
493Please respect copyright.PENANAFVpPXa3Pyd
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。493Please respect copyright.PENANAw7n56NjVo5
493Please respect copyright.PENANA6ncL63g6fK
我:最後拍左一個月就散。493Please respect copyright.PENANADeRyZSBJad
我:就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道,脾氣又差,所以先分手。493Please respect copyright.PENANABtk0NIQh5h
493Please respect copyright.PENANAXZqBVvel7K
那個時候的我,「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡,連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺,我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。493Please respect copyright.PENANA6PaxmoV8rS
493Please respect copyright.PENANA7QjC639CdH
老實說,即使是現在,我也很討厭女生霸道,這樣我駕馭不了。493Please respect copyright.PENANAA81rfdfJTH
493Please respect copyright.PENANAOFNgeuUU1K
Priscilla:我聽講港女係咁㗎。493Please respect copyright.PENANAPsgFdNtZcA
493Please respect copyright.PENANAneutCB2f3H
我:係,但你又唔好以偏概全,都唔係一定嘅。493Please respect copyright.PENANAL2n4iIvPxO
493Please respect copyright.PENANA93wjFjSXoS
這頓早茶,以AA制完。493Please respect copyright.PENANAgB5Fdh5w2N
493Please respect copyright.PENANA1Y6WPqx5nO
我送著Priscilla回家,在路上,「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架,牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡,又是那做為做而做的接觸。493Please respect copyright.PENANAXv9NR7ipDH
493Please respect copyright.PENANAVi6KIX5t0V
在過馬路時,我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀,想了一想,好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。493Please respect copyright.PENANA8zYKopsnoD
493Please respect copyright.PENANAzl83sWJXUz
我:下次再玩啦!493Please respect copyright.PENANAgfFG59E9o3
493Please respect copyright.PENANA8vDbTA66G6
Priscilla:來一個抱抱吧!493Please respect copyright.PENANAAi5HmwS93l
493Please respect copyright.PENANAoOVMtIu8A8
在Priscilla家的大廳裡,我和她來了一個擁抱道別。493Please respect copyright.PENANA6qhgJ0AMIl
493Please respect copyright.PENANAXYh9a8gQaf
這個擁抱,只能算是一般社交式的擁抱;因為我很清楚地感受到,她只是來了一秒,然後就抽身離開,彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。493Please respect copyright.PENANAAzbXqMuXRn