My fingers skim quickly and effortlessly over the keys of the piano, the sound of the music resonating throughout the entire house. Music is an outlet for emotional hardships, like ice to a bruise. It allows you pour your soul out.471Please respect copyright.PENANAlM1kuv5wMm
Today, I feel disconnected; no matter how hard I try, no matter how many dynamics I use, I still can't bride the gap between my emotions and the music. 471Please respect copyright.PENANA6hAKuilUOa
It's been a week.471Please respect copyright.PENANAZ4EBUa42Ph
One entire dreadful week.471Please respect copyright.PENANA5xrBKs1dBe
A week since I came across a dead man's body.471Please respect copyright.PENANAsO9S2yfJGE
A week since the inside of my head has become a living nightmare.471Please respect copyright.PENANAgUzrTHKM9N
A week of being completely incapable of sleeping — not that I was sleeping well before.471Please respect copyright.PENANAyfe8ShNq3A
Every time I close my eyes, I see the boy's body hanging from the tree, his eyes half-open as if he is still trying to see the world, not yet ready to let go.471Please respect copyright.PENANArGVoE8X6Xc
It is the most horrific thing that I have ever experienced in my entire life.471Please respect copyright.PENANAawVvqKIPol
It is probably the most horrific thing that I will ever experience.471Please respect copyright.PENANA9tDG1AYywp
Frustrated, I bang my fists against the keys, as if it's the instrument's fault that I'm having a psychological crisis, causing chords of dissonance to echo from the piano. The sounds seem reflect my current state of mind: inharmonious, harsh to the point of being painful.471Please respect copyright.PENANA2WEJb0ckKK
I'm looking down at the piano keys, the ivory and ebony complementing each other, when the doorbell rings. Slowly, I raise my head, looking up from the keys towards the front door when the doorbell buzzes again. Briefly, I wonder who or what could be on the other side of that door; I have no family here in Wake Forest, North Carolina, and I generally keep to myself. I don't like interacting with others.471Please respect copyright.PENANAfHV0EzKwwL
"Coming!" I shout, scrambling to get up from the piano bench, and walk briskly to the door, my exhaustion causing me to trip over my own two feet on the way. When I wrench it open, my eyes are greeted by a young police officer standing on my porch, wearing a crushed uniform two sizes too big for him, and with dark bags under his eyes which I am sure I have as well.471Please respect copyright.PENANAYFbc1zhXjC
"Good morning, sir," I say to him, closing the front door behind me.471Please respect copyright.PENANABNvLxjXTFI
"Hello ma'am," he introduces himself with a southern drawl. "My name is Officer Calvin Tiller, and I'm investigating the death of Antoine Mackenzie," he says, holding up his badge so that I can see it.471Please respect copyright.PENANA7mwFO4tN9K
"Reina James," I state, taking a seat in one of the rocking chairs on my porch, and gesturing to the other, an invitation for him to sit as well.471Please respect copyright.PENANAH4WLoYlKbk
He puts away his badge and sits carefully in the chair before looking up to stare into my eyes, deep, oceanic blue into pale brown. It's unnerving. 471Please respect copyright.PENANAhfVbbfLbID
"I presume that you would like to ask me some questions, officer," I state lowly, breaking the uncomfortable silence.471Please respect copyright.PENANAP5QsQVkAsw
"You look tired," is all he says in response.471Please respect copyright.PENANAIyOJ09BLI6
Well, I haven't been able to sleep for a week.471Please respect copyright.PENANAgHuMQwDy3u
I close my eyes and exhale loudly. I don't enjoy being analysed, and that is exactly what this boy is trying to do.471Please respect copyright.PENANATGEXU0wdp2
"The boy died a week ago; why didn't you come sooner?"471Please respect copyright.PENANASh7VxmAetN
To be honest, I've been waiting for them to show up, to ask questions; I expected them to come later that day, or the next day. When two days turned into three, I figured that they didn't need me. 471Please respect copyright.PENANAWy2iQQ6aS5
I guess I didn't wait long enough.471Please respect copyright.PENANA04jpr5XGU6
"My Captain didn't think it was necessary."471Please respect copyright.PENANA0Is4R2hwNB
"And now he or she does?"471Please respect copyright.PENANAwlqKPNDGsb
Suddenly, he looks very uncomfortable. Something isn't right.471Please respect copyright.PENANAJT22GOALGB
"Look, I'm just trying to do my job — get justice for that boy. You're the one who found him, you're the one who called that operator, and you're the one who was there when the police arrived, so right now, you're in the best position to help me."471Please respect copyright.PENANAO3u4BGb0AP
"I found a young black man hanging from a tree. That's all I know, officer, that's all I saw. It brought back some not so pleasant memories. Made me feel unsafe. What else do you want me to say?"471Please respect copyright.PENANA6z27PrE15v
He looks at me intently and leans forward, and instinctively, I mimic his action.471Please respect copyright.PENANAjjUsKPcUsJ
"Did you see anything suspicious?" he asks in a low voice. Drag marks in the dirt? Clumps of dirt or leaves anywhere? Anything?"471Please respect copyright.PENANAAGiazzCTso
"I'm not a detective. I didn't look. I was shocked. Afraid. No, not afraid. Terrified."
