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I told her once—
"I'll be your confidence."
Because she had always been mine.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylpVAvsRaK
From the beginning.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tL2Ew9qlC
She lit sparks in dull moments.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWLH8RdFlX
Listened when I didn’t even know what I was saying.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIrHvzNDCU
Talked like every word was music, and I was just lucky to hear it.
So when I saw an internship opportunity from Flipkart — open only for girls —13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vHptvG50Y
I didn’t hesitate.
I told her.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyl07m4wxl
Knowing full well she might hesitate.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hT8l3TVjC
Because that’s me when it comes to her.
Never missing a chance to be her helping hand.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQ3CsP7bqu
Never wanting her to miss one step toward something better.
She thought about it.
And she said, “Okay.”
The day of the test arrived.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYvi2HwCDM
We planned to meet in the library, afternoon.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3EyuyjwBdB
In one of the quiet discussion rooms.
I reached early.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeE3oVnxBnf
Maybe because I was eager.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45fmCiLXOe
Maybe because I thought, somehow, today could fix the cracks.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCKt35Swey
Or at least remind us of how we once were.
I had everything ready: the laptop open, test page preloaded, my heart strangely light.
When she arrived, I gave her my laptop for a while — to finish some English assignment.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcptQPDAxcW
And I took her laptop.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj823zQDkXk
Told her not to worry about it.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXf77zI4mGJ
Told myself it would ease the guilt… the distance.
She smiled.
And it felt like I was doing the right thing.
But then… I did something I can never take back.
Not because I wanted to know who she was texting.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjxCyWE6h6
Not out of jealousy.
But out of that quiet ache —13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvBMbr6TkM
To know if I still existed in her world the way she lived in mine.
I opened her WhatsApp.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWtsJ2HTXP
Typed my own name in the search bar.
What I read…13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1vtG1nsdM
Was not what I was ready for.
At first, it made me smile.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjA1vPBqVW5
Little mentions.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLaxOebfa9
Small memories.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxzMNU3izT
Familiar tones.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWo1yg0SfJ3
But then…13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIhlLeZBAF
The words changed.
"I feel awkward around him."13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxDAELlw2P
"At last, I feel comfortable talking to someone… than talking to him"
It crushed me.
Like being stabbed by a voice I once trusted to save me.
I wanted to cry.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUL6FguLBv
But I didn’t.
I couldn’t.
I just stared ahead.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3AoiKbfAe
Acted normal.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLpzM1FBo4
Pretended the world hadn’t just collapsed under my feet.
Because that’s what I do best.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY39XUSyM1Y
Break in silence.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytTdYkn7oP
Smile with scars.
The test began.
I gave it everything.
Some questions were easy.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlqi88aUEU
Some weren’t.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwi2y2lTG6D
But she never saw the storm behind my calm.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡupY1L6pJyX
She didn’t know the war I was fighting in my head as I smiled, as I helped, as I tried to just be a friend.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoNPV3X4hE
But I had made a promise.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr2GMshf05I
And no matter how broken I was, I never go back on a promise.
Later, as we packed up to leave…13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgjjLcIabB
She noticed something on my laptop.
Her name.
Saved as Stranger.
She asked.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yhQ4Zqn4x
But I didn’t answer.
Because how do you explain that someone once felt like home,13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6JgIumFVS
and now they’re just…13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLrbqXodQK
an address you can’t return to?
I still see her.
With Ren.
Laughing.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgC5o24v2u
Talking freely.
No awkwardness.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2IIYxCsMlz
No hesitation.
Everything I ever tried to be for her…13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPp8fRUTIHy
he now is.
I never wanted more than friendship.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jeaIXXOm7
But somehow… even that was too much to ask for.
I buried everything — my feelings, thoughts, jealousy, guilt —13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQGDFEceYw
over and over.
But no matter how many times I tried to bury it all…13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4cidM41yt
I always ended up the one grieving.
But it never seemed to be enough.
What changed?
Or maybe…13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQrgyo4gY1
nothing ever did.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipHKlsokEg
Maybe there was nothing from the start — to change at all.
Now the buses have changed their places again.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtFWUGoMiv
Destiny playing chess with people’s lives.
Alice’s bus — no longer somewhere in between —13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0rAY4SR7I
now parked neatly alongside Ren’s.
While mine?
Still at the same spot since day one.
Watching.
Waiting.
Trying to understand the stories whispered by the evening wind.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlV4BvRvkK
And the answers it hides in plain sight.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhM6A1Eimx
At last,… all these are just words.
Words I wish she heard.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlntUNOTdRF
Words I wish I never said.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXDDXSZa88
Words I’ll carry long after she forgets them.
Because…13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvr2JsjqfVX
When I saw those messages, I couldn’t bear to read any further.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhUq2DtDgt
When I sat across from her —13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWQbvtpFP8
And she had no idea that she still trusted me,13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmhJ0dFTVho
While I was doing the very thing I swore, I’d never do.
I broke her trust.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GuMYsa2tf
I betrayed her.
And the worst part?
I still love her enough to hope…13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1S1IcAUe76
She never finds out.
