when someone asks me ‘why do you cut yourself?’ i always say that it’s a relief for me, or when I’m numb it makes me able to feel something. if something has happened, like if i feel extreme emotions or even if i feel nothing at all ill cut myself. it could even be a comfort for me. watching the skin open up and the white line slowly filling up with that deep red blood. watching the blood is one of the best parts. i love seeing myself bleed. and that pain after. the stinging. especially if you get in the shower. oh the pain. i can’t go a month without it. people ask me ‘what even goes through your head? does it not hurt?’. a lot goes through my head. anger, frustration, sadness, anxiety. i just need to feel something other than the emotions overloading my head. yes it does hurt. people who self harm aren’t some sort of superheroes of course it hurts. but the pain is part of the reason why a lot of us do it. but the guilt. the guilt the day after. maybe you’ll have to go to school with plasters on your arms and you’ll have people asking you ‘what’s on your arms?’ or some bullies will joke that you slit your wrists. it’s happened to me, it’s happened to a lot of people who harm. or maybe you have to go to your dads house, or to see your family. the anxiety when you have to try hide it. so scary. but at that moment with the blade in your hand, it’s like nothing else around you matters. past, present, future. none of it matters. just you and all those feelings that your about to experience.
when blade meets skin.
ns 172.68.245.5da2
