Dan's pov31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqLYTHPdSl
The heavy rain poured down on my windows as I lied on the floor, looking across into the darkness underneath my bed. sometimes I wished I could just disappear. I was thinking- I just wanted to fade into the darkness. To fade away. I just wanted to not be famous, somehow. I wished I never started out on YouTube. I couldn't 'fade away' now. With six million subscribers, people will still recognise me no matter where I go. Just being in London, I got recognised about twice times a day. There was no escape. It was constant. The thoughts clouded my mind and before I knew it I had fallen into a deep sleep.
"Dan?" a light voice said, repeating himself in a different tone every once in a while. I felt something light touch my shoulder, shaking me slightly. I opened my eyes and looked up at Phil standing behind me.31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgjbnAK7ZS
"Phil?" I yawned.31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKZoTuTnhf
"I've ordered a pizza for us," he smiled. 31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4rNjX8PFA
"pizza?" I wasn't hungry at all- in fact, I felt quite sick from my pounding headache- but I couldn't turn down pizza, even if it was gonna end out bad.31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK58taJScNw
"Yeah! We could do a mukbang."31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhsU6CSb5z
"...sure, it's content, I guess."31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOmnx72jkw
"Alright, I'll go sort the camera and lights out. Come in whenever you want to."
Phil understood me and my issues as he already had anxiety for himself, just like me. groaning, I sat up, before masking my sad face with a smile. it was hard when I first started faking my happiness but I could do it now since i'd been doing it for almost two years already. I hadn't told a counsellor or a therapist about it because I didn't think it was that important. i sighed and walked into the living room, where Phil had set up the tripod. I sat down on the floor and watched him as he brought the lights into the room.
Phil's pov31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXDCZ20lpK
"Hey, can you go get the last one?" I asked. "I just need to get changed and sort my hair out."31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIeVD0z1Fa
"Yeah, sure!" he smiled. It was obvious to me that it was fake happiness since he had been crying in the kitchen before he had fallen asleep, and I just knew him well. The fans didn't know though. Dan could fake it all he wanted and nobody would know. 31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtcqmDK29b
"Thanks, it's in my room. I used it for my video earlier."31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBy13PJFfSe
"Okay."
I stood up and walked to his room. I was about to pick up the light when I saw a book on the floor. It looked like a diary- well, it was a diary. I looked at it more closely and it became more clear what it was. It was open. I sat on his black, grey and white checkered bedsheets and read the page.
Saturday, December 15, 201831Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9GxR7lrNm
I'm gonna kill myself, for real. I know that I'll be looking back on this in a month but honestly I would do anything to be dead at this point, that's how low I'm going. But if I died, what would Phil say to our fans? 'Sorry guys, Dan's topped himself so it's just me now.' I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm depressed, then I'm angry, then I'm depressed, then I'm hyper. I'm sick of it.
"Phil ?" I heard Dan say, followed by footsteps. Immediately, I put the book back onto the floor and jumped up, grabbing hold of the light.31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdG7h3bqnm4
"Sorry, I'm coming! I was just looking in the mirror."31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2EWB8jgnv
"Hah, you're obsessed," he smirked.31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxT6ZMCvYV
"Yeah, you know me." I walked out with the light and went into the living room with it. I placed it on the floor in a good position for us to be lit up by it and so the viewers would actually be able to see us properly. "The pizza will be here in five minutes so we need to do this intro quickly, sit down and we'll start!"
Dan sat beside me at the white alabaster table in the middle of the floor. I pressed the record button on the camera and we both smiled, staring at it for a few seconds.
"Hey guys!"31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnqycnqX50
"Hello Internet," Dan said. 31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7O1bn9zAs
"Recently, I've been seeing a lot of these mukbang videos around so I thought we might as well do one too."31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRgXaQMfIV
"So, Phil, what is a mukbang for those who don't know?"31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewQpLavTSq
"According to Google, it's an audiovisual broadcast where the host eats large amounts of food whilst interacting with the audience!"31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSi4JQFdGxV
"That's my kind of video," Dan replied.31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgFkMNoNh4
"there's only one thing we wanna eat right now, and that is-"31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRv1YwrDmA8
"Domino's!" Dan yelled and interrupted me.31Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBKbiX4OBs
"We've already ordered it and it should be here in five minutes. Also, you're getting the door, Dan, I'm not going out there in emoji pyjamas," I chuckled.
