雖然好快就比浸濃得化不開嘅屎味臭醒咗,但係喺入男廁門口第一個廁格度揸灘十五分鐘,係我每日返工嘅小確幸。拉一拉個水掣,軟而無力嘅水聲隨之而來,然後就整理番好件泛黃嘅制服,將門栓拉左,推門行出第二個屋企,正式開始一日嘅工作。173Please respect copyright.PENANAvOOlhEOZH3
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「做乜撚嘢男廁會有咁多長頭髮碎架?又有排掃!」我大嗌。173Please respect copyright.PENANA0eCgWnz8IA
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「大驚小怪,屌你咩嘈住我打飛機!」又係第二個廁格條仆街。173Please respect copyright.PENANABZ1jtXCXIz
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「又話我叫春,你自己咪又係喺度打飛機!」我答。173Please respect copyright.PENANArLYDl2leZy
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「點撚同啊!死廢青!又樣衰,淨係識洗廁所!」佢再話。173Please respect copyright.PENANAIcnuHmUHgJ
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明明佢喺度打緊飛機,而我喺度做緊嘢,點解我反而會係廢青呢?有啲人講嘢永遠都好大聲好似好有道理,但往往都係講到天上有地下無,但落手就會搞到一塌糊塗。
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然後,我就無再回果個叫人叫雞,但自己明明有需要又唔走上去一樓一嘅老嘢,廁所入面得返佢睇緊果套AV入面囡囡似有還無嘅淫叫聲。173Please respect copyright.PENANA1vsrPynTeT
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雖然喺公廁尾格搵到一堆長頭髮碎係幾邪嘅事,同你喺酒店尾房搵到本打開咗嘅聖經一樣咁驚嚇,但其實純粹都係為嗌而嗌,順便伸個懶腰。呀伯都錯唔曬,喺今時今日,男廁見到疑似女人嘢又有乜值得咁大驚小怪呢?乜嘢髮夾、橡根、M巾、假鳩、震蛋都見過曬,甚至有人試過吊條底橫係道門嘅掛勾度風乾唔記得拎走。173Please respect copyright.PENANAP1Ff0lf0K0
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而呢樣野其實同你喺香港見到大陸人而見唔到香港人一樣咁正常,個個一喼兩喼拖香港貨返上大陸,香港人無得飲益力多同香港奶粉,反而要返番上大陸買。香港唔單止得香港人,男廁唔單止得男人,土地問題嘛,習慣就好
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二話不說,馬上拎起垃圾桶旁邊嘅大掃把,掃起果堆頭髮碎同埋廁格上面半滿嘅CONDOM,完完整整咁倒落咸水度,然後拉手制,浮游嘅精子無從掙脫人造嘅漩渦,可能生命就係咁化學,精子唔一定可以搵到卵子結合成為受精卵,就正如宅男都唔一定可以搵到女人結婚,一公升嘅咸水,將昨夜無盡嘅慾望一嘢沖曬去未知嘅彼岸…
講咗咁耐,我究竟係邊個?個名其實唔重要,你叫我小明又得,小強又得,總之就係當你喺條街度大嗌,好多人都會應機嘅果種公廁名。姑且就叫我「傑仔」,份人無咩特別,簡單啲講,就係你行一轉旺角西洋菜南街,一個招牌由銀龍廣場廿五米高跌落嚟,擲死都未知咩事嘅果種人。
如果要用一隻寵物小精靈去形容自己,我諗我就係POKEMON GO入面,成日震鳩你機,但你捉都都費事捉,「係雞係公廁」嘅「波音蝠」。
講到個樣,我會形容係嗰種典型八九十年代上進嘅忠厚青年,即係《整蠱專家》入面「我要努力向上」果挺呢,個款有種「時不予我」嘅違和感;
咁其他部位呢?個鼻唔高,但係戴住黑色粗框嘅大牛龜眼鏡,兩塊凹透鏡比充滿黑頭嘅鼻翼仲要厚,係古代嚟講,算係一個盲人。而打側望嘅時候,你會見到兩隻眼係陳年嘅乾豆豉咁細粒,比眼鏡鏡片上重重嘅圓圈圍住,好似IQ博士咁,而唔識我嘅人,唔知點解都會以為我讀書好叻,唔係醫生,就係律師;173Please respect copyright.PENANAFV4jsNODvg
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至於個咀,尺寸尚算適中,但就好似含住一粒好酸嘅酸梅,長期都乸埋一嚿;173Please respect copyright.PENANAGL0o2c8FAR
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塊面?用苦瓜乾嚟形容就最貼切,面無四兩肉,但竟然闊到好似一塊十三吋嘅大PIZZA咁,仲要只係放咗兩粒抽乾曬嘅車厘子,一條垂直嘅廚師牌芝士腸,同埋一片半月型向上翹起嘅罐頭菠蘿,非常唔符合廿一世紀「順眼」嘅比例,唔好睇,亦唔好食。
外國調查發現,剃光頭嘅男性對外國女性有更致命嘅吸引力,因為佢地極有可能係好man嘅嘅軍人或者警察。但香港並無呢支歌仔唱,髮線從來都係一個殺戮戰場,成千上萬嘅軍隊爭先恐後咁喺額頭上登陸搶灘,以年份為單位不斷向頭頂呢個大本營推進。173Please respect copyright.PENANAX7N1adVwKs
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喺廿六歲之齡,話老唔老,話後生唔後生,剃光頭又死,留正常髮型又死,點都死。喺迫於無奈之下唯有留一頭長亂髮,再去樓下阿伯SALON度經歷一次連霍金都讚嘆不絕嘅宇宙大爆炸,做一個不羈嘅浪子。173Please respect copyright.PENANAQW1BngQubw
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而響今日嘅香港,有人比咗個咁嘅稱呼我—「毒撚」,但又WHO FUCKING CARES呢?突然,公廁門外傳嚟咗一陣嘈吵嘅聲音,好似好多人喺度竊竊私語咁,唔通係大陸旅行團專程入嚟參觀香港世界級嘅公廁?「咸魚啊!」突然有把疑似係C9嘅魔音大叫咗一聲。173Please respect copyright.PENANAK21KED44K7
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由呢一刻開始,一連串嘅奇幻旅程就正式宣佈開始……