I look at him — really take a good look at him for the first time since he's come here, and see that his eyes are begging me, pleading with me. 471Please respect copyright.PENANAY9DsHefIBs
I am so confused.
"Why are you asking me, anyway? Wouldn't the cops have seen this by now?"471Please respect copyright.PENANAlKXvUCcOMJ
He looks down, avoiding eye contact, but says nothing.471Please respect copyright.PENANAnJjt2z7qnq
"Officer?"471Please respect copyright.PENANATEfI3nYRws
When our eyes meet again, I don't think I've ever seen someone look so defeated.
"They've closed the investigation."471Please respect copyright.PENANAgpkzZmUNox
"It's been a week," I state, just above a whisper, torn between confusion and anger.471Please respect copyright.PENANAuDW6AXyMOl
"I know," he replies, unable to keep the frustration out of his tone.471Please respect copyright.PENANAMSMLJSJpBD
"So how the hell did they close the investigation so quickly?"471Please respect copyright.PENANAeurlzsOFY2
He purses his lips, then answers me.
"They say that it was a suicide."471Please respect copyright.PENANAoT1FFBZTrP
"How the hell did they come to that conclusion?" I ask angrily, raising my voice. I found this boy; there are so many ways for someone to kill them self, but he was hanging in a goddamn playground. That seems like a sign too strong to ignore. 471Please respect copyright.PENANAfguiYRBgz2
And they want to close the investigation after one week?471Please respect copyright.PENANA4FuDpVzHvN
"They didn't bother to look," he answers.471Please respect copyright.PENANAHjHKDhKxK6
"You're one of them; why are you telling me this?" I ask, skepticism dripping from my every word. I don't trust him.471Please respect copyright.PENANAbt4ICLyGya
He bites his lip, as if trying to decide on whether or not to tell me the truth.
"Because I don't think he killed himself, and I don't think you do, either."471Please respect copyright.PENANAgB4aQ0yRJ0
"So you want my help," I deadpan after staring at him for a few seconds.471Please respect copyright.PENANAze1Bjg9HJD
"I was just wondering if you heard or saw anything else."
"No, officer, I didn't."471Please respect copyright.PENANAL5kR8Rzf4C
With that, he sighs and gets up, and I rise with him. He turns to me and hands me a card.471Please respect copyright.PENANA0b0svUwgMN
"If you find or remember anything at all, please contact me."471Please respect copyright.PENANAY6CqwNEUhq
"Are you allowed to do this?" I ask him. When he looks at me in silence, I have my answer.471Please respect copyright.PENANAtkcNy0p1Yj
"I'll call if necessary," I tell him. "Goodbye, officer Tiller."471Please respect copyright.PENANAoCNpwaTigA
"Thank you Miss James," he says, before turning and walking off of my porch.471Please respect copyright.PENANA1pkoa7mHxm
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