*Short story I wrote for a project for school
Internal bleeding
“Behind every beautiful thing, there's some kind of pain.”167Please respect copyright.PENANABos19PiXLL
― Bob Dylan
The beautiful, blonde-haired boy.
He always used to tell me internal bleeding is what’s most dangerous.
Now I wonder what he really meant. I think I finally understand, long after it’s helpful to me. Long after it’s helpful to him.
I close my journal and tiptoe to my room door, carefully opening it. I peek out and my father is sitting in his chair in the living room, head tilted back, mouth hanging open, with a bottle of beer in his hand and the tv blaring.
As always.
I tiptoe back to my battered bed and crouch down. I slide my hand underneath the bed and pull out a small wooden box. The surface of the box is smooth like soap. The box is made out of this wood, which has a swirling effect. I don’t know what type of wood this is but it has the look of marble. A sandy color, like his hair, and a darker brown, are swirled together.
I hold this box with two hands, firmly, so that the glass inside doesn’t shake and make noise, possibly waking dad up.
I stand up and tiptoe out of my room and into our small kitchen. I walk to the back door. I turn the knob slowly and push the wooden open, very gently, walking out and letting out a breath. Closing the door behind me, I start to walk down to the creek. That’s the one thing that I like about living in this God-Forsaken hell hole. There are a forest and creek right behind our house. It’s not a far walk, maybe a minute or two, trudging through tranquil forest, leaves and sticks crackling underneath my bare feet, my wooden box in my hands, the glass shaking, inside, with every step I take.
The forest is my happy place. If I can even call it that. Lord knows I’m never happy, especially not after my happiness was taken away from me.
I reach the creek and lay eyes on it, a riverbed filled with stones, and clear, freshwater. I’ve been in this creek a million times. Swam in this creek, laughed in the creek.
Discovered things in this creek…..
Discoveries I wish I had never made.
I take my seat at the shore, on the forest floor. I take a deep breath, not allowing any thoughts inside my head. I have to block everything out. Because any little thing I let in is contaminated with him.
I set my wooden box down beside me and open it up, taking out a shard of glass and pulling up my sleeve.
I dare not let a tear fall. The only thing that will fall tonight, is drops of blood. The leaves on this forest floor will become stained with red. Just like my sleeve.
He stares into my eyes for a second, his hazel eyes hazy. I rarely see calmness in his eyes, like there’s nothing on his mind. “Y’know, internal bleeding is the most dangerous. It can cause death within six hours. Six hours babe! Isn’t that crazy? Sometimes, it’s what you can’t see or feel, that can kill ya.”
Sitting there confused, I wonder where that came from, so random.
I laugh out loud.
“We get it you wanna be Surgeon,” I reply sarcastically, with a roll of my eyes.
Little did I know.
I look back up into his eyes, and the calmness is still there. The silence that sits between us is strange. Before I can overthink anything, he cracks a smile and the calmness wears off.
“You know what I mean,”
No, I didn’t.
He kisses the bridge of my nose sweetly. “Let’s race back to my house, Ready, Set, Go!” He scrambles up and starts sprinting through the forest.
“Hey, that isn’t fair Collin!” I yell after him, as I run.
No, it isn’t fair.
My eyes open. The sky is pitch black, the stars looking like silver glitter spread across it. My heart starts racing as I realize it’s now dark. My hand is tightly closed around the shard of glass, pressing into my palm, and my sleeve is still rolled up.
I quickly sit up, throw the shard of glass back in its box and pull my sleeve up over my arm, which is covered in encrusted blood. Jesus Christ, I hope Dad didn’t wake up. I hope he’s not in a bad mood. I hope he hasn’t had too much to drink.
Hoping is all I can do.
I run through the forest, the glass shards making a clinking noise, inside the box. The night air is cool and smells faintly of smoke and wood. Wood, like the box in my hand.
Collin made that box…. For me.
