【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
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以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
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感謝參與～93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSfUp4hX0qH
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老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMDLye19Su
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsj2p4FNPnG
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IJD5rQpbH
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～～～～分隔線～～～～93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDeaQA9MGf
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCkq2GFYHP
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9XGRJ0gqW
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxlAbY1rog
〈限制和自由〉93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzQaiNZezo
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVq95hDJSQ2
penana.com/article/102489593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcD5vkTwXsz
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81IEq3Etp8
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63mpSn4Bng
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9dW0xpzJF
詩度 0。93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeExHuQAUg
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lFKOJWKMe
～～～～分隔線～～～～93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKE1QwaqJkw
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〈問〉93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwiLBNV8xMJ
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penana.com/article/102494493Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRakLs0RlAF
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVeBVeqXf2
詩度高一點。93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtfKg7CHdz
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlP5qtpV8w
～～～～分隔線～～～～93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVK56dWZTd
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm11qlcSjMe
〈摩天之輪〉93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIIHs1zhSn
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penana.com/article/104570593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CJluC41CS
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詩度再高一點。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
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〈蝴蝶酥〉93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQ8Dpf45Zt
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https://www.penana.com/article/159771393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3SRS7IQHco
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詩度比前三首都高。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyzqNqeUSQS
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4qe558kue
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我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgaHiJHqYX3
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跟你分享。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
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此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4suf2XUbCx
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【認識新詩的基本元素】93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75FcYDaKeC
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blog.udn.com/shesiya/11359719393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPMZmPNZi7
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我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPoG074IFM
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【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
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這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTlPQXeKmG
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQc5KRdEoAO
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTG0p32V6hs
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCQphldXeI
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
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【這次全新寫的感想】
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFulfn4vYQ
我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
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〈詠栗〉
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殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8i7Ei84tn5
剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IaD2SxhAs
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNUW1pkOeX
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRu81pq67AE
如果寫成
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxVBM7NF5f
〈詠栗〉
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtW4phj4wZx
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7cdo2flWLm
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9gj4yYOGY
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
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詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLfiQbiuDS
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
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當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
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祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
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