作者: 譚嘉燕 FB PAGE: https://www.facebook.com/katetam1228/?ref=bookmarks
之學坐在郵輪自助餐廳的窗旁享受著她的美好早餐,看著眼前那一望無際的閃閃大海和藍天,隱約她還能從人潮聲之中聽到那海浪的節拍聲,她真正體驗到什麼是簡單而美好的時光。325Please respect copyright.PENANAA6ar9YgqhZ
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「這問這位子有人坐嗎?」一聲不識相的男聲劃破了之學的沉思。325Please respect copyright.PENANAlgwFpPGJvL
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之學轉臉望著她眼前的男子,他正指著她對面的座位。325Please respect copyright.PENANAEHtw5YUJRx
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「沒有人喔。」雖然之學不喜歡也不習慣和陌生人同桌吃飯,但她環觀四看餐廳的座位的確都滿人了,她也要識相的遷就一下囉。325Please respect copyright.PENANAb1erC2VAbb
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男子禮貌道謝後就放下他的深藍色小背包,再走到食物區挑選他的早餐搭配。看到這位男子這麼放心的就這樣把背包放在她這個陌生人面前,之學覺得好不可思議。325Please respect copyright.PENANA0fzmJYHwOu
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之學是一個警覺心和疑心都很重的人,她對世界充滿不安全感和危機感,這次她能獨自一人參與郵輪觀光之旅,都是經她的朋友和家人遊說了一年,給她看過好多他人對郵輪之旅的正面評價與讚賞,她自己也搜尋了很多關於郵輪的資訊,確認郵輪是一個很安全的交通工具,她才鼓起無比的勇氣報名參加。325Please respect copyright.PENANASKyAcor2os
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出發前的一個月之學還緊張到經常失眠,但她真的好想嘗試去看看外面的世界。她已經28歲了,還沒試過到外地旅遊,她想嘗試旅遊的滋味,開闊眼界。325Please respect copyright.PENANAz77FzhLWHw
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很快的,男子已經拿好食物,再次在之學面前坐下。男子穿著灰色T恤和黑色七分褲,手上戴著一支運動型的手錶,感覺年輕之學兩、三歲吧。325Please respect copyright.PENANAD755vVAcLG
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之學好奇地偷瞄他選擇的食物:一杯冰牛奶、一小盤雜菜水果沙拉、兩塊炸魚柳和一隻半生熟的煎蛋。325Please respect copyright.PENANAIHa66Ti1rV
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「真勇敢!」之學暗付。這些都是她出門在外會避免進食的食物,首先牛奶容易讓人拉肚子、而且炸物又熱氣,如果喉嚨痛就慘了,半生熟的食物又不知道會不會影響腸胃,人在外地如果身體有不適都會很麻煩,所以她挑選食物都會很小心,她的早餐只吃麵包或者三文治,也只喝熱巧克力。325Please respect copyright.PENANAuIWmkFmx2Y
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男子看到之學皺眉的神情,不禁莞爾,他知道她一定在心裡擰頭自己的早餐居然專吃她避之則吉的食物。325Please respect copyright.PENANApUdSlOpkeh
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「妳要吃看看嗎?」男子指著碟上的一塊炸魚柳。325Please respect copyright.PENANAKbQkNmsEjY
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之學臉頰泛起紅暈,她覺得自己盯著別人的食物看好失禮,恨不得現在可以挖個洞把自己鑽進去。325Please respect copyright.PENANA0QdGDkyhZ8
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「我問一下而已,妳不要太緊張。」之學的反應當然也看在男子的眼裡。325Please respect copyright.PENANA31oqhbUVPm
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「我叫阿彌,今次我是自己一個人去旅行,妳呢?」阿彌嘗試打開話題。325Please respect copyright.PENANAEPlQsAX1ji
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微涼的海風吹過之學的臉,趕走了她的尷尬。325Please respect copyright.PENANAT8xGo4QW01
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之學今天穿了一件印著卡通小熊的黑色T恤和綴著白色蕾絲邊的粉紅色短褲,因為一張娃娃臉,很多人都誤以為她只有22、23歲左右。她的臉頰帶著些許零星的雀斑,但阿彌覺得這是特色,反而不是缺處。325Please respect copyright.PENANAxvFRYvZL7M
