The Life I Had (pt.3) | Jay Halstead
Summary: Based on season 5, episodes 7 and 10. Jay is struggling with this undercover mission, while Y/N is trying to help him after Erin left him. Both of them are starting to realize their feelings for each other.
Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader.
Author’s note: This is the last part!
JAY’S POV:
Jay was angry after the fight you both had. He knew that everything he said was just lies because deep down he was hiding his real feelings.
That day he decided that it was now or never, he needed to fix what you both had.
“Jay, you can’t go see her. She’s the one who recruited Alex, she’s the one who is dealing with drugs.” Hailey said to Jay when they met near Grant Park. He was ready to meet Camila.
“I don’t need your opinion Hailey, I made my decision.” he started to walk away when Voight stopped him.
“You’ll go. But you’re gonna put this wire on her.” he gave Jay the wire and they went back to Voight’s truck.
It was perfect until Jay proposed to meet Camila and Wallace that night on his own. He would still pretend that they’ll run away and be happy together.
After the meeting, he headed back to the district. He tried to call you all day but nothing, you didn’t pick up.
“Hey guys, have you heard anything from Y/N? I can’t reach her!” he said.
“No, she moved out from my place, I haven’t spoken to her since then!” Adam said.
“Maybe something happened? I should go and ask around.” Jay said and asked Voight.
“There’s no need, I’m right here.” he saw you walk in and he couldn’t be more grateful to see you.
“Where have you been all morning?” Adam asked you.
“Meeting with my CI, nothing important.” and then you disappeared into the break room.
Jay watched you curiously, he wanted to hug you and tell you how much he regretted saying everything from the night before, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t because he knew how much he hurt you.
He was staring at you for couple more minutes when Adam sat at his desk.
“Man, you need to let it go. You just keep hurting each other, she won’t be able to handle this soon. If you want to get her back, end your shit with Camila and stop messing with Y/N. She’s worth more than some random girl, she knows you longer. Better than you think.”
“You think I don’t know that? Adam, she is the best thing that ever happened to me and I… I don’t know how to fix this.”
“Maybe first, try to fix yourself and find your missing piece!” Adam said and walked back to his desk.
Jay saw you walking with a cup of coffee to your desk. You sat in front of him, like usual, but you didn’t raise your head. He missed your eyes so much.
“Have you ever thought about the future? Like family, kids?” you asked him when you both met at your apartment after a tough case.
“Actually no. I can’t see myself that far!” he answered.
“Why?” you gave him another beer.
“Sometimes… You just think that life should bring you happiness, that after a fall, you’ll stand up as if nothing happened, but to be honest, for a long time I just can’t get up. I can’t imagine what will happen next, because I feel like tomorrow won’t come. Tomorrow is not promised and I’m just afraid to lose everything that I have now.”
Later that night he fall asleep holding you tight to his chest, so you could hear his heartbeat.
“Alright guys, tonight we’re ending this. We need you Jay to keep things undercover, but you’re taking Y/N with you. The thing with your sister needs to be more realistic.
Jay looked at you again. Now you were looking at him, but there was no love or happiness. Your eyes were full of pain and tears. The last time when he saw you like this, was 3 years ago when you needed to leave Chicago for almost a year.
”She’s sick Jay. Cancer. I can’t leave her like that.“ your voice broke and your hands were shaking so badly.
"I understand, I really do and I’m here with you. But please, just, please. Come back here. I need you here.”
“I’ll. I promise Jay.”
He couldn’t believe that he broke you that much. You left the bullpen and he followed you.
“Y/N, please wait.”
“What?” you turned out to face him and wiped off tears that were running down your cheek.
“You didn’t meet with CI this morning, right? What happened?” he asked.
“I want you to get out of my life. We should talk about work and only work, I don’t want anything more.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“I can’t do this anymore. I wish it all was the same, just like before, but I can’t… The life I had… It won’t come back.”
“Please, Y/N…” he followed you to his truck. No one was here, that’s when you turned to him and yelled:
“She died Jay! She died. My mom died. That’s why I couldn’t be at work this morning.” you broke into tears and he just stood there looking at you. He couldn’t move, it just paralyzed him. He brought you in his arms, softly stroking your hair.
Voight heard you screaming, he decided to check up on you two. He saw you crying in Jay’s arms and decided to send you home for a couple of hours before the undercover mission.
Jay took you to his car and drove you home.
You two walked into your apartment in silence. You sat on the couch when he went to the kitchen and brought you a glass of water.
“There you go. Can I bring you anything else?” he asked.
