i can’t stop. i cant stop reading through our old messages. i can’t stop thinking about what we had. i cant stop thinking about the fact ill never have someone like you again. you were all i wanted. everything about you i wanted it. the way you spoke, the way you could write everything. you were so perfect for me. and i thought i was perfect for you. the way you would say ‘hey you’ to me, when you’d call me those adorable nicknames, when you’d just make me blush and kick my legs at the most random times. oh and i can’t forget about our calls. especially when we’d sleep on call. those moments were so precious. everything felt okay. but then i was being told stuff by other people. at first i argued against them. but i was shown proof. i still tried my hardest to put it to the side, and i could for a bit. but it got too much. i had to break up with you. i want you to know i didn’t want to. i didn’t want to AT ALL. it broke me down completely when i said those words. and the way you reacted? i was crying on the bathroom floor with bloody tissues around me. you told me not to hurt myself. but it was too late. i want you to know, i didn’t hurt myself because of you. it was because of me and the fact i broke up with you. i was still so so in love with you. like never before. and the truth is, i still am. you’ve moved on already. but i cant. and i don't think i ever truly will. i’ll never have anyone like you again. and that’s one of the reasons i cry at night. i said to you during the breakup that maybe in the future we could have something again. i meant that. but i don’t think you realise i meant that. on call with you today, it was the first time i heard your voice live for weeks. when the call ended i just cried. and cried. the way you can still make me laugh and smile. no one else can do that. i know if you read this you’d probably say to me ‘in another life’ or something like that. but i don’t want another life. it’s stupid of me to think we’ll ever get back together. i know we shouldn’t get back together. it would be bad for both of us. i think. my friends would kill me if we ever got back together. they said it themselves. but i’ll always love you. you were my first true love. i know you didn’t feel the same, but i certainly did. and i know if you read this you probably won’t even tell me you read it, or you won’t respond to it. but i want you to respond to it. i want you to tell me how you feel. so i can have some closure. i texted you earlier, just to say hi. because when i’m texting you everything else kind of goes silent. i’m always gonna love you. and i made a mistake.
ns 172.70.135.44da2
Penana
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