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「我叫之學。我有跟朋友一起來啦,只是她們還沒起床。」之學編了一個謊言,面對著一個陌生男子,她不想對方知道她是獨自一人來旅遊,感覺好危險。325Please respect copyright.PENANAHwPHe4BJ0Z
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「喔。」阿彌只簡單一聲回應,沒有多說什麼。325Please respect copyright.PENANAjVznwcw9qH
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他們之間回復安靜的氣氛。325Please respect copyright.PENANARwx798qniP
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「你喝冰牛奶不會怕肚子痛嗎?」這次是之學先開口。325Please respect copyright.PENANAUsfO3Th0pv
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「不會怕呀,我的腸胃沒這麼差,而且拉肚子就吃藥就好啦,不用因噎廢食吧。」阿彌從容回答,再咕嚕咕嚕地喝了一大口牛奶。325Please respect copyright.PENANATkcsMjZlqh
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「妳是不是試過喝冰牛奶然後拉肚子的慘痛經歷?」阿彌放下杯子,不經意問起。325Please respect copyright.PENANA2BoHnUhST9
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「嗯……好像是有過這樣的經歷。」之學清楚記得,小時候她曾經因為喝了冰牛奶後上吐下瀉的慘痛經歷,而且她媽媽不但沒有安撫生病的她,還不斷責備她吃錯東西好愚蠢,嘔吐又弄髒地方,看醫生又要用到錢,怪怨她超級麻煩。往後的日子之學都好怕自己會生病,於是長大後的她非常注重養生,吃東西又很小心翼翼,就算身體有毛病,她都會暪著家人看醫生。325Please respect copyright.PENANA2RdxP8NSrN
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阿彌溫和起來,語氣也非常認真和正經:「不用這樣過份憂慮,注意身體健康是好事,但過度了就不好。恐懼只源於妳的內心,不是那杯冰牛奶,也不是任何外在環境。」325Please respect copyright.PENANABpeUFmQ4hZ
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之學沒有回應,只在心裡反覆這句話:恐懼源於妳的內心,不在於任何外在環境。325Please respect copyright.PENANAUjM339C54X
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下午的時段是陸上的觀光時間,在指定區集合後,之學就聽從旅行社導遊的安排下船過關,再到境內旅遊。325Please respect copyright.PENANAdj7erAe6Dq
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經過十年的時光,之學終於來到她渴望旅行的地點:台灣。她盤算了多年的事情,因著各種擔憂的想像,還是鼓不起勇氣,但今年她下定決心要給自己突破。雖然去旅行是開心事,又有很多人都嘗試過,不是什麼特別的大事情,但每個人都有著自己獨特的性情及人生,在之學的眼中,這就是突破,也只有她自己能定義自己的親身經歷。325Please respect copyright.PENANALhFR9ujHF4
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下船之後,之學才發現阿彌和她都是同一間旅行社的團友,只是不同組別,但他們基本上都是會一起渡過這觀光時間的。325Please respect copyright.PENANAo37cU5zauC
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「有沒有這麼巧合呀。」之學又泛起疑心,但她察覺不到自己心裡也有點小高興。325Please respect copyright.PENANAsc8DegHlP1
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旅行社一行四團觀光團,他們首先坐車到十分風景區。325Please respect copyright.PENANAQP78JxQrkM
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坐車過程中領隊不斷以開朗的聲線介紹景點背後的歷史,也故意的講幾個笑話去炒熱氣氛,大家都笑得很愉快,只有之學一人緊握雙手,把注意力投放玻璃窗外的景色,希望可以助她分神。她其實也會害怕坐車子,馬路如虎口,她在香港的時候都只會坐地鐵,感覺比較有安全感。325Please respect copyright.PENANAJEuc9Cl2Sc
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此時,隔壁組的旅遊車也漸漸趕上之學坐的旅遊車的速度,之學看到阿彌的身影,他們視線迎上的一刻,阿彌展開開朗的笑容和她揮手,他的燦爛笑容彷彿好像世上沒有任何事可以難倒他,但之學只能強顏歡笑跟他揮手。325Please respect copyright.PENANA4PGcZIUsyr