“No, thanks. Why are you doing this Jay?” I told you that I’m done.“
"I realized something. I was hiding all -” he was interrupted by your phone. He watched you taking it from your pocket to see Voight’s number. Of course, you picked up.
“Voight wants us back on the district. We should go” you said.
“Yeah, you’re right.” he took his jacket and went after you.
You arrived at the district a few minutes later. Voight met with you in the basement.
“Alright, put your vest, both of you, you’re going there unarmed and you’ll have your wire on. We’ll hear everything, so when someone will go down, we’ll break-in. Do not fight with him, Jay. I know what you’re capable of.”
“Copy.” you both said and went to the bar where Camila worked.
“Hey, Ryan… And who’s she?” Camila looked at you confused.
“My sister, Lea. She’s in this with me, Alex met her before.”
“Hi, nice to meet you!” she said. You shook her hand and smiled.
“Oh right, Wallace, we wanted to talk to you. Can we go somewhere private?” you all agreed and went to the back of the club.
“We’re leaving tonight!” Camila said.
“And we know that you killed Maggie. She was an undercover agent.” Jay said.
“What are you talking about, I didn’t kill her.” he started to walk away.
“No, you’re staying until you’ll say what happened there.” Jay walked towards him and pushed him a little.
“I’m not telling you anything!” Wallace took his gun and pointed it at you.
“Drop it Wallace!” you said. Jay was trying to take his gun from him when you all heard a gunshot.
“Y/N!” Jay ran to you when you collapsed on the ground. Camila looked at you in shock, when whole intelligence busted into the club.
“Hey, it didn’t come through! It didn’t! Breathe Y/N, just breathe, I’m right here!” he ripped off your jacket and vest to see if the bullet struck.
It all happened so fast. Jay was still holding you, Hailey took Camila while Voight took Wallace. Adam was standing in front of Jay. Your blood was everywhere.
“It’s o-okay-” you said.
“Yeah! Yes, it’s okay, nothing bad happened!” Jay was trying to calm you. Paramedics took you to the ambulance and he still stood there, watching his hands covered in your blood.
“Hey, I think we should meet tonight!” Jay said and sat on the edge of your desk. He gave you a coffee and kept staring at you.
“And why is that Halstead?” you laughed at him.
“Because I want you to have fun before your birthday.” he pretended to whisper.
“What do you mean? You want me to go to a strip club with you?”
“Excuse me? Sorry for not giving up on you Y/N. I just want you to be happy.” he joked and walked back to his desk. You smiled at him and gave him your cup.
“You need this more than me. Thank you, Jay.”
Little did he know that your happiness was just right in front of you.
Weeks passed by and memories were made. Jay was standing in the kitchen, making himself breakfast.
“Hey, you good to go?” Will asked him.
“I think I’ll never be good!” he answered.
“Jay, what happened is a past. You can’t change it and you know it. You made a mistake, but you’re here now, that’s all the matter.”
“Yeah, but it’s my fault that’s she’s not here. I ruined her life.”
“You need to move on Jay!” Will said and left his brother’s apartment.
Jay took his jacket, and gun and drove to the district.
Trudy smiled at him when she saw him. He smiled back and went right upstairs.
“There’s my boy! I thought you’ll leave me with those tons of papers that you didn’t finish yet.” he smiled at you when he walked towards him with coffee and files in your hands.
“Nah, I just thought you’ll do this for me.” he kissed you and took things from you.
He kept following you with his eyes until you sat behind your desk and asked him to help you.
“I forgive you!” you whispered. Jay sat next to you in the ambulance and you took his hand.
“What?” he looked at you in shock.
“I won’t make the same mistake that you did. I won’t give up on you as you did on me. What I said before, I didn’t mean it, I just wanted to push you away, because I thought it will be the best for me, but it’s not. I can’t lose you too Jay. I can’t live without you.”
“Y/N. I’ve never given up on you. When I saw you this morning, I just… Couldn’t stop thinking about you and everything that happened. It made me realize that I was hiding my feelings for you and… I love you. I’ve loved you since you moved into my place. You won’t lose me, because now it’s just a beginning Y/N. I’ll always be here for you like you’re here for me. Because you’re my missing piece and without you, I can’t be the man I was before.”
“Jay? Are you listening?” you asked.
“Yeah?”
“Are we still having this dinner tonight? Cause Adam and Kim are going to Molly’s and I thought maybe we could join them?”
“Yes, sure.” he smiled at you.
“Okay? You sure you are alright?”
“I just… Love you.”
“I love you too.”
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