I told her once—
"I'll be your confidence."
Because she had always been mine.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrV3M1qzpRG
From the beginning.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtmXwQUgFwZ
She lit sparks in dull moments.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLko0Ud0qxZ
Listened when I didn’t even know what I was saying.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsztFqcY9JD
Talked like every word was music, and I was just lucky to hear it.
So when I saw an internship opportunity from Flipkart — open only for girls —65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSaMvz2vsa
I didn’t hesitate.
I told her.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqB11VCmJBw
Knowing full well she might hesitate.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQhkdALHLE
Because that’s me when it comes to her.
Never missing a chance to be her helping hand.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSL1BCal5s
Never wanting her to miss one step toward something better.
She thought about it.
And she said, “Okay.”
The day of the test arrived.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK9wD0foFtQ
We planned to meet in the library, afternoon.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrVHeIWPDa
In one of the quiet discussion rooms.
I reached early.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ282abwB99t
Maybe because I was eager.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rLkukJAAO
Maybe because I thought, somehow, today could fix the cracks.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbgCIAWoLB
Or at least remind us of how we once were.
I had everything ready: the laptop open, test page preloaded, my heart strangely light.
When she arrived, I gave her my laptop for a while — to finish some English assignment.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomL1Cn7lpo
And I took her laptop.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCXsgddvic
Told her not to worry about it.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7y1bxBz6e3
Told myself it would ease the guilt… the distance.
She smiled.
And it felt like I was doing the right thing.
But then… I did something I can never take back.
Not because I wanted to know who she was texting.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4biqtrsnlh
Not out of jealousy.
But out of that quiet ache —65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgu66ZAgfP
To know if I still existed in her world the way she lived in mine.
I opened her WhatsApp.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1CCj0OIqi
Typed my own name in the search bar.
What I read…65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTzsQfl2lI
Was not what I was ready for.
At first, it made me smile.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRCLUtYlYc
Little mentions.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HlgO3nt7Y
Small memories.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFywxBwA31O
Familiar tones.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5MelXOzKv
But then…65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalfwodQVbX
The words changed.
"I feel awkward around him."65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GJuIycxzX
"At last, I feel comfortable talking to someone… than talking to him"
It crushed me.
Like being stabbed by a voice I once trusted to save me.
I wanted to cry.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBRwO4P736
But I didn’t.
I couldn’t.
I just stared ahead.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIAWBKLvWh
Acted normal.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPFR1IKFHk
Pretended the world hadn’t just collapsed under my feet.
Because that’s what I do best.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjaxlWp8bp
Break in silence.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCmS1Dq4M1
Smile with scars.
The test began.
I gave it everything.
Some questions were easy.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAhiywfNDW
Some weren’t.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLmIV40H75
But she never saw the storm behind my calm.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaDyHP5eOI
She didn’t know the war I was fighting in my head as I smiled, as I helped, as I tried to just be a friend.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9k5jYGHgkX
But I had made a promise.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHQC7FYEtQ
And no matter how broken I was, I never go back on a promise.
Later, as we packed up to leave…65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsO0TnhkuQl
She noticed something on my laptop.
Her name.
Saved as Stranger.
She asked.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmeC7VL7oC
But I didn’t answer.
Because how do you explain that someone once felt like home,65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtZCdLJuvG
and now they’re just…65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHMbMjctSR
an address you can’t return to?
I still see her.
With Ren.
Laughing.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqt54TEhKqv
Talking freely.
No awkwardness.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0uS6MVWWz
No hesitation.
Everything I ever tried to be for her…65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmSqwHTl6n
he now is.
I never wanted more than friendship.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm136qJwStV
But somehow… even that was too much to ask for.
I buried everything — my feelings, thoughts, jealousy, guilt —65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0t0zQqDCrU
over and over.
But no matter how many times I tried to bury it all…65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1S9QtPpsk
I always ended up the one grieving.
But it never seemed to be enough.
What changed?
Or maybe…65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgtgh6wsNJ
nothing ever did.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFfXdKV7pf
Maybe there was nothing from the start — to change at all.
Now the buses have changed their places again.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0vJbhoOfr
Destiny playing chess with people’s lives.
Alice’s bus — no longer somewhere in between —65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBvN2uyYxN
now parked neatly alongside Ren’s.
While mine?
Still at the same spot since day one.
Watching.
Waiting.
Trying to understand the stories whispered by the evening wind.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFddsthmFw
And the answers it hides in plain sight.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmfEvbYlav
At last,… all these are just words.
Words I wish she heard.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVAkErYdhf
Words I wish I never said.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRC22NjkaK
Words I’ll carry long after she forgets them.
Because…65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjJzOa3rRj
When I saw those messages, I couldn’t bear to read any further.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfE9MZEx87u
When I sat across from her —65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3pPZ5kCWt
And she had no idea that she still trusted me,65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZKvN7xNo4
While I was doing the very thing I swore, I’d never do.
I broke her trust.65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rP4lunyKQ
I betrayed her.
And the worst part?
I still love her enough to hope…65Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNgW72TqrI
She never finds out.
