It's morning in Hell, again looking all the same as before. Alastor lazily sat up in bed looking like a disaster. There was a soft knock at the door. "Who is it?" He asked, fixing his hair.
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It was morning again in Hell, though it looked exactly the same as always—blistering skies and charred ruins. Alastor sat up in bed, looking like a complete disaster. His usual neat appearance was a mess, his sharp suit wrinkled, and his hair was a tangled mess. He groaned softly, rubbing his eyes, the weight of another pointless day settling in.
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A soft knock at the door broke the silence.
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"Who is it?" Alastor asked, his voice thick with fatigue as he tried to smooth his hair, though it didn't do much good.
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There was an answer, "It's Rosie, dear!"
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"Oh, enter." He was still sitting on the bed half asleep with a hangover.
Rosie walked in, holding cannibal bacon and some pancakes that may or may not have been made by Lucifer himself, along with a glass of orange juice. "Hey, I heard what happened last night and how you might have a hangover, so I brought you water and made you breakfast."
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A familiar voice called from the other side of the door. "It's Rosie, dear!"
Alastor, still slouched on the edge of the bed, squinted against the dull light and groaned, his head pounding from the hangover. "Enter," he muttered, not even bothering to fully sit up.
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The door creaked open, and Rosie stepped in, carrying a tray of food. On it was a pile of cannibal bacon and a stack of pancakes that looked a little too perfect, like they had been made by Lucifer himself. She also carried a glass of orange juice. "I heard what happened last night," she said, setting the tray down on the nightstand. "Figured you might need some water and a decent breakfast."
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"How much of last night did you hear about?" Alastor asked, slipping his monocle into place.
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"All of it," Rosie replied with a smirk. "Lucifer's a good gossip. Don't worry, though—he only had good things to say about you." She set the breakfast down in front of him.
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Alastor picked up a piece of cannibal bacon and took a bite. After a moment, he sighed, rubbing his temple. "I'm never getting drunk again."
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Rosie chuckled. "He found you quite endearing, Alastor. It was fine."
Alastor blushed slightly. "That isn't helping."
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After breakfast and a bit of recovery, everyone had gone off to do their own thing. Rosie was on the couch in the lobby, scribbling in her gossip column for the local paper. Lucifer sat at the bar, nursing a whiskey, clearly trying to drown his own hangover. Meanwhile, Alastor was in the radio tower, doing a broadcast like a true professional, his usual sharpness back now that the worst of his hangover had passed.
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Alastor finished his broadcast and, with a snap, appeared in the lobby. Rosie looked up from her newspaper, smiling brightly. "Alastor! How are you, my friend?"
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He waved casually. "Quite well, just finished a broadcast. How about you?"
Rosie sighed, her pen flying across the page. "Could be better. So much to write, so little time."
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"Panicking won't help," Alastor said with a smirk. "Need some help?" He snapped his fingers, and a shadow puppet appeared, dancing on her desk.
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"I'm not panicking! I'm just... power writing!" Rosie insisted, then nodded, convincing herself. "Yeah, power writing. But, help would be useful." She picked up the shadow puppet.
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"Great!" Alastor said, and with a snap, the puppet started scribbling away. "Stressing never helps."
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"I'm not stressing," Rosie muttered, but her smirk said otherwise. "Lucifer is, though. Maybe you should cheer him up." She shot him a sly side-eye and went back to writing.
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Alastor gave a sly, simp-like smile before quickly glaring. "And how would I do that?"
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"By being nicer to him than you are to me," Rosie replied, then paused as her phone buzzed. "Oh? I just figured this out... how did I get a message already?"
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Alastor shot a glare at the phone. "Well, you're not wrong... I suppose."
"Just go comfort him!" Rosie urged, glancing at her phone. "OH GOD, IT'S EDINA!!!" She stared at the notification, wide-eyed.
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Alastor raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean 'mine'?" He snapped his fingers, sending out a burst of static, then softened. "Who's Edina?" He winked and nudged her.
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"I mean he's yours," she said, smirking. "Go do whatever you did last night to make him so happy!" She quickly hid the phone. "Edina is a friend. A friend who confuses me."
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"A friend?" Alastor teased. "A friend who confuses you?"