I shake off the thought before it seeps into my soul and causes it to shake.
After a minute of running, I reach the house and see that the lights aren’t on inside, just the dim light of the television, meaning he hasn’t woken up. I let out a sigh of relief and compose myself before going inside. I take a deep breath and carefully open the back door.
I peek into the living room.
The chair is empty.
“Casey.” I hear behind me in that oh-so-familiar, gruff voice.
I jump, startled, and drop my box. The glass shards spill out, hit the floor with a loud shatter, and break into a million tiny pieces.
I slowly turn around to face him. He looks down at my arm and then at the floor. I’m frozen in my spot, although I know I should run, I can’t. My body can’t move. He raises his hand and strikes me across the face, knocking me down. My ears start to ring as I bring my hand up to my cheek. Blood starts to ooze out of my lip and a metallic taste fills my mouth.
“What the fuck is that, you worthless little shit?! You’re lucky to even be alive, your mother was planning on getting rid of you. If I had any say in it….”
My father’s words start to fade out and his face starts to blur and then all I can see is him, sitting in the sunlight. His sandy blonde hair. His full, hazel eyes. His mischievous smile, which reached his eyes and brought light to my nights.
The way he would kiss the bridge of my nose and tell me he’d always be there for me. Through everything.
And he was.
Until he wasn’t.
Until he couldn’t.
Until my beautiful boy
Vanished.
I ran down to the creek, frantically, the letter balled up in my hand.
“Collin!” I shout. The tears begin to well up in my eyes, blurring my vision.
“Collin!” I yell again. “Collin please!” I beg, the tears starting to run down my face. I finally reach the creek. And my eyes settle on it. My eyes settle on…..his body, laying there, in the water. Blood draining out of the body, contaminating the surrounding water.
“Collin!” I screech.
I stumble into the water and fall next to his body. I shake him violently, no answer.
“Collin,” I sob. My body freezes when I see his face. The face that once brought me so much happiness. So much life is now lifelessly staring back at me. My eyes move down his throat where there’s a long angry gash, horizontally across his neck. It’s deep. Such a deep, deep cut.
I reach for the knife sitting on the kitchen table next to me and make a dash for the back door. My father is still yelling, but I don’t know what he’s saying.
I can hear him, but I can’t really hear him.
It all starts to hit me, as I’m running through the forest. Branches hit my face as I run but the sting doesn’t phase me. My eyes fill with tears and I feel my chest heave.
My body keeps moving though. Down to that very creek.
I almost trip and fall a few times, but nothing stops me.
I need to be with him once again. He brought meaning to my life.
And suddenly he’s gone from it.
Why would I want a life with no meaning? I don’t want life. I don’t want to be alive, without him.
I can hear my dad shouting in the distance, but I know he won’t come after me.
He won’t have to.
I reach the creek. Although it’s pitch-black outside, I know this place like the back of my hand.
I walk into the creek, feeling the cool water on my toes, holding the knife in my hand.
I can hear the words of that letter, the one he left for me, playing in my head as I hold the knife against my neck, horizontally.
Hey you.
How are you? I hope you’re okay. I’m so, so sorry.
I’m so sorry for this sin I have committed, leaving you. Leaving you in this harsh world all by yourself.
Leaving you to fend for yourself. I know I promised I would protect you.
And I will protect you. Always.
Always remember that I love you. With everything I have, I love you.
It’s just that……I don’t have much left to love you with.
I’ve been dead, for a long time, inside.
Just know, you made me feel things that I thought I wasn’t capable of feeling. You were the one and only thing in this world that was precious to me. Please don’t blame yourself. You kept me alive this long but, it’s time.
I love you, Casey. Please forgive me.
Forever yours,
Collin.
His voice is still ringing in my ears as I swiftly swipe the knife across my neck. Warm blood starts seeping out of my neck and I fall back, into the water. Darkness overtakes me, as the water overtakes my body.
ns 172.70.179.97da2