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她想起了他的話:恐懼源於妳的內心。所以,她覺得坐車有危險,她覺得不安,並不代表現實就會像她想像中般危險,她的感覺並不代表現實中事情走向……325Please respect copyright.PENANARmsEFgKLKf
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一下車,身處明媚的大自然之中,之學也漸漸放鬆了一點。她喜歡身處大自然的山山水水之中,一片綠油油的顏色彷彿帶著安撫的作用,可以讓她安心下來,舒緩她的神經緊張。325Please respect copyright.PENANAyHiO79POML
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不過,原來要到觀光的瀑布區,先要走過一座木吊橋,這是之學始料未及的。原來多猜度、多擔心也好,總有事情是突如其來要去打開心房接納。325Please respect copyright.PENANAxwiFcU05tV
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雖然吊橋看上去非常穩固,也已經有無數人安全踏過去,但還是有恐懼在之學心中滋生,令她動彈不得。325Please respect copyright.PENANAu5cIhl0b4x
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導遊忙於照顧一些年紀較老邁的團友,不自覺忽略了之學面有難色,還提高聲量催促她:「梁小姐要加緊腳步囉,我們在吊橋對面等妳吧。」325Please respect copyright.PENANADHUfj1AOII
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之學留意到那幾位老人家身上都貼著一個標籤,但礙於輕微的近視,她看不清楚細節。而這樣的催促令之學更為著急和焦慮,她也失落於為何導遊沒有關心她不尋常的緩慢,因為她是年輕人就沒有需要被照顧嗎?一股不滿與被忽略感在她心中油然而生。325Please respect copyright.PENANAQinyQ0pisS
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然而倏地,之學的左手被一股溫熱包裹著,不等她回應,也趁著她反應不過來就拖著她的手向前跨出一大步。325Please respect copyright.PENANAutmKl3OXAK
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阿彌打起精神:「準備好囉,我們一起走過去吧。」說畢就拉著之學的手一股氣向前衝去。325Please respect copyright.PENANAfBt38srN71
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之學沒法處理眼前的狀況,她只好任由阿彌帶領她穿梭於橋上的人群,以不太快速又俐落的步伐一直向前,直到橋的對岸。325Please respect copyright.PENANAeu6j5mRCgi
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被動地一直向前走著的之學,她的恐懼已被一片剌激感取代,莫名地她覺得好安心,白色百摺裙子也在陽光下飛揚著。325Please respect copyright.PENANA2bwqjqAKBx
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到達對岸後,阿彌才鬆開手,他們都微微喘著氣,但又覺得很好玩。325Please respect copyright.PENANAJW6mfJXX4t
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阿彌從背包拿出一條白色毛巾擦汗:「怎麼樣,現在不害怕了吧?」325Please respect copyright.PENANAmK0tEpskcO
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之學抬頭,雖然說話時嘴巴有一點點微抖,但眼睛潔白明亮:「你嚇死我了啦,下次先給我一點心理準備嘛。」325Please respect copyright.PENANATD54PtCAHO
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阿彌面不改色:「給時間妳考慮妳只會愈來愈多想像,最後只會更害怕!總之妳只要想著對岸有漂亮的風景等妳,妳就能多點動力和無畏了,反正前方總有吸引著妳的東西,妳才會敢於冒險。」325Please respect copyright.PENANAqidpYo9F6j
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之學有點傻呼呼地回應:「喔,也是。」325Please respect copyright.PENANA66i5yMUIW8
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阿彌帶點曖昧地在她耳邊說:「而且妳知道嗎,聽說在高空的地方呀,那種緊張感會讓人產生喜歡別人的錯覺喔。」掉下這句曖昧不明的話後,他就瀟灑地向前走去,追趕導遊的步伐。325Please respect copyright.PENANAOYt1aRQAh9
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在這幾天的旅程中,阿彌有意無意都會在之學身邊出沒,特別是在她感到恐慌和無助時,但因為阿彌的舉止都維持著風度,讓防衛心很強的之學並沒有感到什麼不安,她猜可能獨自一人行動都是或多或少會有一點寂寞吧,找個人聊一下天,互動一下也是不錯。325Please respect copyright.PENANAT9lu9Sh240
