【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
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以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
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感謝參與～116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7962MPVh6
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老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhsLkb6483Q
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHw24aOsUtj
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtd02IAmYf
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Dcei6J0dU
～～～～分隔線～～～～116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwz79wxDmI
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmC3NujkKe
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXndFRl7InN
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〈限制和自由〉116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4IPfQ9jEI
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penana.com/article/1024895116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqblbMfm97
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7h2Kmhw37v
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeWtwcxuXNZ
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詩度 0。116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINVn9FD0aH
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡig1b9bRSFT
～～～～分隔線～～～～116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJF8VTgsq8
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〈問〉116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAOtUNTJoH
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penana.com/article/1024944116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0O54Natybq
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詩度高一點。116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6KatBsAEN
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1o1BnsZNM
～～～～分隔線～～～～116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrtk1rVlmZ
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFG6CT0N7zG
〈摩天之輪〉116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBto2aH9cF5
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penana.com/article/1045705116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tt8fv7XW3
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詩度再高一點。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
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〈蝴蝶酥〉116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2tNxloYkS
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https://www.penana.com/article/1597713116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ZobpJg3aP
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詩度比前三首都高。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCpA0w74SW
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjqs2TgWuc
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我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsELC7bn72S
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跟你分享。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
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此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7AlakKW0F
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【認識新詩的基本元素】116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbpI0hZPQs
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGohuU2edL
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqdHUXyihU
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vXZglYxWQ
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHqZsmKrsi
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【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
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這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbCDSIxw2UB
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaA3bQKBfms
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2tyIB4jBR
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsgJM2TGuF
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
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【這次全新寫的感想】
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我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
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〈詠栗〉
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殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
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剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
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充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
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116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uekDnOqvD
如果寫成
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〈詠栗〉
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殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbqTitNVE9
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
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栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
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詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsntbppCMI7
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
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當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
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祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
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