【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJebnL1YqRB
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbHyOh3Ren
以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMp9PfdEY06
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKM6GsvVki
感謝參與～154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCaFB7h3Yrw
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KHBKoPmEj
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNPP5egPhF
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0oP7aqppqa
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7g5rETt1Vh
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMuq7CWJmm
～～～～分隔線～～～～154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGYsDtKNIP
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTq9vLwY5I3
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9diyRZ9IF
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdflWlMS9F
〈限制和自由〉154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSGZfPIWX4
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzceC366Ik
penana.com/article/1024895154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjzkhHoatE
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnZOCCx8SE
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzB5ojLg7zI
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLdt4dvRFR
詩度 0。154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPT3G4UZHyr
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Czc3x5wT7
～～～～分隔線～～～～154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZ6qGNoBj6
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFX43XwKe3v
〈問〉154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRUvH7LluN
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuxx7upShv
penana.com/article/1024944154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2ZRHrklXZ
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSzVhvYAKV
詩度高一點。154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHWuMSMb4a
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHb5ynYOJ8
～～～～分隔線～～～～154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrCvfF3rJj
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYKeNjo6TO
〈摩天之輪〉154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RRSpQOMYI
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGpGhL6hG6
penana.com/article/1045705154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQoZhlAmfsP
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ShNqUNbfq
詩度再高一點。
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOuXipvTfY
～～～～分隔線～～～～
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3KyFMtz4z
〈蝴蝶酥〉154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxVaKTq8dM
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oqTzlEnJx
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUKmlEv9xC
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbseF5XxFl
詩度比前三首都高。
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXMe23AEuU
～～～～分隔線～～～～
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyjX4abT0G
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WjvPE8NpB
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4AqkZxPEF
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHBmU1o5N0
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhO88rNVoPi
跟你分享。
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13zkA7ntA4
～～～～分隔線～～～～
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMeqQyTKmGX
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9W1u6DswR
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZd60hUQYzc
【認識新詩的基本元素】154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZErv0CquCO
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwTv6OMoFq
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7H4ymwa2it
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzNgEfdGNF
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb82ZddoxdQ
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaApkg9m63D
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcokKvHnIWT
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90XEbYzfS4
【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EPhE8CwDz
這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTBa9F74Eo
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGPzAQRQv1
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMrLUuWAXU
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKLh30njxa
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zRBOtEJOM
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2hl55Hemu
【這次全新寫的感想】
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ846XeiRktV
我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD180NXYYXP
〈詠栗〉
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlV0YCdZMWs
殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRIK71wIFw
剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6v1mToKExp
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRnap02X52
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTAtj7NYAE
如果寫成
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpCoNa9hg3
〈詠栗〉
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwC9d17AIK
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwvB3gAQhl
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNn8PocDy4R
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkaTV3obmlB
詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RZT7fnz7h
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiiUNYBFllr
當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
154Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwz3dnIrfQ
祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
ns216.73.216.94da2