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另外,這郵輪上的不少旅客好像特別容易心生不滿,繼而與別人發生磨擦,最後讓自己怒髮衝冠、鬱結難宣似的。某一次的晚餐時間,在非常華麗、又具三層樓高的主餐廳裡,某個身型很龐大又穿得異常優雅的少婦突然發怒把侍應臭罵一頓,與她的形象大徑相庭,而原因只不過是因為旁人的牛排比她的大塊一點,她就一口咬定侍應偏心,還有指控侍應藐視她肥胖,不讓她多吃食物。之學只覺得那個女人活得好累。325Please respect copyright.PENANAVuDZGp8X9M
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到了第三天,他們一行人同遊水族館。有一條大鯨魚在之學身旁游過,吸引著她的眼球,流動著的光暗映照在她的臉上。在阿彌眼中,之學彷彿變回一個小孩子般興奮在其中暢遊著。325Please respect copyright.PENANAWjcsk5XnCE
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過程中阿彌替之學拍了好幾張照片,在手機鏡頭下,他的視野之中就只有她。在這微暗的海洋世界裡,有阿彌在身旁,之學覺得她的焦慮世界好像也有一絲絲變化。最後離場時,阿彌買了一隻卡通魔鬼魚鑰匙圈給之學,就因為她取笑他像一隻魔鬼魚,所以他要她一直掛這鑰匙圈在她身上。325Please respect copyright.PENANAtxBPGW9tM7
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下船的前一天晚上,之學和阿彌相約在六樓的一間小酒吧裡聊天。之學知道阿彌談過三次戀愛、喜歡深藍色、喜歡喝白酒、討厭吃青豆、更討厭吃西瓜、家裡養了一頭貓咪、平常下班後喜歡窩在朋友家聊天……325Please respect copyright.PENANAsM1BufG2cP
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快到酒吧打烊時,之學忍不住問他:「到底你是什麼人呀?你是故意要認識我的嗎?」雖然這樣問,之學也覺得有點害羞,好像別人有多想認識自己似的。325Please respect copyright.PENANAAfSGl60wPj
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阿彌指著之學的左胸口,細心解釋,也打開謎底:「妳都沒發現嗎?妳衣服的左胸位置一直貼著『小心易碎』的貼紙。活在壓迫感的都市,城市人對於處理事情的態度都處於崩緊的狀態,讓愈來愈多人的性情都很敏感和脆弱,所以政府決定把這些人都貼上『小心易碎』,讓他人可以有所防範,在他們面前可以更小心翼翼,免得觸碰到他們的情緒。但為了治根,政府還是為你們安排了這敞郵輪治療之旅,他們安排了一比一的心理醫生,希望在這七天旅程中,讓你們放鬆下來,也嘗試把開心房,了解自己焦慮背後的原因,學習重拾對世界的一點信任。」325Please respect copyright.PENANAtHxQzVKeYR
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聽完阿彌一口氣的解說,之學才醒覺自己是『小心易碎』的那一群被標籤著的族群,她更多時候會忘了她給標籤的事情,因為標籤是別人貼上的,她從沒這樣標籤過她自己。此刻她恍然大悟:「你接近我果然有目標。」325Please respect copyright.PENANA2XpXLb9eoK
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阿彌攤攤手:「但出發點都是為了妳著想嘛,妳沒有發現自己的標貼已經較之前褪色?」325Please respect copyright.PENANAIML6nfBQz2
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之學用手指沿著玻璃杯緣打圈,低喃:「也是啦。」325Please respect copyright.PENANA6UrSaF7Zbu
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阿彌突然蹦出這句:「不過就算我不是負責開導妳的工作人員,在這船上,我也會主動認識妳吧。」325Please respect copyright.PENANAEawS0Qfzc5
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之學眼睛一亮、心跳加快:「你說什麼?」其實她聽得很清楚,但也想再聽一次確認。325Please respect copyright.PENANAsRMdfA5IS3
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阿彌裝模作樣:「沒有呀,好話不說第二遍。」說畢他就站起來想轉身走人。325Please respect copyright.PENANA1mPVLKRJal
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之學也心急從座位彈起來:「喂,我明明聽到你說的話,不要裝傻。」325Please respect copyright.PENANAHrQnOCCHoH
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最後他們的聲音也化為一片笑鬧聲音……325Please respect copyright.PENANAk0cBiPNILo
作者: 譚嘉燕 FB PAGE: https://www.facebook.com/katetam1228/?ref=bookmarks325Please respect copyright.PENANAKnhs1Uc3yt