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Rosie sighed, looking frustrated. "Yes. A friend who's confusing me about things I don't have time for."
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(No GPT used past this point)
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"Nothing happened last night." He remembered the drunkenness. "Maybe something did happen, why don't you take a break and go talk to Edina? She could use your presence in more than one way."
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"I know something happened. He looked happier than he has in years. Also, what do you mean by in more than one way?"
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"T-that's uh anyways, you should know, how many husbands have you had and then divorced? Maybe it's time to try something new or rather someone."
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"I've had..." She mumbled about random things. "About 8 husbands... well, what do you mean by that? Find someone new? Like whom?"
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"Edina." He tilted his head. "You're closer to her than you are with any man."
"Edina is a woman though... I've never thought I've liked a woman, so I don't think so."
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"Well, what comes to your mind when you think of her?"
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She pondered for a bit. "Well, many of the times we've gossiped or joked together. Mostly dinners together, most of which I cooked because she likes my cooking better than her own."
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"So basically, just going on dates?"
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"Dates? No! ... Oh, wow it really seems like it huh?" She questioned reality.
He smirked. "See? You can't deny it."
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She shrugged. "Oh well, I don't even think she'd consider being any more than good friends."
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"Have you asked her if she's... interested in woman perhaps?"
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"How would I even bring that up? OH! I could invite her to the hotel tonight! She'd love to meet you guys! Also, I think you should go comfort your pook- I mean, your king."
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"That'd be a splendid idea! I'll cook some jambalaya!" He looked at Lucifer. "Fine I'll go comfort the king of Hell."
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She kept writing. "Enjoy your time!"
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Lucifer was sadly drinking at the bar, all alone. Alastor walked over to the bar. He spoke to Lucifer, "Hello drunken king!"
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He made an emo face. "Hey Alastor."
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"You're never fully dressed without a smile!" He booped Lucifer.
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Lucifer smiled slightly in return. "You're still trying to win that booping contest?" He booped Alastor back.
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"I will never give up." He booped him.
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He booped Al. "Me neither."
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He booped Lucifer. "Hmph..."
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He booped back. "So, what's up with Rosie?" He sipped a glass of whiskey.
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He booped Lucifer again. "What about her?" He spawned a glass of whiskey for himself.
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boops "Well, I heard her on the phone with this person named Edina and I swear that they're having an affair or something. Plus, she also seems stressed about writing." sip sip
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boops she may not be as straight as she thought, just hoping she won't get her heart broken chugs the bottle.
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boops "Well I-" A knock on the door interrupts the sentence.
Alastor answers the door Hello! Do you know where Rosie is?
She was sitting on the couch, writing quickly.
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"Rosie!" She walked past a bamboozled Alastor and over to Rosie.
Rosie's head shoots up to look at Edina "Edina! You're here!" She stood up excitedly.
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"Of course I am!" She hugged Rosie.
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"Well, I hoped to introduce you to Alastor and Lucifer and show you around the hotel."
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"Alright." She did a gay hair flip. "You should show me your room, you have one here, right?"
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"Ugh, you all are so annoying." Husk commented, drinking some booze.
Alastor looked at Husk. "What did you say?"
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"I said, you are annoying."
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The two ignored Husk. "Yeah, I have one upstairs." Rosie pointed upstairs. "It's room 666."
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Edina grabbed Rosie's hand. "Come along then show me the way."
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She had a gay attack. "Oh... okay. Well, not many people live here yet, but it's quite pleasant that way." She dragged her upstairs.
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"That just means there's more space." She replied.
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Yeah, and less people bugging me about their problems. Mostly because these people aren't my children. *STILL HAVING A MINI GAY ATTACK*
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She held Rosie's hand tighter with a smirk. "Do they know how to do math? Because then they can solve their own damn problems."
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SHE HAD AN EVEN GAYER ATTACK. "Well, apparently my children are still very reliant on me."
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"With someone like you that makes sense."
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They finally got to the room. "Well, here it is."
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"Well, are we going to stand outside the door the whole day or what?"
Rosie opened the door. "Sorry, I just wanted to make sure you finished talking before I showed to you." Edina rushed into the room.
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"Oh. That was fast."
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"Come on in and give me a room tour!"
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"Well, in my room, I have the collect of the skulls of ex-husbands, my jewelry, and my dresses in the closet."
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"Do you have your ex-husband's skull?"
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"All 8 of them! I kept them as trophies in life and they stayed with me through the afterlife."
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"You should use them as paper weights."
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"Maybe I already do. Anyways, anything besides this, I have a bathroom and closet."
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"I thought the closet was your room." Gay hand gesture wink wink nudge nudge.
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Rosie didn't get the reference. "Uhm... no? Why would I live in a closet?"
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Edina face palmed "It's a gay joke."
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"Oh, sorry, I don't really know much about gay references."
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"Maybe I could teach you."
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"Yeah, okay! I'd like to learn."
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"Alright so if someone is in the closet it means they haven't come out in their sexual orientation or gender identity."
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"Ohhhhh, so you were basically calling me gay."
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"Now you get it!"
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"Ah! Well, I've never really pondered my sexual identity."
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"Why not?"
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"I just never bothered to. It's not really something I thought I'd have to do."
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"Well, you have all eternity in Hell to ponder it."
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(Scene change to the lobby)
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Alastor gave Husk a bombastic side eye. "What a prissy kitty today."
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"DON'T CALL ME A KITTY."
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"And what can you do about the hmm?" He grabbed some whiskey from the bar. "Kitty?"
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"I'll kick your ass." He frowned grumpily
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A chain appeared. "Really now?"
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"I hate you all so much." he responded.
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"Good." He responded.
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Lucifer entered the room. "What's going on?"
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"Just teaching someone a little lesson." He tugged on the chain around Husk's neck.
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"Oh... well, I'm going to just..." He snatches a booze bottle.
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He grabbed the booze from Lucifer. "You've had enough your shortness."
"Are you gonna leave me alone now or what?" Husk asked.
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He gave him a side-eye then made the chain disappear. "Of course, Husker."
He pouted drunkenly. "Give it baaaack."
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"Not until you sober up you royal alcoholic."
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"I'm too sober right now, give it back."
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"The only alcoholic allowed in this hotel is Husker."
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"Yeah!" Husk chimed in.
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"Respect your elders and give me the booze!"
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"No." Husk said.
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"Respect the height difference and no." Alastor refused. He tossed the booze to Husk. "You finish those up."
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"Whatever." He continued drinking booze.
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"Problem solved."
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"Uuuugh why do you have to be so nice and good at flirting, but then you're rude to me?"
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"Because skill comes with height"
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He went back to mourning over his lost wife. "If only I was taller."
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"Maybe be taller." Husk interjected.
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"Maybe be more sober and I'll listen to you." Lucifer replied.
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"Maybe I'm too sober for this." Alastor spoke, then pulled out opium.
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"PUT THAT SHIT AWAY." Husk yelled.
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"GIVE ME SOME." Lucifer shouted.
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"HELL NO THIS IS MINE." His eyes turned into radio dials.
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"PLEEEEEASE AL."
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"IF LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS SNORT SOME COCAINE."
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Lucifer summoned some cocaine. "Okay."
172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUBMVYKtd8
Alastor started smoking some opium and stole Lucifer's cocaine.
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''When life gives you lemons, burn life's house down with those lemons.'' Husk added.
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"You said it Husker."
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''I DON'T NEED YOUR LEMONS, LIFE''
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Lucifer continued, "I'M TOO DEPRESSED FOR THIS." He stomped up to his room.
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"YOU'RE TOO SHORT FOR THIS I BELIEVE YOU MEAN."
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"YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO HAVE AN OPINION ON MY PROBLEMS!"
"I'm too high to care."
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"Hey Alastor, maybe you should get your boyfriend." Husk smirked evilly.
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"If he quit running from me, I would have one already." Alastor was too high on opium to stand.
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Lucifer appeared. "What did you sayyyyy?"
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Al blew a puff of opium. "Nothing."
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Lucifer inhaled the opium puff. "HAHAHAHHAAHAH!!!"
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"That's not enough to get high."
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"Well, since all you weirdos are here do you know where Angel Dust is?" Husk asked.
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Alastor answered, "He's with that night butterfly Valentino."
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"Well, good luck with your opium, I'm going back to my duck workshop."
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(Continued in the next chapter bc I'm tired)
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